Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Pinned discussions

Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

Help

replies: 180

Hi, I've been married for 36 years, I absolutely worship my wife. 3 years ago we allowed a other man I to our lives. We had a relationship that I found it exciting to watch my wife pleasured etc. Well at first it was all fun. After a while I noticed my wife changing. She started getting frustrated and shirt with me. I was too stupid to realise she had fallen in love with this other man. One day we were driving up north and she told me a big list of things I did wrong. I still didnt get it. Once we arrived we had an argument and she told me she wssnt in love with me any more but was in love with this other man. I begged her to stay with me and she did. She told me she would try in our marriage but refused to give him up. In short over the next few years she told me another 4 times she was in love with him. She also told me a number of times she would choose him over me if I made her choose. These days she tells me she loves me and isbt in love with him and it's just friendship. She cant understand why I cant just forgive and move on. Ive got depression and something like ptsd. I cant live without her, but I can see shes getting to the point of bot wanting me to stay because she cant deal with my meltdowns when I get bouts of depression. I dont know what to do. I seriously wish I would just have a heart attack and die, trouble is I believe in afterlife and csnt bear the thought of going thru eternity without her love. She tells me she loves me yet Katy night said if I have one more meltdown that will be it. I'm seriously thinking of committing suicide but if i fail she will lose all her li e for me and I'll be alive without her love, if i succeed i gotta go through eternity without her. I love her so much, I'm totally in love with her , every time I hear her voice or see her I melt. I dont know what to do

Its NOT all good

replies: 2

Hi My standard answer to my friend is "It's all good", she doesn't believe it. Honestly it is far from all good when i open up to her, i feel like a burden and the guilt is intolerable. I live rurally and mental health support is pretty much non existent. The last couple weeks the suicidal thoughts never seem to leave - i go to bed thinking about it, wake up through the night with same thoughts - i am so tired, but i am too much of a coward to see it through - i am a single mum to a 17yo daughter and i fear what it would do to her BUT i can't see a light anymore.. i know my thinking is more not that i want to die BUT i dont want to live - i don't want to hurt anymore. i have been struggling for 18months and have worn everyone down - they think because i am eating and medicated i should be fixed. And so i have this facade that is worn but its such hard work - this week it has cracked and i havent been able to go to work... How will it get better.. my friend tells me nothing changes if nothing changes.... Thanks for listening

I dont want to stop

replies: 3

Hi, I'm new here. I've been self-harming for just over a year now on and off, usually once or twice a month. Nothing that bad or dangerous. I have been seeing a psychologist since April this year. A week or two ago, she asked me "do you want to stop self-harming". And I know this sounds bad, but not really. I dont do it much and its never a dangerous thing but sometimes I feel like I dont want to stop. I wanted to ask if this is normal and how I could get out of this mindset. I mean sometimes of course I want to stop, but it feels like when things get hard or I start feeling bad again I just think like "who cares" or like "it doesn't matter".

I'm not coping with school

replies: 4

they/them TW: s//lf h//rm, s//icide I've always been a really good student, and it's the only thing I've ever prided myself on in the last couple years. I've been good at keeping up with schoolwork in COVID too, up until this last couple of lockdowns. I live in Victoria and I'm struggling so hard with this 7th lockdown - I can't bring myself to do schoolwork, and in this last 24 hours I've been in a state of crisis, crying and trying to resist the urge to start self-harming again. I've been clean for 3 months. I *have* been going for walks, which i really enjoy, but they don't really help my mental state like school tells me they will. I feel shit not only for myself, but for my family. They shouldn't have to deal with me. My mum is starting to act weird around me, and I hate feeling like I'm walking on ice constantly and it makes me guilty that I can't shut my stupid mouth and be normal. I just want everything to be normal and I feel so bad that I can't fix everything. School is killing me. I try to keep up but there's just so much, I find myself waking up to go to Webex calls and then falling back asleep in 5 minutes' time and ending up missing it. I know from experience that calling the school and explaining won't help anything, because work is the priority. I've never done drugs sadly, but school makes me feel like I'm some sort of destructive addict ruining everything for their family because their mental health is in tatters. Three times in the last 24 hours, I've been left standing by myself having absolutely no clue what to do with myself. Just standing there and sobbing. It's the first time in a long while I've considered suicide. I don't know what to do. Everything is terrifying and nothing helps me feel better.

First time here and in a really bad place

replies: 6

I’m in my late 30’s and have been battling depression since I was 16 which included self harming and suicidal thoughts and attempts. Am in such a bad place right now. Feeling so very low and unhappy all the time and cry so much of the time. The feelings and thoughts going on inside of me are dark and scary and I can’t fight them anymore. The thoughts of wanting to feel numb and pain free and to stop the scary thoughts get stronger the more time this goes on for. I sick and tired of fighting this never ending battle that doesn’t ever seem to end. You go along thinking you’re finally going to be ok for awhile and something happens to trigger everything off again and you’re right back to where you started from. Is there more to life than this pain and hurt and darkness and scary thoughts that take over?? so much has happened in the last year but I can’t seem to bounce back from it all and the usual distractions and tools that are useful aren’t working and I’m not sleeping well I just want to escape from this and I feel so alone

First post

replies: 7

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and have feeling extremely down for over a year now and am loosing my motivation to go on. I have not been diagnosed with anything because I initially thought these feelings would pass, but they haven't. I have extreme mood swings, no motivation and have started to have panic attacks at night because I feel anxious about my families wellbeing in the house (is that normal?), I also have awful intrusive/suicidal thoughts and am basically living a life inside my head. lol. I feel extremely lonely, and this has made me paranoid and clingy towards my 'friends'. Just wondering if anyone could help... Sorry to bother

Struggling

replies: 23

I'm new to the forums, despite the fact that I probably should have been on here years ago. The pandemic has been hard on everyone, myself included. I have lost my job at a University, where I have been a casual, but with consistent work, for 8 years. I had been planning to change career paths, but that plan, as well as every other plan collapsed this week with my wife and best friend saying that she wants to separate. I know that living with someone with depression and anxiety can be difficult, but she always assured me that she loved me and would always stand by me. I'm sure she meant it at the time, but even then I knew on some level that eventually she would get tired of it. I have been crying for three days with very little intermission. I have absolutely no support system, as I have no friends at all and I am estranged from my family. In a nutshell, the future I had been dreaming of is completely shattered. This would not be quite as distressing if I were still young, but I have just turned 47, so starting over, especially with debts, will not be easy at all. To make matters worse, I am struggling to see any point in starting over. I was pretty dissatisfied with the world before this, but always had my wife to remind me that it's not all bad. She didn't even have to say anything. Just knowing she was there was enough. Now she's not. I haven't eaten nor stopped crying for any real period of time in over 2 days and can't sleep without a lot of help from prescription drugs. I have always thought that I had the tools to deal with most issues that life sends my way, but this is so much worse than I ever could have imagined. I'm desperate for someone to talk to, but most therapists are booked out and the hotlines haven't been much help due to the short consultation times and the fact that I can't even see who I'm talking to. Keeping busy doesn't help, as reality just hits that much harder when I'm done with whatever I was doing. I wouldn't kill myself (at least in the short term) as I know how much it would hurt her, but I don't really see the point in living a pointless existence either, so I'm at an impass. Any advice (apart from calling the free counselling numbers, of course) would be welcome.

self sabotage?

replies: 1

hi, new to posting here. the situation is stupid. i was at a friends at a get together with maybe 10 ppl, most i know well a few i didn’t. a guy left to go home. when i left later i saw he left his vape on the couch, and i put it in my back pocket. i left her apartment, and he was on his way back upstairs to get it. i just told him i hope he found it. i couldn’t just say “oh yeah i have it” or try to follow him upstairs and naturally procure it for him. so i just left. idk what i was thinking, it can’t just magically disappear. he’s going to think someone stole it. which i did. i feel like shit about it. i hate smoking and i hate the feeling of nicotine. recently i had some bloods done to check my testosterone levels (i’m a trans guy) and my doctor told me my liver wasnt looking good, asked if i drank a lot. i think i might. i sometimes drink a whole bottle of wine just while watching movies in the evening. i join my parents for a couple glasses of wine. i also go out with friends and drink at least once a week, and usually 8 standards minimum. so in my head i wonder if i took the vape bc i want a substitute for drinking..? but i also feel i could just knuckle down and not drink by myself firstly, don’t drink with parents, and curb drinking with friends. but when my friends do things we usually go clubbing or house party kinda situations. i feel dysphoric and have stopped doing any form of exercise for at least 8 months now. or maybe i’m just lazy and can’t change my life style. i can’t tell which is the truth. i have top surgery booked for february next year, but i’m scared of telling myself everything will improve after that, bc deep down i think it’s a lifestyle choice not my dysphoria. but also dysphoria obviously doesn’t help and does impact me but i don’t think it’s the only reason. i feel anxious immoral and awful for taking the vape. idk why that vape feels so symbolic to me rn. i feel like i should like hurt myself or smthn to somehow prove i need help. i have tried to “get help” but found it easy to show how these fucked up parts of myself happen so irregularly, and drinking hasn’t really presented itself as an addiction or anything serious. i feel like i’m in a grey area where i could get my shit together or slide into a dark place. but i mostly exist as a perfectly studious, working self sufficient person. just shit like this creeps up and makes me unable to sleep some nights. guh.

Site Maintenance - Brief Forum Outage Tonight

replies: 0

Dear community members, There will be a brief website outage from 12am Thursday the 26th of August AEST in order to upgrade and maintain our online systems. The expected downtime will be approximately four hours, however due to the nature of the work, may take a little longer. During this maintenance access to the forums will be down - we apologise for any distress this may cause and will be working to make this as short a disruption as possible. These maintenance works are important to ensuring our systems continue to be as useful and sustainable as possible into the future. If you need support while the forums are not available, please call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. You are not alone if you need help, we are here to support you. If at any time you feel that you are unsafe, please know that this is an emergency and you should call 000 immediately. Thank you for your understanding as we continue to improve the online experience. Kind regards, Sophie M

I need help

replies: 3

Hi. I don't know how to start this or anything but lately I've been struggling really bad with suicidal thoughts. I hate it. I don't like it. It's mainly caused by relationship problems. I just can't seem to keep one and I fall for people too quickly which leads to me getting hurt easily and then constantly feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone. I over think slot in relationships and it messes it up. I don't know why I do the things I do I just do it. I've been depressed for 5-6 years or so now but the suicidal thoughts have been for about 2 years. I always feel like it would be better for me to just go. I can't leave my mother tho but at the same time the thoughts and I guess you could say voices are eating me alive. I know I need therapy but I can't bring myself to do it. I always say "why should I? They don't know me so how are they gonna help" I don't want just a random person to help me. I want someone I trust. Someone I love. Someone that genuinely cares about me. I could always talk to my mum but I feel like talking to her would make her think differently but she's not like that's she's very supportive and is always pushing me to do my best but I just can't seem to go and talk with her. I just want someone. I'm tired of trying to do this on my own. I can't. It's too much

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Help replies: 180

Its NOT all good replies: 2

I dont want to stop replies: 3

I'm not coping with school replies: 4

First time here and in a really bad place replies: 6

First post replies: 7

Struggling replies: 23

self sabotage? replies: 1

Site Maintenance - Brief Forum Outage Tonight replies: 0

I need help replies: 3