Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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14 years of chronic pain, anxiety and depression: should I still have hope?

replies: 8

Hello, I have suffered anxiety, panic and crippling depression for most of my life. 14 years ago, chronic abdominal pain was added to the mix, which is particularly strong right now. I saw every specialist under the sun - including alternative therapies - and I had all tests done and I’m now on too many different meds that give me unbearable side effects. Five years into the chronic pain, I asked around on a free medical forum and two pain specialists, as well as a pain specialist I saw briefly, all said that if I had the pain for five years that it is unlikely that it will ever go away. I thought: why on earth would you tell someone that? Given the power of placebo and the power of the mind on pain, statements like that can well be self fulfilling! I still think about that often. Is this really true? Will I have this pain forever or is there still hope? Hope is everything? My questions are: • Is there still hope? • Are there new treatments I may not be aware of? • When my pain is really strong and I feel very down, especially at night, it would help to online chat with someone - I have diagnosed phone phobia - which I know Beyond Blue offers, but I need to tell the same story to a new person each time. Is it possible to ask for a particular person with a new chat? This may sound strange, and I don’t want anyone to freak out, but when the pain and sadness are really bad, I think about taking an overdose of something that would gently put me to sleep forever. I would never do that and I never made preparations for it, but the thought itself can give me peace. Like at SOME point, when I die, I will be released from this pain. If you have read this far, thank you for your interest in me and my story. If you know of any help out there that I may not have considered, I would be very grateful.

Will the thoughts ever just go away? (TW)

replies: 3

I’m really lost, I haven’t been on this platform in a while and I don’t know what brought me back, I have started going to a psychiatrist since psychology didn’t work very well for me and they suggested prescription medication witch I refused, not because I don’t want to feel better but because I’d rather feel something sometimes then nothing at all, all the time. I still have to take some medication that’s useless and isn’t helping though, I still cannot talk to people. Along with other stuff I’ve also been diagnosed with ASD stage 1 which I kind of understand as she said there is a link between this and eating disorders but I’m still unsure. My parents know I’m still self harming now, I couldn’t tell them but I managed a nod when my mum asked. I feel very lonely, and being lonely is quite a very painful thing. When I first became depressed I never had suicidal intentions or thoughts but now after everything is supposedly going to get better I can’t stop but wanting to die sometimes. Everything I feel, feels wrong, and I feel that everything I do and everything I am will never be good enough for this world, for myself. I want to dig a hole and just lay there for a while until I slowly decompose into nature. I know I’m not a normal kid but sometimes I can act like one, it’s becoming less and less but sometimes I feel okay. But there are other times like now where I can’t help but wonder what my life could have been if I didn’t waste it in my head. I have struggles talking about feelings in person due to anxiety and my ASD but I do have a way with words and music but they don’t always feel like my own. My mum is going to tell my psychiatrist about my self harming and I’m afraid not because I’m scared of her knowing but because I’m afraid that I’ll have to talk about it and when I say I don’t how I feel I can just hear people telling me back “I think you do know” but I don’t and I don’t think I ever will. I’m afraid that if people find out I’m still so sad, worse then before then I’ll make them sad and depressed too, I’m a burden, but I wish I could be a good child, I good friend, sibling. Everything is so stressful and scary I relapse I flush my food down the toilet or throw it in the bin and if people know they’ll be sad, so I hide, I hide it so very deep till I can hardly remember it’s there, but it is, and it won’t go away. My head is a maze and right now I’m so very lost, there is no way out, all the ways are blocked, I am trapped.

Confused at my thoughts

replies: 2

Hi, I am new to these forums and just wanted to ask a question which has been troubling me. Some background: I am 17 and currently feeling pretty lonely, lost and not like me. I started uni this year and haven’t adjusted very well. I do most of uni online because it takes me three hours to get there and back, which has made the experience very lonely. My main social interaction is with my sporting club, but because of my mental health I haven’t been able to train and perform consistently to the standard I want to be at. I am currently in exam week and am finding it hard to get the energy to study. This is making me more worried, because I am not getting the appropriate preparation completed for my exams. To get to the point of the post: For the past couple of months I have been having thoughts and visual images about hurting myself, which I feel are increasing in frequency. Sometimes when I am really down, it is like a mantra going on in my head. I know that I wouldn’t actually act on these thoughts because there are things that I still want to achieve in my life, but it scares me that the thoughts are still there. What I mean to ask, is there actually something wrong, or am I still “just fine” because I know I will not act on these thoughts? I don't want to ask for help if there isn't actually anything wrong going on and I am just over reacting. I have tried talking to my parents but they just dismissed these thoughts because nothing serious has happened to me. As a side note, I just wanted to mention that I am safe.

Why am I like this?

replies: 5

Hi, I'm new here. I wanted to come here to help so I don't really know what I'm doing. Lately, I've been struggling and while I've been fortunate enough to be able to go to see GPs and Psychologists I don't think it's working. I've been thinking a lot about suicide lately and self-harm and I really want to get better: nothing makes me happy anymore and I can't continue acting like everything's fine. I haven't gotten a diagnosis so I don't know whats wrong with me or why I feel like this. I don't know what to do anymore, I have nobody to speak to and half of the time I can't even vent to myself because even I think I'm doing this for attention. Please help me.

How to come out?

replies: 7

Hi all, I'm a 32 year old male that has experienced gender dysphoria since i've been 10. When I was 27, I came out to both of my parents that I wanted to be female. My dad 100% supported me, but my mum doesn't support me at all. She believes its related to my autism, and shes more worried about how my family will feel than how I feel. she actively tries to block me from getting help or talking to anyone about it. It's gotten to the point where i'm having suicidal thoughts almost daily, I don't want to keep living in a body that I hate, when I look in the reflection I see someone I can't stand looking at, and I just don't know what to do. any advice would be helpful, I don't know if i'll have my mums support ever, but I can't just keep holding this off because if I do I just know i'll end up ending my life, and that terrifies me.

Self-harm thoughts and urges

replies: 4

Hi all, I have been trying really hard to get past this but I cannot seem to shake the thought and urge to harm myself. I stop doing it one way and it manifests itself in another way and I'm starting to get tired of it and feel like giving up. I get scared thinking of where I might end up if something doesn't change soon but I can't see a way out of this headspace I am in. Recently, it has been getting to the point where I start to think about suicide nearly every day. It isn't that I want to die and the thought really scares me but I honestly wouldn't be mad if I died. Is this normal? I think I might be going crazy. These thoughts used to be fleeting but now I am thinking out it more and thinking about how and where I would do it. I think about if I want to do to kill me or just to hurt me badly enough so that I can go into hospital so that my life can slow down for a while. I just want everything to stop. I have never done this (when I mean this I mean posting about these thoughts online) before so I don't really know what to expect

What will my therapist do if I tell the truth?

replies: 6

My mental health has been at an all time low. Between my mental illness, and just life circumstances I'm thinking about suicide every night. I'm exhausted because I can't sleep. When I do sleep I sleep all day because I don't see the reason to get out of bed. I catch myself planning out in meticulous detail how I would do things to inconvenience the least amount of people possible. Honestly? If it were not for one very specific thing I would already be dead. My family lost my aunt to suicide last year. It tore us to pieces. My mother is never going go recover from this, I know it. And because of this, I know if I were to follow in my aunt's footsteps, it would destroy her. And there is nobody in this life I love more than my mother. So I feel stuck in an untennable situation. Living is excruciating, but I can't die because I can't do that to my mother. But I'm not sure how long I can go on the way things are. I have a therapist, but we're relatively new together. We've only had three sessions. I think I need to tell her how bad things are for me right now, because how is else can she help if she doesn't know? But I'm terrified of what might happen. If I tell her the truth - that I'm thinking of suicide every day, but will not go through with it for my mother's sake - is she obligated to do anything? Report me anywhere??? I don't want the situation to be taken out of my hands, if that makes sense. I want to talk to her in confidence on a professional level for help, not lose my autonomy.

Possessed/Compulsive Disorder?

replies: 1

I’m new here, I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this? I feel like I'm possessed by spirits. It all started about 5 years ago, when things started to go wrong in my life and long term partners. My partner got a disease that can’t be cured and I hurt my lower and upper back at work, loosing my job after two years of rehab and not getting better. Around that same time, my only friend who I had so much in common with, took his life without much warning, other than telling me he thought he was possessed and saw a Catholic priest, then felt better. Due to our conditions, our sex life was put on hold, so I turned to porn for a short term support. As things were not sort term, I came to depend on porn, which became an addiction. My partner moved to another room to sleep, because we where keeping each other awake. My partner told me last year that she can no longer have sex with me ever again due to her illness. My addiction then turned into an obsession and started to take over other areas in my life, where all the things I enjoyed doing were replaced. Now I have given myself over to it completely, it controls me, I can’t say no, I can’t help myself, i’m now compelled, driven. Every day I spend at the lest 8 hours, at the most 17 hours in a 24 hour period watching porn, I can’t stop and it is increasing. My mind has been re-programmed through my eyes, this happened before the possession stage. I now cry a lot, don’t leave the house unless I have to, I’m isolated, I feel helpless, I have no friends, no Job, on depression and anxiety meds and think about suicide weekly. A year ago I started smoking cannabis and now between that and porn, is really all I do each day. My music taste, personality and looks have changed, I’m sad all the time and see no way out of my situation at all. I see my sexual behaviour increasing. My partner says I call out sometimes at night in a language she can’t understand, my dreams are all sexual. I have started going to strip clubs and a prostitute once this year, I have been looking for fetish clubs, swingers groups, nudist groups, online sex, webcams, can’t help it. I feel so lonely all the time and wish I had other people to talk to who can relate to what I’m going through. I need some serious help and support, without being judged.

Trigger warning- Confusing feelings

replies: 29

Hello there I'm just feeling a little confused at the moment working through many thoughts and feelings and wanted to hear some thoughts and opinions. Before I start, I just want to say that I'm safe. I'm seeing a counsellor tomorrow, I've spoken to a crisis team last week and a friend is holding on to anything that might be unsafe for me. I've been flicking between suicidal feelings for awhile now, some days are good and some days not so. On the good days, I feel that I don't want to cause pain to my friends and family, and that no explanation will really be enough. On the bad days, I feel really bad about myself - I feel like i'm just really weak being like this. I feel tired fighting these thoughts, and I'm scared that even if I get through this now, these feelings will come back somewhere later in life. These thoughts do make me want to end it all, but I don't. Just want to throw it out there again that I'm safe. Is it normal to have these conflicting feelings of wanting to end it, and wanting to push through and stay?? I feel tired after talking to my counsellor or crisis team, and I feel anxious thinking about having to speak with them or anybody who asks me if I'm okay. I feel the need to reassure people that I'm okay, even if I'm not. I find it difficult to ask for help, or to talk about how I am feeling. Is this normal? I've been struggling with self-harm too, but I feel the need to lie to my counsellor/friend that I have been self-harm-free even if I haven't. I'm not sure why, if it's shame/guilt or the need to pretend to be okay. I'm a little bit worried of what might happen too - is there a chance I might be placed into a mental health facility if that's what it's called? I'm really tired of feeling this way, I feel pretty messed up and rough about myself. I'm not sure if I will ever be my usual self again. Right now I'm just trying really hard to be present and stick around. Thanks in advance. Boo

Hello,

replies: 10

Hi, this is the saddest moment. I’m so sorry. I hope there is hope here? b

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

14 years of chronic pain, anxiety and depression: should I still have hope? replies: 8

Will the thoughts ever just go away? (TW) replies: 3

Confused at my thoughts replies: 2

Why am I like this? replies: 5

How to come out? replies: 7

Self-harm thoughts and urges replies: 4

What will my therapist do if I tell the truth? replies: 6

Possessed/Compulsive Disorder? replies: 1

Trigger warning- Confusing feelings replies: 29

Hello, replies: 10