Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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I'm not scared of dying and I don't want to feel pain

replies: 3

This thought always scares me, I've been dealing with severe depression, anxiety, adhd, depersonalization and alot more, with past trama and what not for atleast 10 years now, since I was 11 roughly, I'm not scared of dying and I guess this is me looking for help or somthing to help me not hurt the people around me, I'm quite desperate for the pain to stop and just want to feel happy or atleast like I want to live, I'm surrounded by people that love me, I'm not alone but life is flat, nothing interests me, the drugs don't work, I've tried nearly every type of anti depressant and what not, doctors can't find a fix, (professionals in that field) and are constantly trying new drugs and different things hoping one will work, my own life has no value to me, I'm not religious and see life as it is, very much pointless, but I'm in so much mental pain that it's unenjoyable, it's like choosing to crawl through a path full of broken glass that never ends or just jump off the path and lay in the grass forever, with no pain no nothing, the only guilt I have it if I jump of the path the path gets harder for the people in my life, but if I'm dead I can't think about that anyway, I'm at the point in my life where I want to be put in a straight jacket and drugged up till all I feel is dopamine and serotonin, because that's all I want, to feel happy and content, sadly my brain feels stuffed and doesn't let me feel that way

Have to move out of home

replies: 14

Hi all. The situation i find myself in is most probably my own fault. My mother moved into a nursing home last November. I have lived in the family home all my life. I work fulltime getting a little over 3k a month, i am 49 years old. I found out tonight that I am going to have to move out because the family home will need to be sold to pay for Mum's stay in the nursing home. I have a little over 20k saved now, I was told that I could get up 30k as a gift once the house is sold. I dont know what to do. My sister is going to send me contact for a mortgage broker but I am worried whether the mortgage broker would just laugh in my face becuase i am too old for a mortgage. I was told that I could borrow up to 285k, there isnt much around for that price. I am so stressed. I considered suicide. I need help

Pure lonliness.

replies: 2

I am on the brink of no return, I have no family, no friends, nobody. The only thing I have in my life is my cat. Once he goes I think I'll lose the will to keep fighting. I am only 26 years old, have loved but never been loved, been the black sheep of the family who I cut out of my life. Has never had a friend in her life since she was three years old. Any that I have tried to have, all left me in the end cause im to much hassle. I spend every single day in isolation, nobody to talk to, nobody that would even think twice about me. Aside from my job, I've not spoken to anyone in weeks, I leave my house once a week for grocceries and that is it. My cat is getting old, he is the only thing in this world I cherish more than myself.. but it's not enough, I'm losing the battle I've been fighting for my whole life. I have no hopes, no dreams, no aspirations. I just live on auto pilot I've given up hope on a brighter tomorrow, every day just grows darker. Ive stuck myself in this endless loop of lonliness with no turning back.

Being Resilient

replies: 1

Be resilient if things go wrong. Also, you need the will to live and survive. Do not hurt yourself and do not expect your wishes to come true. These are useful sayings, which I came across while reading eBooks and websites. Do not let the bullies get... View more

Is self-harm a selfish act? (T.W)

replies: 4

Hi, I'd like to say that first, this post recounts traumatic events and dark thoughts of mine. If you'd prefer not see that, please don't read this. Though a response is preferred, please don't think it's an obligation. I'd also like to say that at 12yo I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression. Every time that I'm found out hurting myself or expressing the will to do so, it's a selfish act, something done without thinking about the impact it'll have on other people. Now, my parents aren't harmful to me, they pulled me and my sister away from an abuser which is what first caused the thoughts years ago. But whether I tell my parents or they find out through their own means, I'm being selfish, not caring about the rest of the family and in some cases, a threat. By that, meaning that because I harm myself, I intend to harm others. This is not the case, no way in hell. Now, I'm not a saint. I've lied in the past, for my own benefit and for my abuser's, so it's understandable why my parents would jump to such conclusions. But no matter what I argue, I'm the selfish one. I harm myself due the bitter self-hatred that's buried itself in my heart. It's extremely difficult for me to accept compliments, if asked to point out positive things about myself, I can't. If I pass a test with flying colours, I'll often blame it on luck or a low class average. I've always had low self-esteem. But high school and the recent exams have proven to me more than ever, that I'm not good enough. That I'm not as amazing as some claim. "They're just trying to make me feel better out of pity" Statements like that strike me often. And combined with petty instances of public embarrassment, 'soft bullying' and general inconveniences, I break. I hyper-fixate on the errors, I scrutinise myself for messing up and do self-harm. Now this is mostly my fault here, but my parents don't know the full picture. I can't bring myself to tell them. I'm scared of past labels such as "attention-seeker" or "overdramatic" to come to light again. I don't have a therapist too. I have the school counselor, but they have to send me away for the day and to return with a GP's approval. I've called Kids Helpline a couple times, but this isn't working for me. To anyone who sees this, please, what do I do?

Been on here before...guess its a merry go round

replies: 7

Well I am 46, my wife took our son and left 10 months ago. I see my son every second weekend. Breaks my heart but...that's all I get. I have since had a few dates, a couple of FWBs etc, till I met someone I cared about, someone I could and was me around.......guess I fucked up again as she left in tears saying I love to much. Lucky my son is here tonight.....I can't do this shit anymore. Last time I spent a week in psych ward.... Feel worse now, just needed an outlet sorry

Triggers leading to ANGER leading to suicidal thoughts

replies: 37

Hi all, It's been a scary week. This week I got very close to taking my life. I made a choice to call the helpline instead of taking my life at the time and they and my husband, together, got me through that night. Since then the suicidal thoughts have been plaguing my mind on and off and it's exhausting. There is a pattern. Things trigger me - something someone has said or written to me, or my daughter (and to a lesser degree my son's) behaviour, are the main ones (they both have special needs and get very loud). A small thing seems to trigger this feeling of absolute RAGE inside, which leads to the suicidal thoughts and takes me down a spiral of despair feeling like its all too hard, it isn't worth it anymore.. It's horrible and scary. Is there any way of stopping the rage over such trivial things? I really am scared I will hurt myself. Thank you for your help.

What can I do now?

replies: 37

I've been struggling with depression for 6 years (since I was 12). I made a vow 6 years ago, that I would not live to see my 18th birthday, and that day is just 1 year away. I feel sad and tired all the time, I have no energy as getting out of the bed for school can take me over an hour on bad days. I don't eat properly, I skip lunch and breakfast nearly every day. I am also socially awkward, which is why I've always resorted to online forums as I mentally cannot speak to people about "these" things. I don't trust my parents, I keep everything from them. From a young age, I've always wanted to be a doctor, however the last few years have proved to me that I am incapable. I cannot focus on my work, and I have spoken about ADHD to my parents but was brushed off. My mum calls me autistic, and tells my younger sister to never end up the way I am. That said, I am a Mensan if that even means anything, so I know I'm not retarded. I have severe anxiety, which can act up at any time. This includes social anxiety, performance anxiety, situational anxiety and haphephobia. When I get panic attacks I feel suicidal. I feel like I could just impale myself on a fence. Sometimes I see, hear and feel things. One night I was in bed, my curtain was the translucent kind. It came suddenly, I felt something watching me yet I couldn't move to turn around, I was paralysed. I felt like I was going to die, and this thing was about to burst through my window at any moment. I doubt it was sleep paralysis, because I am certain I was awake. There was a time in primary school when someone told me the stories about Bloody Mary. For months afterwards, I was seeing her bloody face everywhere, especially at night when I felt like she was creeping up on me. I was afraid to go into a room alone in case she suddenly burst out of somewhere. Sometimes I can go into a trance, where I feel like a robot being controlled by another being. Feeling like I'm watching in third person. I haven't told anyone about these problems, apart from some online friends who I have no real contact with and are too far to reach me. I can't talk to people, physically and mentally can't. I know it's a problem. I don't talk to people because I know they'll try to help me, which makes me feel "weak" (my mum is the cause of this problem, but I can't change it now. Its ingrained into me). There is more I would like to write, but it won't fit. What can I do? I don't plan to live to work. Life is a curse.

Thoughts but no action

replies: 2

I just wanted to vent a bit. I have lots of thoughts but no plans of action. Like on the surface I am doing okay, I have a wonderful partner, we have a safe apartment, we can pay our bills and have 2 cats. But I dont have a job, im studying something that is really challenging and takes up a lot of my time. I cannot sleep at night but during the day I sleep so much (my class is in the evening 3 nights a week) and I just eat. I always feel unwell, whether it be a headache, period pain, some sort of neck or back pain, stomach issues or the onset of a cold. And if its not physical, something within my social life or whatever happens and it sends me back to bed. I have no motivation and I am stuck in a loop. Unfortunately I have run out of cash and cannot afford to see my psych/psychiatrist until I finish my course and get a job. I am about 5 homework assignments behind in my course and finding it really challenging. Tonight I had to leave my class early because my instructor started making jokes about strippers and I found it offensive. (I dont like humor that punches down) and the other people in my class said I didnt need to get offended. But i did. I feel that everything would be better if I didnt exist anymore. My partner wouldnt have to look after me when they come home from work and deal with the fact that I never clean and they wouldnt have to support me. I wouldnt have any money stress anymore. I feel like a burden on a LOT of people and constantly seeking validation from people. I always wonder what they would feel if I wasnt around anymore because they always make me feel awful, so in a way I want them to have guilt for not giving me what I want. I assure you that I am safe though, I have the thoughts but no action plan. I love my partner very much, but I feel like he could do better than me. There is a high chance that we wont be able to have kids as well and that is playing on my mind, but I push it to the back because I am studying at the moment. Thank you for reading.

Another fellow person who is thinking very much about welcoming death

replies: 2

hey all. i am a fellow person in the same boat as you guys. I have autism, BPD, agorophobia, and MDD. i have reached out to health professionals. they always say they will call me back. i never hear anything. I got to my GP, he gives me random anti depressents that make my situation much worse, and cause big stomach aches. i have had to take myself off them. I feel like the GP is not listening. i told him about the issues with my medication, well that particular type. i have been on them for over 2 years, and they have done so much more harm than good. they made me psychotic in nature. they are awful. i wanted to do the right thing, and i had high hopes that medication may help. Recently i have moved into a caravan park, in a single studio room. I like my space. its small, but its a home. i was living in a tent before this. unfortunately it does come with downsides. there are allot of drug users here. like 80% of people are either on "oxy's" as they like to brag, lyrica, marijuana, speed, or god knows what else. people are often loud, obnoxious, rude, egotistical, they get into physical fights, they are loud at early ours of the morning, the other night a woman started breaking down and screaming on the top of her lungs at 10:30 at night. i was upset and could not get back to sleep. i have enough sleep issues as it is. i have had 6 hours sleep in 2 nights. One guy keeps knocking on everyones doors at all hours during the day or night. he does not care. he is persistant, arrogant, makes underhanded remarks, and annoying me. have tried explaining to him these behaviors are anti social and inappropriate. he just keeps doing it on a daily basis. i have stopped speaking to him or opening my door when he knocks. i feel my privacy is being invaded. these units / rooms are already so close together, you can hear peoples tv and music at night. its doing my head in. i am trying so hard to get back on my feet mentally. i used to be an alcoholic, i am not anymore. i used to abuse marijuana. i dont touch it anymore. although , i have wondered about going on the medical marijuana program, but no one will help me, because their views, over ride my need for proper help. anyone care to share input? TY

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

I'm not scared of dying and I don't want to feel pain replies: 3

Have to move out of home replies: 14

Pure lonliness. replies: 2

Being Resilient replies: 1

Is self-harm a selfish act? (T.W) replies: 4

Been on here before...guess its a merry go round replies: 7

Triggers leading to ANGER leading to suicidal thoughts replies: 37

What can I do now? replies: 37

Thoughts but no action replies: 2

Another fellow person who is thinking very much about welcoming death replies: 2