Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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How to come out?

replies: 7

Hi all, I'm a 32 year old male that has experienced gender dysphoria since i've been 10. When I was 27, I came out to both of my parents that I wanted to be female. My dad 100% supported me, but my mum doesn't support me at all. She believes its related to my autism, and shes more worried about how my family will feel than how I feel. she actively tries to block me from getting help or talking to anyone about it. It's gotten to the point where i'm having suicidal thoughts almost daily, I don't want to keep living in a body that I hate, when I look in the reflection I see someone I can't stand looking at, and I just don't know what to do. any advice would be helpful, I don't know if i'll have my mums support ever, but I can't just keep holding this off because if I do I just know i'll end up ending my life, and that terrifies me.

Self-harm thoughts and urges

replies: 4

Hi all, I have been trying really hard to get past this but I cannot seem to shake the thought and urge to harm myself. I stop doing it one way and it manifests itself in another way and I'm starting to get tired of it and feel like giving up. I get scared thinking of where I might end up if something doesn't change soon but I can't see a way out of this headspace I am in. Recently, it has been getting to the point where I start to think about suicide nearly every day. It isn't that I want to die and the thought really scares me but I honestly wouldn't be mad if I died. Is this normal? I think I might be going crazy. These thoughts used to be fleeting but now I am thinking out it more and thinking about how and where I would do it. I think about if I want to do to kill me or just to hurt me badly enough so that I can go into hospital so that my life can slow down for a while. I just want everything to stop. I have never done this (when I mean this I mean posting about these thoughts online) before so I don't really know what to expect

What will my therapist do if I tell the truth?

replies: 6

My mental health has been at an all time low. Between my mental illness, and just life circumstances I'm thinking about suicide every night. I'm exhausted because I can't sleep. When I do sleep I sleep all day because I don't see the reason to get out of bed. I catch myself planning out in meticulous detail how I would do things to inconvenience the least amount of people possible. Honestly? If it were not for one very specific thing I would already be dead. My family lost my aunt to suicide last year. It tore us to pieces. My mother is never going go recover from this, I know it. And because of this, I know if I were to follow in my aunt's footsteps, it would destroy her. And there is nobody in this life I love more than my mother. So I feel stuck in an untennable situation. Living is excruciating, but I can't die because I can't do that to my mother. But I'm not sure how long I can go on the way things are. I have a therapist, but we're relatively new together. We've only had three sessions. I think I need to tell her how bad things are for me right now, because how is else can she help if she doesn't know? But I'm terrified of what might happen. If I tell her the truth - that I'm thinking of suicide every day, but will not go through with it for my mother's sake - is she obligated to do anything? Report me anywhere??? I don't want the situation to be taken out of my hands, if that makes sense. I want to talk to her in confidence on a professional level for help, not lose my autonomy.

Possessed/Compulsive Disorder?

replies: 1

I’m new here, I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this? I feel like I'm possessed by spirits. It all started about 5 years ago, when things started to go wrong in my life and long term partners. My partner got a disease that can’t be cured and I hurt my lower and upper back at work, loosing my job after two years of rehab and not getting better. Around that same time, my only friend who I had so much in common with, took his life without much warning, other than telling me he thought he was possessed and saw a Catholic priest, then felt better. Due to our conditions, our sex life was put on hold, so I turned to porn for a short term support. As things were not sort term, I came to depend on porn, which became an addiction. My partner moved to another room to sleep, because we where keeping each other awake. My partner told me last year that she can no longer have sex with me ever again due to her illness. My addiction then turned into an obsession and started to take over other areas in my life, where all the things I enjoyed doing were replaced. Now I have given myself over to it completely, it controls me, I can’t say no, I can’t help myself, i’m now compelled, driven. Every day I spend at the lest 8 hours, at the most 17 hours in a 24 hour period watching porn, I can’t stop and it is increasing. My mind has been re-programmed through my eyes, this happened before the possession stage. I now cry a lot, don’t leave the house unless I have to, I’m isolated, I feel helpless, I have no friends, no Job, on depression and anxiety meds and think about suicide weekly. A year ago I started smoking cannabis and now between that and porn, is really all I do each day. My music taste, personality and looks have changed, I’m sad all the time and see no way out of my situation at all. I see my sexual behaviour increasing. My partner says I call out sometimes at night in a language she can’t understand, my dreams are all sexual. I have started going to strip clubs and a prostitute once this year, I have been looking for fetish clubs, swingers groups, nudist groups, online sex, webcams, can’t help it. I feel so lonely all the time and wish I had other people to talk to who can relate to what I’m going through. I need some serious help and support, without being judged.

Trigger warning- Confusing feelings

replies: 29

Hello there I'm just feeling a little confused at the moment working through many thoughts and feelings and wanted to hear some thoughts and opinions. Before I start, I just want to say that I'm safe. I'm seeing a counsellor tomorrow, I've spoken to a crisis team last week and a friend is holding on to anything that might be unsafe for me. I've been flicking between suicidal feelings for awhile now, some days are good and some days not so. On the good days, I feel that I don't want to cause pain to my friends and family, and that no explanation will really be enough. On the bad days, I feel really bad about myself - I feel like i'm just really weak being like this. I feel tired fighting these thoughts, and I'm scared that even if I get through this now, these feelings will come back somewhere later in life. These thoughts do make me want to end it all, but I don't. Just want to throw it out there again that I'm safe. Is it normal to have these conflicting feelings of wanting to end it, and wanting to push through and stay?? I feel tired after talking to my counsellor or crisis team, and I feel anxious thinking about having to speak with them or anybody who asks me if I'm okay. I feel the need to reassure people that I'm okay, even if I'm not. I find it difficult to ask for help, or to talk about how I am feeling. Is this normal? I've been struggling with self-harm too, but I feel the need to lie to my counsellor/friend that I have been self-harm-free even if I haven't. I'm not sure why, if it's shame/guilt or the need to pretend to be okay. I'm a little bit worried of what might happen too - is there a chance I might be placed into a mental health facility if that's what it's called? I'm really tired of feeling this way, I feel pretty messed up and rough about myself. I'm not sure if I will ever be my usual self again. Right now I'm just trying really hard to be present and stick around. Thanks in advance. Boo

Hello,

replies: 10

Hi, this is the saddest moment. I’m so sorry. I hope there is hope here? b

Loneliness

replies: 2

Hi, I'm in Melbourne and we are in another lockdown. I am lucky, I am an essential worker so I still get to feel productive and see people in my work, but I can't get over this feeling of loneliness and despair. My ex husband left me a few years ago, and I live on my own. I have never had another partner other than him, and I don't think I ever will - I am not a fun, outgoing, interactive person and I don't have any positive qualities I could bring to a relationship. I also don't have the energy to navigate online dating (which seems to be the only way to meet people these days.) I asked my two best friends to be my single social bubble buddies, and they both refused. I understand their reasons for refusing, but it still hurts. I also suffer from a chronic pain condition, which I have been told will never get better. Every day it seems like I struggle more and more just to get on with the everyday tasks I need to do and there is never going to be an end to it. I feel like all I am is a function; that while I am useful, I am not somebody who would be missed if I am gone. All I want is for there to be no pain, peace and a feeling that I am important to someone, but I cannot see this ever happening. My life stretches out before me like a dark, desolate and empty road with no destination at the end of it. I am tired of walking down that road. I am sorry to burden anyone with my words.

officially estranged from my narcissistic aunt and grandmother

replies: 2

I had not spoken with my grandmother in about two-and-a-half weeks after she had deliberately called me overweight. She called me overweight, after I told her that "life should be enjoyed, not endured," which was in response to the pair of us discussing my diet and exercise. I decided to visit her today with the assumption that my father made for me to ponder over, that she wanted me to reconcile with her. I rang the doorbell to find that she was not impressed to see me at all. I thought that maybe visiting her and trying to talk with her about the fact that she called me overweight had affected me negatively, but instead she deflected the situation onto me and played the victim, which is typical behaviour from her. Her claim is that I am abusive to her although when I confronted her about that she was unable to provide any evidence of me behaving in such a way. I also just wanted an apology for her calling me overweight and for the fact that she abused me over the phone at the beginning of last year. I got cross with her after she dismissed my feelings because I was hurt by how condescending she was towards me. She told either my mother or father that if we attend her house again she will put restraining orders against my mother and I, even though the pair of us have done nothing wrong and nothing to her. My grandmother has also threatened to get a Maori woman in out family to beat up my mum and I. My mother is depressed because she is nearly fifty and all she wants in life now is peace. But she cannot understand as to why she is consistently being dragged into family problems that she has nothing to do with. I am glad that my grandmother does not want anything to do with my mother and I because we think she is negative. My father is stuck because he loves his mother but he also loves my mother and I. He does not want his mother to think poorly of him, which is understandable. My mother is speaking with a psychologist once a fortnight but in spite of this her and my father refuse to seek proper psychological assistance for themselves. I have suggested Susan to mum but she is not interested and does not seem to care about us improving our relationship. She is codependent on my father, unfortunately. This makes life especially hard for me. As you can probably imagine, I am feeling suicidal. I wish I could end my life but I am too scared to act upon it.

don't know what to do

replies: 3

hi, I don't really know where to start but I don't know what to do. I don't remember the last time I've truly been happy. I'm extremely socially anxious which means I'm hopeless at making friends. I can't even talk to my parents. I feel like I'm destroying all my friendships just because I've become so self aware and scared of losing them. I feel really lonely right now. I have struggled with self harm in the past and Im scared I'm going to start again. I really feel like giving up right now but I know it's going to break my mum. She's really not mentally stable at the moment. She's suicidal and an alcoholic. I look after her and my little brother since my parents are divorced. My brother doesn't see my dad anymore so I can't go because I have to look after him. This sounds so sappy and like I feel sorry for myself but I don't know what else to do. I've struggled with self harm in the past and I've been clean for a few months but I feel like I might start again. This has gone on for two years now and It hasn't gotten better. I don't really know why I made this post I kinda just needed to vent

Heartbreak and my BPD

replies: 3

Hi everyone. I’m looking for a bit of advice at the moment because I’m currently struggling with quite a bad breakup and it’s left me absolutely devastated and heartbroken and I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to move forwards from this. It’s been nearly three months and even though I was doing really well for almost two months- eating healthy, making sure I got enough sleep and exercising 5 time a week which is something I didn’t do throughout the whole relationship- I seem to have fallen back into a slump and am back to eating bad, going to sleep at stupidly late hours and barley getting out of the house let alone exercising. On top of this I just feel hopeless, I struggle with BPD which has made things even more of a mess because my moods are constantly changing from numb to sad to angry and it’s exhausting. Ontop of this Melbourne is back in lockdown so I won’t be working for a week (hopefully this lockdown dosen’t last any longer) but it’s only been one day and I honestly don’t know if I will cope a full week of doing nothing but being stuck by myself with my own thoughts. Unfortunately tonight I actually self-harmed for the first time in well over a year because I was so desperate to try and calm myself down. I just feel so horrible because I was so so in love with this person and this breakup was so out of the blue that I don’t know what to do with myself. we had been living together for almost a year and now we don’t speak at all and he refuses to meet up with me to talk to me which is all I want because I feel like I have had no closure and even though I have spent hours trying to figure out what went wrong I don’t know and it’s killing me. I don’t know if anyone will be able to help me or why I’m even posting this but thanks for reading this I guess

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

How to come out? replies: 7

Self-harm thoughts and urges replies: 4

What will my therapist do if I tell the truth? replies: 6

Possessed/Compulsive Disorder? replies: 1

Trigger warning- Confusing feelings replies: 29

Hello, replies: 10

Loneliness replies: 2

officially estranged from my narcissistic aunt and grandmother replies: 2

don't know what to do replies: 3

Heartbreak and my BPD replies: 3