Having a hard time

[Louise2072]

I’m having a very hard time at the moment with a lot of things affecting me and stressing me out. The main one is the biggest one-my Mum and brother are stopping me from selling my house as it’s in my mum’s name and she refuses to transfer it into mine. There’s a lot more to the story but I won’t get into it all, I’ll just say that this has been building up in me for so long and I’m now at breaking point. I have a 3 yr old daughter who I care for and I know she is a toddler and is tough to handle at times…it’s just that I wouldn’t find it so stressful trying to handle her if I wasn’t overshadowed by this horrible family thing hanging over me constantly. I’m finding it harder every day now to deal with the smaller general issues lately, eg only last week after leaving my phone on the bus I almost had a crippling anxiety attack which also brought on my asthma. I felt so terrified and scared that I may have lost my phone(I got it back tho). My psych has said my reaction is the sign of a very overly stressed girl who is drowning. I’m having trouble sleeping, I’ve gained a tonne of weight and this evening it has hit its low point, I’m just pacing around the house like a caged animal losing its mind…and all I can think of is that I’d be much happier just to be dead. And that has really scared me now bcos I have 2 gorgeous daughters who I cherish and in one moment I think about them but it quickly disappears and I just think I don’t want this anymore. I try convince myself they will be okay if I died. So it’s now I believe I should voluntarily check myself into a mental facility for a couple of days bcos the thoughts are not fading and I’m feeling more and more of wanting to give up.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Louise2072,

Welcome to our online community, we're so glad you decided to join us here. It can be hard to write that first post, it shows a lot of courage. It sounds like things are very difficult at the moment. There's a lot of pressure on you and this is going to impact how you're thinking and feeling. Your daughters need you around so it's great that you are reaching out for support. We've sent you an email just to check in.

Are you aware of Beyond Blue's support service? We really encourage you to get in touch to have a chat 24/7 on 1300 22 4636

You've mentioned you feel like giving up, those thoughts are really normal when you're struggling. But if you feel you may act on them and do something to harm yourself, it is really important to take steps to keep yourself safe, you can do this by:

- Attending the Emergency Department of your local hospital
- Calling 000
- Speaking with us

Let us know how you're going

BeyondBlue

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Louise

I want to second the welcome to our community. I'm glad you've posted here. If you're feeling unsafe, please do contact the immediate helplines Sophie has mentioned. Alternatively, there's no shame in feeling like you need to take a break, and contacting your local mental health team for help. Your girls want and need their mum, and there is help out there, you don't need to do it all alone. I get that when things are hard, the little things are at risk of cracking us open, so that's when we need to reach out. Well done for doing so here, and you've found a community of support, with people who are ready to listen. Please stay in touch, Katy

[Sadandlonelyalot]

I can relate. I feel like I am out of control. My daughter keeps me here too. I spent 3 days in a short stay unit for mental health and the public hospital and all it made me want to do was escape. The beds were awful..a couple of nurses one day were just downright mean and the bathrooms were communal and kinda yuck. If u can afford a private facility maybe consider that. It is seriously the worst feeling being held captive by these feelings. Try to be strong. I empathise with you. I underatand. Sending love and strength to you..from someone who gets it xx