Just give me a break!

[Kitty88]

I cant catch a break, it's literally one thing after another and noone understands! Today again I got bad news regarding my health.. I honestly can not win! This life I have is hard, and it's sad, I shouldn't have to suffer. All I ever wanted was to be a mum and now it's like I can't be the mum I wanted and it hurts me.. I know my child can do way better! I love him endlessly 

[Petal22]

Hi Kitty,

Hang in there, you will get through this.

We are a very caring supportive community and we are to support you.

Please feel free to chat to us anytime.

[Kitty88]

Everything has taking its toll on me now, I feel completely defeated and overwhelmed. The stress and anxiety over everything is to much. My health, domestic violence, financial, study, addiction, literally everything and no matter what I do or how hard I to overcome something, I can't. I am a failure! It's so bad now I can barely sleep, I'm just constantly thinking of everything but there's nothing I can do. Last night I woke around 1am and couldn't get back to sleep because my head just won't stop, I layed their crying for ages just wanting to end it all. I can't see another way out of it all anymore. I feel so helpless

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kitty88

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and that you had such a tough time last night. We can only imagine how this must have felt. We are so grateful that you have decided to share this with the community, you never know who may read this and feel less alone in their own experience. 

We are concerned that you may be thinking of suicide. If you ever feel unsafe it is important to call 000 straight away. You can also call our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 if you prefer. 

You can also call us on 1300 22 4636 if you ever feel like you want to talk. There is always someone who is here for you and ready to help. 

We have also reached out to you priavtely to see if they is any other support we can offer. 

We are so sorry that these thoughts and feelings have been so intense recently and we hope that reading the posts of this community has been helpful for you. You are a wonderful and important member of this community and we hope you can feel comfortable sharing with us again soon how you are going. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Kitty88,

Im sorry you are feeling this way but there really is a way forward for you! Don’t loose hope.

Your not a failure your just a human being who needs some help……. there is nothing wrong with asking for help it’s courageous.

Kitty I understand that all of the above can feel very stressful and also bring on alot of anxiety but Kitty with the correct help you really can overcome all of it.

I understand that addiction is a very challenging thing to go through but Kitty you really can overcome it, but you need the correct help for that to happen….. have you tried any type of intervention for this?

No matter how long you have travelled in the wrong direction you can always turn around and change it for the better.

But you are the only one who can do that by making a choice and then sticking to that choice to get better and you can.

Im sorry you have experienced domestic violence I understand this would be difficult have you been able to speak to anyone about this?

I also understand that you are currently thinking about everything and can’t sleep anxiety can make things feel very overwhelming have you been able to speak to your gp about your anxiety?

Kitty there is something you can do for the positive…. Really you just need to realise what this is and move towards it……… nothing is never to far gone……. There is always hope and change is very possible.

Please keep reaching out to us we want to help you.

[therising]

Hi Kitty

You sound so thoroughly exhausted and defeated. I feel so deeply for you as you face such an overwhelming time. Is it possible for you to drop or postpone at least one thing in life to give you a bit of breathing space, such as the study side of things, for example? If it's one of the key things that offers you some joy, I imagine that's not an option amongst the challenges you're trying so hard to juggle all at once.

With the health side of things, is it possible to take a different approach other than trying to manage with mainstream medicine? Not sure if that's an option. Just simply wondering. If inflammation's a factor, I imagine stress is making things more painful than ever.

Sounds like the people around you aren't making things any easier for you. Do you feel if you pushed those around you to better understand your challenges, a new found awareness on their part might lead them to make some difference?

[Kitty88]

Thanks for your reply Sophie but no-one reached out other then this post Tha I'm aware of? But yes I am feeling quite low and in that nature.

Petal22, thanks for your comment, I tried again today to reach out to a gp for help I told them I was really struggling and about last night and they really weren't alot of help. I have told some of what I have went through with the domestic violence but not all nor what I am currently going through. Noone knows everything I'm dealing with or hard I'm fighting right now because I know they don't understand. I have also been to a detox/rehab before but relapsed last year when things got to tough to handle and now it's out of hand but I'm not strong enough to do it again especially on-top of everything else.

Therising, thank you for your comment also but my studies is what I was hoping to complete to not only help others but give my son and I a chance at life, but that's basically gone now with how far I've fallen behind. My health is complicated, I have a blood disorder that will eventually most likely kill me, the meds I become resistant too and have basically run out of options. I am now waiting for input of yet another specialist but it always plays on my mind that I won't ever win this. Mentally it takes a toll big time and then with everything else, it is so hard. I try so God dam hard and get nowhere. I have tried explaining to people how I feel and what I'm going through, only for it to fall on deaf ears, they always no matter what pick my faults regardless of what I do and make me feel crap. It makes me feel so alone in this fight!

I have been battling for years and been begging for a break but it never comes. Now I'm way over my head and just begging for that light to shine and take me!

My head these days just doesn't stop, I'm hurting, I'm exhausted physically and mentally, my heart is breaking. Before I could somewhat fight but now is different, I realise I have failed, that I will never be good enough or ever get out of this hole. I have tried but it's impossible, There is no way out!

[Petal22]

Good morning Kitty88,

Thank you for your reply.

Im sorry that your gp wasn’t helpful.

Kitty88 there are people out there who will help you no matter what your issues are.

Kitty88 you can try a different gp and try to be as open as you can with what you are experiencing.

Kitty88 I don’t know what your addiction is and that’s ok but I just wanted to share a bit of information with you that may give you some motivation….. please google Kyle Quilly Quilausing he was an addict and now he is sober and uses his redemption to educate young people of the dangers of addiction.

His motto is if he can YOU can..

Ok you relapsed by try again you need to keep trying and not give up because there will be a time that you will succeed……. Every time you try the gaps between relapse will be longer.

You will get out of this dark hole it’s very possible just don’t give up because on the other side of it is YOU a much clearer happier stronger version of your future self and your future self is cheering you on.

[Kitty88]

There is no way out of this hole, no matter how hard I try, it never ends!

Im exhausted, I'm so tired of the constant battle, I am defeated!

Each day just keeps getting harder, I can't do it anymore, the demons can win.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kitty88

We are so sorry that you are feeling so exhausted at the moment. We can see that you are having to carry an incredible load at the moment. 

We are reaching out to you privately but want you to know that we are always here for you. 

If you ever feel unsafe, it is important to call 000 or Lifeline 13 11 14 straight away as this is an emergency.

Thank you for being such an engaged and important member of this community. Your ability to share how you are feeling and what you are thinking is amazing, you never know who may read one of these posts and relate to what you are saying. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Dig your heals in Kitty88 ………. You can win this!

Look for the light…..