My depression is severe today
Added to this is the loss of my girlfriend
She was my sole purpose in my life
Now im back to suicide research
as I really dont want to live anymore
I have nothing to look forward to in this life and I feel too old to start over again.
Death would be a welcome gift
I know there is no purpose in suffering all the time and its madness to do so
Last time I tried to end it I got so close to doing it
I always felt it was upsetting I didnt succeed and today I regret trying to get better because there is no getting better.
If people could understand what its like living like this then maybe they would understand me better.
I try to be grateful for the last 8 years I had with girlfriend and the purpose it gave me but it doesnt stop the added grief ontop of my depression.
The cavalry are not coming to save me and thats whats changed for me.
I cant keep living for the sake of others wanting me to live.
