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I want to ask for help

____
Community Member
For a while, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and while my parents do know that I was having suicidal thoughts, they think I'm better now, however it'has gotten worse. I kind of want to get help as I'm sick of living like this, but I don't know how to get help. I do not want to talk to my parents as they're awful people and I just want to get away with them. My school's welfare guy and counsellors aren't that helpful and I don't trust them. Unfortunately, the only person I would talk to is a drama teacher who isn't actually my teacher anymore, but I seriously can't imagine that conversation going well. I do have a sister who I'm kind of close to but I can't be around her because (bear with me) she is everything I'm not and I feel worthless around her. Is there a way I can get help without my family getting involved?
275 Replies 275

hellohi
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Sleepy21,

I am really sorry you are going through suicidal thoughts and struggle with body image too.

But I am very very very very very glad that you are noticing one nice thing about yourself. I bet you have a lot of nice things. Your long long long no-haircuts-in-lockdown hair sounds really nice!

I try to avoid the mirror and taking photos as much as I can. The only time I have to look at myself is when I do my hair because I can't tie my hair up with looking at what I am doing. Which sounds really lame, and adds to another thing I do wrong. I really hate talking on phones, looking in the mirror and taking photos.

How has your day been today?

I hope you and your family are doing well.

Warm wishes,

Neerja

hellohi
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Croix,

I really sorry you have/had suicidal thoughts and you tried to kill yourself. You don't have to answer this, but what triggered it for you?

I really liked how you said 'I would have taken mine back under warranty if I’d had the chance when I got a bit older.'

I don't know who else I have got. Before BeyondBlue, I tried Headspace which wasn't helpful for me. I tried Kids Helpline it was alright. But they both kept on giving me information sheets and it felt really rushed and weird, to be honest.

I am really sorry that eyesight came in the way of playing sports. Did you wish to play sports? Or you just didn't want to, like me?

I wear glasses too, just for reading, but it is getting harder to see the basketball whenever I play.

You are really right about how it should start with kids, not rallies. As if they are educated about equal rights, maybe they won't be as influenced by the surroundings treating each other with a lack of respect. Adults are a bit harder to persuade because some are stuck in their ways. Maybe in their workplaces, they could have programs talking about equal rights for all races. The protests are really important, it brings so much more awareness about BLM. Greta Thunberg is amazing! Her speeches are so powerful and beautifully written.

I hope you are doing well. 🙂

Warm wishes,
Neerja

____
Community Member

Hi Sarah,

I am extremely sorry about your brother and I too hope he knows how loved he was, how loved he is.

I feel like an absolute hypocrite,the loss of your brother saddens me, yet here I am, continuously telling you I wish I were dead. I am very sorry for acting like this.

I do want to tell someone but the only person who I've considered talking to is a teacher, and he has to tell the school mental health guy, who unfortunately by law has to inform my parents.

As Croix has previously said, I am at a roadblock. I am stuck with two options, and the one that I find appealing is the one people tell me not to do and I'm still struggling to understand why they say this.

Many thanks,

April

Aaronsis
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey April

You are certainly no hypocrite, you are genuinely feeling bad and you have lots on your plate with school and with family life and my point in sharing my story with you was that we didn't know, as a family we did not see or suspect a thing to even ask "do you want to chat?", "is everything ok for you?"...I want this for you, I want you to have a person, a real person who will sit with you and who will talk with you and who can show you how loved and how needed you are. I understand that the roadblock is ahead, right infront of you. You do have a choice, however, please keep searching for the person who will give you the support and the guidance through this time.

I understand that it isn't your parents and while this is really hard. Is there a family friend? Just someone who can help you down the path of "what if.."...what if tomorrow one thing changes, what if tomorrow just for a moment you have two times when you feel happy, like in art and what if you can for one moment find hope. With those one or two moments does give us the thought that there can be more, and there can be.

The younger kid at school who has been drawn to you, to chat with you, he sees a person with whom he can trust, who he sees is kind and who gives him the time of day. The fact that he is drawn to you for support suggests to me he sees you as a friend and as a good person, he is looking up to you and values the conversations you have. Maybe this is a person with whom you do take some time to eat lunch with or have some time a recess with, maybe he becomes a friend and together you support each other? Maybe he is in the same boat as you and feels so alone and so very lost. Maybe April you are the hand that can reach to him.

I can only answer for me when you ask "why people don't want me to take the path I want to"...because life is ever changing and it will not always be like this, it won't be filled with days at school with people who don't understand you and make life difficult for you, it will not be living in a house with your parents and it will not be as it is today. As you grow and make choices that drive your life you will see that there are good times, there is love and you are loved and can love. That these times, while they are damn hard, they can and will get better. So why make a choice today that does not give you the chance for a better tomorrow? You matter and we care.

You have so much to give others April, take some of this love for you.

Hugs

Sarah

____
Community Member

Hey Neerja,

My fictional story is a bit of a mess. We're only allowed to have 600-800 words, I'm already up to 200 and all my character has done is swallowed a pill. I'm hoping I can shorten it.I don't really know if the forum allows you to discuss off topic things in this thread but your help would be greatly appreciated, and I'm happy to help you.

My school doesn't have clubs, does yours? I've never been to a school with lunchtime clubs, I think it would be good. Please don't feel the need to apologise for helping me, many of your suggestions are quite good.

I know what you mean about wearing a jacket, I love winter because it's an excuse to cover my body and I don't overheat. My weight has only been an issue to me for three years. It started when on an overnight excursion, a girl told me she was doing a 24 hour fast to lose weight and suggested I do it with her. I did it and when I finally ate, I threw up on everyone at the table. I got home and realised how disgusting I was and I vowed to lose weight. Since then I have put on as much as I wanted to lose. I don't know if I count as a friend, but if so, you have a friend who sees you as much more than a weird kid.

My day was pretty average. I made cookies which was nice, and I got 86% on my maths test which I'm happy with. How are you?

Many thanks,

April

____
Community Member

Hi Croix,

Normally when I give a happy memory, I have been prompted to, however I just thought of this and it was one of the best moments of my life.
Earlier this year, I went to my first concerts and was able to see one of my favourite artists (NF) live. He writes songs about his OCD, depression and just how he feels in general. Anyway, I was standing there, the lights were blinding and the music deafening. I was hot and sweaty and I was so tightly packed against all these other people , yet this was the happiest I had ever been. I was in a crowd of people who felt the same way as me. When it got to the chorus, I started to cry, as there were 2000 people, just like me singing 'I don't see you like I should, you look so misunderstood, and I wish I could help, but it's hard when I hate myself.'

I know that it's kind of stupid but I just thought of it and it was definitely the best I have ever felt in life.

I'm glad SumoCat is well and I'm sure he'll migrate back to his blanket once it's clear.One of my cats has a funny thing of completely ignoring me for up to a week, then one day spends the entire day following me around and meowing for my attention.

I want to use the suicide callback service, however they ask for a lot of data on you just to use the online webchat, and I don't even have some of it, like the skype username.

This morning, I had a long conversation with him, and everyone time I speak to him he says 'I love you' and it just makes me feel so much better and i don't know why. I have issues with people touching me, yet for some reason I don't mind when he hugs me. He has a lot of stuff of his own to deal with and I feel bad that I can't help him.

April

hellohi
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi April,

I definitely see you as a friend and your kindness, support and understanding really means a lot. 🙂

Your story so far sounds amazing! I have a huge problem with making things concise, recently my essay was more than 3000 words, lol. I am happy to help you too! ....... except if it is about making things concise that's my biggest weakness, lol.

The lunchtime clubs in my school have no one coming to them, so they pretty much never run. In my old school, it was the same case. But, my art teacher opens the artroom sometimes which helps me take a break from everyone.

Same here I love Winter too. I love it when it rains, it makes the surroundings seem magical, glistening and beautiful. I feel like the silver drops add colour to a colourless life.

I am really sorry you went through so much. Do your parents understand things with body image? My parents don't, they call ungrateful and sometimes call me 'pretty' (when they have arguments with each other), which means nothing to me. For me, it started when my 'friends' started bragging about the clothing sizes and the amount of clothing that suited them. It really hurt me, it still does. Later on, I got bullied about being fat and having a huge forehead which added on. I really hate myself.

WOW! 86% sounds really really good! And the cookies you made too 🙂

My day was average too. Today I had no arguments with my parents and those going away thoughts are pretty average, lower than the days before.

How has today been for you?

Your happy moment sounds so good! That is such a sweet and magical moment, feeling like you are not alone, surrounded by people who feel similar things and meeting your favourite artist. That is awesome, not stupid AT ALL.

I am really really glad you have someone who you can talk to, feel happy and safe with.

I hope you are doing well.

Warm wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Neerja and waves to all

Thanks for the compliments on my hair lol 🙂
I just wanted to say that i'm sure all your features are perfect, teasing like that is pretty mean... A lot of the models have prominent features etc and it actually can add to someone's attractiveness.
I don't have any prominent features really and I don't think that makes me better looking lol.
You mentioned you only look in the mirror to tie up your hair - I guess that's one thing you can look at and see okay? Do you like your hair?

I had a really difficult day and am struggling a lot with deprssion and suicidality. Thank you for asking. How are you feeling?

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear April (With a wave toNeerja and Speepy21) ~

I don't think that roadblock is the only way of thinking of things. True it might seem like that to you at the moment - get help and your parents get to know, or don't get help and run the risk of being overwhelmed and taking your life. So you get around it, no black and white thinking please!

There are some things in your life you like Neerja, the kid, the concert, a hug from the RIGHT person, being told you are loved, 86% and all the rest you think are pretty OK. If you look you will find more -seek them out, avoid things you know will end badly if you can (like sitting with a group of catty girls) and eventually the good may well outweigh the bad things permanently-roadblock does not apply.

The second is a helping hand over the roadblock, someone who talks on your behalf with your parents -and keeps on doing so. Get an undertaking they will continue to do that before you say anything. That way your parents are are responsible to that person as well as you, whch may make them more likely to treat you as you deserve.

You may have someone, someone you trust, someone at school, I don't know your life well enough to suggest.

Your school's councilor or teacher's responsibility does not stop with simply telling your parents what you said, they need to do more than that

So who do you the might be the best bet -any other possibilities?

BTW Suicide Call Back Service needs you to have a computer &/or phone. Dunno email, Skype is only for face to face

The Butterfly Foundation can give you information on how to deal with eating problems

https://butterfly.org.au/where-do-i-start/

and a worth looking at. No quick fix but an understanding of how things work when it comes to body image, eating problems and so on is always a help.

If you want to go off-topic right here and talk about how to construct a story, fine, no worries. If you want to talk about every aspect of all your homework then we will think of something else .

Sum has indeed returned to his favorite blanket, it is a sort of furry thing and he kneads his claws in it before settling down. Funny creature -but very large and dignified, with a very fine set of whiskers

First thing of the morning he wants out to sit on the front step and look at our very overgrown garden. He sees lots of little birds but is far to lazy to give chase, just sits and takes mental notes. He also sees the night's possum poo, but leaves possums for Foxy Dox to bark at

Croix

 

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Neerja~

I'm sure you wold have read my response to April, after all I did wave and was bearing you in mind.

I wonder, can you do some art in lunchtime, something to capture your interest if the door is left open? Better than just sitting, even if it gets wiped off with the next class. Art is not all portraits and real life, it can be anything you can draw.

I live in cold climate and one night a small pipe burst to where we used to feed the wallabies. In the morning was the most beautiful frozen fountain of ice, a work of art straight from nature. I was sad as it gradually diminished and was tempted to make another small hole the next night, but thought better of it.

I've no idea if you are pretty or not, or if your forehead is larger than mine. I do know two truths, people always see the worst of themselves in a mirror, it is as if it distorts things just to make the viewer feel bad.

The second is how a person feels about themselves, not their looks, that shines though and attracts people. If you take almost any actress, she can make herself seem ugly - or beautiful - almost at will. It is how you think that matters. I've just watched The Invisible Man at the movies, Elisabeth Moss manages both in the same film.

Any idiot that tried to bully you is not picking on your looks, or even you realy. They are trying to reinforce their security within a group. To be so tied to a group in such a precarious manner realy should make them an object of pity, no matter how rude or vicious they appear. I'd imagine you are wise enough to know that already.

As you just said yourself, there are sweet magical moments in life, I've reached the stage they are there most of the time (largely due to my partner) , yet I started out wanting to discard the lot and kill myself. What seems the most impassable of mountains does melt.

Glad you managed a civil day with your parents, maybe it will grow better from there.

Help with the story here by all means (not every word, but ideas and the occasional phrase or perhaps paragraph or two.)

Croix