Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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I don't belong

replies: 11

What am I doing here. I don't belong here. I don't feel like I have a place on this earth anymore. Why you ask? Because of dissociation. I've been switching from really young ages to my current age for almost a straight month. I've bounced around from caring for my younger parts to now been back to hurting and destroying them and myself. I love my counsellors they are great. I am going through so many issues and problems I keep feeling like a heavy burden towards them I bother them too often I'm not their only client I never have a good day or week to report back to them in any sessions anymore. They've suggested and offered the mental health crisis team whom I've had contact and used before. It's just that with the dissociation and switching ages and what I went through in the past I am absolutely terrified to be locked away. One of my counsellors have suggested a retreat for respite or utilise a hospital stay. I can't. I'm scared. I want to talk but at the same time not talk. I feel all blocked up I feel like I am shutting myself down. I'm slipping I know I am this time right now a part of me doesn't care if I'm alive or not nor do I care how badly I am hurting myself or the harm and risk I put myself in.

Taking things out on myself

replies: 2

Hello. I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, I guess maybe to feel less alone about it. Also want to clarify that I’m safe and am not about to kill myself or anything. I see a counsellor (though have lapsed a bit with covid stuff happening) who diagnosed me with anxiety/depression ages ago. It has taken me a really really long time to even begin to accept that, and often I still don’t believe it, because I haven’t had anything very devastating happen to me in life. I have a good life. I feel almost like I must be putting it on to get attention or feel ‘special’, and I don’t trust my own thoughts about it. I’m just weak. So many people have it so so much worse than I. I find it impossible to accept myself making any sort of mistake. I feel totally worthless and stupid when I do something (anything) wrong and get strong urges to punish myself by self harming. Sometimes I go through with it, sometimes I don’t. This is the main reason I hurt myself- because I feel like I deserve to feel pain because of what a screw-up I am. I had a period of a couple years where I didn’t hurt myself (don’t know how I did it, it just died off for a bit?) but recently it’s started again sometimes. Does anyone who does this know of a way to channel the urge to hurt yourself into some other thing? I know it’s often said that you should try and distract yourself through grounding techniques but often when I’m in that place, the urge to punish myself is too strong. I just want to take things out on myself. Thank you

Suicidal thoughts due to feelings of loneliness

replies: 4

Just over a year ago, I found out that my wife had been raped just before I proposed to her. That was over 10 years ago and she kept it a secret until I accidentally found out. Somehow she has managed to move on and gotten on with life. After the initial revelation, things sort of got back to normal but inwardly I have found it very difficult to cope because she refused to acknowledge the rape. She said that calling it rape gave the guy too much power but this makes me think she cheated on me. She doesn't want to talk about it, and since she is the primary victim I respected that. However, I felt very lonely so I confided in a number of people. I felt that getting different perspectives from a number of people helped me to understand her better. Recently my wife found out I had confided in my cousin who is a younger female. My wife was upset about this but I'm not sure why. She said it was okay for me to talk, but only to specific people. I didn't think it fair that she wants to vet and approve the people I confide in, especially since she's made it clear they are my issues and not hers. She's made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about the incident with me, but I often feel the need to talk. Anyway, that sort of lead me to an episode of feeling like suicide is a good option since it appears I can't do anything right. The episode has since passed and I'm not feeling this way anymore. I've done a bit of counselling but I find this a bit difficult to do since we have a young family to look after. But how do I look after myself if I have no one to talk to? I understand that my wife may feel like her privacy is being violated but I generally don't discuss the details of the incident with other people, only where I'm at. How can I deal with my issues in a positive way that won't cause friction in my household?

I'm tired

replies: 19

It's been awhile since I last posted here. A long time of trying to get better and so far not having any luck. To add to the depression, dark thoughts and suicide thoughts every single day, I now have side effects from the different medications to deal with. I'm tired. I'm emotionally, physically mentally tired and I don't think I can do this much longer. I feel I've ruined my whole life and I don't know if it's worth trying anymore.

Hi there

replies: 3

Hi there, i'm not sure where to start but here it goes.....i feel i'm in a toxic place with my family and its affecting my mental health. I currently don't have a job and am studying at uni. I'm constantly criticized, verbally abused by my mother and sister. Now it's at a point where I want to leave the house and commit suicide. I don't have friends and i'm not married. And all bad stuff my sister and mother said is constantly running in my mind. I just feel so alone and sad.

Seeking support form anyone who has a son or daughter survive suicide but has a brain injury and has other kids

replies: 3

Hi I am not sure where to find a support group for this. My 23yo son attempted to end his life and for three days we thought we would lose him., He is doing well now but has a brain injury and short term memory loss. My 19yo daughter did CPR on him. I am so worried he comes home next week and he teases her as though they are just teens fighting like all teens do but for her she has anger and is very sensitive as she is traumatised.....she is seeing a psychologist. Of course I am terrified he will go back to his old self destructive habits....anyway just reaching out to those who may have lived are living thru this type of thing

MY STORY HOW I AM BEATING DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE.

replies: 3

In 2017 I decided to became a Beyond Blue volunteer speaker. I went to the day course that teaches how to present yourself and how to tell your story. After a short while and a few drafts, I had my presentation sorted. When I got my first date I practiced my presentation. It went like this: There were a lot of people in the room. I told my story and you could hear a pin drop. I was so nervous that the dark shirt I was wearing was obviously wet with perspiration. Later I was told there were 120 people. “I know when my downfall started – it started when I was sexually abused I was 13. I thought I escaped those people when I chose to lock those thoughts away, to be forgotten. My wife always knew there was something wrong and could never put her finger on it. I never talked about the abuse as I had buried it. In 2015 work got really difficult. In hindsight I was being bullied. My boss at the time approached me on a Friday at about 4pm. He asked ‘Is something wrong? I opened up just a little, telling him things I never told my wife. After a few minutes the boss nodded and proceeded to dress me down about something I did earlier in the week?! This just sent me into a tailspin like I got shot out of the sky. Things just got worse, and that in itself brought up memories of when I was young and many other memories. I just fell in a heap. I tried to cope with the thoughts for a few months and attempted suicide twice. It was then I was battling the devil and angel in my head. I put my hand up to get help from a psychologist. One night in Feb 2016, after a really bad day at work, I was racing,bicycle racing, and halfway through the race I broke down. I pulled off the track and I just wanted to end it, there and then. A kind old man saw what was happening and talked to me for over half an hour to not take my life. I could not cope with the pain in my head. Since then I have had a tattoo on my right calf muscle. It is a semicolon with the ying/yang symbol in it. The meaning is – life does not stop here, it continues on. I now have my ups and downs, but I have my cycling and my family to keep me positive. When you get desperate you know how many real friends you have. In all I tried six times to take my life. But I have become a lot happier within myself now and other people have noticed that I am happier too. With the help of a psychologist I was able cope through the early days of my depression and suicidal thoughts and attempts. I resisted to take medication for my illness in these early days BUT just in the last eight weeks I decided to take medication. My wife and other people have noticed a difference. Mental illness is real but it can be beaten. There are signs that we all see but choose to ignore. Unlike a broken leg you can see the plaster and the lack of ability to walk, mental illness has behavioral signs. We have only scratched the surface of the awareness of mental illness and I hope in some way this has helped the reader to learn and to become aware of some of the signs of depression.

Confused looking for support

replies: 6

Hello Since a child I have had depression and anxiety. My dad was not mentally stable and would often use violence out of anger without explaining why or what I had done wrong. I developed severe OCD to cope, where I couldn't walk into a room or take a shower without doing some type of repetitive behaviour. I was bullied in primary and high school, so dropped out half way through year 9. I tired my year 10 and HSC at TAFE twice then my mother passed away when I was 15. The next few years where spent in psychiatric hospitals and with eating disorders/self harm. I went back to TAFE for more courses, only to be sexually assaulted by a teacher a couple of times. I have reported this to the police since. My older sister became very violent towards me and especially my father and continues to threaten him with violence so she can get money/valuables off him. She's academically bright, is starting a PHD and is extremely cunning at manipulation. I keep a healthy distance from her. I got into a relationship with a controlling, violent man for 4.5 years after turning 19. He hit me on a few occasions, I lost contact with my friends and my self esteem plummeted. Our relationship was very toxic. Over the course of a day, I packed up the flat we shared and my dad helped me move my stuff out. By now my dads temper had calmed down a lot. I moved work places, as my ex also worked at the same place as me. I worked as a postal worker and stupidly got involved with a guy and his friends who were hard core into drugs. He ended up leaving me, which probably saved my life and ganged up on me at work. It was time to leave when they started jeopardising my safety and tampering with my motorcycle. Cut a long story short, I lived on my own for a few months while slowly running out money, realised living by myself was a bad idea and moved in with some long time family friends who lived in a rural area. They where very loving and supportive. Living with them was hard and I found myself crying a lot. One of the girls was in a happy relationship and I wondered if I would ever experience a healthy, loving relationship. I recently moved to Perth knowing only 1 other person. I've found a supportive GP and psychologist. I practice breathing exercises, joined a martial arts studio and have an unstable job in a supermarket, so looking for cafe work. I feel like people are out to hurt me and am battling suicidal thoughts most days. They are very intense. Continuing living feels pointless.

Intrusive thoughts

replies: 7

For the past two years I've been dealing with intrusive thoughts about suicide. Like a pesky fly buzzing around the room on good days, like a swarm of flies armed with clubs and bludgeoning my head in on bad days. Sometimes it's because I forgot to buy orange juice, other times because I worry that I said something that might make my friends not like me anymore. Sometimes there's just no obvious reason. It's like an automated, scheduled reminder of how messed up my head is. I don't think I actually want to die. There are many things I love about being alive, like music, D&D, and my friends. Sometimes I feel like life is a sham, and I just get tired of it all, but ultimately I want to keep going because I do have things to live for. It's so isolating, though. How do you talk about having daily suicidal thoughts when you're not really that suicidal? I feel guilty about making people worried about me, so I haven't told anyone except my psychologist and strangers online (like you all ). But I don't want to keep it all in anymore. I think I want to tell one of my friends about it, someone who's sort of going through something similar and who'd get it instead of freaking out. Idk, I'm just tired.

I dont know how to keep living

replies: 8

This has been a long time coming. For as long as I can remember I've had the feeling that I don't belong on this planet. I can't say why, I go to sleep every night praying I don't wake up the next day. I've come up with hundreds of ways to end my life. I couldn't do that to my mum. Even though I've had these thoughts for as long as i can remember, when it came down to it I couldn't hurt my mum. But lately I'm starting to realise people move on so it getting easier to finally pull the trigger. This is my last real hope. I don't have anything. The hardest part to understand is why me. Why do i feel this way all the time. I dont want pity, I grew up with a pretty average childhood. When i was young my family was great. We were that family that was out doing things together all day every day. Then dad left, shit went downhill. The thing is though, even when it was good, I wasn't. Ive never felt like I fit in anywhere. All my friends leave. I'm not sure if its me or i just choose the shit ones. It probably is me. IM DEPRESSED. who wants to be friends with someone that's depressed and is always bring everyone down. I don't leave the house. I haven't eaten in days. I've tried, but nothing stays down. I feel like I'm reaching the end of my road. I think my book and officially written and over. I've tried everything. Nothing works. This feeling is with me forever. and i guess theirs only one real way to cure this disease.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

I don't belong replies: 11

Taking things out on myself replies: 2

Suicidal thoughts due to feelings of loneliness replies: 4

I'm tired replies: 19

Hi there replies: 3

Seeking support form anyone who has a son or daughter survive suicide but has a brain injury and has other kids replies: 3

MY STORY HOW I AM BEATING DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. replies: 3

Confused looking for support replies: 6

Intrusive thoughts replies: 7

I dont know how to keep living replies: 8