Safety plans work

[alasdayr]

Just a quick note.

Got to the last step of my safety plan on Sunday. Without it I am pretty sure I would not be writing this.

I am not out of the woods yet. It's still a day by day proposition. The extension in Melbourne restrictions is taking such a personal toll that I need all the support I can get.

Sunday, while actively contemplating my demise, I called a friend. She was also in a very bad way. Somehow, we managed to talk each other out of our states and promise to talk again the next day. Stay around for just one night. Was a rough night, but I had the call the next day I had to make.

Since then, I have let my wife know how close I have been. I had been trying to protect her, but was almost unable to protect myself. It has been hard for her, but she is part of the reason I am still here.

I have SH in the previous weeks. I had kept that from my wife as she is also struggling in these times.

I feel for those that do not have a close and supportive family. Especially those in Melbourne at the moment.

It is a daily struggle not to SH again. With help from family and friends I may succeed. Not being able to meet with friends is crushing.

Alasdayr

[Sophie_M]

Hey alasdayr,

It's great to see you back on the forums and updating the community on how you're going. We're so sorry to hear the impact this pandemic is having on your wellbeing, but we are really glad that you went to your safety plan and called a friend for support. We can hear that this is a really tough time right now, with self-harm urges continuing to be a struggle. It takes a lot of courage to express these thoughts and feelings here, and we are so grateful that you decided to post again today. We are sure many in our community will also be able to relate to what you're going through, and hopefully a few members pop by soon with words of support and advice.

If you feel it may be helpful, we'd also encourage you to reach out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.

We hope you know that support is always available to you, whether it be from our Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). You're always welcome to call these services as often as you need if ever these feelings or thoughts feel like too much to cope with.

We hope that you can find some comfort here on the forums and feel a little less alone-  please feel free to keep updating your thread here with how you're feeling, whenever you would like to.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Alasdayr

I would like to congratulate you on your very courageous post. Your story was very moving and impactful and so inspiring.

In very difficult circumstances you made it through, and I am so grateful that your safety plan was effective.

Life can be very hard. Life in lockdown even harder. But life is also good and it can get better. I hope with all my heart that you continue to grow stronger and steadier and that it gets easier for you.

Kind thoughts to you

[Wishes]

Hey Alasdyr,

You are brave and obviously so courageous in the way you've stuck around, sought help, and persisted.

I'd like to encourage you on your journey to keep reaching out to friends, have that accountability to live another night, and if this is daunting- Here I am telling you that you have so much to give, and so much left to experience.

Not long until we can see friends, we can do this. But also if it is a matter of your safety or seeing someone, compassion restrictions can extend to having someone visit for the sake of mental health. You can do this. We're in your corner.

Don't give up just yet, there's a whole new chapter waiting after lockdown and you've got to be there to live it!

Best,
Wishes

[alasdayr]

Thank you to all who replied to my original post. It is appreciated more than I can express.

I am still in contact with friends daily by phone and messenger. The communication really helps.

My wife is struggling too, but very supportive. At times we keep each other going. I find helping her helps me.

With care from my wife and my friends I have managed to hold back the SH urges.

I am seeking referral to in-patient assistance as ideation is still strong. My psychologist wrote to my GP and I have an appointment to discuss options on Monday. Ideation seems never to be far from my mind. I'm often numb, occasionally tearful. I feel so helpless and burdensome that I need so much support.

I know I am a lot better off than others. I can still get up and do things that are required. I have work that is understanding. I have a family that loves me. I have friends that care. I schedule activities to keep me in contact to prevent me from withdrawing completely.

I'll keep with my safety plan and support people. I trust in them much more than me at present. With the help of others here, I also have alternatives to contact if my immediate support network is not available.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. Focus on now. I can stay safe for now and that is enough.

Alasdayr

[alasdayr]

Quick update.

I am still here. Almost wasn’t.

Had a traumatic Monday and was actively looking to check out. Spoke to my wife so she knew where I was at, and messaged a friend (which was part of my safety plan). They had another friend pick me up and did everything I could to help.

Long story short, I am now in private hospital mental health.

I cannot thank my support network enough. I am still humbled by how much support I have received.

My emotions are still all over the place, but I know my family is supported while I try to recover.

Still cannot see beyond today, but I now know that I will see tomorrow. I will eventually be back with, and for, my family. While I am away, I know others are looking out for them.

i will miss being with my wife on her birthday. However now it’s likely I’ll miss only one instead of all of them.

I am nervous and scared of the unknown. It’s my first time ever in hospital. However, I am now in a safe place and my family can rest without being worried about me.

Alasdayr

[Ggrand]

Hello alasdayr,

We are so pleased you had the safety plan in place and your wife called your friends...I have used my safety plan on a number of occasions...

Right now, you are in the best and safest place to be...I spent nearly 6 weeks in hospital and was scared for the first week, then I settled down and I started to heal...It was the best thing I did...I was admitted by my psychiatrist...

Please if you can alasdayr, live for today only..tomorrow isn’t here yet..when it does come..then you can live that day..worrying about tomorrow or the future, stops you living today...the day you are in now, will be wasted with your worrying about another day...Live for today, the best way you can...without tomorrow..

Wishing you very kind thoughts with care and a new beginning towards wellness..

Grandy..

[Summer Rose]

Hi Alasdayr

I am so grateful that you are here.

Healing takes time, my friend. You are safe and in the best possible place to start. Easy does it now, one step at a time.

It may help you to know that my daughter (whom I care for) spent two weeks in a public hospital at age 13. It was a major turning point that saved her life and set her up for future success. It can get better.

A basket of hope and a hug to you

[alasdayr]

Thought I would post a follow up on this thread.

I was in hospital for a month. There was not a single day that I had not thought about SH, however I managed to always defer or distract myself for that line of thinking.

I am still around for my family. My family also knows my safety plan. They are very supportive and help me every day.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderfully supportive family and friends. My employer has also been amazingly supportive too (I still have work and an income in an economic climate where many are not so fortunate).

My challenge now is to create a home environment that is comfortable and nurturing for me. I need a safe space that I can thrive in. I find I crave order and neatness, but home is anything but those at the moment. It is going to take a lot of work to organize home to be comfortable. However, if I make just one small step each day in the right direction I will eventually get there.

Hanging in there, one day at a time.

Alasdayr

[Summer Rose]

Hi Alasday

Thank you so much for getting back in touch and letting us know how you are going.

I know the past month has been challenging for you and I am so proud of the progress you've made. The steps you have taken are significant and you're insight into future steps and how to succeed is a really great sign.

Do you have ongoing professional mental health assistance to help guide you? A GP? I'm hoping you do because every bit of support available will be of benefit.

I'm wondering what kinds of things you like to do? You know, things that bring you joy that can help balance out the pain. Because you really deserve the time to do them now. Is that possible for you?

Kind thoughts to you