I really feel this is going to be my last year…

[Nightstand]

Greetings to the very little people who even bother to check up on my account…. But everything hasn’t gotten any better in my love life, friendships and family mostly because for how much I’ve fought and wished for the possible future I could share my love and passions with.. 

and it’s funny coming into this year I played a little game by the name of “Omori the dreamer” after the 4 plus years of isolation, dissociation, and the many scars I’d have inflicted upon myself….

all the messaging, symbolism and themes this game had to say especially for what the original had meant to me.. I can say even with all the abandonment and sexual abuse I’d had to go through the last 2 years I haven’t had a piece of media break me down like it did again 5 years ago for how much I hold to it personally.. 

but I feel for all my passions I hold for the things I love.. have just never been accepted and cherished by the people who I wished will love me for all I am rather then the doll they wanted.😰 

I’m alone and scared for what I’ll do to myself this year I just don’t want to go out like this…..

[Croix]

Dear Madison~

I"m glad you found that game absorbing, I know it is not an answer to your troubles but does let you know there are other things in the world which can be pleasant.

I realise people do not see the real you but the doll they imagine. It happens in all walks of life where wishing leads to unreal expectations. Perhaps if you were with people that  faced the same problems you might find more understanding and listen to others talk of their good and bad experiences.

If you have not done so already I'd suggest using QLIFE as a starting point which can then point you towards the trans community. My apologies if you have already tried this

Croix