eating and self harm struggles

[softhearted]

hi there, 

im very new to the platform but was just hoping someone would be able to listen and make me feel like its not totally abnormal to feel this way, as the last year I've lost a lot of friends and feel quite alone. 

I struggled from 2022-24 and then seeked helps with medication and psychology consultation. I struggled from both very frequent self harm, anorexia nervosa, major depression and generalised anxiety disorder, however didn't seek help for a long time. 2025 while on medication the eating disorder was quietend signifcatly however the past 5 months, some unknown factor significantly triggered me and im back t the old anorexia mindset including daily purging and also extreme worthlessness stemmed from body image, causing frequent self harm again. the self harm last year was less as my parents knew and therefore they gave me very little breathing room to allow me to self harm. however, they dont know about this currents emotional turmoil and I dont want to tell them as they will take awaye my only coping mechanisms that are preventing me from ending my life (I have attempted in the past) when I couldn't use these mechanisms but they are unaware. 

I guess I was just seeking if anyone else has had similar struggles and what to do in my situation apart from talking to my parents. Ive tried sh prevention strategies but if I dont sh I move onto purging as it cannot be seen to my parents. 

Take care x

[Croix]

Dear New Member

I'd like to welcome you here, I'm sorry your life is so hard at the moment. You are not abnormal, you have an illness and htat is shaping your life at the moment as you describe. Others have the same illness, it is just something life has thrown at you.

I've no magic answers but two things you said gave some hope. The first was when you were on treatment and medication things did get better. Sadly it did not last and you were back where you were before. It could have been a trigger as you thought but just as likley the meds needed adjusting or changing . 

So really you do need to see your medical team and get that looked at.

While I have a different problem meds do not always work the same all the time and need attention and I've had ot go back and say "think again".

The other thing is you have pretty good parents if they understand about the self harm. They would have given you support in the hard times out of love and it did help

Sometimes even saying I"m getting overwhelmed, talk with me, is enough to get you though that time. 

Now you are feeling worse you are not telling them  and denying yourself possibly more help. I understand why, suicide seems to be a way out, I've felt that too,  and you need to feel you are in control, but do you? Telling your parents you are at the bottom of the wave can help with more support and does not really change your abilities. They may even have other ideas you have not thought of to help you.

Their trying to assist may not be perfect, they are struggling too  and would be frightened themselves, but they can get more advice, perhaps the Butterfly Foundation is one source, and learn what you need. Actually if you have not done so already have a browse through yourself and maybe have a talk with their helpline, they are experts and may have fresh ideas.

Your parents knew that you did things to stop yourself from talking your life, and just the fact they understood was a help, now however you are hiding how you are  - that makes you more alone and being in isolation cuts out the warmth, love and care you and everyone needs.

No, it's not an easy time at all, however you can get though it, you are not alone

Croix