Help

[Guest_86889029]

I have struggled with mental health for many years.  Have been medicated, which I've taken for years.  I've tried going off it many times.  However my family (wife of 35 years, adult children) can tell the difference between me on and off meds.

The last few times, I've realised myself that I actually do need help.

Due to recent physical and mental trauma I can't seem to get beyond feelings of despair, emptyness, worthlessness.   I get through every day barely and I often think of ways to ease my pain 

I'm under the care of a pshycatrist and I'm worried if I tell him whats going on that he'll hospitalise me.  This is something I don[t think i could cope with.

what do i tell him?

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you at one of the most challenging times in your life in so many different ways. 

Do you think if your psychiatrist was able to help you move through the feelings, helping you make greater sense of them, it would make some constructive difference to you? If your psychiatrist wasn't able to do this, I'm wondering whether there's someone (professional or not) who could. I've found, personally, I can't get beyond certain feelings until I've found the reason for them. They're there to tell me something important. The feelings won't let me get beyond them until I listen to what they're trying to tell me. I'm wondering whether you think it's fair to say to your psychiatrist something along the lines of 'I don't want to be admitted, I want you to help me make greater sense of what it is that I'm actually feeling'. I should add, if you feel you can't wait for him to tell you what it is you need to know then it's important you do consider 24 hour support accommodation. Whatever works to get you to meet with much needed revelations you're so desperate to find. 

While I fully acknowledge how chemical imbalances or deficiencies can be felt, what is naturally soul destroying can also be felt. Both can be felt at the same time, both can be depressing at the same time and sometimes both need addressing at the same time. Based on my own experience with depression in the past, I believe we are more than just our thoughts and chemistry, which is why we can feel so unbelievably deeply at times to the point where it hurts so much.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi there,

I'm thinking if your thoughts are thoughts but not ones where you are about to act on them imminently, you can actually tell that to your psychiatrist. I think you are most likely to be admitted if you present as an imminent risk, but if it's that the current circumstances and feelings are just leading to thoughts of how to ease the pain, usually I think that isn't perceived as imminent risk. So you could explain to him from the outset that you are just dealing with these thoughts coming up but you are not about to act on them, if that's where you are at.

I understand the fear of hospitalisation. I've been in positions in the past where I've had the challenging thoughts and I've called helplines, and they basically check your level of risk, and each time I've let them know I'm just dealing with the thoughts. People vary in how they feel about hospitalisation, but I am like you and know I wouldn't want it if I can avoid it.

Like the rising suggests, if your psychiatrist could help you through the feelings and make sense of them, that would be great. The recent physical and mental trauma would really compound the longer term mental health struggles you have had. It really is so tough sometimes, but remember there are places like here you can reach out to, and Lifeline and the Suicide Callback Service. 

I know it is just so difficult to be barely getting through the day. Are you able to remember times where that has not been the case and where you remember some enjoyment as well, where there were some things that made at least part of the day better? For me, my love of photography really helps, so even just going onto my computer to edit some photos can shift my nervous system out of a severely depressed and struggling state into a kind of creative space where it starts to ease the pain. I just give that as one example, but is there anything at all you can remember or think of that brings you a bit of joy? Another one for me is finding something that makes me laugh, such as a funny clip on the internet. If something suddenly makes me laugh out loud, something in my energy shifts and somehow it just gets a bit more bearable.

Take good care and we are here to listen.