I don't have a reason to live

[alchi]

Hi, my name is alchi and I am M15 and I have been feeling very numb recently.

I don't know if I have any mental health conditions but for a while now whenever I look in the mirror I see every flaw in my body and have a powerful desire to kms. I moved alot when I grew up moving schools going between Mongolia and Australia every year, I have time limits on my phone so I cant talk to any of my childhood friends and thus have always felt alone. I got depressed earlier and I was shivering in waves with crazy desires to end myself and that I was worthless, I can't talk to my friends cause im not allowed on insta and snap and whenever im with my friends I feel excluded heavily. Like I said I hate myself so im probs gonna not eat for a few days. I feel numb everyday and my parents (one mom that loses temper and hits/breaks things) and (one step-dad that doesn't care) made me feel alone for years, which I dealt with by hoping that things would get better in the future. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Alchi,
Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a good place to hear from others who understand some of the things you’re going through. We can hear you’ve been dealing with some difficult things. 
We’re reaching out to you to offer some support, in the meantime, we encourage you to 
give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service. We are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 and our counsellors are good at talking people through moments like this and working out options for more support. You can also reach out online, here. 
Another option would be ringing Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who can talk things through with you, and help you to plan for your safety.
If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency, and you need to call 000 (triple zero). 
We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. 
Kind regards,
Sophie M