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[Waxer]

Hi, I've been married for 36 years, I absolutely worship my wife. 3 years ago we allowed a other man I to our lives. We had a relationship that I found it exciting to watch my wife pleasured etc. Well at first it was all fun. After a while I noticed my wife changing. She started getting frustrated and shirt with me. I was too stupid to realise she had fallen in love with this other man. One day we were driving up north and she told me a big list of things I did wrong. I still didnt get it. Once we arrived we had an argument and she told me she wssnt in love with me any more but was in love with this other man. I begged her to stay with me and she did. She told me she would try in our marriage but refused to give him up. In short over the next few years she told me another 4 times she was in love with him. She also told me a number of times she would choose him over me if I made her choose. These days she tells me she loves me and isbt in love with him and it's just friendship. She cant understand why I cant just forgive and move on. Ive got depression and something like ptsd. I cant live without her, but I can see shes getting to the point of bot wanting me to stay because she cant deal with my meltdowns when I get bouts of depression. I dont know what to do. I seriously wish I would just have a heart attack and die, trouble is I believe in afterlife and csnt bear the thought of going thru eternity without her love. She tells me she loves me yet Katy night said if I have one more meltdown that will be it. I'm seriously thinking of committing suicide but if i fail she will lose all her li e for me and I'll be alive without her love, if i succeed i gotta go through eternity without her. I love her so much, I'm totally in love with her , every time I hear her voice or see her I melt. I dont know what to do

[Waxer]

Hi, im home. She was excited to see me , had a good srfternoon, then she wanted yo talk. Basically told me she loved me enough that if I wasn't happy with the following we shoukd go our separate way. She has to ne free to do whatever she wants. If o wasn't happy with her being friends with tge boyfriend fur the rest of her life, she wants to ne able to hug and kiss and hold hands with him, i wish i would just die

[Sophie_M]

Hey Waxer, 

We're grateful that you're keeping your friends on the forums updated on how you're feeling tonight. We can hear that you're in a lot of pain right now, but please don't forget that support is always available to you if you need a little bit of extra support tonight.

The friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) as well as our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are all here to help you through this whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

We hope you can find some comfort here in the forums, and please feel free to keep us updated on how you're feeling, whenever you're ready.

[smallwolf]

Not having much of a good time. 😞 There is a lot of emotion and pain in your (recent) posts. When things seem to get a little better....

Thank you for keeping us updated on where things are at.

How are you feeling?

[Waxer]

Tbh im feeling like I'm over this pain. I dont know how much longer i can cope. She's been my world for 40 years

[Waxer]

I had a burst appendix which was unbelievable pain, but id take 10000 times that over this

[smallwolf]

What are your thoughts about your marriage? It sounded as though your wife left the decision over what to do in your hands. Though s'pose that might be the last thing on your mind given your medical issues right now.

[Waxer]

Hi all, just thought I'd let yiu know, my little angel told me she loves me and she thinks we are going to be ok. My hesrt is singing, but im full of apprehension. Im terrified that ill blow it somehow.

[smallwolf]

Wow! I did not expect to read that this morning.

I understand you would be nervous moving forward. Not sure if you are playing What If games in your mind. Or perhaps think you will blow it - if you are like me a "glass half empty" you will likely look out out for negative. But we do not know what happen tomorrow, let alone one week from now. Please try to enjoy the moments of each day. There will be times when you and your "angel" may disagree over something and I am sure that you with the tools you would have through counselling you will be able to find a way to move forward stronger than before. Stay safe and peace to you,

Tim

[Waxer]

Hi all, Just an update. Today, I realised just how unequal this relationship is. Not long ago I caught my wife out bitching about me and lying to me = It turns out all my fears were correct about her sisters and her BF undermining me- constantly putting me down. I was also correct in fearing that she was doing stuff and had done so behind my back. This naturally caused a big blow up, long story short, I caught her again lying to me. I can't keep doing this-The irony is they are angry to the point of no forgiveness for how I found out (spying) that being any sort of remorseful for what I found out. I am a good catch- I know it- I cook, clean, tidy, put toilet seat down and clean after each use, I can fix and do maintenance on anything from electricals to woodwork and plumbing, I speak beautifully to her every day (unless of course the usual argument comes up about loyalty) I offer her massages every day and almost every day tickle her hair to sleep- I have managed finances as such that she doesn't have to work- but does in the beauty industry which I do everything in my power to support and make her life easy, she has a beautiful convertible Mercedes paid for from my super, a beautiful house next to the beach I am loving, affectionate, very romantic and thoughtful.

[Waxer]

Constantly trying to do nice things for her. I am patient when she is snappy- etc etc. I try to listen carefully to her, usually back down if my opinion differs from hers. In return she snaps at me easily, accuses me of not listening if I dare have an opinion, she refuses to give up her boyfriend, refuses to be loyal to me if he or her sisters put me down (I am unwelcome at her sisters place despite me grovelling an apology for something I justify ably (even by my wife's admission) about 8 years ago (if my family banned my wife, I would say then so am I) She refuses to talk civilly if we have a disagreement, lately she has been getting violent (belted my car with a steel water bottle, another time grabbed my face with her nails) screamed at my 90 year old father and Mother for trying to chat to her about the boyfriend thing, tells me she hates me and doesn't want to be married to me (until she cools down), I have had enough- I am still TOTALLY in love with her, but this can't go on. But how? How can I build up the courage to leave her, she is my world, I am in such a mess about this, She still makes my heart melt- but I am starting to get more and more angry with her and her BF betrayals to the point it is unhealthy and I can't sleep- I feel so angry, I feel like screaming at the both of them that they are selfish horrible people who don't give a dam about anyone but themselves- The BF was welcomed into my life and family- at least my daughter and parents have now banned him. but what do I do? Is there hope? If not, how can I do this? She is still my total world?