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[Waxer]

Hi, I've been married for 36 years, I absolutely worship my wife. 3 years ago we allowed a other man I to our lives. We had a relationship that I found it exciting to watch my wife pleasured etc. Well at first it was all fun. After a while I noticed my wife changing. She started getting frustrated and shirt with me. I was too stupid to realise she had fallen in love with this other man. One day we were driving up north and she told me a big list of things I did wrong. I still didnt get it. Once we arrived we had an argument and she told me she wssnt in love with me any more but was in love with this other man. I begged her to stay with me and she did. She told me she would try in our marriage but refused to give him up. In short over the next few years she told me another 4 times she was in love with him. She also told me a number of times she would choose him over me if I made her choose. These days she tells me she loves me and isbt in love with him and it's just friendship. She cant understand why I cant just forgive and move on. Ive got depression and something like ptsd. I cant live without her, but I can see shes getting to the point of bot wanting me to stay because she cant deal with my meltdowns when I get bouts of depression. I dont know what to do. I seriously wish I would just have a heart attack and die, trouble is I believe in afterlife and csnt bear the thought of going thru eternity without her love. She tells me she loves me yet Katy night said if I have one more meltdown that will be it. I'm seriously thinking of committing suicide but if i fail she will lose all her li e for me and I'll be alive without her love, if i succeed i gotta go through eternity without her. I love her so much, I'm totally in love with her , every time I hear her voice or see her I melt. I dont know what to do

[Sophie_M]

We are sorry to hear that you are still struggling so much at the moment and we're glad that you are continuing to reach out. Just a reminder that you can contact Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467)  or Mensline Australia (1300 789978) at any time - both services are available 24/7. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread for support. 

[Waxer]

Thanks guys for getting me through the night my chest still hurts bad but I know its anxiety and emotional pain. But tbh i don't care if its worse

[smallwolf]

Hi waxer, sorry to hear the nights have been hard for you. The people in beyond blue care about you very much. I can only go from your post but that feeling you described as your chests hurting.... I have been there myself.

Do you any idea what might have brought on the panic attacks you posted about?

[Waxer]

My wife told me she diesbt want yo be married to me any more. We kept going thru cycles of good and bad. I've been blsminh just her bf being in her life but turns out 9ve not supported her in other ways dur her dreams. I negged her fur a chsnce ti change that. Tonight we sat and watched TV she even held my hand a bit. She allowed me to sleep in bed with her and let me hold her hand a bit. I just woke up and I was half holding her hand and she pushed it away.its killing me thst she is starting to hate me. How am I going to stop these feelings id rather not live. My parents need me and my daughter is scared im going to do something. I live her and my grandkids but I can't stop feeling it eould ne far easier to just not wake up

[Sophie_M]

Dear Waxer, 

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[smallwolf]

Sorry you had to find all this out and things remain a struggle for you.

Sometimes when I am asleep next to my wife, she can move away from me. In her case it can be because I am too hot so she needs her space. There are other possibilities. I understand with everything you are going through it would look worse.

And there were some positives - watching tv together, in the same bed.

can I ask whether you are doing any talk therapy with a professional. It might help you to process the thoughts and feelings you have. It has been helping me.

[Waxer]

I've got a counsellor. I really feel like dying though. Ti hear her say she doesn't want to be marrird to me is just so hard, I cant remember a time when I wasn't totally in love with her. The problem has been i yry so hsrd then she says something to hurt me and I get hurt disproportionately and react too much. I learned that the reason shes been resentful hssnt all been due to the bf. I can work on them if she gives me a chance. She's beeing nice to me, im not sure if she is 100 percent over the nsrrisge yet. I pray i can be the man she wants me to be. .

[Sophie_M]

Hi Waxer,

It sounds like things have been really tough for a while now - it’s good to hear that you have a counsellor for extra support. And also that you’ve posted here to talk about how you're feeling.  Not everyone who struggles is able to reach out like you did and be honest about what they’re going through. It sounds like you're struggling with some really difficult emotions.

We're concerned about you today and have sent you a private message to check in. If you're feeling at all overwhelmed by your thoughts please reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

Warm regards,

Sophie
 

[Waxer]

I know whats happened. When she told me she was in lo e with him 3 yests ago and then 4 more times plus multiple times told me she sould choose him if i made her choose, then i gut mentally unstable. All i could think was i had to be mote and more perfect to try win her heart. Then because I ess trying so hstd it hurt real bad when I felt she was still prioritising him.so I had massive meltdowns and big arguments. For 6 months I ess going well till a relatively. Minor argument resulted in jer telling me dont make her choose or i would regret it- an obvious threat she would choose him. All the hard work id done being so patient and beautiful to her syill hadn't cemented my place as number 1. So ever since then there has been tension again. Till I blew up at finding out she was lying to me about when she was seeing him. It was a big blow up and she told me she didn't want to ne married to me any more. I spoke to my daughter and hdt sister and they made me realise there was other things making her unhappy to do with me holding her back in career and other things. O told her i reakised this now and last couple days have been better, today was a great day. I ghibk there still might ne hope, but how can I learn not to have massive meltdowns if I feel hurt ? I know fur sure there would never be another chance if I do?

[smallwolf]

I am unsure what might have happened previously relating to "with me holding her back in career and other things." Did she tell you at the time? However it as happened now and time cannot be reversed. There is perhaps stuff she needs to talk through as well? However this is your thread...

You asked...

but how can I learn not to have massive meltdowns if I feel hurt

let's say that going from OK to feeling hurt is a gradual process? If that is the case, when you feel like you are going down are you able to the extract or remove yourself from the situation?

And suppose you are able to remove yourself... what tools do you have for coping or to prevent the meltdown?

Listening to you,

Tim