Everythings just keeps getting worse because i am stupid and its all my fault and im not going to do anything to change becaused im stupid. I am honestly baffled about how much I am ruining life by being an immature loser. I refuse to see any help outside of university or whatever I can make an excuse to go to without acytually doing anything that will ake a difference. Going to a mental health service by saying im going to study on another campus then spending half an hour walking to the facility to get no help because theres nothing that they can do to help me. Then keeping up the stupid charade 3 times while doing nothing myself to improve my life because there is nothing i can do I cant move out of home my parents dont want me to get a job i am stgupid and let myself listen to the gp and take antidepressants when they wont magically change anything. Then getting frustrated and overwhelmed and break down crying and frustrated going no where with my thoughts then wanting to lie down to calm down but then they make me go outside to walk right next to the busy road and i have to try keep a rational mind when the loud noises just make it worse then when they finally let me lie down they make me go to the hospital even though i keep saying that i cannot stay there at the hospital when they said that the time is unpredicatable when they can see me and then dont give me the option to refuse then leave me at the hospital waiting area for mental health for 8 hours and by then its 10pm and i am just frustrated and overwhelmed and have no explanation to tell my parents then i get frustrated and breakdown then i am no longer able to stay rational then start self-harming becaue its all my fault and im stupid then get stuck in the mental health ward for 2 weeks and it was okay until my parents came to visit and it just made me feel worse. then they made me take medication now I am presently no longer takinf them because they remind me of everything and im too frustrated and stupid medication now i cant sleep because of withdrawl and i keep gettting angry about everything and i cant move out of home and being home makes me frustrated but i am lucky to have a home in the first place but im stupid so i cannot apprecate it because im stupid and i cant move out and my parents dont believe in psychiarist psychologist mental health and it all just makes me frustrated and seeing gp just makes it worse so i leave midway though because im just going to self-harm.
i admire people who now to design andI draw. I assume there be some drawing.
I read your posts and know many others reading will be able to relate to your feeling of being hopeless.
I see someone who is trying who has insight into their feelings.
There was only 1 class for teaching drawing techniques in the course overview. I haven't been able to enjoy drawing when I think about money and all around just unhappy about it. Not improving because no practice and don't want to draw anymore, it gives me a headache. No discipline or motivation to improve or draw.
I get what you are saying, geelt, and despite all the things I would say to you in person, essentially I need to let you know that none of this is your fault.
You have found yourself a victim of circumstance - cause and effect - where influence has led to outcomes beyond your immediate control.
Please be gentle with yourself as you are unduly apportioning blame to the wrong person.
I mainly used adobe Illustrator for designing 2d graphics and sometimes Photoshop and InDesign for making documents. Not really a fan of the subscription-based software model but its the industry standard even if there are alternatives that get the same job done. For 3D modelling and CAD I used Solidworks and Fusion 360. I tried picking up Blender as a hobby for 3d modelling but never practise enough to get familiar with everything. I haven't touched any of the aforementioned software for a while now, don't feel that I want to keep pursuing design as a career anymore. For digital painting I use Clip Studio Paint, can't get myself to practise properly.
I used to like writing as well, I enjoyed writing silly stories back in school and liked creative writing assessments. For some reason I did really well for my assessments when I was accidentally put into the ESL class but when I transferred myself to the normal English class I was at the bottom of my class.
Ah adobe adobe adobe, if only I could afford thee I might discover just how freakingly challenging using all that bloody expensive and complicated software really is! lol.
I got into using Procreate on my ipad during holidays, that was actually a bit of fun rather than too tough to learn how to use. I Procreated a pleasant view from a comfy couch in a holiday home I stayed at.
Clip Studio Paint looks awesome, is it hard to learn?
