Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

This space discusses suicide and self-harm. Consider limiting the time you spend here. To use the section safely, read the pinned discussion.

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Sophie_M Do you have a safety plan?
  • replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts wi... View more

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

Sophie_M PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section
  • replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to h... View more

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. ​This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

Kitty88 The thoughts are strong
  • replies: 50

When is it ok to say you've tried enough? When is it ok to cave in? The thoughts don't ease up lately they just get stronger. I feel so torn on what to do anymore. I'm so worn out but my heart is torn. When is enough, enough? I don't know what to do ... View more

When is it ok to say you've tried enough? When is it ok to cave in? The thoughts don't ease up lately they just get stronger. I feel so torn on what to do anymore. I'm so worn out but my heart is torn. When is enough, enough? I don't know what to do anymore

AccidentlyUncontrolled I’m new and need to share.
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and ever since I was 15 I’ve had medical issues. So bad that I’ve been in and out of hospital nearly every two months since them. They aren’t all linked and there’s a lot of them but I’m going to focus on the illness I have... View more

Hey guys, I’m 20 years old and ever since I was 15 I’ve had medical issues. So bad that I’ve been in and out of hospital nearly every two months since them. They aren’t all linked and there’s a lot of them but I’m going to focus on the illness I have the most control over. My asthma. I was diagnosed two years ago and was told I’ve had it my whole life but as someone who did lots of good things for it in school it wasn’t an issue. If anyone else has asthma then you would know if your on the right preventer most of the time your gonna be fine. But I have had issues with the kind of attention you need to keep up with those things due to mental conditions that are still being diagnosed. So sometimes I miss it. If you’ve every been on every day medication and missed taking it one day doesn’t really make a difference a few do. But what happens if at that point I’m struggling so much and I feel like a waste of time and space. So why let myself get better if this is my mistake. But sometimes I feel like it’s cause I want to hurt cause everything is just so overwhelming that I go numb and I would do anything to find that pain again. This is the way in which I think I’ve come to self harm and even possibly be suicidal. But I don’t have any support either. My mum doesn’t deal with mental health and due to how often I’m in hospital she doesn’t really deal with the physical either. My dad id love to talk to but every time I freak out and hid his so mad and disappears that I know over wasted his time. My best friend in the whole world the only person I can be myself around. I no longer what to be around. I have a brother and sister who don’t talk to me. I just don’t see the point. They tell me to get better and move on but how can I do that when I know I’m gonna be in hospital again in a few months, away from work for a week all my sick days for the year gone in my first two months, showing me as unreliable. I am just so sick of falling down and now I feel like there’s no reason to get back up but my dog and that’s pretty sad right.

Ellow369 Depression, Anxiety and a whole new level of being unwell
  • replies: 6

I am writing this as I suppose that I just need to get everything off my chest. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for years now and it has somewhat been managed with medication, therapy and everything alternative you can think of. I h... View more

I am writing this as I suppose that I just need to get everything off my chest. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for years now and it has somewhat been managed with medication, therapy and everything alternative you can think of. I have always been willing to try anything to be better and to be able to function. I feel like I am quite knowledgeable in the field too as I work in mental health. Lately I received the amazing news that I am pregnant... what a blessing. I am over the moon knowing that the body that I thought broken has been able to produce a little bubba. Pregnancy is going well apart from the constant morning/day/night sickness which seem to never end. With the pregnancy comes a huge hormonal change and I have not been coping with this at all. My mental health has deteriorated drastically with suicidal feelings, guilt and shame for feeling suicidal cause I have no intention of harming my baby. I feel so isolated and lonely as I am stuck with nowhere to go and no one to see in this lockdown. I have not been to work for weeks now which has now resulted in losing all my income and I have not received much support from work although I have disclosed my pregnancy and mental health struggles to my manager. I feel totally lost. I have sessions with my psychologist and talk to my GP who has advised me to go to hospital but this idea scares me so much as I wouldn't be allowed a support person in there with me. I am trying so hard to be strong but I have nothing left in me and I feel like all the tools that I have used in the past to cope are not relevant anymore. It has come to the point where I feed myself just to make sure my baby is fed, I stay hydrated just for the baby but I am insanely worried that my mental health will impact on my baby. Any help, guidance or words of support would mean a lot. Thank you

Kombie390 I'm sure it's just me
  • replies: 3

I thought maybe first time it happened it was a mistake but today again it happened & this is like the fourth or fifth time in as many short months. I was meant to meet up with my counsellor today for a face to face but again she was a no show & stil... View more

I thought maybe first time it happened it was a mistake but today again it happened & this is like the fourth or fifth time in as many short months. I was meant to meet up with my counsellor today for a face to face but again she was a no show & still unable to get in contact with her. So it's gotta be me I'm sure not everyone can have this much bad luck with holding onto & being this accepting & forgiving of toxic people. I am feeling like an expert doormat. So I have over thought all afternoon it's gotta be me I am a burden a complete waste of space I have to be I must be invisible. And this isn't the first counsellor to ghost or ditch me so why the heck do I bother why should I keep trying when I am fully aware & I can see I am simply not worth anything. I am absolutely unworthy for this miserable existence. I never would've thought my mediocre tragic sad story would turn this many professionals away from me. They say they are here for me give me space are holding their hands out to support me yet again turning away from me moving the goal posts yet again taking their hand back ignoring & ghosting me. I am holding onto life by a sliver most days & days like today wished I had already gone. I hate me

PureLove To live is to die
  • replies: 3

Hello, I am being sexually, physically and emotionally abused by the government of NSW and government of Australia, because of money. This has been ongoing all my life as I am related to many big names that are stars over in the USA and royal family ... View more

Hello, I am being sexually, physically and emotionally abused by the government of NSW and government of Australia, because of money. This has been ongoing all my life as I am related to many big names that are stars over in the USA and royal family members in England; who are Dr Dre, Lady Gaga and Justin Timberlake and who are; the English royal family Prince Henry and William as well as her majesty the Queen of England. They the government have opened bank accounts in my name since I was a young 1 month old baby and made promises to as they have said “Give me the money and I’ll give it to her”. They had never actually given me any money they stole away all the money for themselves and pooled the money into a giant coffer to support the Government of NSW and Australia. I am going through an exceptionally longer and tiresome court case with the world court at the moment and the government of NSW arguing over my remuneration and I no longer wish to live. They have abused me so very much and my life is now at a standstill whereby I wish to end my life. I can never imagine doing all the things they have done to another person and I no longer feel like my life is worth something nor do I feel valued by society as a whole. Nobody does anything to help me. Please help me. If some official is by chance reading this I need help.

...Gekota I don’t feel real
  • replies: 2

I used to care, about other people, about myself about being alive. But everything seems to slowly dissolve away from me. I’m a minor and I always just assumed that this would be the easy part of life, but it’s not is it? I wish I had a friend. I’m s... View more

I used to care, about other people, about myself about being alive. But everything seems to slowly dissolve away from me. I’m a minor and I always just assumed that this would be the easy part of life, but it’s not is it? I wish I had a friend. I’m so lonely but I’m afraid too, if I had a friend I’d just inflict my depression on there, it’s like a virus, once you have it you just keep spreading it around too all the people you love. But I don’t anymore, I don’t love. What’s the point? Of all of this. Of my existence. Of living the best life you can because it’s the only one you have. I want to hide away from the world and sometimes I just want to be seen by someone. I often wonder if it’s all just a sick dream. Is it all real. I wish it wasn’t. I feel like in this past year I have lost everything that has ever ment something to me, family, love, happiness, gratitude and friends. I don’t think I want this all too be real. I know there are other people like me out there somewhere but I can’t help too feel so alone. I just want to talk to someone sometimes just about little things like their day, but why would anyone every talk to someone who doesn’t speak. My parents don’t understand. I know that’s such a typical teenage thing too say and I guess some how it is true. They know I’m not okay, but they think I’m better now then I was before and I don’t know how to tell them I’m not, they have no clue how to help me, I won’t speak, go on meds, or do anything really, and I think they think that if they get me nice little gifts like a shirt I like or something little then I’ll be happy and okay. And I know this sounds selfish like wealthy kid shit but sometimes I just wish they didn’t. I mean its sweet but it makes me feel like a dog or something. I feel so many feelings, too many, but sometimes nothing and maybe that’s worst, I’m not sure. I don’t think I want to feel, but I’m afraid that if I feel nothing all the time then I don’t really know, but it won’t be good, and everyone will be mad. I want to run away from my insides before their tear me apart and swallow me. I’m not really sure what I’m trying to get at here. I want help, I don’t know how to get any with my current situation. I’m lonely, I want friends, but I can’t have those. I’m not sure what to. I want to find reasons too live but I don’t know where to look. I really don’t know what to do.

pgsc Don't want to wake - but no choice
  • replies: 3

My lovely 60 yo wife of 18 years is in a nursing home with dementia. She doesn't remember me (or the last 20 years). Before she went in, she wanted to go home (Thailand), her family wanted her home to look after (still think it is OCD - can't get it ... View more

My lovely 60 yo wife of 18 years is in a nursing home with dementia. She doesn't remember me (or the last 20 years). Before she went in, she wanted to go home (Thailand), her family wanted her home to look after (still think it is OCD - can't get it through to them). She needs to be home, but medically, she is FAR better off here. Otherwise/ways, she is better to be home - where she has a chance of remembering some of her life. I know & understand she needs to be with her family, but I am worried she won't get the care there that she would here. I don't doubt that her sisters would look after her, the next generation down (the more self-centered ones) I'm not so sure about. She's been in the home over a year & I've had less than 3 hours in total with her since. Some of it is COVID related (nothing we can do about that - Thanks Xi!), some of it is her not knowing me. Can't do much about that, either. I'm stuffed/stuck. I want her to go back to the village she knows, but know she won't be medically safe. I want her to stay here for medical (and selfish) reasons, although I have already lost her. I can't afford to keep her at home (here, with me) - I'm not 4 people & would have to give up work. DSS/Centrelink won't cover the rent, let alone anything like food/electricity - and that is with a comparitively cheap rent here. Nursing home fees are bad enough @ $7500 - 7600/month (6k from NDIS) . I feel like there's nobody batting with me - plenty on the sidelines, waiting to see if I fall - I can't do the century alone. I've managed to build up a decent (yet small) bank balance for her. I have life & financial guardianship of her. If I go, the home will go for it. Then ALL of her $ will disappear real quick. I need her to have that to take home. I'm lost. Alone (not lonely). I need a shoulder with a REAL thick towel on it & some guidance.

Annie417 Existing is pain
  • replies: 2

Ive never been to great at expressing my feelings or talking about difficult topics so here goes. I wake up almost everyday just wishing i could die it never ussd to be like this say 2-3yrs ago 2019 was i think the best year ive had in a long time, i... View more

Ive never been to great at expressing my feelings or talking about difficult topics so here goes. I wake up almost everyday just wishing i could die it never ussd to be like this say 2-3yrs ago 2019 was i think the best year ive had in a long time, i was working, doing things with my best friend tahlia, my family situation wasnt that bad and i was genuinely happy. After i lost my job its just been this crazy downhill spiral that im desperately trying to pull myself put of but it feels like all my attemps to better myself have backfired hell i dont even know if they have been attemps to help myself or just to set myself up for failure. Losing tahlia cut me deep and its my own fault i pushed her away but i felt we were both pushing each other away. Its only been a year since we officially stopped talking and it kills me i feel like im decaying from the inside out, she was my only friend at the time and since our fallout ive had literally no one ive made no new mates. No one checks up on me nor do they care about my feelings. So yeah after 2019 life was horrid. My mother was actively using meth/ice whatever with her brother he came to live with us. it went on like this until earlier this year. we had to deal with her psychotic outbursts and my uncle when he had nothing and was coming down it was hell at home us girls would get verbally abused by him. Hes been in jail most of his life and came to fuck ours over like i didnt even know what he looked like until i was 16 or so and he just got out of jail and started intoxicating our life. Arguments at home between me and mum got worse thats when i started hitting myself in the head and i havent stopped since when i feel this pent up anger or mums on one of her rages where shes constantly yelling feels like hours and sometimes they are and its so draining listening to her put us down 24/6 and then for a small period shes all lovey dovey you girls know i love you i dont mean any of the things i say you girls know that right. No we dont. its just constant pain is all i feel and its from the people around me and myself i think i hurt myself the most but i dont know how like maybe im in denial or something but i do hurt myself and i take almost everything out on myself. I dont even know why i typed this but i think just having someone acknowledge this it would feel like talking to someone about everything i havent been able to tell anyone all this time i dont even feel better after this.

LonsyBoy Just feeling lost
  • replies: 2

I’m just feeling lost… I’m a disabled veteran from a deployment gone bad. Lately I’ve been trying to lose weight with the intentions of a stomach sleeve in 2 weeks, so I have to stick to the shake only diet and it’s just draining me and has me comple... View more

I’m just feeling lost… I’m a disabled veteran from a deployment gone bad. Lately I’ve been trying to lose weight with the intentions of a stomach sleeve in 2 weeks, so I have to stick to the shake only diet and it’s just draining me and has me completely stressed because if I don’t lose 20kgs within the 3 week period the shake diet would be increased to another 4 weeks because the surgeon was just blunt about it. Lose 20kgs or no second appointment needed. $28k of his potential income… yet girls I know have said he didn’t even expect any loss on the diet just sticking to it as best they could… I don’t know if it was just a scare tactic to make me stay on the right track but I’ve been feeling extremely down and thinking to give up. I hate the way I look, the way I feel and the pain I’m always in. I used to be a bodybuilder and loved my strict dieting with long gym sessions, had abs at 120kg but this just feels like I’ll be given the bad news at the next weigh in and I don’t think I’ll take it well. I’m meant to have 3 shakes a day and been starving myself with just having 2 and some days only 1… it’s just self destructive because it’s all a gamble if I hit the 20Kg goal or not

SR2333 Workplace PTSD
  • replies: 4

It’s just over 2 years I made that decision to give first aid to 2 people that had been in a violent situation, I was at work but not work. I didn’t get much support from that and worked on, my symptoms started but I guess crap happens. Seven months ... View more

It’s just over 2 years I made that decision to give first aid to 2 people that had been in a violent situation, I was at work but not work. I didn’t get much support from that and worked on, my symptoms started but I guess crap happens. Seven months later I then had another violent situation at work. All that was asked, was I got clearance for my controlled epilepsy. I stopped work then. I have experienced abuse many times in my career but this one got me. I got 6 months and told to go back, my doctor told me I’d get sacked if I didn’t, so I asked for meds and went. It wasn’t fun. Anxiety, attacks, think of all the symptoms. I got told the incident was nothing by a psychiatrist. Then I was told there was no where for me and I’d had enough, I refused to do anymore, my family were suffering. I was too. So I lost all workcover payment. I also got told my memory loss was because of that controlled epilepsy I have. On to income protection, which we are now fighting for, 7 months no money and about one hour ago I had to tell my daughters I’m a useless piece of crap who has to sell our home to survive, Centrelink won’t touch me as I have case in and income protection still pending. My daughters told me to get a job, I can barely make it through a day. I’m not even sure now which is more traumatic in some respects, the actual incidents or losing my children’s respect. I knew I’d lost most of it already but this finished it. I don’t really care about my home in all honesty, just my girls and I just can’t see any light here. I’ve always seen light before, you do this and this, eventually this will work out but I just don’t know here. I feel so, so alone. I don’t want to die, but that’s all I think about now. The glass between everyone and myself just seems so thick and I hate listening to myself. The nightmares are returning and so are headaches which I thought were controlled with medication. No one seems to be able to help and I don’t even know what that help is supposed to look like. I’m extremely scared. Oh so scared and it’s a shitty thing to say but I wish id ignored the violent situation and just kept working. I’m pretty sure everyone thinks I’m faking this but honestly, I know one WPHS officer told me she has friends who have been in mental health units and I haven’t so I’ll be ok. But I can’t go there. I’m a single mum with girls who really have no one else and I don’t have that option.