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my mother

Community Member

my mother and i have quite a "rough" relationship. we are immigrants from east asia btw, my parents are divorced and i have a younger sister, my dad lives in china and my mother lives with me in australia. ive been told countless times throughout the years to go back to china and live with my dad, but even if i wanted to, i cant. i am a straight A student in australia, but if i was to go back to china, i would be at the bottom of the class as yall know, the education system in china is more difficult and strict. my mother is also a homophobic ( im bisexual ) and racist towards africans or natives, she also doesnt "bELieVe" in therapy or councelling. my mother also gets involved in many of my sister and i's arguments. she would often make small aggresive comments towards me or belittle me, such as: you lived with her for such a long time, dont you know what kind of person she is? but i have done nothing wrong, she would always side with my sister, and lash out at me for no reason at all. when i have a bad day or week sometimes, and i dont speak much or pick fights, she would tell me that i was ruining the mood or making others unhappy. but when shes in a bad mood, she lashes out at everyone and gets mad over the smallest of things, as well as threatening me for no reason at all. there is so much more to this, years of verbal and sometimes physical abuse just gets built up, i have suicidal episodes sometimes, but i just make myself squeeze my blanket really hard, i also have several other disorders. i have thought about this for some time and the cause of my disorders are probably from my mother.


i dont know what to do, im on holidays for 2 months and i cant take anymore of this. i just want to kill myself.

2 Replies 2

Hi Dopamine,
Thanks for reaching out tonight,
We're so sorry to hear about your situation at home. It sounds like your relationship with your mother is strained at the moment, and we understand how awful that can make living at home. We also know it must feel so isolating and hurtful when your mother joins an argument to side with your sister and against you. Is there anyone you can speak to at home or elsewhere about this situation? it sounds like you really need a friend and supporter on your side.  We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline -https://kidshelpline.com.au/. It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and need to talk it through. You're never alone. In these moments you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We've sent an email to check in with your well-being. We hope to hear from you there and that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going here on the forums too, whenever you feel up to it.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi dopamine

I feel for you so much as you face the challenges that not only come with your own mental health but also the challenges of living with someone so triggering.

I admire you greatly. You are obviously an open minded person, based on how open your mind is to inclusion of all races, sharing your energy with a partner not based on their gender and recognising the significance of potentially mind altering life changing counseling. Your mind is obviously also open to considering the impact your mum's behaviour has had on you over the years. With an open mind, I imagine you've already had some revelations which may have helped you make better sense of why you struggle so much at times. From my own experience, sometimes really waking up to someone's behaviour can be highly triggering, angering and disappointing all at the same time. Waking up is not easy. I'm wondering if you can relate to the fact that when you do become more conscious and begin to challenge someone's behaviour, they can label you as 'confrontational' and 'difficult' amongst other things. All you may want is for them to be more conscious, to take responsibility for the impact of their behaviour.

I've found, when you try to wake someone up to their behaviour, lead them to become more conscious of its impact, 1 of 2 things will happen. 1) You will begin to wake them up to it. They will apologise and may even be quite shocked. They will work on reforming themself even if it's gradual to begin with or 2) They will flat out deny it. They'll insist you have all the issues, the problem. Sometimes it's a matter of they just can't see it, no matter how hard the psychological slap. Sometimes a person can have themself convinced, based on their own life experiences/challenges, 'This is the best way to manage. I don't have a problem with what works for me'.

Becoming more conscious is seriously hard work at times. It can feel like you're beginning to see things more clearly but no on else in your life can. Can even feel lonely at times. It can be highly triggering in a lot of ways. As you become more open minded, you can begin to see how closed minded some of the people around you are. Sounds a bit strange but becoming more conscious, when no one else is on the same path as you, can be depressing in a way. Having a 'travel buddy' who's keeping the same pace as us can help make our progress more easy to recognise. Someone to point out how far we've come can sometimes be exactly what we need.