Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Stuck in limbo

replies: 7

I've suffered from depression and anxiety as long as I can remember, so suicidal thoughts have just been part of the landscape for me but I gradually learned to sort of ignore them. Unfortunately I was recently struck by a sort of double tragedy. I'm losing my wife (in the sense that she doesn't love me anymore) due to her own issues with anxiety. She was the absolute highlight of my life and I always treated her that way, but that wasn't enough. I have no support system at all, so I decided to contact one of the only 2 other people in my life who really ever knew me. I hadn't talked to her in years, but when I looked her up the first thing I saw was her obituary. In the past I could always find some kind of vague sense of hope to keep going, even if it was sometimes only a vague notion that things would get better somehow. Now the only thing that is keeping me alive is the knowledge of what my death would do to my wife, yet every moment of every day consists of me either crying or feeling abject emptiness. Can't die, but can't live either. My gp, therapist, and psychiatrist are all well aware of my situation. I've been on every class of antidepressant available, including antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, but nothing has any effect on me. I've been referred for TMS and "a certain party drug now used to treat depression" (can't say the name on here). Failing those, my psychiatrist wants me to get ECT, but I don't know how I can deal financially with 6 weeks off work as this would also impact my wife. It's even hard to see the point in any of those, as literally nobody cares whether I live or die apart from the sense of guilt that taking my own life would bring them. Such an odd feeling, given that I wouldn't be around to see the impact anyway. I don't know why I'm even writing this. Guess I just needed to whinge a bit more despite the fact that it doesn't really fix anything. Having said that, I do feel like if I'm not going to die then I should at least lend my life to someone/something that can use it. Better than just being a net waste of resources.

I’m lost

replies: 5

Single mum of 2 kids I’ve lost myself in the process recently left a DV relationship that lasted a while and feel I’m stick stuck on his every move, we are on good terms now but feels like it’s just on his terms don’t know how to get of this merry go... View more

I’m overwhelmed and alone and everything is too much

replies: 4

Everything is just too much, and it was bad enough before but now I’m alone and I can’t handle it. I don’t know how to deal with him being here but not really being here. I have a plan and I desperately want to go through with it but I don’t want him to blame himself at all, I know he’s helped me more than I deserve but I’m worried that he might not realise that (I have told him). I’ve been trying to actually see someone in person at headspace (even though I know it won’t help and will just be another source of stress). We spent over a week doing phone tag to set up an intake call, then the date we scheduled the duty worker was sick, so a new time was scheduled but they called late so I was driving cause I had given up on waiting, then when I called back they said they’d call back in 2 minutes snd they haven’t called even though that was days ago. I knew that trying to get help was probably gonna make things harder but I didn’t expect it to make things harder before I’d even started. I just alternate between paralysing anxiety and not having the energy to care about anything. Lately they’ve been blending into one, I just live vaguely distracted, not doing the things that I need to or making important decisions, but with fear inside. The hole in my chest is back, but the edges used to be blurry and numb. Now they’re torn and ragged and they hurt so much. Everything just hurts. I miss him even though he’s still here. I hate myself for not being productive but I still don’t do anything. I’m actively trying to get help because he said I had to but it seems impossible. None of it is worth it. He’s the only reason I haven’t gone through with it and I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.

I think I may have Harm OCD??

replies: 2

So, if I'm gonna be honest, I've been having really bad thoughts, images and urges regarding harming myself and I'm to afraid to reach out to my mum to see a GP, because It's been getting REALLY bad. It's just constant and by this point and It's been affecting me from going to school, doing my school work and going out with my friends. Lately I've started avoiding everyone who tries to see if I'm alright and I just want to isolate myself from everyone just in case I do something stupid. I really don't know what to do at this point because the urges have been telling me to......hurt myself badly and then I know I don't want that because I've always been afraid of pain. But the thing is I really don't know whether I might have Harm OCD or just, well, depression because apparently intrusive thoughts are a symptom of depression. I'm like in urgent need of advice or atleast someone's thoughts on my issue. .

Scumbag

replies: 11

I made a huge mistake which has cost me dearly. I can not see a path back which is clear enough to follow. My self hatred is all consuming. I'm at a loss as to how to pick up the remaining pieces of my life and move forward. Ideation is real and head... View more

I want to try again, my mind wants me to give up.

replies: 10

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling for nearly four weeks with feelings of suicide/self-harm/worthlessness. In 2018 my mental health was at its worst after my husband left me, I moved into a small flat and isolated myself from the few friends I had. Soon after I left my long term job as I could no longer cope with the stress . I eventually used all my savings and suddenly found myself living in my mother’s lounge room just as the pandemic hit. I think I can count on my hand the number of times I left the house in that year. I eventually tried to make small changes, did some casual work and tried to reconnect with the few friends that responded to my messages. I also started going to therapy again at least once a fortnight to try and get some help to make changes in my life. In July I was lucky enough to find a part time job I was excited about, in a new field. It was hard to learn new things, expose myself to people again, hell even my one hour public transport ride to the office and back started off feeling like a marathon of anxiety every day, but I did it and I started to feel a sense of pride and hope I haven’t felt for many years. Then those little bumps started to come, my supervisor resigned and I found myself as the new person trying to keep things afloat etc. My sleep patterns were off and when I did sleep nightmares invaded my head and I’d wake up in a sweat with muscle aches/cramps. I kept going.. then a caught a nasty cold that just wouldn’t go away and one morning I found myself on a crowded bus and I just started crying, I could not stop it was like a leaking tap I couldn’t shut off. It felt like a crack that I’d been working really hard to keep sealed just burst open and I panicked. I tried to be a ‘good parent’ to myself and say it’s ok, this sort of stuff happens when you’re under pressure and feeling unwell but ever since that day it feels like my body has given in to my worst feelings of depression/anxiety. At first I had to take time off because I was physically sick with the cold etc but now I’ve recovered I still haven’t been able to return to work or leave the house. My whole body feels like it’s weighted down. If I don’t return to work tomorrow as I have promised I fear that I will be fired. The thought of having to go through the job search/Centrelink/interview process again makes me feel like I’m going to be sick. I really hope that writing this post will help give me some clarity and motivate me to try again tomorrow.

Not Coping Well

replies: 8

I feel different this time, a new low that genuinely scares me. i'm scared to be alone i feel so utterly flat. i have not been well mentally but today i got results back from a graduate position that i applied for and i didn't get one, i feel like that has tipped me over the edge. i have lost all motivation, i cannot feel optimistic even if i tried, i feel utterly hopeless for my future and i genuinely do not know how i am going to pull myself out of bed tomorrow morning to continue with the live i have to live. i just don't know what to do. i have no friends, i feel alone and isolated, i feel like a burden, usually when i feel down there is some hope but this time i feel nothing

Oscar winner

replies: 13

I am new to all of this and I have started and deleted this post more times than I care to acknowledge . I tried obviously unsuccessfully 30 years ago to commit suicide and it has always stayed in the back of my mind ,over the last couple of years the pressure cooker has been overloaded with chronic pain ,potential loss of my 26-year-job , having to sell my beloved Ponies and the loss of my ability to be an active CFA member of 20+ years. I tried on two occasions to talk to my GP his reaction was get over it and tomorrow is a better day, Guess what tomorrow has not been a better day. I did go to another GP at our hospital and I told him what I told my GP and the next minute I found myself threatened with. In voluntary commitment unless I complied , Shipped off in an ambulance and wishing I had never asked for help and wanting the world to make me disappear ( I won an Oscar at the hospital and got myself out with a couple of scripts ) this has only made me feel more cornered and confused, I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist and if I attend are terrified of being honest as I fear the ramifications. I have withdrawn from most things and would prefer just to be left alone I do have a husband who really doesn’t have any idea what is going on. ( I’m a terrific performer) and I don’t want him smothering me with concern and being in my space 24/7, I know I am sailing very close to the edge and it wouldn’t take a lot to push me over but I’m keeping up the daily onwards and upwards performance. I am currently in a safe place after a procedure but really unsure of the future. so now all I have to do is post this.

Depression

replies: 3

So I’m just really lost at the moment, definitely have a trigger warning so, I’m 24 and I recently left my job due to them not treating me correctly, I’ve always suffered bad depression since I was about 13-14. I’ve had 2 abortions which has made my depression 100 times worse. Since leaving my job, my partner of 2 years wants me to find a new one as I have no income and can’t apply for Centrelink because my old job is making things hard for me. I told him that I’m struggling really bad mentally right now but he thinks it’s just to get out of working and I don’t feel super supported by him right now. my depression is getting to the point of suicidal thoughts, no motivation to do anything even getting out of bed and talking to my family has been an effort. I feel this intense pressure to have my life together from everyone and it’s something that I just can’t do right now. ive always struggled with talking to anyone about my mental health and that’s always made it harder for me, I’m socially awkward at times and that’s one thing that I feel I can’t do is just open up not even to my mum or partner. idk what the point of writing in this forum is I guess I just need to get things off my chest and get some advice and kind words

Intrusive thoughts help and shutting down

replies: 8

I'm new to posting on forums but could do with some support and advice, I'm sorry it's a bit of a long read but I didn't really know how to condense it any further... I'm young with a successful career that I had to work hard for, own my own home, have 2 wonderful dogs and live right on the beach but I'm not happy. I'm never happy. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I'm not actively suicidal (although I have been in the past), I just don't want to have to do anything anymore. The best way to describe it I think is that I just want a break from life. It's almost like I have too much. I don't want the responsibility of my job, I don't want to have to deal with looking after myself let alone my dogs, I need everything to stop so that I can stop for a bit. I have tried to explain this to my psychologist and either she doesn't understand what I am saying or I'm not understanding how we are working on it because I still don't know what to do. I constantly have to fight to ignore the intrusive self harm thoughts that are constantly there either nagging at the back of my mind or yelling at the front of my thoughts. I don't want to go back to self harming after working so hard to break that habit but recently it feels more and more like a good option that would just provide some relief. I'm open to any advice but what I think would be really helpful is any unique or new ideas on how to avoid or replace self harm when I have no energy or motivation to do anything. I feel like I have heard everything and tried basically all of it before but this is sort of my last ditch effort at scrambling for ideas that I might not know of before I run of energy. I really don’t have a support system especially from my family, I'm very socially isolated and just don't interact with people because it's too hard and I don't know how anymore.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Stuck in limbo replies: 7

I’m lost replies: 5

I’m overwhelmed and alone and everything is too much replies: 4

I think I may have Harm OCD?? replies: 2

Scumbag replies: 11

I want to try again, my mind wants me to give up. replies: 10

Not Coping Well replies: 8

Oscar winner replies: 13

Depression replies: 3

Intrusive thoughts help and shutting down replies: 8