I’m stuck and scared

[rosesarered]

Hi everyone, I’m sorry about this vent post. I just feel really lost. Please stay safe and take care of yourselves! If you get triggered easily, please scroll. HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!! Please stay safe. ❤️ I’m 15 years old, and I’ve had depression for 3 years. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety when I was 12. I started doing self-harm then too. I feel like I’m slipping away. Like I’m drowning in an ocean full of my own tears. I’m just watching my mom trying to fix her broken child. Watching her spend all this money on this broken porcelain doll. Trying to glue up every little piece. I’ve been to every counsellor. Every doctor. I’ve told them about the voices in my head. About the tendencies. Every time I walk past an object that I could use, I start breaking down. I cry over tiny, little things. I’ve changed my anti-depressant medication 3 times. It even made me put on 30 kg. I’ve tried everything, and I just feel like nothing is working. It’s like I’m running out of time. I’m running in a pointless circle. But my legs are broken. I look into the mirror, but I don’t recognise myself. I just see a broken porcelain doll. That my poor mom is trying her hardest to fix. Those tiny little pieces scattered all across the floor. She’s picking them up and gluing them together. Watching her break. I’m really stuck here, I don’t know what to do. I’m scared.

Then again, I’m sorry about this post. Please drink lots of water and take care of yourself. I love you! ❤️

[Sophie_M]

Hey Rosesarered,

A warm welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, it's fantastic to have you join us here tonight. We really appreciate your strength in reaching out here and sharing with us your experiences of depression, anxiety and self-harm. We're sorry to hear that you have tried so many options and treatments for your mental health but feel as though they haven't worked. We understand that the journey in finding the right support can often be a long and difficult one, but please know that things really can improve. We understand that this post is a vent of your feelings and experiences but please let us know if there's anything you'd like to discuss further. Our community is here to provide their support and advice. We can also hear that you feel a lot of concern for your mother and how much support she has provided you over the past years. Please know that you are valuable and it sounds as though your mother cares deeply for you.

If you'd like to talk these experiences over with a counsellor, you are always welcome to contact our Support Service either by phone on 1300 22 4636, via webchat at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support or via email at infoline@beyondblue.org.au.

You may also want to reach out to our friends at Lifeline who are available anytime on 13 11 14 or you can visit https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat. As well as the Kids Help Line who are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

Welcome again rosesarered, we look forward to hearing more from you here and around the forums. 
 

[Petal22]

Hi rosesarered,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im so sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand being scared and the voices inside your head….

I also had voices inside my head they terrified me…………… through therapy I learned that these voices I was having where intrusive horrible thoughts…………

Through the professional help that I received I learned how to manage my intrusive thoughts, and I’ve now recovered.

Have any of your phycologists been able to diagnose you with anything? Or given you any helpful strategies?

I understand severe anxiety too because I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD……. It was the hardest thing I have even been through.

Your Mum sounds like such a loving caring person who loves you very much.

I understand the feeling of being stuck…………. When I was in the grips of my condition I felt this way aswell……

There is hope for you, you can find a way forward.

Im here to chat to you

[geoff]

Hello Rosesarered, please feel welcomed on this site and we are so sorry to know that you are feeling like this and very much appreciate the links Sophie_M has been able to give you.

Your mum even though she is trying to help you, may not be experienced in being able to help you overcome these feelings because mum's do what they believe a mother should do and not actually address the problem because you're their child.

If I can say that I tried more than 6 AD's (antidepressants) before the right one was found and this can happen with many people, so please don't be annoyed by this and if your doctor wants to change it, then please let them, a suitable one will be found.

When someone is suffering from any type of depression, the temptation to cry at anything, naturally happens, but it is very concerning.

Your mum can glue back a broken doll but can't necessarily be able to fix any mood swings, although she loves you deeply because to understand this takes great experience.

We all feel where you are and want to help you and please ask any question you like.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

Hi rosesarered,

How are you today?

When you mentioned that when you walk past certain objects you could use you break down…… do you think this is because the intrusive thought about these objects causes you distress and what if questions?

I understand when we are feeling highly anxious one intrusive thought can send our anxiety into over drive and cause havoc on our nervous system……

Just by having these thoughts doesn’t mean you want to use these objects but just the thoughts itself cause us severe distress…….

Please let me know what you think, I’d like to help you………… I understand.

❤️