Excluded. TW: Suicidal Ideation and Self-Harming.

[nib]

I am often excluded.

I opened up to one of my netball teams in particular about the fact that I experience anxiety, only to be ignored and kicked off of the team. This isn't the first time a netball team have kicked me off of their team and attempted to bully me out of my passion. What disgusted me the most about this netball team in particular is that another chick I previously played with openly admitted to me that she suffered from anxiety and yet she still gets to play. Disgusting.

My mother wants to exclude me from going out as a family with my father to have lunch with him. Going out for lunch seldom occurs nowadays as they consider the playing on the poker machines more important than their own daughter's hungry stomach. I pay board every fortnight and mum claimed that it goes towards the important things like paying the bills, when in reality she blows it on whatever she damn well wants to blow it on. She also blames me for everything, like when her and my father fight when he has been drinking. Whenever I try to involve myself in family conversation between her and my dad, she doesn't want my input, and basically tells me to shut up, or, as you already know, excludes me deliberately. I know that my father is suicidal like myself and my mother told me flat out that if he does anything to himself, she will blame me.

I was also bullied out of my role as a volunteer working with animals (cats). Again, I was passionate about this. I stood up to a bully who told me I was an irresponsible pet owner, as well as being bullied by someone who was part of their cult who used very abusive and sexist language towards me. This was 100% uncalled for as I had done NOTHING wrong. I was also threatened with security.

Growing up, I had to watch my mother suffer from severe anxiety. She was couch/bed ridden. This was all due to the fact that she was raped by her father for most of her life, and bullied at school. I did NOT deserve to live through all her problems.

I also have never been good enough for another family member of mine. When I spoke with her openly about the fact that my own grandmother, her mother, threatened to get a Maori woman to assault me to oblivion.

I feel like I don't have a purpose in life. I think about suicide often, but I am too scared to act upon it, so I resort to self harming.

[Sophie_M]

Hey nib,

Thanks for posting to the forums and sharing your situation with us. You've been very vulnerable and honest and we applaud your courage. We're really sorry you're feelig so distressed and that you resort to self-harm. This sounds extremely hard. We hope you'll find the advice and support from our wonderful community. We're also reaching out to you privately to check in.

We can hear you're feeling excluded and abandoned after disclosing your struggles with anxiety. We can also hear how you're feeling like you're being singled out unfairly. We're so sorry to hear about your parent's situation. It can be extremely hard trying to process such complex situations and feelings by ourselves and we'd strongly encourage you to get the support you deserve and need. Are you seeing a counselor or psychologist currently? The mental health plan for Australians now covers up to 20 sessions in a year which can be really helpful with the right mental health professional.

Please remember if you would like to speak to us, you can always call us on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline at 13 11 14. You can also try online chat options at: BeyondBlue Webchat, Lifeline Webchat of the Lifeline Textline.

Thank you for sharing with us today, please feel free to update us on how you are feeling whenever you feel up to it.

[nib]

Hi Sophie_M

Does the 20 sessions include Headspace?

[Sophie_M]

Hi nib,

With the mental health care plan, Medicare rebate covers people for a certaina mount of the value of their session. This includes working with a psychologist at Headspace. This is a link from Headspace website that explains this more:

https://headspace.org.au/blog/how-to-get-a-mental-health-care-plan/

Sophie M

[KAZ234]

Hey hi, lots of stuff going on,.

Not sure how old you are, but can pick up how feel your not respected.

Remember some things will never change, if your old either to move forward why not try. I’m sure you have lots to contribute to your

people , no matter race or creed. Letting go is not easy and if your old enough, look towards the future may hold so much for you. Be you self, but showing respect. Take care.

[nib]

Hi Sophie_M,

I feel like crap again. I don't think I'll end up going to headspace as I won't be discharged from my local mental health centre until January 2023, and I turn 25 in February of that year.

[smallwolf]

hello.

it sounds as though there is nobody in your space that gives you any time or respect. I only want you to know this is a safe in non-judgemental space, a place where you will be given the respect you might not find elsewhere. You are the most important person in your life and deserving of a little respect from those around you.

Coming out from negative thought patterns can be difficult yet I have faith in you. You were able to come here and post about what has been happening to you. Sometimes telling and retelling your story, reflection can help in moving forward, however that looks. Listening to you.