Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

[Supermum]

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

[Supermum]

I am clearly very much alone .

as always

[Sophie_M]

Hi Supermum,

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone. We know how hard this must be for you with everything that's going on at the moment. Please know that you can call us anytime on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14, to chat through these feelings with a trained professional. 

You never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.
 

[smallwolf]

Hey Supermum! 😞

What happened?

Sad to hear you feel alone at the moment. In these moments what you do? Do you have any tools on your phone? Do you want to just talk with someone? Listen to music? Watch a movie? Read? Of course, sometimes we might channel surf and find nothing to watch or listen to. For myself, picking up the phone is the last thing I want to do!

Listening to you.

[quirkywords]

Hi

So sorry you are feeling so alone , it is an awful feeling. I have felt at times I am the only one who is there fir me. Later I realise that is not true,

The feeling if not being yourself ans detachment I have had when very stressed, it is a way of coping but an uncomfortable one.
smallwolf has given some suggestions.
we are listening .
thanks for reaching out and letting us know how you are.

[Supermum]

I just want you to end my life here . End it without being judged for it. I’m tired and that should be enough

[Sophie_M]

Dear Supermum,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[smallwolf]

It sounds like you are really struggling. Can you tell me more about it? Sophie_M, Quirky, and I and many others would like to listen and help where we/I can.

[Supermum]

I hope you are.

I don’t know what’s wrong , I’m struggling to confide in people or even go to the chemist to buy my medication .. it feels like people are judging me , talking about me and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I keep checking doors and outside and this doesn’t make sense . I feel very agitated and overwhelmed by the slightest thing , I cannot switch off . I’m struggling to sleep and it just feels like I’m on the verge of panic all the time . This is not normal and not ok .

[smallwolf]

Is it normal? I cannot say and perhaps a conversation for you and your GP or psychiatrist?

Yet the things you mentioned in your post... It sounds like you are under a lot of stress. I know that sleep is very important.

On collecting medication... I keep my script at the chemist. The only person that person who might know what I am taking might be the person filling out the script. I can guarantee that nobody else in the shop knows anything about the medication! It is easy thought to think other know - own experience. I also joke about myself being the only sane person because I take medication and getting help when there are other in my community who probably should. You are doing all the right things.

Perhaps this... When you next chat about your medication tell them about how you are on edge, not sleeping etc.

In my next reply I might mention apps etc

[quirkywords]

Supermum

I am sorry you are struggling . You are under so much stress that you may worry about everything. When I am stressed I check that I have turned of stove and heater after I have the left the house and sometimes I will check I have locked the door properly a few times. I think it my brain going over so many details.
you have so many responsibilities and you are doing your best by getting help.
you are reaching out here and taking medication.
small wolf and Sophie have written supportive posts.
we are listening.