Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Pinned discussions

Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a discussion

I feel worthless no matter what I do

replies: 5

I've tried therapy and medication. I'm at a loss at what to do with myself. I work on projects or hobbies to try and distract myself but even then I feel nothing. I don't enjoy anything. I can spend hours working on something and can't feel proud about it. Even at work, it feels like I don't deserve the money I receive. Every morning I wake up wishing I was dead. When I look in the mirror I want to smash it. I hate that ugly person looking back at me. I hate everything about my appearance and who I am. The only time I feel okay is when I'm living vicariously through others. I socialise to distract myself. The second I'm alone it all comes back. I wonder why people even put up with me. Is it out of pity? Is it because they don't know any better? Half the time I'm counting down how soon it'll be before they finally realise how worthless I am and leave me. Sometimes I wish they would. That way it'd be easier for me to off myself. And no one knows this is how I feel. I keep up a happy façade and act like I'm okay. I'm too scared to tell anyone how I actually feel, I don't want them to leave me. I tried telling my mum - she told me I was ungrateful, an attention seeker. A loser. She said I'm unfixable and it's pointless trying to get better. I don't want to live anymore but I'm too scared to try again. But I'm so tired of being alive and feeling awful all the time. What do I do? I've tried everything I can. I've asked for help, I've gotten on medication. What else is there to do? I really don't know what to do anymore.

All consuming.... so tired, so drained, so empty.....

replies: 5

I'm so tired of fighting this darkness. I've been on medication for depression for over 20 years - I've had my flare ups but always managed to live a relatively "normal" and happy life. The last few years have been a different story though, it's the other way round. I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm empty - I've had enough. I have had therapy, been to group therapy sessions (CBT), had 2 stints in a mental health clinic but these are just bandaids. I want out.... I want peace.

Suicidal idealation

replies: 78

The suicidal thoughts are non stop. I have come close to death several times, which was scary but not scary enough to stop me from doing it again. I self harm because I think that's a better alternative than another attempt. I've been stuck in this p... View more

Should I tell my partner that I relapsed?

replies: 5

Hi, First time posting here because I need some advice.... Last night I went out with my partner (together 3 yrs) and all his friends and I really embarrassed myself and embarrassed my partner. I got a little too drunk and was acting weird and my partner told me that I ruined the atmosphere a little. I used to self harm around 7 years ago and sought treatment and am in a much much better headspace. Very rarely though, my emotions become really overwhelming and I lose control of myself and my thoughts and forget about all the progress I've made. About a year ago this happened and I relapsed (this only happened once) and I felt so guilty and ashamed that I told my partner a random excuse for the scratches and he believed me. After reflecting on behaviour last night and receiving a phone call from my partner who was concerned, I spiralled because I felt extremely embarrassed and mortified for disappointing him. I just want to say that he didn't try and make me feel this way and never has before, he just wanted to know if something was wrong that caused me to act in that way. I ended up hurting myself again (not seriously) because I lost control of my emotions and in the moment felt like I needed a release. I have no plans of doing this again and deeply regret doing it. I just want to know if I should come clean to my partner. I know he will be deeply upset and I don't want to make things weird or awkward. I do want to tell him because I do want some comfort and support but I just feel like it will come across like I am gaslighting him and trying to make him feel like he made me do this by confronting me about my behaviour. I would feel so guilty coming across this way and this would make me feel even worse. I also don't want him to be scared to confront me if I make mistakes in the future, for fear of causing me to relapse. Should I wait a few days or tell him in a little while while the situation isn't so fresh? Or should I just not tell him at all like last time. It worked out best last time because we were able to move past it and I didn't upset him. I'm also scared that he just wont understand and might take it really badly, like an insult. I feel so ashamed and guilty and can't think straight. I don't live with him so he can't see that I feel like this. Any advice?

Jury Duty

replies: 6

Hi. Apologies if i'm doing this wrong, I have never done this before. I am 50 years old and about 4 years ago got myself diagnosed with Asperger's, because I always knew I was 'different'. I am married (thank god for the internet), but I have no friends and am unable to maintain or initiate any form of decent conversation. Most people think I'm weird and just give up. I don't talk very much and can't use the phone. I also have a stutter, which doesn't help with the phone thing. All these depression help places have 24 hour phone lines, but I can't use the phone, and the chats don't start until later, so here I am. Just over a year ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety - I see bad things happening ALL the time. I don't see a man standing at a corner, waiting to cross the street, I see a man in danger. I see my wife falling down our stairs, my kids tripping over a t-shirt and hurting themselves. Always pain and death. I have multiple panic attacks all day, every day. I went to the psychiatrist because my wife made me - they wanted me on drugs and CBT, but I countered that by never going back to my GP or talking about it again ... I can't talk about it, I just want it to go away. I got a letter 4 weeks ago telling me to go to jury duty .. I can't be in a room full of strangers .. I can't go to the city (last time I went was with my wife and I had a panic attack) .. I won't take public transport... and I'm being forced to do all this stuff. I thought the easiest way out of it was to harm myself, but my wife organised a phone appt with a GP, who told me because it had been more than 12 months since she had seen me she couldn't do anything and told me it was my civic duty. I felt really humiliated. I had to turn up to jury duty on monday - my brother drove me in... was dishcarged and told to come in again on tuesday and was discharged again until thursday where I will get assigned to a trial. Every time they go through the ballot its like being in front of a firing squad .. 4 times and each time I feel like I'm going to die. I can't go to court .. these are all criminal cases - I steer away from this sort of stuff - I watch cartoons and try to think of other things. I can't be in a room with people talking about violence and paedophiles and whatever else there may be .. I don't know what to do.

I've tried everything but I'm losing hope

replies: 7

I have been suicidal for years, i am now 17 nearly 18. I think about it every single day of my life. I try not to, I try to do every distraction and activity that my psychiatrist has given me, I take medication, I try so so hard not to be like this. Nothing has helped. I'm in so much pain I barely have the effort to write this. Professional help hasn't done much for me and I am undiagnosed with anything but have been treated for depression and gone through those suicide safety counselling sessions. I don't get joy doing much now. I have no motivation for school and I am doing badly in my classes, in my most important year of school. I don't care about much now. I can't communicate how horrible I feel right now, I could write on and on but I just want to give up. Im out of explanations and just words in general. How can this hurt so bad? Everyone says it will get better but why hasn't it for me? Im not trying to make a sob story but I so desperately want this to be over Im begging for help but no one is helping. I don't know what to even say at this point, I just thought I have nothing to lose so if anyone has any words of advice or literally anything I'd be happy to hear it. Thank you. Let me know if you have any questions as well.

My depression (what I'm going through, right now)

replies: 1

No one cared for me for why should I care for them? If I do, that's just gonna ruin my life even more... Sometimes there never is a reason/cause to someone being depressed, and for people, different emotions can be stronger and show more in them, and for me, it sadness... I'm just depressed all the time. I'm starting to think no one cares, and why would they anyways, I haven't done anything special. I'm one of those people who is there for others but no one is there for me, and it's ruining my life, I need to stop caring. I've also been thinking that I'm not perfect, I'm starting to work on my body so that people might like me, even though I'm under weight from not eating. I have considered killing myself MANY times but has never had the strength or energy to do it. I might seem fine at school and stuff but that's just me hiding my depression, or what I like to call it "a mask of emotions" which I put on to hide the emotions I don't want people seeing and having the fake emotions show instead, like happiness and stuff like that. And on top of all that, I broke up with my GF who I was dating for 4 years, because she was at my old school (8 hours away in a different town) and at that same time, my best friend was in hospital, and recently 1 of my friends have dated my crush (I was Heart broken from that) and my other best friend likes her, and he has a better chance at getting with her instead of me. So for that reason I think I should just give up on caring about other, because it's ruining my life. I can't get heart broken if my crush dates my best friend, if I don't care about them.

I don’t see a future for myself

replies: 4

Hi, I’m currently 18 and graduated high school last year. Early in my senior year I started to have severe panic attacks and became depressed as i reported to my teacher that my brother sexually assaulted me growing up. This was a clear memory that I’d always had but until I got older I did not know that what he had done was not normal or not okay because I trusted him. My mum also knew and didn’t tell anyone or do anything, but he only did it once. After I reported it I had to tell my dad (live with only dad, parents separated) and it was horrible because I hate seeing him upset. Since then it’s progressively got worse and I attempted suicide 3 weeks ago. This may sound silly but I feel embarrassed that it didn’t work because I hate attention and the thought of being an attention seeker. But since then, I think about dying every day. I’m just constantly exhausted and It’s not that I can’t do it anymore, it’s that I don’t want to. I have no interest in growing old, and I have the view that we literally die anyway and life makes no difference because in 100 or 1000 years no one will remember you or the earth will be dead so what’s the point. I’m not living for myself, I’m living for my loved ones around me. But anyway Idk why I posted but I just don’t have much else I can do

I Don't Know What to do or Think Anymore

replies: 4

I am new here. I am female, 26 and a university graduate, as well as a TAFE graduate. Since the beginning of 2020 my mental health has spiraled. I have always suffered from anxiety, and was diagnosed with GAD as a teenager. However, it wasn't until Feb 2020 (about two weeks after my 25th birthday no less) that I finally got diagnosed with Autism (and major depression). I have never been good at forming or maintaining relationships. During my adolescence I had no frame of reference for why everything social was so hard. I was severely bullied to the point I had virtually no friends until my last two years of school. I keep in contact with 2 of them, my third closest friend I met at uni. At present all 3 hardly speak to me, I go months at a time without hearing from them, if that. My family is completely torn on both sides. Legal drama on my fathers' side has ruined my relationships with my two cousins there, my grandparents on his side are both diseased; a strong feud on my mothers' side has basically completely cut my mother and I off from my cousins and auntie. I am in contact with my Grandad, but our relationship is very superficial and we never have more than smalltalk. I live with my nan and I am very close to her, but she is so much older that she has a hard time helping me and she shouldn't have to at this point. I am an only child so I have no siblings to turn to. Both my parents suffer from anxiety and depression themselves (they have both been clinically diagnosed, so I was destined to be the same, really). Since the pandemic hit, I have felt completely isolated. I have been forgotten by friends and family alike. Nobody contacts me, and that is not for lack of me making an effort - I used to, but slowly stopped because the responses I got were always curt or otherwise the conversation just stops because they have more important things to focus on. I am unemployed, I was trying to find work just before the pandemic hit but that stopped any traction I might have gained and because of my disability I doubt I will ever hold a job (I have never worked previously). I have never been in a romantic relationship and nobody has ever expressed any interest in me in that way. I have no one to turn to, no one that cares. The voices in my head telling me to end it are getting louder and more frequent. I have thought of ways, but I have never attempted because I have a phobia of death. It is probably the only warring part of my mind that is stopping me.

suicidal thoughts

replies: 4

Hi pls I need to talk to someone I feel so alone

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

I feel worthless no matter what I do replies: 5

All consuming.... so tired, so drained, so empty..... replies: 5

Suicidal idealation replies: 78

Should I tell my partner that I relapsed? replies: 5

Jury Duty replies: 6

I've tried everything but I'm losing hope replies: 7

My depression (what I'm going through, right now) replies: 1

I don’t see a future for myself replies: 4

I Don't Know What to do or Think Anymore replies: 4

suicidal thoughts replies: 4