Bright teenager self harm

[bayside14]

Hi everyone- just trying to get my head around what I have just been told. 
my wife received a call from the school councillor- that my daughter has been secretly self harming.

my wife has spoken about it with her and told me not to say anything to her as my daughter does not want

me to know.

My daughter is a bright girl and has strong ambitions in her life. She’s is year 9 , we had no idea this was happening and we are totally gutted.

it’s been going on for a few months from what I’ve been told

My wife is going to arrange a doctors appointment to get a referral to someone that my daughter can talk to. And she has floated the idea of moving her from the school as she said she was bullied by a former friend who is leaving soon . She loves the school . 
As a dad I now feel like I’ve failed, what can I do? 


 

[Croix]

Dear Bayside14~

Welcome back ot the Forum. I'm very sorry about the situation, it is a terribly stressful and worrying time for a parent and one tends to be lost as to what to do.

First a couple of resources:

Beyond Blue has a small amout of advice here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/mental-health/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-i...

(You can talk with the Beyond Blue help line here 1300224636)

In addition parents as well as young people can ring the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) and get detailed knowledgeable advice.

At the moment you are getting all your information second or third hand and that is not a good place to be in when contributing to any decision making. You have not spoken with your  daughter or the councilor.

Do you happen to know of any particular reason why your daughter might not want you to know about this?  While your wife may have thought that the bullying was the cause and contemplated changing schools there may well be other matters that have not been considered and changing schools may not be a good step at all.

If I remember correctly several moths ago your wife wanted a divorce due to work stress, and later you were worried about her having an STD and naturally wondered if she had been unfaithful.

Such things can weight very heavily on one's children.

Other than being loving to your daughter do you think you might be able to find out more, even win her confidence, before contributing to any action?

In closing can I suggest all three of you are going though the most difficult of times and you all need mutual support and outside counceling or other assistance.

You know you are welcome to talk this over here anytime

Croix