About to loose another one, and can’t say goodbye. (BRIEFLY MENTIONS SUICIDE)

[Guest_0784]

Hi everyone. I’ve just learnt a few minutes ago that I’m about to loose my Great Uncle who I call Uncle Moose. And the worst part is that even though I’ve lived only a 5 minute drive from him. And I’ve barely got to see him! And I can’t go into the hospital and say goodbye and have a decent conversation because of COVID restrictions. Or ring him on the telephone because now he is unable to talk.

I’ve already talked before about my mental illness and disability here before. And already I was having problems trying to not kill myself. And I’m not quite sure I’ll be able to make it this time round.

I was not aware that he was unwell until just now. But looking back, I can notice the signs already. He was giving me some items he loved, like information of the Queen Mary back in 1998. And the London to Sydney Air Race in 2001. And when I was having Afternoon Tea today, there were mentioning Uncle Moose in a solum way. If I knew he was sick, I would run down to his house to hang out with him.

This is a repeat of what happened to my Grandad who I called Q, Uncle Moose's Brother. But we knew he was sick 9 years before he died. I don’t want any more of this! I am worried that this is only the beginning of the line. I’m worried I’m next. Then Marnie (my grandmother), Dora (my pet’s as therapy guide dog), and everyone else that I know and love. I feel like I’m coming apart for the 2nd time!

I know we can’t change the past, but we can change the future. There is still enough time to go in and speak to him and spend time with him. But they won’t let me in to say goodbye. And that time is shortening extremely quickly. I need to go in and talk about everything. Because I know from my experience is, even if they can’t talk. If they’re obviously awake, like eyes open, eye contact, breathing. Well then they can still hear me. All I want to do from this evening onwards is to inside his room for the whole day and talk to him about all kinds of stuff that I would of talked about for all of these years that have gone.

I really need help before it’s too late! Please!

[Sophie_M]

Hey AheadMatthewawsome,

We are really grateful that you decided to reach out to the forums to keep us updated on how you've been going. We're so sorry to hear about your Great Uncle, and we can hear how much pain you must be in right now due to not being able to visit him. It sounds like these thoughts and feelings must be really overwhelming, but please know that you don't have to go through this alone. This is a safe space for you to talk these feelings through and our community is here to help support you through this difficult time.

Our Support Service are also currently reaching out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Please know that help is always available, and we'd really urge you to reach out to the friendly counsellors at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 or if you'd feel more comfortable talking online, they also have webchat available at: https://kidshelpline.com.au/

We would also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), who are there for you 24/7, day or night, to help talk through these feelings.

Please keep checking back in with our community to let us know how you are going, whenever you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi AheadMatthewawsome,

I feel your frustration for being unable to be with your beloved 'Moose' and you have clearly spent many valuable hours together in the past.

It can be very traumatic being with someone in their last hours and I am sure Uncle Moose wouldn't want to see you suffering - he may also find it difficult to put on a brave face for you as it may be quite exhausting for him also.

While he rests and recounts all the wonderful times you have spent together, you might find some comfort in thinking how much you have shared and valued over these happier times that will stay with you in time to come. People don't really die when we can keep their memories alive in us, and tell their stories to others - would you like tell us the story of Moose sometime?

I think you owe it to Uncle Moose to carry on and speak of all he meant to you for those of us who never knew him.

For now, find a quiet place and contemplate.

Kind thoughts,

t.

[Guest_0784]

I'm very happy to update that he's had a miracle! He's now feeling much more better, even when the Doctor's said his body was shutting down and he was going to die in a matter of days. So the plan is now for him to leave the hospital and go to a nursing home now. I'm very happy for him, even though he's going to a nursing home. Because you get to meet lots of friends, do lots of activities. And you can still go out and spend time with your friends and family. I'm gonna make sure to spend more time with him from now on, because I didn't know before this that he was so unwell.

I was able to get a letter in for him and photocopied a book for him that I used to read to my Grandfather (Q) when he was dying in the hospital too. I still remember the time when he was able to take me on a plane flight with my Grandmother who's still alive (Marnie) all around Sydney. Even though that we haven't been able to do the little things. He made the big things happen behind the scenes, and I'll always be thankful for those happy memories. And I'm going to make some new memories to be able to do more!

I want to thank everyone here who helped me deal with this grief that I had for this past week. You really helped me keep going during this period.

[Ggrand]

Hello AheadMathewawsome,

Your news is very heartwarming and I’m very happy for you and your great uncle....

Its wonderful that a miracle happen for you both..and your family...I believe in miracles and pleased you have more time to enjoy, love, each other and have some beautiful time together to makes very special memories together..

Wishing your great uncle all the best and kindest wishes I can for him, you and your family....

Memories are timeless and holding your great uncle’s love and memories for you in your heart stays with you forever...

Hoping with all my hope that you both have some beautiful times together..

Grandy..

[Guest_0784]

Hi there all, on December 19th 2020. Uncle Moose died suddenly in his new Aged Care Home. I sadly never got to go in and say goodbye due to COVID. And probably I will never forgive COVID for that. I was able to give him 2 letters. 1 when he started feeling better. And the 2nd one after he died, which went with him. I didn't feel like posting this update until now.

I've lost another, and couldn't see him...

[Ggrand]

Dearest AheadMatthewtheawesome..

I’m deeply sorry to hear about your beautiful Uncle Moose.....My deepest condolences to you and your family...

It wold have been so hard, not seeing your Uncle Moose before he passed away....I can relate to that to my father....my heart goes out to you...

Thats so understandable you not feeling up to posting until now..grieving someone we love that we lost can be a very difficult time in our lives....

Everyone has different beliefs about death...but I do believe that the love you wrote in those beautiful letters for your Uncle Moose...will be felt by his beautiful spirit and soul....

Covid has taken so many lives prematurely and my heart breaks every time I hear of one....I can understand you not being able to forgive COVID....

Your love for your Uncle Moose will always remain within your heart...Please as hard as it is...try hard to only remember the good, caring and loving memories that you shared together....

Please AheadMatthewtheawesome...Talk here whenever your feeling up to....we are here for you with our support and care....

My kindest thoughts with care...

Grandy...