Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Lost and tired of not being able to stop worrying

replies: 34

I feel so lost and clueless. I’m halfway though a degree I’m not sure I want to do anymore for a career I’m not sure I’m suited for. I’ve talked to a career counsellor, program advisor and the people in charge of the different majors but I still feel as clueless as I was before. I’m failing my classes not because I can’t complete them but because I can’t get myself to do anything. I’ve been seeing the mental health nurses since last year and a psychologist since the end of last year. It feels like nothing has really been helping, which is mostly my fault. I stopped doing progressive muscle relaxation exercises after being really frustrated and unable to calm down. I know that its not the point of doing the exercises, but I can’t clear my mind enough to go through with them anymore. I only started walking again recently after stopping 2-3 months ago. I can’t get myself to change when everything feels pointless and meaningless. The psychologist says I need to just focus on living in the moment, but I can’t get myself to stop worrying about the future and jobs and careers and university and everything. I can’t figure out what to do, looking at future career pathways only stresses me out more and I can’t see myself being happy or enjoying or tolerating anything. I don’t know what to do and theres not much I can do about it without trying things but I can’t spend my whole life failing university courses over and over like im doing now. I can’t do anything right. I need to sleep earlier but I can’t stop worrying. I spend too much time in my room but there’s nowhere for me to go besides walking in the afternoon. There’s too much I need to be doing but im not doing anything. I don’t remember what worked and if medication did anything. I don’t think I can be happy with life. Getting to do what you want feels like a luxury that you need to work for but I don’t really want what I used to want anymore. I don’t get myself to do anything because it feels like the end result will be the same. I’m tired of regretting things. I’ll regret everything no matter what I do.

Low

replies: 5

Tonight I'm so lost. My husband and I separated in jul- still in the same house though. And honestly it's probably 100% my mental health that has caused that. I'm so scared that one day I'm not going to be able to fight anymore. I truly believe that my daughter will be better off without me. Truly. I don't want to mess her up and cause her the pain that my parents caused me. Even though she is my everything and biggest reason to stay here, she's also a reason I think I should go. And that scares me. I think if I prep for it enough I can ensure that she always feels loved and doesn't believe it's her fault and has an understanding of how hard I fought. But the thought of her heartbreak still stops me. But I'm so worried that one day that will be too strong. I don't know how to cope. I have a high pressure job that seems to be the only thing keeping me afloat. Without my job I have no self worth, it's the only time I feel somewhat competent in my life and I do important work. With a separation I don't know what the future looks like. I need to book in for supports but don't really know how to do that. I don't have the time and I know that sounds stupid, buy I really don't. I'm also really terrible at getting help when I need it. I struggle to make the call, really struggle. My husband used to help with this this obviously that's out now. I feel so guilte I had and vowed never to let happen. I feel like a failure and so much shame. Also knowing that it's my mental health that would have caused it. All me. I don't know how I'll even feel remotely ok anymore. I feel like I can count in my hands the number of times I've felt actual happiness in my life so have gotten used to just feeling ok, but I can't even see a way back to that. I feel so so so sad and empty. My thoughts of suicide have increased so much and I considered calling the ambulance or driving to hospital tonight. But I don't know what they would do. I've never ever been completely honest about the level of my suicide thoughts due to fear of repercussions. I'm also stuck in a year long cycle of self-harm. I don't know how to talk to anyone about it because I'm so embarrassed. It's the only thing I can do that helps me cope at the moment and sometimes I don't even realise I don't know how to get myself out of this. I'm too embarrassed to share woth anyone exactly how bad it is

I screwed up.

replies: 4

I singlehandedly messed up everything. I've lost almost all my friends. I made many horrible mistakes. I don't really know how to say anything or what, but I need to vent or talk about this to someone who I don't know, I broke up with my girlfriend because I cheated on her with her best friend basically and I regret everything, I'm feeling suicidal and.. I'm worried if i'll act on it..

I don’t know if I need help

replies: 1

I have no reason to feel sad, but life seems so meaningless. I’m falling behind in school. At this moment, I’m missing a day of school, and have 2 assignments overdue that I haven’t even started. People tell me to do my work, but I feel so tired and my brain can’t focus. I go to an expensive school, so I feel like I should work, but I have no motivation to do so. I want to go to a public school, but my dad is against it. I shouldn’t be going to such a good place when I’m not even making any use of it. I don’t deserve to go there. I used to consider cutting myself with a blade, but I was always to cowardly to do it. I hated myself for being unable to do it. Instead, I burned myself. This was earlier this year. A few weeks ago, my cat broke a glass, and I didn’t have the motivation to clean it, so it put the glass in a drawer, since they were going to try and play with it if i didn’t. When I went to throw it out, I paused. The prices were medium sized, and they looked sharp. I kept a piece, and threw the rest out. I ran it across my arm, and for the first time, I made myself bleed. I found it kind of funny, to be honest. I didn’t do it because I was sad at that moment, I just wanted to see myself bleed. I still have it, and I still use it. I even drew on myself with the blood, again finding it humorous. at school, I get the urge to damage myself. Being around people makes me feel bad. I don’t really know how to describe it. I am very introverted. I sharpen my pencil and scratch my arm during class, not enough to bleed, but almost. I don’t want to see a therapist. I don’t think I do, anyway. I can’t imagine asking my dad for one. As I said before, I have no reason to feel sad. I don’t really deserve to feel sad. It’s probably just because I’m weak. People have it so much worse, and yet they are fine. They work hard. So why am I so selfish to feel like this? I have a lot of things. I have a parent, a friend, a good school, a house and more. Why am I so ungrateful? I don’t feel suicidal. I just often feel like I’m done with being conscious, and want to go home and do nothing. I want to just stare at a wall or read. I don’t know if I need help. I don’t feel like I do, but’s seeing my sisters face when she sees me scratching myself with my nails, I wonder if i do. My dad called me selfish for burning myself when he found out. I don’t want to cause him trouble. I prioritise my father and sister over almost everything. I am already a burden.

Mixed feelings

replies: 45

I promised myself i would stay off this and i would stop talking about how im feeling, but im just so overwhelmed right now, i can feel my anger boiling over right now even though half hour ago i was crying, i cant explain it but i just wanna physically hurt right now.. and i should just get a diary instead of writing on here but it helps me to write and feel like someone is actually, not listening but knows how i feel even though i don't no anyone I dont wanna deal with this anymore and i dont know what to do about it . Im actually scared because i dont wanna hurt anymore but i dont wanna make anybody else hurt either

Never been this low

replies: 1

I have had many bad experience in my life and I thought I would never harm myself but when I got this low I felt there was nowhere to go. In hospital for mental health and live alone and worried it might happen again how do people cope

Isolated, lonely and hopeless

replies: 3

Hi everyone. My life has been a disaster for a very long time since a least 2011. I've been extremely isolated and lonely for many years now. I've had friends but lost them all to drugs. For a time I purposely isolated myself for safety because I just wasn't meeting good people. I moved last year and have struggled to meet new people where I'm living. I attempted suicide in January but immediately called an ambulance. I have type one bipolar disorder and this past couple months I've been hypomanic relapsing a couple times and engaging in increasingly risky behavior. In the last week I was involved in two car accidents the second time I totalled my car. Luckily nobody was injured. I couldn't face telling my parents so was planning to have the car towed then go home and end it but realized I wasn't safe and called an ambulance on myself. Spent the night in hospital. Appointments tomorrow with my GP and Psychiatrist but know that loneliness and isolation are my biggest problem and I don't know what they can do to help me. Tired of having to go through life alone with no friends or relationships in my life

A Newbies' Story & Seeking support

replies: 9

Three years ago, I tried to commit suicide. I went to the hospital and they held me there and since then I've been afraid of any health services. I won't go to a doctor, or psychiatrist. After that incident I turned my life around, I vowed to outlive everyone. I lost a lot of weight, got fit. Moved out, got a job and a boyfriend. He had to hold my hand to go to a medical test to apply for the job, because I turned pale would have refused to go otherwise. My boyfriend has noticed that roughly once a month I spiral into a deep depression for a couple days. Two months ago, after one of those spirals, he looked through my phone & found history of me researching suicide methods. By the time he'd seen that, I was already out of that mood (Having not acted on it) and had forgotten about doing it. He knew about my past, and I do have a very infrequent habit of self-harm. But this has caused a huge break in our relationship which I don't know if we will recover from, though we are trying. He thinks I have bipolar due to the mood swings which since then have become more intense. He is supportive but distant, which has made me feel more alone. Since that break in my relationship, and Covid making every interaction with strangers at work or on the streets or keeping me home-bound, has made me isolated & even more depressed. My phobia means that I am limited in how I can seek help for my feelings. I don't want to be diagnosed, due to stigma, the fear of hospitalization and an unwanted potential familial link. I don't want my name to be on some file in an office somewhere with my personal thoughts, feelings, history; No matter how confidential they are promised to be, I know that they can be subpoenaed, accessed by other staff, or forwarded for referral. Because of these, I'm wary to open to up to anyone, particularly with the threat of hospitalization looming over me if I even mention suicide. So I feel I can't be completely honest in those circumstances. There is also the fact that the psychologists there were strangers (Online is different, I feel protected by my anonymity), with the power to keep me from going home; I felt they were placating my distress, with a facade of understanding and sympathy when they held all the power. So, what can I do? I don't want to undo all of the good I've done in the last three years but I can't control how I've been feeling. Are there alternatives to traditional psychiatry/therapy? I thought this forum might be a place to start,

thank you for reading

replies: 2

Hello everyone, I'm Harry. At the time of typing this I'm finding it hard to put all of my problems on the table. I've been suffering from anxiety and depression for about 3-4 years and it's mainly because of school, and it has affected other aspects of my life, such as being social with people and having motivation to do the things I love. At some points in the last few years I've felt that I don't want to be alive anymore, I've felt worthless, but I was and still am too scared to do it, but not because people care about me, but I'm scared of dying (how ironic). I've tried counselling which didn't help me at all, and I've visited a psychologist in the recent months but due to complications of the pandemic, it has been hard to visit again. I may be 16 turning 17 and still have so much of my life to live for, but I also have my mind circulating the fact that I will be alone for a long time. I honestly believe that the concept of a relationship is a beautiful thing; two people that have each other's back and also understand each other. As I mentioned, there's still so much time for that, but with the feelings I'm experiencing, I can't help but envy the happiness that one experiences in a relationship. I haven't mentioned much or gone into much detail, but if anyone has read all of this, thank you for your time.

Tick all the boxes but still empty

replies: 4

A few events lately have meant that I’ve fallen really low within myself and struggling daily with the thoughts in my head. I’m not someone who talks about feeling or emotions. But a few things happened that made me question myself. I’ve realised that for at least the past 20 years I don’t actually don’t feel emotions like everyone else. I don’t get excited because I might get let down. I don’t feel happy even when it should be a happy occasion (a wedding). But then I don’t feel overly sad in times that I should ( a funeral). It’s like I’ve built up my walls to protect myself but it means I don’t feel anything. I’ve gone on holidays to places people would love but I don’t feel anything and just take photos in the hope that I can enjoy it later at another time when I get home. same for all aspects of my life. I just am not really living in the moment. Like I’m an observer of my own life. It’s hard to explain. And I’ve suddenly had a moment where I realise that maybe I’m missing out on something? Maybe I don’t fully feel emotions. I rarely laugh or enjoy things. Even when I know I should be. I play with my kids and go through all the motions but I just don’t feel happiness. I tick all the boxes for happiness. I have no logical reason for not being happy (have a job, house, kids). I keep busy to keep me distracted from dropping too low. If I don’t keep distracted then I’m in a pretty bad place. Now that I finally have realised this (that I don’t feel emotions) I’m second guessing my decision making ability. Which is perhaps triggering some emotions that I’m not sure I’ve felt properly before (true guilt ?). My brain struggles to comprehend all this and the only thing that makes me feel something or ground me, is to harm myself. It sounds bad when I write it. But I know it’s not right. But it’s like thats some kind of release or someway to punish myself for letting myself feel some emotions ? I don’t know. I’m not trying to kill myself. I’ve hurt myself a few times over the past month. It seems to help me but I know it’s not right. I have a great job and I’m worried people will start to question me about my injuries. I did go to the doctor about 7 weeks ago and she gave me medication. Could the antidepressants be making me worse ? (I have hurt myself before but many years ago ). Have I just been depressed for 20 years or is living with no emotions just a normal part of life ?

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Lost and tired of not being able to stop worrying replies: 34

Low replies: 5

I screwed up. replies: 4

I don’t know if I need help replies: 1

Mixed feelings replies: 45

Never been this low replies: 1

Isolated, lonely and hopeless replies: 3

A Newbies' Story & Seeking support replies: 9

thank you for reading replies: 2

Tick all the boxes but still empty replies: 4