Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

A friend has been self-harming and suicidal.

Community Member

Hi all,

Just today my friend said if she could speak to me in text on Instagram. I have a small group of friends, 5 girls, and two boys (one of the boys is me). She was sort of the quiet one, but she is pretty funny, she has a best friend in the group, her name is Skye. They have been known to joke around a lot and be really happy, but the hurt one, Pheobe is depressed and told me about her self-harming. She always said, she wanted to kill herself and stuff, we always thought it was kind of a half-joke and she was just sad. I kind of ignored her because I personally find it kind of unfunny and annoying to joke about that stuff. And I regret that. She messaged me when we came back from school this: "I’ve been self harming again and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like everyday I get worse and worse and I just wish I had someone to talk to , i can’t tell my dad because he already has enough stuff going on in his life and I don’t want him to worry about me, i don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’ve been clean until like a month ago, i wish I was genuinely happy man." I'm not to sure what to say to her, I said I'm all ears and tried to tell her that I would listen, we chatted for about 10 minutes and she said she said she wanted to talk at school. I'm pretty socially awkward and don't really give eye-contact when I talk to people. I just don't know what to say to her. I honestly haven't talked to her without joking once, and things will just be really awkward.

Please help!

3 Replies 3

Hi Zed,

Thanks for reaching out tonight. It sounds like a really tough situation that your friend is in, and it's good that you've reached out for some advice and support here. Please also know that you don't have to sit with this information alone. Would you feel comfortable sharing this with a parent or a trusted adult? We are also getting in touch with you via email to check in.

If you want to talk through this situation with a counsellor over phone or webchat, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. It might be worth recommending this to your friend Phoebe too if you would feel comfortable. If there is a school counsellor at your school, they will also be able to help her.

You might also find it helpful to take a look at our page "Talking to someone you are worried about" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talking-to-someone-you-are-worried-a...

Or, our page on "Self harm and self injury" -  https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injur...

Thanks for reaching out here. Please remember that there is support available to you, and also to your friend It's common to start receiving a few responses over the next 48 hours as the forums aren't immediate. If you'd like, you can let us know how you go tomorrow.


Community Champion
Community Champion

You sound like a genuine caring and supportive person and your friend is lucky to have you. I can also imagine this is a tricky thing for you to deal with as well.

I don't know anything about your friends family environment though I think this person's parents would want to know and do what they can. In saying that you don't want to pressure them either.

If you follow the advice from Sophie_m you might get some ideas for yourself and how to approach this situation with your friend.

Lastly make sure that you look after yourself as well. If that means you need to talk to your parents or a teacher that is ok.

Community Member

Hello Zed0,

Having friends who are needing help in these types of situations can be a really big ask to do on your own. If you can get them to talk on the forum or with their GP or one of the support services that have been linked by Sophie_M above that would be great but you have to look after you as well.

Sometimes it may be best to go against your friends wishes regarding telling someone like a parent/teacher or if you are worried about imminent harm and injury, calling support services like the police and ambulance to get your friend safely the help they need.

Short term they may be angry at you but long term they will come to see that you did so because you care.