Why social media is no good for you

[white knight]

Facebook has in my case been my biggest Achilles heal in the last 3 years and on line forums before that.

My problems with Facebook has, admittedly been my sensitivity, my not realising it is a haven for nastiness and my ignorance to how to use it. More on that later.

But my last straw with FB was this morning. Two friends I know personally, husband and wife, have each posted fresh posts about who is their best friend.  The woman posted her husband as her best friend.  Her husband posted another woman as his best friend.  Time to jump ship here!! This is kindagarten stuff that should have been left at the sand pit.

These are people over 50yo. Doesnt it all seem a bit..err...childish?

I thought I had tried everything to make FB work. I defriended 140 "friends" earlier this year. I've blocked the toxic and the bullies, I've refrained from commenting when it would explode the topic. I've gone to the end of the earth...well it seemed I did.

My problem is that I dont want to lose the service. There are long time friends on there that I value, that dont cause me harm and it is my only means to maintain contact with them. 

So, having said that I realised today that by clicking the "follow" button to make it "unfollow" I can still have contact if I want to but I dont get to be sent their posts, only their occasional comments.

I'll give that a try. Pity there wasnt a half day class I could have attended 3 years ago to educate myself on how to use Facebook.

It all has resulted in driving me to the garden. No I dont have FB on my mobile phone- I refuse to.

I've also come to the conclusion Fb is not productive to my life enough to warrant it. In fact if I take an overview of the concept, it has harmed me in more ways than any other over the years, caused confusion and I would have been better off without it- period. I have a dear friend that works in therapy and I've consulted her on many occasions to see her view on FB comments made so she can steer me away from my over reactions.

So I'm off to the garden, might cook some mini muffins, might play with my Fox terrier. And if I can try hard, I might just log onto Facebook only to see if there are any messages. Then log out.

The Facebook game's final siren is near. Some of us have enough issues in life without so called "friends".

[missmuppet]

Yep, white knight, i hear ya! Facebook does have lots of childish behaviour. Ive been distancing myself for the past month & it was the best thing i ever did! Like to live my life...out there...not through a computer screen.

Good on u for getting in the garden. Like to come over & help with my weed crisis???

For me i've been trying to do art again & write poetry like i used to. Just get creative. Gardening isnt really my thing, but i dont mind getting out there when i'm feeling good. It needs a lot of work & i dont have much stamina.

Nice to chat to you 🙂

[HA1]

Wonderful post WK!  Often been asked why I am not on FB, but this is exactly why I have never been tempted to join FB.  The only one in family to not join.  It has turned into a means by which you can cause hurt to 'friends', intentionally or unintentionally.  

K

[Neil_1]

Dear White Knight, AOK and Miss Muppett

Firstly another great thread started by your good self, White Knight.

Facebook – I’m definitely in the same category as AOK – no FB for me;  bit like cigarettes (although I do admit, that I did bludge one off a friend way back in my early school days and took it home and told mum, I’m going to give it a go).  I smoked one out on our front steps and perhaps made it half way through before I thought I was going to throw up.  So the analogy between FB and cigarettes is a rough one – I at least tried ciggies, half of one, to know that, blahhh, not for me.  I heard about FB and saw some friends use parts of it and again, thought blaaahhhh, not for me.

Now Mr White Knight – what is wrong with the wonderful piece of technology that IS email??  When I get home, I don’t do it EVERY time, but will check from time to time my email.  New messages, cool – I’ll check ‘em out.  No new messages – cool as well.

Also WK, you must have the most amazing and technologically clever garden (“So I'm off to the garden, might cook some mini muffins…”) – that is one helluva garden where you can cook your muffins out there?  🙂   🙂   Sorry, couldn’t resist.  🙂    But all jokes aside, at least with email I feel it’s way more controllable.  Almost like a conversation with large pauses put in place and not unlike this website and the forums.

And of course, there’s been no mention here of Twitter – and again, being a technological dinosaur, I wouldn’t have the first clue for how it works, etc – but I’m guessing it could be a bad thing as well – when put in the wrong hands.

Kind regards

Neil

[white knight]

Hi Neil,

Ok, there is some gaps to fill here but I wont go on too much.

Facebook must have something going for it to suck us in, so many of us. And what is that? It is is ease of use and unique way of communication. People can share parts of their lives (say photos of their holiday) and others can comment ("oh, yes we were there last June dont miss the waterfalls at transister valley") and other can chip in.

But one person on FB commented "FB isnt good for sensitive people" and sadly I tend to agree. And I agree with 'Cant move forward''s comment to me lately that "the more depressed you are the more sensitive you become"

After all that, I tend to agree with you Neil, email is better. And I suspect mental health issues for the worlds people is and will becme greatly advanced in numbers due to social media.

Twitter is no better. Real socialites use twitter. Lets not forget Charlotte Dawson earlier this year and her demise.

So back to the garden.  Might dig up some of those mini muffins.....ha

[Jo3]

Hi WK

Sorry, I pressed a wrong button and my reply went.  So to continue ...... I am glad that I don't use facebook, twitter etc because otherwise I would be on them 24/7!!!

I use email to chat to friends but I am the only one within my friends that doesn't have facebook.  And every year I hand write a letter to my old friend whom I worked with over 30 yrs ago.  We write to each other every Christmas. No email, no facebook, just plain old letter writing.

Jo

[NicoleP]

Hi WK

You always bring up interesting topics. I am on FB. I have 12 (yes 12) friends and belong to 4 groups. My kids think it is hilarious but these are the 12 people who I want to keep up with. They are friends and it is one way of keeping in touch. I am interested in seeing what they are doing. I find the groups useful cos then I know when runs/rides are organised. I have made sure my privacy settings are set so that outside people cannot get onto any information from my page and my profile picture is not of me. I also limit what I post on FB - might only post once a month about what I have done.

Like anything, FB can be used inappropriately but that's what people chose to do. I agree that FB is not for sensitive people (of which I am one). I have been burnt by FB, by what a person chose to write about me on one of the groups, but I was also pleased to know about what was being written so that I could put a stop to the rumours that were being generated (that I was having an affair with a work colleague). Subsequently, I have been proactive and made sure the club have put into place a policy around what is and isn't appropriate to write on FB.

Don't know where all that came from. I certainly didn't mean to write that much and I seem to have contradicted myself. Probably a mirror of the thoughts that go through my head - conflicting.

Kezza

[EclecticMagpie]

I feel the same way. I left Facebook because it was more toxic than it was not. The people I had as contacts in real life are just a phone call or a visit away and even an email with picture updates if visiting is a bit far. I did however make two really good 'online friends' We decided to pen pal with each other all the way from Aussie to the states. Yup hand written letters with kinda bodgey printed photos on my inkjet printer but still clear enough to know what they are lol.

It is wonderful receiving these hand written letters once every month. We even like to put different scents on them and make them pretty. I love being away from Facebook, I am more productive and my general mentality is better.

Great post by the way 🙂

[Flex]

Dear White Knight,

 Hi I'm Flex thanks for sharing your story about using social media, when I first started using social media like Facebook & other various social sites I experienced very similar thoughts and feelings about others posts & comments.  Now however I have decided not to use them at all & just like keeping my life sweet & simple, although I have many friends all different ages who are caught up in that kind of thing who continue to use social media to promote and gratify themselves some of them use it as a powerful marketing tool to get their business known and its helped them become more successful in life to.

I believe that if something in your life does not contribute to your own well being and in fact has the reverse affect then it should be avoided or only used in small amounts that you are able to cope with & handle. P.s  Hope your muffins turned out ok

Kind regards,

Flex 

[taryn2010]

Hi WK,

My psychiatrist told me to get rid of FB , the best thing I ever did .

Got rid of all the toxic people in my life in cyber world and real world and now I  have peace , I now live in the real world with humans that I can actually see in the flesh and I only have about 5 friends that's all I need not 150 like some on FB anyway how can one really know so many people ???

Friends that love and care for me no matter who I am or what the circumstance

I knew someone that used FB and had many different profiles and was many different people , people use it to hide from the real world and hide from themselves because they don't like who they are and become something that they are not .... I like " REAL "people who are who they say they are

Anyway just my two cents worth