Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and
you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and
let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on
listening if you care to read on. S...
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Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and
you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and
let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on
listening if you care to read on. See, we all know that forums have
their negatives. Recently a car forum had a debate. It was that some
other new comers to that forum ask a question and got answers but those
posters didn’t return to the forum to thank the responders for their
answers. The responders felt the new members were rude by not thanking
them. My theory is this- that you don’t answer a members question to get
a thankyou. While it is courteous to offer thanks when it comes to
forums people are busy, stressed, forget,forgot their password/user name
have problems etc and for what ever reason they don’t log on again.
However numerous other members that logged on would benefit from the
advice given so it isn’t wasted. So my idea on “listening” is such that
the other party has a need to express themselves so much, to empty their
thoughts so much that they are not accommodating your words. Is it a
case of this need to dump their mind of thoughts rather than being rude
not listening to you? If that’s the case they aren’t intentionally being
rude. The rudeness is from your perspective not really reality. So its
more of a reason to allow them to dump their thoughts and if so you
might as well listen intently on what they are saying. Then begin to
respond and if needed, if they interrupt, kindly and calmly without
intimidation, remind them that you allowed them to speak without
talking…then say what you want to say. There are other factors involved
in this listening/interrupting issue. We have a “flight or fight”
inbuilt persona that we automatically engage when in conflict. For some
of us the challenge of listening is difficult but the rewards can be
great. Suddenly your partner is taken back by your question “is anything
wrong, I’m wanting to listen” and then actually listen. Loving someone
isn't so straight forward. Getting to know your partner to the degree
that you are almost inside their mind watching the cogs turning is only
possible by observation and listening...which means little talk for some
period of time. Make no mistake, this act of listening if done with
determination is likely the greatest gift you can provide to your
relationship. The wonder is, that if done regularly most times the
favour is returned...harmony! Tony WK
A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
