Staying well

What can men do to help women feel safe?

replies: 35

Hello everyone, I just read an interesting article and have also recently watched a controversial show which got me thinking: what can men do to help women feel safe? I would like to think that most if not all people here want a society where women d... View more

Hello everyone, I just read an interesting article and have also recently watched a controversial show which got me thinking: what can men do to help women feel safe? I would like to think that most if not all people here want a society where women do not feel like they are at risk. The situations that come to mind for me are walking through a dark area, being at a party and wanting to have a drink, leaving a drink to go to the loo, having a stranger talk to you, being offered a lift, among countless others. I am asking because there have been many times where I have this massive umbrella (because I lose small ones) and I want to offer to share it with someone, but then I wonder if they'll think I'm creepy and be put off by that. Or if I'm driving my car and someone is running in torrential rain, and I want to give them a lift, but that is creepy. Or if I'm walking behind a lady in a dark alley, and so I stop walking and wait until I'm not making scary footsteps behind her. Somehow by being a guy, I feel like my presence can be a threat so I try to avoid that as much as possible. So I just want to put it out to everyone: what can men do to help women feel safer? Is there even anything we can do (aside from the obvious don't do bad things)?

What helps to keep well?

replies: 210

Hello everyone Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay wel... View more

Hello everyone Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past. Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'. I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist. The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values). Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots. ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all. Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal. Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless. I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying. Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe. Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can. Kind regards PamelaR

Exercise for mental health

replies: 9

Every where I read info about depression and anxiety and also, most of the people I talk to suggest exercise to be extremely helpful. I have trouble doing the smallest things when I am struggling. It seems impossible to contemplate walking to the mai... View more

Every where I read info about depression and anxiety and also, most of the people I talk to suggest exercise to be extremely helpful. I have trouble doing the smallest things when I am struggling. It seems impossible to contemplate walking to the mail box, let alone 30 minutes of exercise. Why are there not exercise programs set up that don't cost a bunch of $$$ and don't rely on just my own motivation to get to? There are 10 billion things to not like about the gym. Fit people intimidate me. I'd just like to have a few people who get where I'm at to go walking together or maybe a gentle bicycle ride or a hit of tennis just for fun. Maybe some kind of coach who got mental illness who could help us keep going. Does this kind of thing exist? I can imagine that the majority of us on this site would be quite unfit. I have enough motivation to write this post, but will I do any exercise tomorrow?

Studying how the mental health of people from ancient times - a fresh approach to mental health research?

replies: 3

I remember someone telling me that cavepeople had to walk miles for food and shelter, and no other commute other than animal. Yet in those times, the cavepeople didn't have the mental illnesses that we have now. So what makes the cavepeople/ people o... View more

I remember someone telling me that cavepeople had to walk miles for food and shelter, and no other commute other than animal. Yet in those times, the cavepeople didn't have the mental illnesses that we have now. So what makes the cavepeople/ people of ancient times less depressed/anxious/mentally well than us modern humans, even though they didn't have the technology and services we have now? I suppose studying the mental health in ancient times would be a fresh approach to mental health research. I find this research interesting, anxiety-reducing and even exciting - to think that the first humans were actually quite mentally well! I'm proposing discussion of mental health in ancient times, to compare historical and contemporary mental health, as a way to study mental health and understand how we think the way we do, as a result of centuries of human evolution and societal progression.

Narcissism

replies: 11

Hi. Narcissism is very common. Tyrants from our blood relatives and friends right up to some country leaders..Gaddafi, Hitler, Hussein and many more. Chances are you are in contact with some. Here is a description from the www. What is the personalit... View more

Hi. Narcissism is very common. Tyrants from our blood relatives and friends right up to some country leaders..Gaddafi, Hitler, Hussein and many more. Chances are you are in contact with some. Here is a description from the www. What is the personality of a narcissist? Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by an extreme sense of self-worth. ... People with narcissistic personality disorder are not interested in the feelings of others - they lack empathy; they are unable to feel or appreciate feelings that are not their own Do you have NPD?. If so then as with BPD and any other mental illness if you have swallowed your pride and sought treatment then thats great. Well done. The victim however might not be so forgiving. The narcissist could run with the line that its their makeup, their nature and they've inherited the condition but as narcissism is inheritedly to include lack of empathy their focus should not be on them but on their victims. Thats an education process that would be a difficult journey and where psychiatry has a firm place but your recognition is a major step forward. The victims of narcissistic people is not determined by age. Even adult children can dominate their parents to the point of no respect. Nor is it gender biased. Having a narcissistic BPD parent I tried for 55 years to toe the survival tight rope. Lengthy separations, counseling etc, to no avail. A narcissist will often go to extraordinary means to "win" and to "own" you, thoughts and all. As a younger man my mothers actions made no sense. An unavoidable arguement days before my first wedding (1985) all but ruined it. Manipulation has always been an extreme past time of my mother. It still saddens me and even embarrasses me to mention it! Numerous upheavals later and my second wedding was under threat of ruination. Finally an AVO was sort and finally I had the wedding of my dreams. Such is the extraordinary measures one must take to counter the vicious nature of a narcissist. Google Queen witch hermit waif The power a narcissist will rock your world. Manipulation could result in losing relatives, being left out in wills and personal harassment. There is one answer. Let them go! Releasing a narcissist from your life has no half measures. You will find it impossible to "just keep in touch". If however you observe effect of them getting treatment then its your call if you can endure the process of support. No one can judge that decision- its yours alone... Tony WK

COPING STRATEGIES

replies: 95

hi everyone so ive only been on these forums for about 2 months now and have come to realise alot of people are after coping strategies. i have quite alot of coping strategies- not all of them work on me but i thought id share what i have and what i ... View more

hi everyone so ive only been on these forums for about 2 months now and have come to realise alot of people are after coping strategies. i have quite alot of coping strategies- not all of them work on me but i thought id share what i have and what i think of as it goes along and maybe itll help others. please feel free to add your own coping strategies too the more the better

Good thinking

replies: 10

And I do believe it's all about our thoughts Yep incorrect thinking! I know I suffered for years. I tell you this: try and work out where your thoughts come from. That's interesting!

Share your achievements, small or big!

replies: 165

Another nice little topic to chat about It's really important to those of us with mental issues to hold on to our achievements and successes, especially the ones over our illnesses. Each and every achievement, no matter how small you might think it i... View more

Another nice little topic to chat about It's really important to those of us with mental issues to hold on to our achievements and successes, especially the ones over our illnesses. Each and every achievement, no matter how small you might think it is, is so important. We should celebrate and take pride in each achievement- because each one is a step towards recovery. So in this topic I'd like us to share our successes. You can post as often as you like, every time you have an achievement or success you'd like to share (even if you think "but it wasn't that big a deal"). Yes it IS a big deal! Fighting an illness is hard work, so lets celebrate all our achievements! When i first fought my anxiety, my very very first challenge was to drive to the local shops. And I achieved it, and boy did I celebrate. Might not sound like much to someone else, but to me it was like climbing Mount Everest while wearing shorts and thongs (i imagine). So you better believe I went home and danced around my house celebrating my success! My most recent achievement I am celebrating is: I attended my first job interview in 3 years that i did NOT take any anti-anxiety medication whatsoever for. Every other interview in the last 3 years i've needed strong anti-anxiety medication. But after much therapy and hard work, i learned more and more coping skills. I was nervous about not taking the medication as I was so used to doing it, but not only did i get through the interview but i did it calmly and kept my anxiety well under control. I'm pretty proud of myself! (Also I got the job- yay- but unfortunately i cant accept it due to other reasons. But I'm still celebrating being offered a job!!!) So lets hear it! Whats a recent achievement, positive step or success you made? Take pride in it and celebrate it!!

The labyrinth of friendships

replies: 11

Many of us are withdrawn, we aren't as outgoing as those around us. We look around and say to ourselves "I have no friends". If we need to work we prepare a resume, look for jobs, attend interviews and its not easy but we rise to the challenge or we ... View more

Many of us are withdrawn, we aren't as outgoing as those around us. We look around and say to ourselves "I have no friends". If we need to work we prepare a resume, look for jobs, attend interviews and its not easy but we rise to the challenge or we simply won't get work. Yet in finding friends we tend to think they just should be there automatically. That popularity among your own age group is a given. Why don't we accept that finding friends also needs effort and planning?, like looking for work or building a shed? For example. If you weren't the sporting type but to enable you to mix with a new group meant joining a table tennis or badminton team would you do it? If you weren't all that keen on gardening but to make friends you joined a basic florist course would you try?. The point here is that for those that feel they are suppressed in mood or other issues that reduce their outgoing ability, it will take effort to counter this. Put it this way, enduring cycles of depression or even negativity, loss of confidence will take some effort to seek out new friends. We don't need swarms of new friends. We really only need one or two. My wife met her best friend at a ceramic class and one at a sewing group. I met mine at a car club one at volleyball and another at a relaxation class. You also might need to wait until your mood is on the up cycle to find the mental energy to try such activities. Don't be too hard on yourself but do challenge yourself when you feel good. Just like looking for employment, finding friends needs some determination, planning and selling yourself. Sometimes moving on from friends that don't add value to your life. New friends won't come knocking on your door. Finding a new friend is entering a labyrinth. Meeting and considering if this one or that one will be compatible. Until one falls into place where the care is mutual and wonderful. Then you'll be so glad you tried. Tony WK

When is saying "No" necessary and why is it so damn hard?

replies: 35

Today I've come across 3 posts where saying "No" has challenged them to the hilt. I don't know how many times I hear/read this from others. The beginning of my own 'No' journey was at 33 when my mother berated and threatened me for saying it. But I s... View more

Today I've come across 3 posts where saying "No" has challenged them to the hilt. I don't know how many times I hear/read this from others. The beginning of my own 'No' journey was at 33 when my mother berated and threatened me for saying it. But I stuck to my guns and the rest is history. I'm still practising, but it's always hard. I understand you don't need to feel the sting of MH issues to struggle with saying 'No'; it affects the best of us at times. Unfortunately though, it hits some harder than others. I was afraid of not being wanted, needed or appreciated. In my world that was interpreted as not being loved. I became needy, clingy and a little passive/aggressive. (Thru resentment of not being given the same attention in return) I was drawn to damaged partners who 'really' needed me. I'd make their life better thru my support, then they'd leave, have an affair or gradually pull away. Is this an epidemic or what? And is it women who do this moreso than men?

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