Immediate support
Immediate support

Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

All discussions

Start a discussion

white knight Seeking a partner
  • replies: 3

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, ... View more

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, fuel costs, not then! I devised a formula and my now wife and friends laugh at the idea. I had to find a cheap way of finding the right lady, to fulfil me emotionally with similar ideals and to have a family eventually. My plan began by having a maximum of 3 dates unless the basic criteria was met. During those 3 dates she need to- offer to pay for one meal. Express some indication she enjoyed children and animals. Displayed a similar emotional level or a level of compassion. Enjoyed similar types of entertainment. When 3 dates had arrived I’d decide if I’d date her again. Clearly I had trouble separating those that were suitable and those that weren't. My first date with this system came with an English lady I worked with. We went to the Movie- “Purple Rain” by Prince. There is a scene half way through where his father is hurt. It's very emotional. I turned and asked her if she liked the movie…”I don’t like black people”. At the end of the movie I took her straight home. I didn't need to explain, I’d made up my mind with racism she didn’t pass. Previously I'd argue and date her again. Now I'd set my standards. A few others didn’t pass either. They enjoyed the drives, the meals, that Prince movie (yes I watched it a lot) and saving for their “glory box”. Most earned double what I earned. Then I dated a lady that fitted in with my system. She offered to pay for our fish and chips on a beach and insisted. She paid for some petrol. She loved the animals at a sanctuary and she cried when I took her to that same routine movie “Purple rain”. It wasn’t without flaws. We married and had two children but she was emotionally abusive and lazy. It lasted 11 years. The moral of the story, use such a system but make it 5 dates and include – work ethic and how she would treat a partner. Develop your own strategies. Set your standards. Have some flexibility but compatibility is crucial. Movies often have an array of emotions, discuss the movie after over a drink and find out her reactions to it. The final thing I'd suggest is to begin with a friendship. Having a formula is quirky but it can work. The quicker you get to know your date the faster the process is one way or the other. Good luck and keep persisting. Tony WK

Tasa83 Goals instead of resolutions
  • replies: 18

So instead of resolutions that we won’t keep, I thought we could post some goals that we have the year to work towards... I have a few: 1. Finish my Diploma 2. Make 2 new real friends 3. Swim more - swimming is good for my brain, peace, body, pain, g... View more

So instead of resolutions that we won’t keep, I thought we could post some goals that we have the year to work towards... I have a few: 1. Finish my Diploma 2. Make 2 new real friends 3. Swim more - swimming is good for my brain, peace, body, pain, grounding etc 4. Work towards finding long term solutions for my pain 5. Help as many people as I can by sharing my story

white knight Distress is crying and not crying
  • replies: 2

In short we always need help be it a chat, a warm caring hand or the lick from a dog. It all sooths. Let's look at the levels of distress. Some people use crying as their gauge of severe upset. We know that men and women have vast differences with fe... View more

In short we always need help be it a chat, a warm caring hand or the lick from a dog. It all sooths. Let's look at the levels of distress. Some people use crying as their gauge of severe upset. We know that men and women have vast differences with females usually crying easier than men and men holding it in. As a male I think both are as distressing as each other. Some that cry easily might not see it that way. I often say to some "but I'm crying inside", somehow crying inside doesn't "cut the mustard" because like mental illness to normal people, it isn't seen so its not happening! That's a male problem we have. On the flip side to a man, females cry easier...so we can become oblivious to its severity. "She's crying, so? she does often", isn't a nice way of tackling someones distress. Both men and women should always be compassionate when their partner/friend is telling them they are not in a good place...crying or not So crying or holding it in is equally alarming. I'll focus on men now as I am one. For me, and maybe others, my most distressed moments are either with someone screaming at me when I sit silent just taking it in and not responding or walking off alone and finding a solitary place staring at whatever is in front of me. This is a "time out" period and for me from the beginning of that period when I'm first alone to the end could be from 20 minutes long to 3 hours...I'm contemplating many things like leaving a marriage, how can it work out?, feeling negative. When I return to the family home the first few minutes of contact with my wife proves I was totally over reacting. This is explained best in the thread Topic: relationship strife? the peace pipe- beyondblue In that thread it explains the best way to defuse such a situation and some rules of the home that will prevent a major problem. That next level is going missing. I've felt the urge over the years to disappear but have never done it. Even heading off into the bush I've told people where I be. That is because love for family and friends no matter the level of distress, its the right thing to do. Once in my life I attempted to take my life. That was a time when I should have sort help. That was a level of distress that I'd never felt before nor since-uncontrollable crying. Thankfully I turned it around, changed my mindset. Topic: changing mindsets- beyondblue let life go on...google youtube focus on fulfillment maharaji prem rawat Lifeline 131114 Beyondblue 1300 22 4636 Tony WK

white knight GP visits
  • replies: 0

So you've known for some time things are just not how they should be. This could be due to- Others have told you your behaviour is odd You are sad, lazy, suppressed You dont fit into groups or cant find friends You have anger issues You are angry wit... View more

So you've known for some time things are just not how they should be. This could be due to- Others have told you your behaviour is odd You are sad, lazy, suppressed You dont fit into groups or cant find friends You have anger issues You are angry with yourself And so on There seems a lot of people, the majority I'd suggest feel shame in attending their GP to talk about mental issues. The stigma can be overwhelming. But in taking that very first step you are accepting the possibility that there could be a problem and...you love your family so much you wouldnt like them to suffer putting up with you the way you are. It isnt easy. The GP visit with your partner is often made following a screaming match. So sitting next to that partner listening to him/her claim your behaviour is odd when you feel the same is offputting. But it is a win-win situation because, you'll either be found without any illness as such or you can get treatment for one or your partner might have a problem. Lets look at two possibilities. If your check up and maybe counselling its found that you do not have any illness, it could be that your troubles with your partner can be narrowed down to personality differences or incompatibility. This is good because claims from partners can be judgemental. They just might not accept your thinking as being different. Different does not mean abnormal. However, if there is a diagnosis and its treated your relationship can get a second chance. Finally you and your partner with the help of your GP have identified an issue that has hindered your harmony, been instrumental in causing instability and unbeknown to the sufferer has been the cause of many odd events like tiredness, anger and distress. An example: I was always tired. Eventually during a GP visit my wife mentioned I stop breathing while sleeping. I had a sleep study and found I had sleep apnea. Now with a CPAP machine I am bright and awake and less moody. The same with another visit in 2003 when that GP visit led to a referral that led to diagnosis of bipolar and depression. Such diagnosis changed my life and my wife is pleased that subsequent education, medication and guidance has caused us both to have a strong marriage. Your GP visit is a crucial first step to a new life. View it as a positive step because it will result in a positive result no matter if there is a diagnosis or not. Only good can come out of a visit to your GP. Tony WK

white knight Seeking value in life
  • replies: 1

Can you relate? You carry out your daily life, tasks, work, chores, responsibility. Behind it all is this need to withdraw. It isn’t “giving up” as such, its escape from what is alien to us…modern life and people without empathy. Some might rightfull... View more

Can you relate? You carry out your daily life, tasks, work, chores, responsibility. Behind it all is this need to withdraw. It isn’t “giving up” as such, its escape from what is alien to us…modern life and people without empathy. Some might rightfully say its “burnout” well if it is that then it’s a pretty permanent form of it. Forget the trams the train and busses True life isn’t any of those Sit in the corner of your land To let a spider dance upon your nose… Then there is the “twentieth century disease” where some are paranoid about anything modern from concrete to aircraft. A total allergy condition where a few cant live in the modern world. There is scepticism about that but either way some of us – just don’t fit into life as we know it. The crowd of “norms” begin to chatter Ignore him, “there’s something the matter” If I want to talk and be one of them My aching head… on a silver platter…. These people that “fit” do so with ease They can do the task with smiles of cheese Though judge the odd in psycholand When all we want is to…please… And so the walls go up and the masks come out. We fit in with the others or so they think. As we try to stay on the rim of a crowd it doesn’t ultimately work. We are on our own. As we age it becomes more and more obvious that we were never going to fit in, be part of the crowd, be accepted or even encouraged to be one of “them”. So what is the answer? Let them go. Allow them to be in their own company and you learn to enjoy your own. Be comforted that you, the one with a mental illness is indeed a wonder in that you are just as important to the world. Value that. Involve yourself with things that enhance such importance like saving injured animals or making bird boxes so they can nest or sorting out clothes as a volunteer. Value that…value you however irrelevant it seems. It not matter what they say this black and white world is grey there be no space in their life for imperfection - they know no other way... Never give up be your motto take heart though there be a chance for many a confused you never see behind their mask -a conflict dance And therein lies your direction, if you can, to reach out to all and select those that need you or relate to you or even like you. If not then caring for animals could be for you. That way you can slot into a place where you are needed and accepted. And life is worthwhile. There is no better feeling of being needed and loved...and to care... TonyWK

Sad_Mushroom Bright Ideas
  • replies: 33

Hi, OK, I know at times my brain burps and doesn't work quite the way I'd like it to. BUT, at other times, quite out of the blue it 'burps' out an idea that seems so simple I can't believe it that I thought of it. Example: When my kids were younger w... View more

Hi, OK, I know at times my brain burps and doesn't work quite the way I'd like it to. BUT, at other times, quite out of the blue it 'burps' out an idea that seems so simple I can't believe it that I thought of it. Example: When my kids were younger we always had a light on at night. Usually a hallway light. Although if they wanted a drink or to use the bathroom that meant other lights were being turned off and on all night (I had 5 kids so once one got up, generally they all did) BILLS were, of course, causing me much anxiety and I was always in a panic before the electricity bill came. One day while working in the garden I had an idea. I pulled out the solar garden lights (a string of 100 small lights) and took them into the bathroom. I used blue tack to set the solar panel on the window sill but couldn't work out how to hook up the lights. Searching the shed for hooks I found my sons old round fishbowl. AHA! I cleaned the bowl and placed all the lights in the bowl then put the bowl on the bathroom cabinet. Once it got dark it shone like a large light bulb. It lasted until early hours of the morning. The next day I purchased two glass bowls from a Vinnies shop for a few $$ each and got two more sets lights. I placed these on the top kitchen cupboards, one each side of the kitchen sink. Not only were there no more lights being turned on and off at night but we didn't need a hallway light on either. My rational mind knew I was only saving a few dollars on each electricity bill but I stopped worrying about the lights being on at night and stopped panicking about the electricity bill. It wasn't bright enough to read a book but was good enough to use the bathroom and make a cuppa in the kitchen. One of my male friends who was suffering depression took on my idea and ran with it. His home is largely self-sufficient now and his bills are minimal. He has everything from free hot water to water saving ideas right through to the garden etc. Some of his ideas are based on products which cost a fortune but he's found how to replicate them for a small cost or no cost at all. Does anyone else have some bright ideas that have helped that they'd like to share? SM

white knight Assumptions and presumptions
  • replies: 0

There are numerous things in life whereby we can suffer embarrassment. Embarrassment fuels anxiety and depression, a trigger as such in some of us. The written word is one that can be difficult to control with assuming this or that. For example “Farm... View more

There are numerous things in life whereby we can suffer embarrassment. Embarrassment fuels anxiety and depression, a trigger as such in some of us. The written word is one that can be difficult to control with assuming this or that. For example “Farms that are presumably in drought areas often, perhaps should be considered not viable from a Govt viewpoint” If someone said those words in any Australian wide forum they might be in for an avalanche of rebutting from farmers and many others that support our land workers. However if we focus on the content of the sentence, it becomes a different matter. The word “presumably” then that is a flexible area of farming location. Those that attack such a sentence don’t know exactly where the farm is that he/she is talking about. The word “often” means not all the time so people cant pin down the authors timeframe. It could be 100 years ago. The words “not viable” rules out all viable and financially successful farms. “Govt viewpoint” is not the authors viewpoint. The author is making a suggestion. So the onslaught from readers begins and the attack is all to do with emotion of how dare the author not support farmers. Yet the author might well be supporting farmers, could be a farmer himself, just not supporting unviable ones that the Govt perhaps should consider less fundable. This “trap” is common on the internet. It takes some people 10-20 years of learning the hard way to word their debate in a way that excuses them of any verbal attack and accusation. I’m guilty of assuming also. It’s easy to do and harder to apologise for. But even when one explains what one really feels and clarifies what is said the onslaught will likely continue. This “win at all costs” is common now and it is hard for some to walk away giving the other the last say, to be suppressed. I’ve experienced this myself. So its important for our mental well being to minimalise conflict and one way to do that is to read carefully what is being said and not assume too much at the beginning. Stay calm and try to throw in a joke now and then to lighten up the mood. Remember, there is passionate people out there. Their beliefs are set in stone. You aren’t going to change their views overnight and why desire to change them? Express your disagreement but allow them their thoughts. As the late Peter Brock once said “My thoughts are personal, they are mine and mine alone and no one else has a right to them” (paraphrasing) Ditto. Tony WK

white knight Why are you here?
  • replies: 2

I know why you are on the forums, but why are you here? in life? What is your purpose? what is your goal? Many years ago while working in security I had to work with ambulance persons and firefighters. I was in awe of them in many ways. Yes they got ... View more

I know why you are on the forums, but why are you here? in life? What is your purpose? what is your goal? Many years ago while working in security I had to work with ambulance persons and firefighters. I was in awe of them in many ways. Yes they got paid well but really they entered their profession for the thrill of helping others, that adrenalin that comes from saving others. What an amazing bunch of people. No money in the world matters when its saving a life. Money is suddenly totally irrelevant. What about you? Have you ever helped someone and that experience had shaped your outlook for a long time? I know the feeling because as a prison officer I first used first aid to resuscitate an inmate. Then a few years later a similar event in Perth while I was on a business trip waiting for my skyway bus to take me to the airport. The fellow made it alive and the police rushed me to get there for my plane back to Melbourne. Some few hours that was. On both occasions the trauma caught up with me down the road but as it occurred I was in auto pilot from my training. Some members might wonder why we community champions devote so much of our time daily to talk to people like you about your woes. I can say that being here nearly 4 years that this experience has helped me enormously with my own mental challenges so it is my therapy in a way. The more I learn about this depression thing the stronger I become. Also it fills my day. Watching TV all the time is not my thing as we are idle on a pension. I have my building projects but largely I have time available. For you readers I urge you to, when ready, don't underestimate your ability to donate your own experiences to this or other mental health forum. You will benefit as a side advantage, while reaching out to help. We don't often get praise and appreciation. That is not why we are here. But tonight I got feedback and I'm buoyed, thankful and I just feel good after reading this ladies reply. So give it some thought. We go through life struggling but if we can hold hands with other people in strife we can conquer together. Accept that your challenges will take time, that's ok. Walk through the fog together and experience the ultimate purpose of "being here"....living to help others. The greatest inner thrill of all time. TonyWK

ChrissyStar Keeping my spirits up.
  • replies: 28

HI all, how are you? Great, I hope! I need somewhere to chat and keep connected to people....somewhere I can boast on my achievements to keep my spirits up and connect during the down times. I thought I would try here. Maybe I will number them for cl... View more

HI all, how are you? Great, I hope! I need somewhere to chat and keep connected to people....somewhere I can boast on my achievements to keep my spirits up and connect during the down times. I thought I would try here. Maybe I will number them for clarity. 1. I recently found myself stuck in front of the TV - for a very long time. It was a "safe" place where I could tune out and forget about my worldly problems. Of course this just meant time ticked over and the disappointment in not achieving anything piled up...and the chores as well...so it didn't actually help - just was an escape. I became trapped in this place and I couldn't get out. I'm not sure what changed - maybe the pending new year gave me hope of a fresh start....whatever it was, I am happy to say that I have broken out of it. I have cleaned the walls of the house (which were not clean when I moved in +6 months ago and hadn't been done in over 20 yrs) and got some furniture arranged in a more livable pattern. I am so proud of myself!!! The thoughts of whether or not this was fair on myself (feelings of being a victim) have dissipated too. I have gotten through 3 rooms and am now starting on the kitchen (one of the worst hit spots with the rodent droppings). And the feelings which stop me in my tracks has not arisen. Thank you for allowing me to express this here. Giving me "someone to talk to". Even though I do not expect a reply. Just the connection makes all the difference. I am not alone. Till next time. Live on!

startingnew what give you hope?
  • replies: 14

often in our darkest times we dont think about the positives in life, or looking ahead at a future life and what that might look like, so when things get really tough and we are loosing the hope that things will change, or loosing the will to go on w... View more

often in our darkest times we dont think about the positives in life, or looking ahead at a future life and what that might look like, so when things get really tough and we are loosing the hope that things will change, or loosing the will to go on what is is that give you that light in a dark tunnel? is it your pets? friends? a certain quote? it can be anything as long as it helps you in your darkest hour For me what gives me hope is that there have been people in a similar situation as me esp the CSA and whilst it was a very hard journey and by no means an easy recovery, they are alot better. of course they have their bad days, who doesnt? but its the fact that they didnt give up, and they managed to get througha dark tunnel blind and come out into the world a better person. so what gives you hope?