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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Seesaw of acceptance
  • replies: 9

Image a seesaw. When one end hits the ground it strikes depression, anxiety and hopelessness. When the other side hits the ground it arrives at normality in terms of emotions, coping ability and lifestyle. As you accumulate mental illness a box, lets... View more

Image a seesaw. When one end hits the ground it strikes depression, anxiety and hopelessness. When the other side hits the ground it arrives at normality in terms of emotions, coping ability and lifestyle. As you accumulate mental illness a box, lets call it the mental scar box is placed between the normal end and the seesaw. Suddenly you can never strike normal again. You can still get balance however…until several more scars are endured. The seesaw keeps tilting down towards the other end as your mental state worsens. You try desperately to balance it by changes in your life, introducing fun and treatment. Balancing the seesaw is your aim however, as life is what it is, it throws things at you all the time and it gets harder and harder to get that balance. The important thing to learn here is the fact that that seesaw will never touch the “normal” end again. Your scars are such that, just like a physical scar, never go away….in fact there is more chance of it reopening. That leaves us with acceptance or more pain. Acceptance is a hard ask. To accept we are not normal is one thing many struggle with but to accept we have to change, alter our thinking and dedicate much of our life to finding ways to just survive is even harder. Why is this? We don’t want to be abnormal, we don’t want to suffer an illness we feel but cannot see. We don’t like the stigma nor the feeling that we will never be cured. So acceptance is the one answer. If we get there the result is the balancing seesaw even though the scar boxes mount up to just under your plank. Acceptance is a state of mind. You can remain unwell and accept your mental state as part of you at the same time. A person without mental illness might accept they have a strange sense of humour, a poor gait or wiry hair. I knew a fellow that was a paraplegic that was a very angry guy due to being bound by his chair after a road accident. Yet his permanency of his condition will never change. Yet another friend also in a wheelchair spent 4 hours a day on a train for 6 years to get qualifications as a teacher. He taught the unemployed. When a student said “I cant get a job” he pointed at his chair and what was required of him to achieve a job. Some find it harder than others to be positive...trying is enough as long as you keep trying and try again. Acceptance. Easier than seeking cure. It takes time depending on the individual, to get there but it is the way forward…progression while enduring the pain. Tony WK

white knight Sensitive? break the cycle
  • replies: 0

Some illnesses have a direct result of bad moods, snappy reactions, poor tone selection or it might even be a family trait- part of your personality. Being on the receiving end of this isn’t fun. Yet again it’s a extreme response when we live in a wo... View more

Some illnesses have a direct result of bad moods, snappy reactions, poor tone selection or it might even be a family trait- part of your personality. Being on the receiving end of this isn’t fun. Yet again it’s a extreme response when we live in a world of extreme behaviour. Some time ago my wife and I had to come to terms with this factor in our marriage whereby nearly daily we’d get upset by a comment the other had made. We both have depression and associated disorders. So we had a long chat that did not include blame or judgement. We had to acknowledge that as this issue had remained for several years, it was time for a new approach. Justtrying to be nice all the time didn’t work. Our automatic responses were so inground from an early age, in ones early 60’s we weren’t going to change. The nasty reactions were going to stay. Next step…move on! We tried laughing it off. It works sometimes. We tried, nope! I came up with the idea that, when person A responds to person B in a course fashion and person B reacts in a sensitive way, then person B should if possible apologize straight away. There was a problem with this theory. What if person A doesn’t believe he/she was nasty or course or rude or whatever. Person A might well be reacting to a situation they had reacted all their lives- why apologise? It’s a big question. I explained to my wife that such an apology was not to apologize for being “wrong”. It’s an apology for not intentionally hurting person B. That such an apology, quick, direct and caring/loving would defuse the situation. A hug and touch- is gold. That to implement this procedure we, only the two of us, would agree that our apologies were uniquely used. Apologies in the conventional manner is to admit fault which for us isn’t ideal as it sets off other triggers. The cycle of A hurts B unintentionally, A apologises and feels guilty and hurt also, B feels better having been vindicated but bad because A is now hurt, B pleads with A that he didn’t mean it, A pleads she didn’t mean it and so on. This can ruin a whole day or more of your precious life, a merry go round of pain.. The words “sorry” or “I apologise” is, for us meant to sooth and because of our ultra sensitivity its used in a tailor made fashion. It’s like saying sorry to heal in a way the word was meant to be used but we both use it in our own way- like, I wasn’t necessarily wrong but I’m sorry you got hurt…I love you ok”! Abnormal minds need unique remedies. TonyWK

white knight Loneliness
  • replies: 5

On this forum theyte has been a consistent number of members struggling with the plight of being alone. If mentally struggling, one can feel totally alone in a crowded room. And there distinguishes why lonliness is more challenging for us. Loneliness... View more

On this forum theyte has been a consistent number of members struggling with the plight of being alone. If mentally struggling, one can feel totally alone in a crowded room. And there distinguishes why lonliness is more challenging for us. Loneliness for us isnt just being starved of human company...it being starved of human company, including yourself but the principles of remedy are the same, just with added difficulties. The basics of loneliness isnt complex. Breaking the barrier of fear to participate in sports from olympian down to cards games, competition fuels adrenalin to sometimes reach the level of passion. Passions divert a troubled mind to goals. Dwelling melts away...its all about the next game and participating not necessarily winning. Hobbies are a a means to connect with others too. Although some hobbies can be lonely like knitting if you dont join a knitting group for example. So sports and hobbies are two conventional methods to try. Friend selection is crutial for us. The more often we choose the wrong person as a friend, the less our confidence stays intact. As we grow older our wisdom from choosing wrongly makes it easier to pick the right ones. When younger we tend to attach ourselves to those with only one or two common interests. A "friend" at a car club owning the same model car that shares a similar profession might seem a candidate for your time yet those common interests has zero to do with whether she/he is a toxic person. Hence time and time again we go through the friendship split. Try doing some subtle homework. Listen to others. Keep your distance - it isnt a rush. Watch for the signs of things like a controlling nature, dishonesty, dependency and the most important of all ...empathy, the ability to walk beside you through those periods of struggle, AND VISA VERSA. Dont forget to help them. Limit your talking about you! Keep that brief. Friendships are no different than finding a soul mate. Like all aspects of our life we endure the extremes more than the "normal". But we can halve our difficulties by possessing an attitude of never giving up. I pushed a friend away I'd known for many years. It turned out he was talking behind my back in a cruel way. That didnt mean the next friend would. Thats my golden rule. Never compare people or its like comparing an orange to a tomato. We can be fickle, sensitive and moody. We, the mentally unwell can also be the most loving and caring on the planet. Tony WK

Chris_B Worried about other users - how are we all doing?
  • replies: 43

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences... View more

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences of others can be validating, because we feel 'we've been there', but sometimes it can also be a trigger for bringing up unpleasant feelings. I've started this thread so we can have a constructive discussion about helping others and helping ourselves - how do you cope when you read about others in distress? Do you have a self-care plan in place, and if so, what is it? Really looking forward to hearing from you all.

Sparkle246 Sometimes a hug is enough
  • replies: 4

Just needing some hugs sent my way... too much explaining and I don't really have anyone to talk to right now. Nothing major, just could do with a few hugs. I'm sending some hugs into the universe!

Just needing some hugs sent my way... too much explaining and I don't really have anyone to talk to right now. Nothing major, just could do with a few hugs. I'm sending some hugs into the universe!

Dee78 My job search journey
  • replies: 1

Its been six months approaching seven in this cruicial cycle of finding a new job, After being made redundant and preparing myself for the biggest change in my life (ten years with previous employer) I thought I was ready to adapt, and prepared mysel... View more

Its been six months approaching seven in this cruicial cycle of finding a new job, After being made redundant and preparing myself for the biggest change in my life (ten years with previous employer) I thought I was ready to adapt, and prepared myself well enough! yet its been too long - I have been keeping well, exercising, socialising, staying positive most of the time, and doing what I have to do, apply for jobs! yet those down days are so self destructive. I've been to almost seven job interviews and everytime built my confidence and charged myself to show my best self for the job, because I know deep down that I am energised and capable! then to get told that there were more suitable candidates and that the choice was a difficult one. My confidence is becoming a lie in me today, I have no confidence after all the knock backs, I am mentally exhausted from this process. I am not settling for lower jobs because after 18 years of experience, I feel that I would at least deserve the jobs I am applying for! I am also not wasting anyone's time by applying for jobs I am not interested in or not challenging for me. I was vibrant, capable and confident person who also instilled positivity and hope into people through my previous employment - in not for profit- yet now I am negative, hopeless and in despair and anger for the society overall and the authenticity in the hiring process. My confidence is chipped at bit by bit, month by month, and reach out to support is becoming exhausting experience, with little tangible support. Yet I know deep down that I am not a quitter, and that I am strong, I wish not to give up yet at times it feels like its easy to give up and register to Centrelink and become unemployed for longer. That is not the life I want for myself, and that is not where I want to end up. Now I know how people end up in this situation. from being a successful and vibrant employed people to becoming depressed unemployed person with no interest in life. I need to get out of this cycle. I need a job! I am skilled talented and can make a great contribution to any business. And its not so much to ask to be paid a reasonable salary or be selective! its not too much to ask.

Adylia How does your workplace work for your anxiety/depression?
  • replies: 3

I am currently jobless and considering a change in career as the industry I am trained for does not allow ANY room for modified workload as stress is a big trigger for me. My biggest problems are communicating with strangers, phone calls and "on the ... View more

I am currently jobless and considering a change in career as the industry I am trained for does not allow ANY room for modified workload as stress is a big trigger for me. My biggest problems are communicating with strangers, phone calls and "on the spot" thinking (things that make you feel like a chef with 2,840 orders at once). I have taken so many days off for depression - needing to sleep, adjusting to medications, and in an industry where it is 'all or nothing' I just can't do it anymore. Focus on the good stuff right - I am good at listening. I enjoy tasks where I can zone out. On the negative side, my medications have a requirement of no strenuous activity - otherwise I would consider cleaning. So to all those fellow sufferers out there, how do you make your work life suit your emotional needs? What sort of job are you in? How do you approach your boss about work being an issue with mental illnesses? Do you have any hints or tips to newbies like me? Thanks in advance.

MissBenthos Existential Crissis
  • replies: 14

I have been well for over a year now - depression and anxiety free. I have a great job, plenty of friends, am now engaged to my long time partner, I have a volunteer job, I'm still taking medication and am still seeing my psychologist once a month. B... View more

I have been well for over a year now - depression and anxiety free. I have a great job, plenty of friends, am now engaged to my long time partner, I have a volunteer job, I'm still taking medication and am still seeing my psychologist once a month. Basically I can't see anything wrong with my life. So I don't understand why I still question what the point in life is. I frequently wonder what my purpose is and find it hard to set goals. How can I find meaning in life? I don't feel passionate about anything and I don't know what else I can try?

annie_pannanny I need sleep! Suggestions please
  • replies: 2

So, I want some advice, tips, ideas on the best ways people have found to get some sleep without medication. I’m having a hard time getting any sleep at all. It’s been days. What are some ways you get to sleep? I’m open to natural therapies as well.

So, I want some advice, tips, ideas on the best ways people have found to get some sleep without medication. I’m having a hard time getting any sleep at all. It’s been days. What are some ways you get to sleep? I’m open to natural therapies as well.

PBelle Weird thread about dreams..... who thinks that they have meaning?
  • replies: 4

Ok, so a bit of an interesting topic here, but I have always thought that there is something out there. Spiritual like, things happen for a reason, right? So I have a question about dreams. When you dream of weird things that you remember, do you thi... View more

Ok, so a bit of an interesting topic here, but I have always thought that there is something out there. Spiritual like, things happen for a reason, right? So I have a question about dreams. When you dream of weird things that you remember, do you think they have meaning? Last year, when I had lots of troubles, I kept having dreams about fire, danger, all scary situations. And I looked them up on the net and I could see how they were linking. I also dreamt of doors being closed, me pushing my way through. I haven't had those dreams in a couple of months, but last night I was dreaming of the toilet and water seeping, then dripping from the roof. According the net, dreaming of the toilet means the possibility to get rid of a negative situation, move on from a problem and water is emotions, specifically, leaking water is supposed to signify emotional energy being used unwisely through anxiety or fear. When you read it, it seems to have meaning. Things have changed for me from bottling things up to letting it out .I have started to talk about things. Maybe the dream does has some meaning? Is my subconscious telling me something? What do you guys think? Anyone else ever had weird dreams that.