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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Seeking value in life
  • replies: 1

Can you relate? You carry out your daily life, tasks, work, chores, responsibility. Behind it all is this need to withdraw. It isn’t “giving up” as such, its escape from what is alien to us…modern life and people without empathy. Some might rightfull... View more

Can you relate? You carry out your daily life, tasks, work, chores, responsibility. Behind it all is this need to withdraw. It isn’t “giving up” as such, its escape from what is alien to us…modern life and people without empathy. Some might rightfully say its “burnout” well if it is that then it’s a pretty permanent form of it. Forget the trams the train and busses True life isn’t any of those Sit in the corner of your land To let a spider dance upon your nose… Then there is the “twentieth century disease” where some are paranoid about anything modern from concrete to aircraft. A total allergy condition where a few cant live in the modern world. There is scepticism about that but either way some of us – just don’t fit into life as we know it. The crowd of “norms” begin to chatter Ignore him, “there’s something the matter” If I want to talk and be one of them My aching head… on a silver platter…. These people that “fit” do so with ease They can do the task with smiles of cheese Though judge the odd in psycholand When all we want is to…please… And so the walls go up and the masks come out. We fit in with the others or so they think. As we try to stay on the rim of a crowd it doesn’t ultimately work. We are on our own. As we age it becomes more and more obvious that we were never going to fit in, be part of the crowd, be accepted or even encouraged to be one of “them”. So what is the answer? Let them go. Allow them to be in their own company and you learn to enjoy your own. Be comforted that you, the one with a mental illness is indeed a wonder in that you are just as important to the world. Value that. Involve yourself with things that enhance such importance like saving injured animals or making bird boxes so they can nest or sorting out clothes as a volunteer. Value that…value you however irrelevant it seems. It not matter what they say this black and white world is grey there be no space in their life for imperfection - they know no other way... Never give up be your motto take heart though there be a chance for many a confused you never see behind their mask -a conflict dance And therein lies your direction, if you can, to reach out to all and select those that need you or relate to you or even like you. If not then caring for animals could be for you. That way you can slot into a place where you are needed and accepted. And life is worthwhile. There is no better feeling of being needed and loved...and to care... TonyWK

Sad_Mushroom Bright Ideas
  • replies: 33

Hi, OK, I know at times my brain burps and doesn't work quite the way I'd like it to. BUT, at other times, quite out of the blue it 'burps' out an idea that seems so simple I can't believe it that I thought of it. Example: When my kids were younger w... View more

Hi, OK, I know at times my brain burps and doesn't work quite the way I'd like it to. BUT, at other times, quite out of the blue it 'burps' out an idea that seems so simple I can't believe it that I thought of it. Example: When my kids were younger we always had a light on at night. Usually a hallway light. Although if they wanted a drink or to use the bathroom that meant other lights were being turned off and on all night (I had 5 kids so once one got up, generally they all did) BILLS were, of course, causing me much anxiety and I was always in a panic before the electricity bill came. One day while working in the garden I had an idea. I pulled out the solar garden lights (a string of 100 small lights) and took them into the bathroom. I used blue tack to set the solar panel on the window sill but couldn't work out how to hook up the lights. Searching the shed for hooks I found my sons old round fishbowl. AHA! I cleaned the bowl and placed all the lights in the bowl then put the bowl on the bathroom cabinet. Once it got dark it shone like a large light bulb. It lasted until early hours of the morning. The next day I purchased two glass bowls from a Vinnies shop for a few $$ each and got two more sets lights. I placed these on the top kitchen cupboards, one each side of the kitchen sink. Not only were there no more lights being turned on and off at night but we didn't need a hallway light on either. My rational mind knew I was only saving a few dollars on each electricity bill but I stopped worrying about the lights being on at night and stopped panicking about the electricity bill. It wasn't bright enough to read a book but was good enough to use the bathroom and make a cuppa in the kitchen. One of my male friends who was suffering depression took on my idea and ran with it. His home is largely self-sufficient now and his bills are minimal. He has everything from free hot water to water saving ideas right through to the garden etc. Some of his ideas are based on products which cost a fortune but he's found how to replicate them for a small cost or no cost at all. Does anyone else have some bright ideas that have helped that they'd like to share? SM

white knight Assumptions and presumptions
  • replies: 0

There are numerous things in life whereby we can suffer embarrassment. Embarrassment fuels anxiety and depression, a trigger as such in some of us. The written word is one that can be difficult to control with assuming this or that. For example “Farm... View more

There are numerous things in life whereby we can suffer embarrassment. Embarrassment fuels anxiety and depression, a trigger as such in some of us. The written word is one that can be difficult to control with assuming this or that. For example “Farms that are presumably in drought areas often, perhaps should be considered not viable from a Govt viewpoint” If someone said those words in any Australian wide forum they might be in for an avalanche of rebutting from farmers and many others that support our land workers. However if we focus on the content of the sentence, it becomes a different matter. The word “presumably” then that is a flexible area of farming location. Those that attack such a sentence don’t know exactly where the farm is that he/she is talking about. The word “often” means not all the time so people cant pin down the authors timeframe. It could be 100 years ago. The words “not viable” rules out all viable and financially successful farms. “Govt viewpoint” is not the authors viewpoint. The author is making a suggestion. So the onslaught from readers begins and the attack is all to do with emotion of how dare the author not support farmers. Yet the author might well be supporting farmers, could be a farmer himself, just not supporting unviable ones that the Govt perhaps should consider less fundable. This “trap” is common on the internet. It takes some people 10-20 years of learning the hard way to word their debate in a way that excuses them of any verbal attack and accusation. I’m guilty of assuming also. It’s easy to do and harder to apologise for. But even when one explains what one really feels and clarifies what is said the onslaught will likely continue. This “win at all costs” is common now and it is hard for some to walk away giving the other the last say, to be suppressed. I’ve experienced this myself. So its important for our mental well being to minimalise conflict and one way to do that is to read carefully what is being said and not assume too much at the beginning. Stay calm and try to throw in a joke now and then to lighten up the mood. Remember, there is passionate people out there. Their beliefs are set in stone. You aren’t going to change their views overnight and why desire to change them? Express your disagreement but allow them their thoughts. As the late Peter Brock once said “My thoughts are personal, they are mine and mine alone and no one else has a right to them” (paraphrasing) Ditto. Tony WK

white knight Why are you here?
  • replies: 2

I know why you are on the forums, but why are you here? in life? What is your purpose? what is your goal? Many years ago while working in security I had to work with ambulance persons and firefighters. I was in awe of them in many ways. Yes they got ... View more

I know why you are on the forums, but why are you here? in life? What is your purpose? what is your goal? Many years ago while working in security I had to work with ambulance persons and firefighters. I was in awe of them in many ways. Yes they got paid well but really they entered their profession for the thrill of helping others, that adrenalin that comes from saving others. What an amazing bunch of people. No money in the world matters when its saving a life. Money is suddenly totally irrelevant. What about you? Have you ever helped someone and that experience had shaped your outlook for a long time? I know the feeling because as a prison officer I first used first aid to resuscitate an inmate. Then a few years later a similar event in Perth while I was on a business trip waiting for my skyway bus to take me to the airport. The fellow made it alive and the police rushed me to get there for my plane back to Melbourne. Some few hours that was. On both occasions the trauma caught up with me down the road but as it occurred I was in auto pilot from my training. Some members might wonder why we community champions devote so much of our time daily to talk to people like you about your woes. I can say that being here nearly 4 years that this experience has helped me enormously with my own mental challenges so it is my therapy in a way. The more I learn about this depression thing the stronger I become. Also it fills my day. Watching TV all the time is not my thing as we are idle on a pension. I have my building projects but largely I have time available. For you readers I urge you to, when ready, don't underestimate your ability to donate your own experiences to this or other mental health forum. You will benefit as a side advantage, while reaching out to help. We don't often get praise and appreciation. That is not why we are here. But tonight I got feedback and I'm buoyed, thankful and I just feel good after reading this ladies reply. So give it some thought. We go through life struggling but if we can hold hands with other people in strife we can conquer together. Accept that your challenges will take time, that's ok. Walk through the fog together and experience the ultimate purpose of "being here"....living to help others. The greatest inner thrill of all time. TonyWK

ChrissyStar Keeping my spirits up.
  • replies: 28

HI all, how are you? Great, I hope! I need somewhere to chat and keep connected to people....somewhere I can boast on my achievements to keep my spirits up and connect during the down times. I thought I would try here. Maybe I will number them for cl... View more

HI all, how are you? Great, I hope! I need somewhere to chat and keep connected to people....somewhere I can boast on my achievements to keep my spirits up and connect during the down times. I thought I would try here. Maybe I will number them for clarity. 1. I recently found myself stuck in front of the TV - for a very long time. It was a "safe" place where I could tune out and forget about my worldly problems. Of course this just meant time ticked over and the disappointment in not achieving anything piled up...and the chores as well...so it didn't actually help - just was an escape. I became trapped in this place and I couldn't get out. I'm not sure what changed - maybe the pending new year gave me hope of a fresh start....whatever it was, I am happy to say that I have broken out of it. I have cleaned the walls of the house (which were not clean when I moved in +6 months ago and hadn't been done in over 20 yrs) and got some furniture arranged in a more livable pattern. I am so proud of myself!!! The thoughts of whether or not this was fair on myself (feelings of being a victim) have dissipated too. I have gotten through 3 rooms and am now starting on the kitchen (one of the worst hit spots with the rodent droppings). And the feelings which stop me in my tracks has not arisen. Thank you for allowing me to express this here. Giving me "someone to talk to". Even though I do not expect a reply. Just the connection makes all the difference. I am not alone. Till next time. Live on!

startingnew what give you hope?
  • replies: 14

often in our darkest times we dont think about the positives in life, or looking ahead at a future life and what that might look like, so when things get really tough and we are loosing the hope that things will change, or loosing the will to go on w... View more

often in our darkest times we dont think about the positives in life, or looking ahead at a future life and what that might look like, so when things get really tough and we are loosing the hope that things will change, or loosing the will to go on what is is that give you that light in a dark tunnel? is it your pets? friends? a certain quote? it can be anything as long as it helps you in your darkest hour For me what gives me hope is that there have been people in a similar situation as me esp the CSA and whilst it was a very hard journey and by no means an easy recovery, they are alot better. of course they have their bad days, who doesnt? but its the fact that they didnt give up, and they managed to get througha dark tunnel blind and come out into the world a better person. so what gives you hope?

white knight Mars and Venus, the conversation between us
  • replies: 0

I thought it was a problem my wife has alone. The natural way she interrupts me half way through a sentence. It has caused many an upset. Then we had lunch with her friend. We chatted away and my wife interrupted, I just stared at her and she knew I ... View more

I thought it was a problem my wife has alone. The natural way she interrupts me half way through a sentence. It has caused many an upset. Then we had lunch with her friend. We chatted away and my wife interrupted, I just stared at her and she knew I was angry. “I interrupted” she said. “Yes you did” I replied. I finished my sentence then her friend said “I’m sorry,, when did she interrupt”. After many minutes talking friendly about this it came to me that some women talk this way, chatting at the same time, listening and chatting like a juggling act. Her friend told us she has the same problem with her husband except unlike me, when he feels interrupted, he feels compelled to go all the way back to the beginning of his sentence/story (which she finds intolerable). For me it’s a case of trying to recall where I was before the interruption. My wife tried something a while back, reminding me where I was in my story. Eg “you were saying that Mt Wellington had a great view at the top”…most times I could then recall my track. This fundamental difference in how we are wired is a tough issue to overcome. In most other ways my wife and I are telepathically together like Siamese twins how we think. But alas there is this crack that appears to be a male/female thing. What are the methods of acceptance of the opposite sex that we can implement that is beneficial to both. For example it isn’t fair it seems to expect a female to stop interjecting because that is their way. It isn’t fair for a male to stop them interrupting and it is unfair to expect change from what seems to be part of either nature. What I do know is that due to meds or just being a male, I have little memory which is why I get angry because I cant recall my track, my point. Furthermore if someone merely is wanting to interject but doesn’t then I’m distracted and that is just as damaging to my attention to what I’m talking about. This is all sooo confusing. Do others ever have the same issues? The breakdown of conversation from interjection or from a female perspective not being allowed to interject which is their natural way of communication? Has anyone overcome such major differences? I'm not expecting change, I'm wanting solutions. Tony WK

white knight Positivity, what is it really?
  • replies: 2

Salespeople amuse me. As a former insurance salesman I was “programmed” to be positive in everything I did. There was simply no room for negative thoughts that downloaded to comments. In the end I left the profession but that didn’t mean I was negati... View more

Salespeople amuse me. As a former insurance salesman I was “programmed” to be positive in everything I did. There was simply no room for negative thoughts that downloaded to comments. In the end I left the profession but that didn’t mean I was negative, just realistic about it. And that’s the message here now. Being positive has its limits. There is no doubt that being overall positive is far better than being negative but we don’t need to fool ourselves into a world of unrealistic expectations and goals. Being a positive person is more complex than good and bad. Let me explain. A negative thinking person has a dim view of the world, half a cup empty than half full. Positive people can try to educate a negative person but the change must come from within. Some people need only a spark. After years of thinking negatively and knowing you are negative when the spark comes it can change your life in every conceivable way and in every moment. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe but it is a buoyancy that, once there, it is there forever. One never wants to go back to having a dim view of the world. For me that moment came at 27yo. Google Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue I’m now 61yo. After some decades as an energised thinker one thing I’ve had to grapple with is being realistic. Death hits us all whether it be a family member or friend. When we grieve its impossible to be positive about it. There can be token justifications like “he is no longer in pain” but we all know it just doesn’t cut it in terms of the massive loss to our lives. The workplace. We can be motivated but when we are there is often the jealous co-worker that interprets your hard work for wanting promotion. Suddenly you have conflict or tension. It’s their problem! These workers aren’t team members, they don’t know you nor your intent, they are destructive and yes- negative. Leave the negative people to their own sad world because if you play their game their satisfaction comes when you take the bait. The transformation from negative to positive is the best change you’ll ever carry out. It will mean your good days with a mental illness will be great, your bad days will still be bad but you will capitalise on the slightest positive event…like watching the sunrise. Being positive doesn't equate to an easier way to rise above a down period but whereas you'll walk tall on the way out of it, being positive ...you'll run... Being positive is almost essential. Tony WK

white knight Seesaw of acceptance
  • replies: 9

Image a seesaw. When one end hits the ground it strikes depression, anxiety and hopelessness. When the other side hits the ground it arrives at normality in terms of emotions, coping ability and lifestyle. As you accumulate mental illness a box, lets... View more

Image a seesaw. When one end hits the ground it strikes depression, anxiety and hopelessness. When the other side hits the ground it arrives at normality in terms of emotions, coping ability and lifestyle. As you accumulate mental illness a box, lets call it the mental scar box is placed between the normal end and the seesaw. Suddenly you can never strike normal again. You can still get balance however…until several more scars are endured. The seesaw keeps tilting down towards the other end as your mental state worsens. You try desperately to balance it by changes in your life, introducing fun and treatment. Balancing the seesaw is your aim however, as life is what it is, it throws things at you all the time and it gets harder and harder to get that balance. The important thing to learn here is the fact that that seesaw will never touch the “normal” end again. Your scars are such that, just like a physical scar, never go away….in fact there is more chance of it reopening. That leaves us with acceptance or more pain. Acceptance is a hard ask. To accept we are not normal is one thing many struggle with but to accept we have to change, alter our thinking and dedicate much of our life to finding ways to just survive is even harder. Why is this? We don’t want to be abnormal, we don’t want to suffer an illness we feel but cannot see. We don’t like the stigma nor the feeling that we will never be cured. So acceptance is the one answer. If we get there the result is the balancing seesaw even though the scar boxes mount up to just under your plank. Acceptance is a state of mind. You can remain unwell and accept your mental state as part of you at the same time. A person without mental illness might accept they have a strange sense of humour, a poor gait or wiry hair. I knew a fellow that was a paraplegic that was a very angry guy due to being bound by his chair after a road accident. Yet his permanency of his condition will never change. Yet another friend also in a wheelchair spent 4 hours a day on a train for 6 years to get qualifications as a teacher. He taught the unemployed. When a student said “I cant get a job” he pointed at his chair and what was required of him to achieve a job. Some find it harder than others to be positive...trying is enough as long as you keep trying and try again. Acceptance. Easier than seeking cure. It takes time depending on the individual, to get there but it is the way forward…progression while enduring the pain. Tony WK

white knight Sensitive? break the cycle
  • replies: 0

Some illnesses have a direct result of bad moods, snappy reactions, poor tone selection or it might even be a family trait- part of your personality. Being on the receiving end of this isn’t fun. Yet again it’s a extreme response when we live in a wo... View more

Some illnesses have a direct result of bad moods, snappy reactions, poor tone selection or it might even be a family trait- part of your personality. Being on the receiving end of this isn’t fun. Yet again it’s a extreme response when we live in a world of extreme behaviour. Some time ago my wife and I had to come to terms with this factor in our marriage whereby nearly daily we’d get upset by a comment the other had made. We both have depression and associated disorders. So we had a long chat that did not include blame or judgement. We had to acknowledge that as this issue had remained for several years, it was time for a new approach. Justtrying to be nice all the time didn’t work. Our automatic responses were so inground from an early age, in ones early 60’s we weren’t going to change. The nasty reactions were going to stay. Next step…move on! We tried laughing it off. It works sometimes. We tried, nope! I came up with the idea that, when person A responds to person B in a course fashion and person B reacts in a sensitive way, then person B should if possible apologize straight away. There was a problem with this theory. What if person A doesn’t believe he/she was nasty or course or rude or whatever. Person A might well be reacting to a situation they had reacted all their lives- why apologise? It’s a big question. I explained to my wife that such an apology was not to apologize for being “wrong”. It’s an apology for not intentionally hurting person B. That such an apology, quick, direct and caring/loving would defuse the situation. A hug and touch- is gold. That to implement this procedure we, only the two of us, would agree that our apologies were uniquely used. Apologies in the conventional manner is to admit fault which for us isn’t ideal as it sets off other triggers. The cycle of A hurts B unintentionally, A apologises and feels guilty and hurt also, B feels better having been vindicated but bad because A is now hurt, B pleads with A that he didn’t mean it, A pleads she didn’t mean it and so on. This can ruin a whole day or more of your precious life, a merry go round of pain.. The words “sorry” or “I apologise” is, for us meant to sooth and because of our ultra sensitivity its used in a tailor made fashion. It’s like saying sorry to heal in a way the word was meant to be used but we both use it in our own way- like, I wasn’t necessarily wrong but I’m sorry you got hurt…I love you ok”! Abnormal minds need unique remedies. TonyWK