Staying well

The enemy of my enemy is my friend... or is it?

replies: 12

In battle, there is an aged old saying: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." This means that there is military advantage to form alliance with your first enemies other enemies; so that together you can conquer your first enemy. Recently there has be... View more

In battle, there is an aged old saying: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." This means that there is military advantage to form alliance with your first enemies other enemies; so that together you can conquer your first enemy. Recently there has been discussion about healthy eating and being healthy. But oftentimes I find that eating healthy and regular exercise does not result in being a healthy weight. Another great saying that I once heard is: "nothing is more unequal than the equal treatment of unequal's," which basically means that there is no one solution fixes every problem. So telling me to not eat the sugars I don't eat, or to cut back on the processed food I don't eat, doesn't really teach me anything. It's like you are telling me to make my water wet. Hmm... maybe best to look at "Why do I have Fat?" A current reality tree (CRT) is a way of analyzing many systems or organizational problems at once. By identifying root causes common to most or all of the problems, a CRT can greatly aid focused improvement of the system. So if the system is my body, I should be able to use a CRT to find the cause of Fat. I eat healthy and I exercise regularly, both of which do not lend themselves to having Fat, so it must be something else. What about volumes? Can too much healthy foods make you fat; possibly. Eating too much healthy food makes you fat. So, according to the CRT, my problem is eating too much. So I tried to eat single servings instead of double-triple serves, but Fat stays with me. And I need to get rid of this enemy called Fat. So, if my enemy is Fat. And, Fat's enemy is skinny. Then Skinny is my friend. So how do I get Skinny? If I ate how Skinny eats, would I not just be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire? So many questions, no real answers

It's the climb...long term maintenance of multiple chronic illness.

replies: 3

It has been over twelve months between posts and the journey has been a difficult one. I orginally posted about my PTSD and questionable bipolar dignosis. I suffered acute liver failure caused by an antidepressant. I have chronic anxiety, depressive ... View more

It has been over twelve months between posts and the journey has been a difficult one. I orginally posted about my PTSD and questionable bipolar dignosis. I suffered acute liver failure caused by an antidepressant. I have chronic anxiety, depressive disorder, PTSD, PMDD, and fybromyalgia. As best I can I manage my illness with exercise diet and medication. I dont drink alcohol or use illegal drugs. Due to my transplant, I have practiced alot of mindfulness, meditation and other relaxation techniques. It is hard to grieve the loss of a person you will never know, yet they are your lifesaving hero. For the most, I go ok. My PMDD plays havoc with my mind in the days leading up to menstruaion. These days are psychologically impossible. It is a real battle between the gratitude of life and the self destructive thoughts associated with PMDD. Throw in the chronic fatigue, pain other symptoms of fybro, plus the dynamics of IBS ( developing after my stoma was reversed in Apil 2017), the maintenance becomes a way of life. I am finding today hard. Fybro is very active, bought on by stress. Stress comes from the pain and fatigue and anxiety that the symptoms are impacting my liver. I can normally ride this but the PMDD plus the stress of my brother is overwhelming. My brother has been psychiatric care since 23rd Dec, without improvement. My parents are his carers but is having an exhaustive emotional strain on all of my family. Too sum it up... It's the climb!

The heart of the matter

replies: 5

As a young home mechanic I had a problem with my car years ago. It had a vibration at 80kph and was irritating. So on a weekend I swapped wheels, got them rebalanced, tightened the steering box, had one tyre replaced etc. The problem got worse. So ev... View more

As a young home mechanic I had a problem with my car years ago. It had a vibration at 80kph and was irritating. So on a weekend I swapped wheels, got them rebalanced, tightened the steering box, had one tyre replaced etc. The problem got worse. So eventually I took it to a good mechanic. "How many hours did you spend on this trying to find the problem?" he asked. "20 hours over two days I replied, why how long did you take"?..."2 minutes" he replied. He'd put the car on a hoist and turned the tailshaft and found slop in a joint. $120 and I was on my way. Another example of this. At around 13yo onwards I was over sensitive. Unlike other boys I'd cry at the drop of a hat. "You are just growing up Tony" said my wonderful father. So I waited to grow up emotionally and that didn't start to happen until medication for dysthymia and bipolar kicked in at 56yo!! During those painful 43 years there were attempts to find help like mentioning it to marriage counselor or therapists...but no one detected a serious illness was at the core of the problem..."you are just an emotional person" Both examples are from incorrect diagnosis or no diagnosis. Both examples are not consulting the correct professional to seek out what was at the - "heart of the matter" Such actions are skirting around an issue. In the case of the car repair, my other "remedies" caused other problems. The steering box that I tightened up should not have been touched, the replacement of the tyre was unnecessary as was the rebalance. All in all it cost me heaps of money and two weekend days I could have spent camping. If we arrive in a town and we need food we attend a supermarket, meat maybe a butcher, fuses an auto shop and gas cylinder a camping store. Yet if we have serious mental health problems we cross our fingers and hope it goes away. We talk to others that likely haven't had mental health issues in their lives let alone advise on. For some reason some of us want to know the answer even asking here on this forum before attending a GP. The only valid reason could be financial. It's great asking us for we could tell you of similar experiences but it is better to automatically go to a GP first as he/she is the professional in that field. We can run around the Mulberry bush looking for reasons our mental health is showing symptoms. By consulting a GP and following their direction we are no longer playing this meaningless guessing game....we are getting the heart of the matter. Tony WK

H.A.L.T

replies: 4

Hi I just thought I'd share this because it is simple but a good guide to let me know why I at times feel worse than others. H...hungry A....angry L...lonely T...tired If 2 of these things is happening I tend to be a bit out of sorts. If 3 is happeni... View more

Hi I just thought I'd share this because it is simple but a good guide to let me know why I at times feel worse than others. H...hungry A....angry L...lonely T...tired If 2 of these things is happening I tend to be a bit out of sorts. If 3 is happening it is basically a big red stop sign. If all 4 well I know I'm in trouble and need to interact all my support fast. Hope this helps others as well

SILENCE- The bad and the good

replies: 9

There is not many more effective tools of trade for a nasty person than- silence. I’m an expert, not of using silence as a weapon, but of being the victim. My ex wife was raised by a mother that did cruel things, stole her pocket money, elbowed her a... View more

There is not many more effective tools of trade for a nasty person than- silence. I’m an expert, not of using silence as a weapon, but of being the victim. My ex wife was raised by a mother that did cruel things, stole her pocket money, elbowed her as she walked along the hallway, read her diary etc to the extent that one day as a teenager she decided that her mother could do anything to her but she would never be able to penetrate her mind. This determination and toleration led to my ex wife to develop the perfect defence mechanism which over time she ended up using as part of our daily lives in our marriage. Any objection, raising of the voice, disapproval, disagreeing…anything- led to silence. After 7 years of such behaviour I realised, after our many counselling sessions, that this would not abate. It was me that had to change, change by not having any anger, showing disappointment, etc. Sadly as divorced parents the same problem continued when trying to discuss our childrens needs. Any discussion was decided upon on her terms. There are positives in everything if we look hard enough. Silence means no arguments! One day my eldest daughter at 16yo was distressed about something. She didn’t like a restriction I put in place. She ran off towards a creek. I followed about 50 metres away. She sat at waters edge and cried for about 2 hours. She kept glancing at me as I sat and waited, not a word. Finally she walked up to me and said “why are you here”. I opened my arms. Job done, all good. Love needs no words. In my many jobs I’ve found silence is an art form. In the workplace you often get the ladder climbers, seeking promotion or just bosses approval by mentioning their achievements. Yet, when I finally became a supervisor I preferred the worker that solved issues themselves without mentioning them. The silent achiever was more preferable than the boaster. As I was the talkative type I had to constantly remind myself that rapid and continuous talking wasn’t ideal in a populated workplace. It just doesn’t fit in with the complex array of personalities. A talker finds chatting natural so its not easy being "quiet" but it can be beneficial. Silence can be cruel. Sometimes it is necessary in order to move on from a toxic relationship. But as adults we should not use it as a means to hurt others only used to distance oneself from others or from topics of controversy. Even then, it is right to communicate firmly and concisely….in a humane way. Tony WK

Officially giving up the drink!

replies: 6

It doesnt matter if you dont drink for 2 days or 2 years some people and alcohol were not supposed to go together and i am certainly one of those people. We tell ourselves justifications etc to have another drink but it always seem to end up the same... View more

It doesnt matter if you dont drink for 2 days or 2 years some people and alcohol were not supposed to go together and i am certainly one of those people. We tell ourselves justifications etc to have another drink but it always seem to end up the same way. The morning after the negative thoughts and feelings kick into overdrive and its a feeling i wouldnt wish on anyone else. I spoke to my wife about it and its time i give the drink up completly as all it does is feed my depression like a starving junkyard dog. If i want to move forward i need to divorce myself from alcohol for the long term. I didnt even make a fool out of myself for once which is rare but still these thoughts and feelings were waiting for me when i opened my eyes to face the day. I used to think i drank because thats what young people do at the age of 18 and i believed this for 8 long years. I soon realised i was drinking to cover up my low self esteem and lack of confidence in my self. Drinking gives you unlimited confidence until you pass out or wake up the next morning. Im not dismissing alcohol completly as some people can control it as they control over their mind and thoughts where as i dont have that ability unfortunatly i needed to make the tough decision. Whatever it may be in life we come to a cross roads and need to make a call to better ourselves. I feel relieved to be honest in making this decision because i know it will only benefit me in my daily struggle with depression. Im naturally an anti social person and alcohol was my tool to being social if only for a 24 hour period. I will need to develop other ways to improve my social skills. Its easy to say i will never drink again but when you actually mean it and realise within yourself that this time you mean it is a big step forward well it is for me. My advice for anyone is if your not using the drink for the right reasons such as to mask other issues or getting over life experiences etc seek help and talk to someone before it can begin to take over your life. Happy new year!

Carrying our own cross

replies: 15

My ex brother in law told me many years ago "you JUST have to carrying your own cross" That was during a period of dwelling on a serious back injury and struggling with anxiety and depression. He had chronic rheumatoid arthritis and although in much ... View more

My ex brother in law told me many years ago "you JUST have to carrying your own cross" That was during a period of dwelling on a serious back injury and struggling with anxiety and depression. He had chronic rheumatoid arthritis and although in much pain...never complained. Why the contrast? Well we can assume some people have different pain thresholds. The other factor is we cant accept the major changes in our lives of such huge negatives. When someone tells you to "carry your own cross" it can be hurtful but if we have the better attitude we should consider the possibility that they are right, that they have a point to make. Having a back injury or any other injuries can effect every minute of your day, even simply sitting. So there is no escaping it. However if we continually moan about it, it can effect our relationships. Carrying our own cross means- realising other people have their own challenges in life, might be concealing them or if not, have a limited ability to withstand listening to others problems. There is no better example than xmas lunch. All people expect that arriving for a family gathering, to catch up with friends and family is going to be happy. Its exciting and rewarding, quality time. The last thing anyone wants is to endure people complaining about anything. The sadness we personally endure or the pain should be concealed unless asked IMO, once asked thank the person for asking, give a brief reply and change the subject maybe to their issues. Such carrying of your own cross for some doesnt come naturally, as in my case. I had to learn that wearing a happy mask to conceal my problems/pain sounds unfair, fake etc but it is to allow for others to enjoy their time in a festive mood. People can be kind and considerate and still cant put up with too much of a depressing mood from someone. Sadly but true, there is a time and a place for everything...even dumping onto others our illnesses. We should keep it minimal and allow others to enjoy their time. Thats an opinion, do you agree? Tony WK

Anxiety from INJUSTICE

replies: 0

We grow up knowing right from wrong. We adults pride ourselves that we uphold our values. We battle with others to push for what is right and condemn what’s wrong. For many of us with mental illness and extra sensitivities we react greater when issue... View more

We grow up knowing right from wrong. We adults pride ourselves that we uphold our values. We battle with others to push for what is right and condemn what’s wrong. For many of us with mental illness and extra sensitivities we react greater when issues occur but its is argueable that sometimes wrong things happen and we get caught up in situations that nearly anyone can get caught up in. Injustice done to us can happen anywhere, anytime then suddenly we are forced to defend. While defending our honour, when we are already fragile, we suffer greatly. It lowers our resilience to a new low. Australia, a democracy. As someone once said “Democracy is evil, but better than the alternative” or similar. That’s an indication that there are faults in the system. Good examples can be googled like “the padington bear affair” and the “ colour TV affair” These are situations whereby politicians tried to re-enter the country and not pay tax on goods. The pressure the customs officer was under from their own supervisors was enormous. One officer ended up not being able to leave his unit such was the damage done. In my case as a dog ranger/bylaws officer in the 1980’s I had an unblemished working record in prisons and investigations. I was subjected to pressure (directions) to favour a local politicians car in outer Melbourne. My boss wanted me to ignore that habit he had of parking in a disabled zone. I refused on strong principle. The zone wasn’t set aside for a fat cat to park their because his office was 10 metres away. There was a free car park 50 metres away. But this direction also came from higher above, the town clerk, a mate of the polly. You can see the problem. I could have, in hindsight told my boss that he had a choice- have troubles or patrol that street himself. He likely would have chosen the latter. But what occurred is that my righteousness and sensitivity on attempts to corrupt me, took hold. The result was a panic attack (initially believed to be a heart attack) off work, an inquiry I instigated and lost as the scapegoat and an ombudsman inquiry that was ineffective regardless of evidence. Welcome to justice!. I did get on radio and in the Herald-Sun news but that was slim pickings compared to- losing my income, my health and family stress. Upholding values doesn't pay the bills. There are times though that we should fight because the injustice is too great to ignore. If so, don't feel guilty- uphold your values but care for your well being. Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

replies: 12

Fighting against anything has its limitations. An Army could blast its way through enemy lines but a wise commander might find a more peaceful way to achieve agreement and save many lives. With depression its isn't that much different. When you are i... View more

Fighting against anything has its limitations. An Army could blast its way through enemy lines but a wise commander might find a more peaceful way to achieve agreement and save many lives. With depression its isn't that much different. When you are in that low zone it is pointless forcing yourself to "fight it". You can push hard to do the shopping and find yourself a mess in your car unable to move. What have you achieved then? So as a sequel to my thread (google Topic: depression, the timing of motivation- beyondblue) I'd like to list some ideas of how to "fight it" in a wise way. To tame that black dog. Patience- if you don't have any don't feel bad (google Topic: supermarket shelves- beyondblue. Cure is rare with depression so try finding a little patience to at least allow medication and therapy to work. Withdraw- Pulling back from social events a little. Not fully but ask yourself "do I have the option of staying home"? "Do I have the option of not being a committee member of my club"? Back to basics- (google Topic: back to basics- beyondblue) Medications- take them, don't fall into the mind trap of thinking they are not needed. Work with your GP (google Topic: medication is a whirlpool- beyondblue) Lifestyle- A change is as good as a ??? And if a few days/weeks away on a holiday works for you consider moving to such an environment Family and friends- You have the decision making as to who stays in your life. You can determine if they are toxic or unhelpful. Find the tact to let them go or drift away. Remember, we are talking about your mental health. Intrusive thoughts- Like everything else try to pull back moderately. Elimination of them is an unwise expectation. Reduce them by distraction. (Topic: distraction and variety- beyondblue) Faith- whatever your religious persuasion is embrace it. Also have an open mind as to your journey to your inner heart. (Google Maharaji sunset youtube) Feel lucky- this state of mind, positivity, your ability to get moving but....you need to be mentally well enough. Wait for that cycle to pick up then implement. (Google Maharaji the perfect instrument youtube) Team effort- If you have a carer then rely on him/her to gauge how you are behaving, where you're at. Don't forget to care for them (Topic: who cares for the carer- beyondblue) Disconnect- The burdens of the past, make peace with them. Write them on a pebble and throw them in the river. Fighting it, is to be wise by not fighting it. Tony WK

Do you finding taking public transport a sort of therapy, psychologically and socially?

replies: 1

I know that to many people, taking public transport can be a dreaded and stressful part of daily life, whether it be buses, trams or trains. As a person dealing with depression and anxiety, I actually like taking public transport. I live in Melbourne... View more

I know that to many people, taking public transport can be a dreaded and stressful part of daily life, whether it be buses, trams or trains. As a person dealing with depression and anxiety, I actually like taking public transport. I live in Melbourne CBD so the main mode of transport here are trams. Whether you get a seat or not, here are some positive aspects of public transport: - the feeling of "flying" through places, even if it's on wheels - sight seeing and people watching - opportunity to listen to music in a mainly steady and fast paced environment - opportunity to provide good manners to fellow passengers (make room for them to sit, making room for the disabled, people with babies, pregnant mothers, the elderly) - an instant "feel good" boost - opportunity to get outside to get some much needed Vitamin D All this may sound obvious, but if you're dealing with anxiety and fear of closed spaces (like I am), recognising the small things in life gives meaning and purpose.

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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The enemy of my enemy is my friend... or is it?

replies: 12