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Sophie_M Sleep and Mental Health
  • replies: 0

Many of us have struggled with bouts of troubled sleep, and needless to say, these periods of nocturnal restlessness can be utterly overwhelming and exhausting. Sleeplessness can filter into every aspect of our lives: our ability to be present, remem... View more

Many of us have struggled with bouts of troubled sleep, and needless to say, these periods of nocturnal restlessness can be utterly overwhelming and exhausting. Sleeplessness can filter into every aspect of our lives: our ability to be present, remember things, regulate our emotions, or to feel excited and energised… it can change the way we think and feel in such a significant and impactful way. Whether it’s due to big life changes, global pandemics, financial or work stressors, health concerns (like menopause), how much ‘you’ time you have, or even unprocessed emotions you weren’t aware were there – so many things can impact how you sleep. All of this goes to show that not only do your daily habits, routines, and experiences play a huge role in maintaining healthy sleep cycles, but so does your mental health. And frustratingly enough, your sleep also impacts and informs your mental health and daily habits. Like most things, it’s a very easy cycle to fall into. So, it’s imperative that we are gentle and compassionate with ourselves on our journey to understanding what is making us so hypervigilant and unable to rest in the first place. Studies show that journaling or mindfulness practices throughout the day, healthy food, movement, sunshine, connection with loved ones, and support from health professionals can help us to feel more grounded and able to rest. But we are curious… what has worked for you? When do you notice that your sleep is most affected vs. when you get the best rest? And is there a way you could practice regulating your nervous system more throughout the day to help promote better sleep at night? We would love to hear your thoughts! Let us know if you have any questions and be sure to check out our page on ‘Sleep and Mental Health’ for more guidance and insight into a more supported and restful night’s sleep: Sleep and mental health - Beyond Blue - Beyond Blue Looking forward to hearing from you! Kind regards, Sophie M

Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Lifelong effects from childhood trauma
  • replies: 9

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of m... View more

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of my adult issues with that event until 53yo at the hands of a brilliant psych. During one visit he asked how my brother got out of that above ground pool..."I lifted him and dropped him over the edge". Hence the shock. My parents ran with jam and attended to him. They weren't to know about my ordeal. The residual of such trauma I can now share. When people often say "be gentle on yourself" I cant do that- zero ability to put up any defences like being wise enough to avoid conflict. Uet Im wise enough in so many other ways. When someone suggests to not be so over reactive or over emotional...I cant be less so, I dont have the ability to regulate those. And so on. What has been a revelation is to learn that when a child has a traumatic event some of our reactions like sensitivity go to a higher than normal level...and stay there! This doesnt mean you lose any part of your personality which is commonly locked in by age 7. But traumatic mental scars can alter your reactions to a higher level that has a negative effect for the rest of your life. What can you do? Normally I have some suggestions but this time I'm asking you to supply them. The symptoms are- high sensitivity leading to over reaction Inability to step back from conflict or disagreement following many hours of fuming usually I calm down and my soft side produces regret Such situations lead to a feeling of wanting an escape from the world So far the only remedy I've found is avoidance. Avoiding people. This was the catalyst in the thread Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue So if you can identify with this please reply. Tony WK

white knight The swing bridge of mental illness
  • replies: 4

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that probl... View more

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that problem goes away. Now you approach a mental illness crisis. That swing bridge is still there but without its hand rail. You are balancing and everytime there is an issue, seemingly daily, you lose balance and nearly fall. Is that how you feel? It's terrible. You reach to your partner or a friend and they seem to not notice your plight. In these situations we need to go one way and one way only- upwards. We need to repair that handrail by various means. We cannot survive just “hoping for the best” or expecting more than what others can give. In fact we cant rely on anyone but professional help. Consulting a counsellor is a good start because they often see clearer than us what is happening. Mental illness is an oddball because we think we are more capable than what we are, more aware of the issues and feel like we can sort it all out. But like a couple that are pregnant, parenthood doesn’t all come naturally, we have to read books, listen to others to learn how best treat our new baby. Same as learning to drive. Some methods we can introduce to build that handrail is- Work with your partner as a team to introduce rules and boundaries Counselling be it family or personal Consider two part time jobs rather than one full time. There are several benefits. Not relying on one income gives more income security, Shorter hours in one workplace, a long break between jobs. Try to eliminate shift work. Sleep is crucial to our well being Place boundaries on relatives and friends. You don’t need people crossing lines to control you. Mental illness is not a case of our inability but more so our restriction of mental capacity…there is a difference. Life changes. Consider every possibility. Change in environment. Changes to reduce debt. If needed, changes to your relationship. The basics of our lives must have a foundation of security. That swing bridge must be wide enough to make us feel ok, that we are surviving and not losing balance. Then every aspect of our lives improve. We can even lift others up that are just hanging on. But we need to plan changes and introduce boundaries. For others, they are either with us or not. For those that are not, just put them at arms length as many will never understand. Tony WK

Flick_SnotGrass "Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass
  • replies: 59

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extrem... View more

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extremely severe case of excema.... I don't want to wallow [well maybe just half a cup then] but there were days in my early teens with: my face, neck, arms, knees etc bleeding, scabby and worse over-exhausted from very little sleep, due to the red raw night scratching, [adrenal fatigue too probably] that I realized to my horror that Valerie, Vyonne, [insert Girl's Name here] were ALWAYS GOING TO BE WASHING THEIR HAIR!! They either had very dirty hair OR they didn't want to have a cup of tea with me. The Doctors of the Day said my condition was "Genetic" and "There is nothing we can do for Flick" and "Sorry about that but he is an interesting specimen, er ... can I let my students have a prod at his hide" and "So on". "Nothing can be done".!!!! I plumbed depths of black helpless depression back in those dark days of 1962. Fortunately I have a stubborn streak. "Bloody difficult sod" is how my mother puts it, bless her cotton socks. I found a furiously angry part of myself that said "Bugger that!" and worse and I began my search for tools and techniques that could heal me.... .... I don't have scabs anymore .... I'm not called 'Flick ~ The Big Red Dog', anymore either Steal from me... no really.... I have a long list of tools that I use to this day that I have picked up, used and honed over the years and here's todays Healing Tip o' the Day #672 just for you.... #672 - Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. "Why?" Because, Laughter produces endorphins and beneficial 'feel good' neurotransmitters. Your breathing will improve your Heart Rate Variability, HRV and will help calm you. It is also quite difficult to be bloody miserable while singing The Ying Tong Song out loud. Try it, you'll see. Be better than well, Flick SnotGrass

white knight The "Grass is greener" syndrome
  • replies: 2

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away fro... View more

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away from our earshot, we don’t know their level of debt or their income constraints. And we don’t know of their relationship battles nor physical and mental struggles. Many have masks. I was always jealous of my school buddy. He was a straight A student and became an engineer. I joined the RAAF to be a pilot but never got there and eventually made my way in security and investigations. My friend ended up running his own company with a turnover in excess of 10 million a year, very rich. Two years ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So far he has defied the surgeons by 12 months….prognosis isn’t good. Now, is the grass greener? Nope. Another friend has mild anxiety. From my viewpoint mild anxiety can seem…well….mild. I’ve had extreme anxiety, panic attacks and additional things like bipolar, depression and dysthymia. I have to remind myself that his anxiety to him is life effective, that it’s a major problem. Comparing isn’t a good thing to do. It’s not a competition. So in reality the “grass greener” syndrome is an illusion. It’s a way of us telling ourselves that we are unlucky and “they have a better life and I want that life” when all along instead of feeling less successful of what we don’t have, we’d be far better off appreciating what we do have. My first wife and I were poor. We were paying off an old run down 110 year old house. I purchased a lotto ticket for $2. An old wise lady next door said “that $2 could have bought a litre of milk for your kids”. I haven’t purchased a lotto ticket since. That was 25 years ago. Value every dollar earned. Listen to the wise. But the ultimate of humility and reverse of the greener grass obsession was a cousin of mine that visited aged care homes playing music and singalongs. So many of those residents told him they wished they were his age (40yo). He passed away with throat cancer. None of them knew. The grass wasn’t greener for those residents, it wasn’t even green over the fence. We should value the shade of green of our own lawn and value what we have. We focus on our challenges as they need endurance. But its not all bad. Mental illness can give you creativity, adventure, depth of emotion that leads to music and poetry....green indeed. Tony WK

white knight Stubbornness and relationships
  • replies: 0

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone ... View more

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone in a living together relationship risk any harmony of that relationship simply because they wont (in a nutshell) seek help? Let’s examine some reasons. That meds aren’t working as expected The meds have side effects With men mainly, they don’t like doctors They don’t like the way their partner “tells” them to visit their GP They feel little obligation to their partner's wishes They don't care (depressed?) You can add to that. What I’m concerned about with many posters here is the lack of regard for the relationship by not seeking help. To put a relationship at risk is to gamble with it. To gamble with it is to say “I’m not seeking help and if she (he) leaves me well I’ll be alone and that isn’t so bad. This is, IMO, a reflection of not so much stubbornness but a realisation that all people are a hurdle for the sufferer or rather no people, no obligations, is another answer. If this is true then the real problem isn’t solely based on the carer. i.e. there are other factors involved. This can give some comfort to the carer, to realise they aren’t the only reason for such an attitude. Anybody that is a carer of your ill partner might end up with the same challenges as- you! Take heart- it isn’t likely you that is the problem regardless of the blame you might get. If your ill partner refuses to seek any help then I’m afraid the future isn’t rosy. Most carers will have a choice in the end as things deteriorate, stay and endure the symptoms or leave because arguing will not change their mind. We call it stubbornness but a better description might be- “no faith in treatment and a need to feel normal”. If that results in a marriage split then how strong is the marriage? Does it have to get to a split up before he/she seeks help? By that time the resentment from the carer is at an all time low, damage has been done. This logic often escapes the ill. I have a friend with bipolar1. After 25 years of marriage he sort diagnosis and meds. I said to his wife “at least he finally got help” to which she replied “at what cost?”. Ask your partner how far he/she is prepared to risk the relationship for you to endure the symptoms of mental illness? Are you aware of the effort needed to live with you unmedicated? Tony WK

Guest_1055 Help...I want Chocolate
  • replies: 53

Hello everyone.....Right at this moment the desire and craving to drive to Woolworths and buy chocolate is huge. But I don't want to give in. The reason I am writing this post is because I want victory in this area in my life. And I am hoping the str... View more

Hello everyone.....Right at this moment the desire and craving to drive to Woolworths and buy chocolate is huge. But I don't want to give in. The reason I am writing this post is because I want victory in this area in my life. And I am hoping the strong cravings will cease, as I write here. And I want to know if anyone else struggles with this particular issue. Any advice would also be very welcomed.I think a lot of people say chocolate is OK. But I tend to differ. For many years I have turned to it for comfort, a high or some other good feeling. But for me it is short lived. Even as I am writing this, I am visualising chocolate Easter bunnies in my head. As they are in the supermarkets now. Some people may think this is a funny situation. But for more it is not. It is a real hindrance in my life, and I want to be cut loose from the chains.I normally eat a whole block in one go, that is a huge amount. About 200grams of the stuff. I am beginning to believe it is like someone turning to alcohol, drugs or whatever. Using this stuff to escape, hide or feel better, or something for a short time. I use chocolate as a coping mechanism., (so I think at the time of eating it) Consuming it every day also affects my emotional and mental health in a non beneficial way. I also become more gloomy, foggy headed, irritable, angry, my heart beats faster, lethargic, headachy and fat. It is not a good use of our money either.Anyway does anyone else have similar issues? I haven't had it for three days now. And my body is craving it big time.​OK, thank youShelley xx

white knight Seeking a partner
  • replies: 3

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, ... View more

At 28yo with one long term GF behind me I wanted to seek a partner. I started dating women in a period that still saw men paying for the costs. As a small income earner dating higher income women this wasn’t fair. But dare I suggest we share a meal, fuel costs, not then! I devised a formula and my now wife and friends laugh at the idea. I had to find a cheap way of finding the right lady, to fulfil me emotionally with similar ideals and to have a family eventually. My plan began by having a maximum of 3 dates unless the basic criteria was met. During those 3 dates she need to- offer to pay for one meal. Express some indication she enjoyed children and animals. Displayed a similar emotional level or a level of compassion. Enjoyed similar types of entertainment. When 3 dates had arrived I’d decide if I’d date her again. Clearly I had trouble separating those that were suitable and those that weren't. My first date with this system came with an English lady I worked with. We went to the Movie- “Purple Rain” by Prince. There is a scene half way through where his father is hurt. It's very emotional. I turned and asked her if she liked the movie…”I don’t like black people”. At the end of the movie I took her straight home. I didn't need to explain, I’d made up my mind with racism she didn’t pass. Previously I'd argue and date her again. Now I'd set my standards. A few others didn’t pass either. They enjoyed the drives, the meals, that Prince movie (yes I watched it a lot) and saving for their “glory box”. Most earned double what I earned. Then I dated a lady that fitted in with my system. She offered to pay for our fish and chips on a beach and insisted. She paid for some petrol. She loved the animals at a sanctuary and she cried when I took her to that same routine movie “Purple rain”. It wasn’t without flaws. We married and had two children but she was emotionally abusive and lazy. It lasted 11 years. The moral of the story, use such a system but make it 5 dates and include – work ethic and how she would treat a partner. Develop your own strategies. Set your standards. Have some flexibility but compatibility is crucial. Movies often have an array of emotions, discuss the movie after over a drink and find out her reactions to it. The final thing I'd suggest is to begin with a friendship. Having a formula is quirky but it can work. The quicker you get to know your date the faster the process is one way or the other. Good luck and keep persisting. Tony WK

Tasa83 Goals instead of resolutions
  • replies: 18

So instead of resolutions that we won’t keep, I thought we could post some goals that we have the year to work towards... I have a few: 1. Finish my Diploma 2. Make 2 new real friends 3. Swim more - swimming is good for my brain, peace, body, pain, g... View more

So instead of resolutions that we won’t keep, I thought we could post some goals that we have the year to work towards... I have a few: 1. Finish my Diploma 2. Make 2 new real friends 3. Swim more - swimming is good for my brain, peace, body, pain, grounding etc 4. Work towards finding long term solutions for my pain 5. Help as many people as I can by sharing my story

white knight Distress is crying and not crying
  • replies: 2

In short we always need help be it a chat, a warm caring hand or the lick from a dog. It all sooths. Let's look at the levels of distress. Some people use crying as their gauge of severe upset. We know that men and women have vast differences with fe... View more

In short we always need help be it a chat, a warm caring hand or the lick from a dog. It all sooths. Let's look at the levels of distress. Some people use crying as their gauge of severe upset. We know that men and women have vast differences with females usually crying easier than men and men holding it in. As a male I think both are as distressing as each other. Some that cry easily might not see it that way. I often say to some "but I'm crying inside", somehow crying inside doesn't "cut the mustard" because like mental illness to normal people, it isn't seen so its not happening! That's a male problem we have. On the flip side to a man, females cry easier...so we can become oblivious to its severity. "She's crying, so? she does often", isn't a nice way of tackling someones distress. Both men and women should always be compassionate when their partner/friend is telling them they are not in a good place...crying or not So crying or holding it in is equally alarming. I'll focus on men now as I am one. For me, and maybe others, my most distressed moments are either with someone screaming at me when I sit silent just taking it in and not responding or walking off alone and finding a solitary place staring at whatever is in front of me. This is a "time out" period and for me from the beginning of that period when I'm first alone to the end could be from 20 minutes long to 3 hours...I'm contemplating many things like leaving a marriage, how can it work out?, feeling negative. When I return to the family home the first few minutes of contact with my wife proves I was totally over reacting. This is explained best in the thread Topic: relationship strife? the peace pipe- beyondblue In that thread it explains the best way to defuse such a situation and some rules of the home that will prevent a major problem. That next level is going missing. I've felt the urge over the years to disappear but have never done it. Even heading off into the bush I've told people where I be. That is because love for family and friends no matter the level of distress, its the right thing to do. Once in my life I attempted to take my life. That was a time when I should have sort help. That was a level of distress that I'd never felt before nor since-uncontrollable crying. Thankfully I turned it around, changed my mindset. Topic: changing mindsets- beyondblue let life go on...google youtube focus on fulfillment maharaji prem rawat Lifeline 131114 Beyondblue 1300 22 4636 Tony WK

white knight GP visits
  • replies: 0

So you've known for some time things are just not how they should be. This could be due to- Others have told you your behaviour is odd You are sad, lazy, suppressed You dont fit into groups or cant find friends You have anger issues You are angry wit... View more

So you've known for some time things are just not how they should be. This could be due to- Others have told you your behaviour is odd You are sad, lazy, suppressed You dont fit into groups or cant find friends You have anger issues You are angry with yourself And so on There seems a lot of people, the majority I'd suggest feel shame in attending their GP to talk about mental issues. The stigma can be overwhelming. But in taking that very first step you are accepting the possibility that there could be a problem and...you love your family so much you wouldnt like them to suffer putting up with you the way you are. It isnt easy. The GP visit with your partner is often made following a screaming match. So sitting next to that partner listening to him/her claim your behaviour is odd when you feel the same is offputting. But it is a win-win situation because, you'll either be found without any illness as such or you can get treatment for one or your partner might have a problem. Lets look at two possibilities. If your check up and maybe counselling its found that you do not have any illness, it could be that your troubles with your partner can be narrowed down to personality differences or incompatibility. This is good because claims from partners can be judgemental. They just might not accept your thinking as being different. Different does not mean abnormal. However, if there is a diagnosis and its treated your relationship can get a second chance. Finally you and your partner with the help of your GP have identified an issue that has hindered your harmony, been instrumental in causing instability and unbeknown to the sufferer has been the cause of many odd events like tiredness, anger and distress. An example: I was always tired. Eventually during a GP visit my wife mentioned I stop breathing while sleeping. I had a sleep study and found I had sleep apnea. Now with a CPAP machine I am bright and awake and less moody. The same with another visit in 2003 when that GP visit led to a referral that led to diagnosis of bipolar and depression. Such diagnosis changed my life and my wife is pleased that subsequent education, medication and guidance has caused us both to have a strong marriage. Your GP visit is a crucial first step to a new life. View it as a positive step because it will result in a positive result no matter if there is a diagnosis or not. Only good can come out of a visit to your GP. Tony WK