Staying well

Thank you Community Champions

replies: 12

Dear Community Champions, I would like to offer you all my sincerest thanks and tell you of my admiration. Now at Christmas it seems the appropriate time to do so. I joined the forums a couple of years ago, knowing nothing about bb and just expecting... View more

Dear Community Champions, I would like to offer you all my sincerest thanks and tell you of my admiration. Now at Christmas it seems the appropriate time to do so. I joined the forums a couple of years ago, knowing nothing about bb and just expecting to have a quick browse. The quality of your efforts to assist, the breadth of your knowledge, the empathy and caring you display and your tenacity to keep going no matter how difficult a post may be to answer have been a source of information, comfort and inspiration to me, and I’m sure to a multitude of others. You started out as vague names and avatars, but over time it has become obvious that you are human - and have your own problems with which to deal, despite which you lead others. You were and continue to be a real and enduring help. I hope this Christmas is one you can look back on with fondness. Croix December 25, 2016

My Christmas story

replies: 30

It was in 1994. I was 36yo and my father had recently passed away. I had two daughters6 and 3yo and had been unemployed for 2 years. Xmas was looking bleak, we were poor and I found it impossible to find work. I was good with handyman work though and... View more

It was in 1994. I was 36yo and my father had recently passed away. I had two daughters6 and 3yo and had been unemployed for 2 years. Xmas was looking bleak, we were poor and I found it impossible to find work. I was good with handyman work though and my mind went into mania mode...I found a way I could give my girls a great xmas. I designed the perfect cubby house. It had dormer windows, was portable and painted bright colours. Pink with grey and green with cream. Or any colour they ordered. I built one and took it to a town show and kids wouldnt get out of it. Mums had to drag them out. I knew I was onto something. This idea was my temporary saviour. Because my marriage was on the rocks and I had little idea of my mental illnesses. All I knew was I was going downhill fast. I withdrew our last dollars to buy more floorboards and advertised in the trading post. Two weeks later I had orders for14 cubbies all to be delivered xmas eve. I frantically began to build and borrow more money to buy more materials. I toiled for 19 hours a day. Xmas eve arrived and at 4am I woke to a "town" of brightly coloured cubbies on our backyard where my daughters had played for the last few weeks. One by one they were delivered all over the Victorian state towed by my old trusty Ford Zephyr. 19 hours later I had the last cubby on the trailer bound for Melbourne 2 hours away. I was spent, exhausted but I was estatic. My pocket was full of money...around $8000 of which $2000 was to be repaid in materials. I delivered the cubby. The parents of that lucky girl got me to eat santas carrot cake and in front of this couple I burst into tears totally overcome and exhausted. I drove home and a few kilometres from home I realised I'd forgotten to buy my daughters a xmas gift. All our money had gone into building materials and I was so busy delivering cubbies- I'd forgot. I drove another hour to arrive at a service station at a town named Kalkallo on the outskirts of Melbourne, the only place where gift could be purchased. The only "gifts" were $3 beach balls. And so two were purchased. I got home at 3am. My wife did have two xmas stockings she filled with nick knacks and we wrapped the balls in xmas paper. Our children woke and they loved their beach balls and stockings. There has never been a better xmas. Two weeks later we got a new fridge and filled it and the pantry with food. Two months later I got a job. I've believed ever since....that you can make your own luck in life. Merry xmas Tony WK

Tips and Tricks for - self-care, resilience in the work place, supporting colleagues with mental health needs & managing vicarious trauma

replies: 3

Hi all, I've come across a range of challenges this year that has significantly impacted my mental health. I would like to know if anyone has any specific personal strategies or attitudes they adopt to help them deal with the following key challenges... View more

Hi all, I've come across a range of challenges this year that has significantly impacted my mental health. I would like to know if anyone has any specific personal strategies or attitudes they adopt to help them deal with the following key challenges. I've asked a range of questions that might be answered when considering these challenges but course any extra comment or elaboration is welcomed. - Self-care: How do you self-identify when it is time to 'pull-back' at work and take some time out? How do you check-in with yourself? What strategies do you build into your day to make sure you are in-touch with how you are feeling? - Resilience: How do you process and work through challenging situations with colleagues? (i.e. conflict at work, personality differences, politics, communication breakdown). What attitudes, mantras, ethical values help you to 'carry on' and weather workplace demands? How do you distance yourself from problems at work? Prevent yourself from taking it home with you? - Supporting Colleagues with Mental Health Needs/Vicarious Trauma When a colleague or client is experiencing a high degree of distress, how do you provide practical on-the-ground support without 'sinking with the ship'? What strategies do you put in place to manage good rapport with colleagues whilst maintaining emotional boundaries? (i.e. not exposing yourself too much to other's personal disclosure/off-loading of psychological and social difficulties). I work in the healthcare industry but I imagine these themes or issues are commonly experienced in a range of industries. Any additional resources, websites, training courses would also be welcomed if you know of any! Thanks, K

How to say No?

replies: 2

Hi I've recently found it harder and harder to say No to to people. When I say no to my 14 year old son I my anxiety really acts up with feelings of self doubt and thinking I'm a bad mum. It gets to the point where I get angry at him. He doesn't exac... View more

Hi I've recently found it harder and harder to say No to to people. When I say no to my 14 year old son I my anxiety really acts up with feelings of self doubt and thinking I'm a bad mum. It gets to the point where I get angry at him. He doesn't exactly miss out on anything. All his school stuff is brought well ahead of time and activities are paid months in advance he does out of school. Christmas alone he's had just over $800 worth of gifts. Not like the basic shoes/clothes but new BMX frame (over $500) and a new pocket bike to name a few. Even when friends ask me for a coffee and I'm busy I still find myself squeezing the time in because I can't say no. I never used to be like this before my husbands accident 7 months ago. All I basically had to do then was go to work and makes sure everything was paid on time and my husband took care of the rest because I was making very good money. ATM I've gone on carers payment to look after him for a while but I know I've still got my job when ever I want it. Luxury of being a trade. Dor a anyone else find those 2 letters N O hard?

Summer Solstice and sleep disturbances

replies: 1

I am an insomniac and despite all my sleep tricks (music, total darkness, grounding exercises and sleeping pills) I was still awake until 6am. For no reason. I was very tired and wanted to sleep but nothing helped. The earlier it got the more anxious... View more

I am an insomniac and despite all my sleep tricks (music, total darkness, grounding exercises and sleeping pills) I was still awake until 6am. For no reason. I was very tired and wanted to sleep but nothing helped. The earlier it got the more anxious I got the less sleep I got. I have issues with daylight savings and seasonal affective disorder so I’m wondering if last night’s lack of sleep was the Summer Solstice. Does anyone else get affected by stuff like weather and time changes?

Coping with anniversaries

replies: 0

Over many years I've had a change in my thinking processes from high emotional reaction to logic explainations. This one I share with you because it has been one of the building blocks to how I cope. Lets take the anniversary to a marriage break up b... View more

Over many years I've had a change in my thinking processes from high emotional reaction to logic explainations. This one I share with you because it has been one of the building blocks to how I cope. Lets take the anniversary to a marriage break up being a week before xmas. That week years ago was terrible, drowning in grief your xmas was wrecked. If you are anniversary sensitive you could easily not only remember the date but also inadvertently kick start the grieving process all over again..and ruin another xmas, and another..."this day 10 years ago he left me" An anniversary in realistic terms is a point in time when the earth is at the same point rotating around our sun, nothing more. A friend of mine has OCD and is adament he takes his medication bang on the minute after 9am. In fact he stands ready, watching the clock until 9am on the dot!. Its odd to me because if such paranoia on time was so important he was actually a full hour out of whack during the daylight saving months. See the problem with obsession with time? Some people harbour anniversaries so much it effects their mental health. A friend of mine has a diary of her daily life. Nightly she reads what happened the year before on that day. She was so tired one night she missed reading her diary. The next night she decided to catch up and realised she had missed the anniversary of her divorce. Her divorce had been 5 years earlier. She plunged into sadness for a day. A day wasted? The miss had triggered her depression. I asked her why the day was so important "its the day I got divorced" I asked her to retrieve the divorce papers...the actual date was a month before the anniversary, she locked her mind on the day she received notification in the mail. Once informed of that she realised how irrelevant her rituals of day recognition actually was, that such over emphasis on anniversaries is counter productive and can work against your recovery. A trigger. Anniversaries are great, if they are ones to celebrate not mourn. Replace the grieving dates with a ritual of a memory like flowers on a gravesite or a few minutes reflecting on a bad day in the past but keep it in perspective and enjoy the rest of the day. After all, its only where the earth is in its orbit...nothing more...and life is short. But guys, dont forget your wedding anniversary what ever you do. Tony WK

Do you find that drinking certain hot beverages reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety?

replies: 4

I had taken to drinking hot coffee at least once every day. I suffer from depression and anxiety, all caused by a psychotic illness. There are times during the day or night when I get really anxious over the future - such as how I'll manage living in... View more

I had taken to drinking hot coffee at least once every day. I suffer from depression and anxiety, all caused by a psychotic illness. There are times during the day or night when I get really anxious over the future - such as how I'll manage living independently away from the parents, the risk of homelessness (I'm on a low income with no support from extended family or friends), and also the fact that one day I may wake up and discover I have no family. For about an hour or so, I suffer from these thoughts. Then I slowly get up and prepare myself hot coffee mixed with Coffee Mate - and I find that drinking a warm, creamy beverage helps! This may be a no-brainer topic - millions over the world drink coffee because it's a stimulant and a anti-depressant. I find it's especially good for those suffering from poor mental health. It's not only the beverage itself that is nice, but also the whole preparation - from selecting a cup to choosing the amount of sugar and turning on the kettle. I feel like I'm working in a fast-paced cafe and it gives me a sense of meaning and belonging. Thoughts? :]

Control your life

replies: 9

Taking control of your life eludes so many of us with mental issues. There are the common reasons, we possess guilty feelings if our decisions mean rejecting others, our decision might result in less contact, our decisions might mean we move away. An... View more

Taking control of your life eludes so many of us with mental issues. There are the common reasons, we possess guilty feelings if our decisions mean rejecting others, our decision might result in less contact, our decisions might mean we move away. And there is the feeling we have that we are selfish. While other people are important there is NO ONE more important than the members of our immediate family...who ever they might be. Immediate family are those half dozen or so close members or a best friend. Christmas however is another level altogether. There we are meeting people we haven't seen all year long and making every effort to please them. Family members we detest from the moment we dread their physical embrace to when they leave and we exhale heavily as they drive off. Well its time to make some changes don't you think? Why attend a family xmas gathering only to sight an uncle that sexually abused you? Obligation? We need to embrace our needs, as part of our recovery ritual. Tough love can often be used on our children and loved ones when they need it, then we need the same. Tough decisions is to prevent you being a victim to narcissists, to defend us against nasty, incompatible and even evil relatives that make our festive time excruciating and causes us to dwell on that annual meeting for days....enough! Google Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue In that thread I mention the need to rid our lives of toxic people. Sure give them chances to change but some of these people we see once a year have done horrendous things to us and don't deserve a second chance. We have every right to draw an imaginary line of tolerance in the sand. People can be manipulating for example and time and time again we forgive them not realizing their nature is what it is, that that manipulation will never change? Perhaps in the short term change is noticeable but a year or two later the same event reoccurs? When is enough? I'd suggest enough is when you are no longer comfortable with that persons company to the point whereby you are upset for more than a few hours. That's my gauge but you can have your own and that judgement might include opinions from your spouse. The biggest issue here is the effect of such a decision to ban these abrasive people from your life.. that such decision is hard for you to make on a personal level and hard because of risk of conflict. Try discussing such decisions earlier in the year. Be reasonable but firm, control your life. Tony WK

Cooking for the carer

replies: 0

I am aware that many people aren’t good at cooking. Fair enough to. But, there are some recipes out there that are so easy a 5yo child could do. If you are not working, depressed and unmotivated, what if you could spend 15 minutes on a recipe and you... View more

I am aware that many people aren’t good at cooking. Fair enough to. But, there are some recipes out there that are so easy a 5yo child could do. If you are not working, depressed and unmotivated, what if you could spend 15 minutes on a recipe and your working carer arrives home with a cooked meal? And you are still in bed? One of the best tools for the kitchen we found is our slow cooker. If you haven’t got one get one. And buy the larger model. Take this recipe. Cut up two chicken breasts into cubes Cut two medium onions Fry them in a fry pan until they are brown. Put aside Dice up any vegetables Place all of the above in the slow cooker with one litre of chicken stock and salt and pepper Done. Your carer walks in 6 hours later and presto. You’ve made him/her smile. Just because we have depression and we feel unmotivated doesn't mean our carer has to carry the total burden of home life and work life. We should look after them the best we can. Gestures like this can go a long way to preventing their burn out. Do you have an easy recipe you can recommend? Good luck Tony WK

ASK JAY - Q&A for alcohol, drugs, gambling and addiction issues NOW CLOSED

replies: 24

Hi everyone, This a new thread we're opening up to discuss alcohol, drugs, gambling and addiction issues. Here to answer your questions is Jay Jaggard, beyondblue's clinical adviser and project manager of suicide prevention. Jay has a social work bac... View more

Hi everyone, This a new thread we're opening up to discuss alcohol, drugs, gambling and addiction issues. Here to answer your questions is Jay Jaggard, beyondblue's clinical adviser and project manager of suicide prevention. Jay has a social work background – her career spans 20 years working in alcohol and other drug, mental health and gambling in clinical, policy and management roles – harm reduction and supporting people to live their best possible lives are at the heart of everything she does. She has lived and worked in a range of places that contain some seriously scary wildlife including Perth (great whites), Darwin (crocs, box jellyfish) and Melbourne (Collingwood supporters). Jay will be here for a live Q&A launch of this thread on Tuesday 12 December between 12:30pm and 1:30pm, please come back then to post your questions. After that, we will be leaving this thread open for you to post your questions to Jay, and she'll be able to get back to you here on the forums within 24-48 hours in between her other work commitments.

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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