Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that problem goes away.
Now you approach a mental illness crisis. That swing bridge is still there but without its hand rail. You are balancing and everytime there is an issue, seemingly daily, you lose balance and nearly fall. Is that how you feel? It's terrible. You reach to your partner or a friend and they seem to not notice your plight.
In these situations we need to go one way and one way only- upwards. We need to repair that handrail by various means. We cannot survive just “hoping for the best” or expecting more than what others can give. In fact we cant rely on anyone but professional help.
Consulting a counsellor is a good start because they often see clearer than us what is happening. Mental illness is an oddball because we think we are more capable than what we are, more aware of the issues and feel like we can sort it all out. But like a couple that are pregnant, parenthood doesn’t all come naturally, we have to read books, listen to others to learn how best treat our new baby. Same as learning to drive.
Some methods we can introduce to build that handrail is-
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Work with your partner as a team to introduce rules and boundaries
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Counselling be it family or personal
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Consider two part time jobs rather than one full time. There are several benefits. Not relying on one income gives more income security, Shorter hours in one workplace, a long break between jobs.
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Try to eliminate shift work. Sleep is crucial to our well being
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Place boundaries on relatives and friends. You don’t need people crossing lines to control you. Mental illness is not a case of our inability but more so our restriction of mental capacity…there is a difference.
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Life changes. Consider every possibility. Change in environment. Changes to reduce debt.
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If needed, changes to your relationship.
The basics of our lives must have a foundation of security. That swing bridge must be wide enough to make us feel ok, that we are surviving and not losing balance. Then every aspect of our lives improve. We can even lift others up that are just hanging on. But we need to plan changes and introduce boundaries. For others, they are either with us or not. For those that are not, just put them at arms length as many will never understand.
Tony WK
