Push over

[Lonewog89]

Hi I was wondering if anybody had tips for me to help from being walked over all the time. All my life I’ve been used and walked over by friends, family and strangers. How do I start standing up for my self but with out being a jerk? I always crumble and comply even if it disadvantages me.

Chris

[blondguy]

Hi Chris

Good on you for having the courage to post your thread....In my view that makes you a strong person as it takes courage to do and good on you!

I used to have a low self confidence when I was in my teens and 20's yet I had a really good counselor (and a great GP) that helped me find my way..seriously. Just for me it was a matter of allowing others to help me help myself. It may take some time yet the results are worth it

You are no jerk Chris.....I see a strong person that is proactive with his well being

Can I ask if you have a GP that you can have a chat to? I still see my doc every 4 weeks for a tune up and it makes a huge difference when we can have a good vent (chat)

You are not alone being 'walked over' by people...family...friends or strangers. There are many people on the forums that are also in the same situation as you

Any questions are more than welcome Chris. As you know the forums are a Safe and non judgemental place for you to post 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[therising]

Hi Chris

A healthy degree of self-esteem is a must when it comes to teaching others how to treat us. Yes, you have to teach people. Have a think about the qualities of a good school teacher, if that helps with the teaching aspect: Self-assertive, goal focused, a good sense of humor, commands respect (without being chastising or degrading) etc, etc. If you can relate to a good teacher you've come across in life, they can perhaps inspire this aspect of your nature.

Teaching people how to treat us is a skill, an ability that's worked on and eventually perfected. Invest in a little 'lesson planning' (strategic thinking) when it comes to how you're going to instruct people. But first, before anything else, accept yourself as a teacher of people - you gotta accept the role in order to fill it effectively.

Take care of yourself Chris and always remember you are in this life not only to learn but also...to teach.

[Lonewog89]

Thanks for the kind words guys. I think my self confidence was destroyed at school as I got bullied a far bit in primary. After I got married that helped a lot. Just seems these days I’ll do anything to avoid conflict. Yeah I have an awesome GP that I see regularly.

chris.

[therising]

Hi Chris

Good to hear you have some great support from your GP. Boy how I wish parents would teach their kids to be considerate of others; then those kids would grow up to be considerate in such a conscious way, without us having to teach thoughtfulness to them.

I'd like to ask your advice Chris, if I may. My son has been bullied on and off since prep, right through to year 7 this year. He's a sensitive and thoughtful kid and we're trying to help him through it best we can. Besides boosting self-esteem, what constructive/pro-active advice would you give to your younger self in regard to putting an end to the bullying. Am interested in getting your take on things, now that you're older. Perhaps the advice you would give your younger self is the same advice I could consider passing on to my son. By the way, it's much easier to teach adults how to treat us than it is young thugs who are too ignorant to listen. So tempting to go along to the school and (putting it mildly) scare the absolute poop out of these little creatures but of course a mum showing up, whispering threats into the ears of these kids, would be a super negative thing. Oh...I should also add the fact that the teachers have taken action on 2 occasions this year regarding my son being physically harassed (the teachers witnessed the altercations). Understandably, he does not want to seek any further attention from them, as this would make life harder for him.

Take care of yourself Chris and I look forward to your advice

[Lonewog89]

Wow never given advice about this before. I guess it depends what he is getting bullied about (don’t have to get personal)? I was bullied at a private school. Most of the kids where from wealthy families and I wasn’t. I was also on the heavier side. If I could go back I’d say to myself not to take things so seriously. Turn their “jokes” around on them. Make them uncomfortable. Say they call me fat all the time? I’d come back with “well you must like what you see then if you keep noticing me 😉”. Works very well on male to male lol. Also don’t try hard or change yourself to make friends. If you have to those people aren’t worth the time! Sorry I don’t have any better advice. At least school doesn’t last forever!

chris.

[therising]

Hi Chris

I really appreciate your advice, making those kids feel uncomfortable. A quick wit is the sign of an intelligent person, which is something I've mentioned to my son in the past. My husband has the 'just hit 'em ' sort of approach, which I agree with but only in the extreme case of self-defense.

My son is a super slim kid so, like yourself, part of the bullying relates to physical appearance (he does get a fair bit of grief over this issue specifically). The fact that he says nothing stop the harassment is also a factor. I can relate to what you're saying about not changing yourself too. When it comes to my beautiful kid, it is torturous to see him struggle with the desire to be himself and the desire to have friends. He is someone who would rather sit on his own than sacrifice who he is. I respect him deeply for this, for I don't know if I would have had this conviction at his age. By the way, my daughter (who's in year 10) mentioned she'd get her male friends as well as female friends to make their presence known, in friendship, so that the bullies can see that my son is not only liked and respected by kids in the senior school he also has 'bodyguards'.

My husband and I were the sort of kids that 'flew under the radar' at school, not being noticed too much, so I will pass on your advice to my son and I know he will deeply appreciate it, coming from someone who understands what he's going through. See, as I've mentioned before, you're a natural born teacher when it comes to teaching people how to treat you. I will pass on your teaching instructions/suggestions to my son.

In return for your kindness, I will give you a pearl of wisdom my son once gave to me (when he was only 5yo): I asked him at the time 'How can I be a better person?' His response was 'You already are!' Amazing kid. Sometimes, when we're looking forward to improving ourselves we forget to appreciate just how far we've come.

You're a legend Chris, thanks so much for your help. Take care.