Trust strangers at your peril

[white knight]

A very negative topic but one of reality for in my 61 years I've taken notice of the attitude of some people, that of, not trusting anyone until they prove themselves, as being not the right way to go.

But now,I understand, we need to self preserve our hearts. Trusting people that you dont know well isnt wise and hurt comes when they go "MIA".

Lets clarify this. There are givers and takers in this world with a sliding scale between them. The danger I find is those that wear the mask of a giver but after a long association with me the realisation sets in...they are a taker. So whats the threat level of this? Only disappointment. Its like "will the real person please stand up"!

So what I'm eluding to is the world of the mask.

" they seek him here, they seek him there...they seek him everywhere. Is he in heaven, or is he in hell?...that damned elusive...pimpernell..."

Its the masquerade that I find intolerable but its different to friendship of the type like a weighing scale

Topic: the weighing scale of friendships- beyondblue

In that thread I highlighted how my family had developed an unsatisfactory trait, of "Ive visited your place 5 times this year but you've been here just once". What Im talking about here is the bare level of expectations of a friendship or a developing one.

So, back to the sliding scale. There are friends and family. Friends should exist at the start if the scale. Up until recently new friends held a position just near family on that "slider". How unwise. 95% chance of them sliding down that scale so why put them up so high at the beginning?....I know why, it isnt just benefit of the doubt, more like a situation of letting my heart rule my head.

The danger of this is the hurt returning time after time. The positive is that one in 50 become lifelong friends that always remember "you always trusted me, how could I not love you".

Sadly with mental illness that can include high hurt levels through disappointment, one must enter the fortress for when one lacks wisdom in any field one needs to develop an alternative. No natural crutch?, buy a wheelchair.

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

There is little chance of anything good coming out of such disappointment of a failed friendship. Internal words like "their loss", doesnt "cut the mustard".

So my advice for readers that get hurt often by friends that dont return the bare basics of care a friend should show in times of need, check your values.

Protect your heart. Sadly

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi SN

I am the same. Lifes events,extreme sensitivity, nasty comments....all result in a barrier being raised.

The easiest answer to this is to not chase trust in people but to be comfortable within your own company, keep acquaintances going but not expect it to turn into real close friends.

Let it come naturally

Tony WK

[startingnew]

thanks Tony

it just gets really lonley being by myself all the time

[white knight]

Hi SN.

After 4 long term relationships Ive had a few years here and there on my own and I couldnt stand it.

Life is easier with someone, my wife and I dibide our vhotes and other responsibilities evenly, however would I find that again if something happened to her?. Likely not.

So if that occured I'd have a life alone.

Sn, life is not easy. Fill it with activity, its the best way out if boredom

Tony WK

[startingnew]

ive only had two relationships really and the longest for me was only a month or 2.

im not really bored through the day, i think i ahve enough to do inlcuding study, 2 jobs and family responsibilities.

thank you for your advice

[Guest_128]

TRUST NOBODY

[CMF]

Hey SN and a wave to Tony and Dory,

i feel lonely a lot too. Weekends are the hardest, but as you have all said, better than being with someone you don't trust or in my case someone I can't handle being around. I'll take loneliness anyway, I wish I had taken it years ago but i failed to see or accept that the behaviour was not on.

I like meeting people but not interested in being in a relationship with someone else, even though I am wiser, I don't want to go through it again. I like my own company, guess it will have to do.

[startingnew]

Hi CMF

I avoid people who upset me too hard though considering i live with them. But it really does get lonley and feels really isolating when people say they have this friend or that friends or they are dating etc and it like oh hey yeah um i dont have any of that.

makes for a lonely and isolating way to live when you have no one in a room fulm of people doesnt kt

[startingnew]

Oops *it

[white knight]

Trusting people?

At what point do you the reader begin to trust someone.

We've had a reply here from GUEST_128 saying "TRUST NOBODY", which might seem over the top but then again, such a person might feel very safe and isn't that a priority?

What is your idea of trust? Have you trusted and it's collapsed? Do your associations with others have a system whereby they must perform through hoops and hurdles before you trust them?

I really would like to know.

Tony WK

[bronte]

Hi all,

This is my first post but have found reading this forum very interesting.

I too have been in a 3 year relationship that I recently ended. My ex partner was wearing the mask of a giver, over time the mask slipped slowly and sadly the relationship suffered as a result. The mask slipped when i lost my job and became unemployed.

I have been seeing a wonderful psycologist that has assisted me to get up and going again. I am now living with family which is a blessing but I am suffering from lonliness.

I am in my mid 50's, new town, looking for work and trying to get going with life again.

Don't give up your trust of people, there are good people out there.

Keep up all your encouraging posts they are refreshing to read.

Bronte 🙂