The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?

[quirkywords]

Yes you read the title correctly,

How do we mind less ,

How do we learn not to worry over every thing,

How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive.

I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and

how to not mind about what other people think.

Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea.

Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger.

I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel.

I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle.

Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking.

I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not.

Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going.

Quirky

[jess334]

Hi Quirky,

I have no idea. I mind way too much about stuff and the only way I cope with it at the moment is to limit my awareness. For example stop watching / reading news.

My mum tells me that I should only worry about those things within my 'sphere of influence', but I don't agree with this. I feel like if everyone did this we would still have segregated schools & no women vote.

So yeah, no answers here, but I am interested in reading other peoples responses.

Jess

[Moonstruck]

Quirky...you asked "what works for you?"...(to stop minding about things that don't matter)...

my answer to that would have to be "nothing". Nothing works for me.

doesn't mean I always over-react, or get terribly upset, or do/say anything harmful or destructive, or fail to relax....but however I handle it....I still "mind about things that don't matter".....my over-thinking causes me immense discomfort......I just hide it well.............luv Moon S

[Zonnekp]

I am learning to distinguish big and small and try to let the small go. Also I am learning to handle feedback, both positive and negative, as simply an exchange of information, rather than a personal appraisal/attack. And thirdly, not all the problems/worries/mistakes are mine (to worry about). That is how I get by...

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone and thanks for your great responses.

Jess, I stop listening to news on radio ad tv, Some say don't worry about small things and others say worry about small things. I hope we both get some ideas. I think we are people who are concerned with the big picture/

Moon, thanks so much for your input.

I find it hard to hide the overthinking, what is your trick.

Zonnekp, thanks for your 3 steps and I am glad they work for you.

1- let the small go

2-see feedback as an exchange of information not a personal attack- I need to work on that one.

3 Not all problems need to be worried about by me.

What a great list.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Are you trying mindfulness but finding it hard.?

So I feel if we worry less or mind less it may help us focus and be calmer.

What do you worry about ? how do you cope?

any tips about coping with negative feedback would be helpful.

Quirky

[Ruby__2]

Hey Quirky

My advice is "don't sweat the small stuff'

Not your problem, pass the ball!Try not to catastrophise xx

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Thanks Ruby.

Thta is good advice about done sweat the small stuff, yet Jess’s mum told her to only worry about things in her spender of influence. So not the big things out of her control.

I find that confusing as I have had people say don’t sweat the small stuff and others say don’t worry about the big things.

I am glad that it works for you and I suppose that is the key finding something that helps you.

If something is your problem it is hard not to worry about it but I suppose you can break it down and get help for things you cant manage .

Thanks again Ruby.

Quirky

[jess334]

Been thinking about this recently.

I think I see 'the small stuff' as things that don't affect the quality of your life - like spilt milk (although I think it's ok to cry if its spilt breast milk!), not getting around to doing the laundry today, having pizza for dinner instead of veggies. That's the stuff we need to let go of.

But other stuff we worry about we need to focus on what we can cotnrol. A big worry of mine is the amount of waste on our planet. I cant change the consumerism that controls peoples, but I can reduce my own waste, recycle, buy second hand etc.

I find mindfulness really difficult at the moment, doesn't matter how often I practice. But 6 months ago I was doing really well at it. I guess life goes through those ups and down and we just have to hang on.

Negative feedback is tricky. I guess it depends on whether you believe it to be true or not. When I receive constructive feedback that I know is true, although it can be hurtful, I think it's important to take it on board. But when it's negative feedback from someone I don't care about (like an irritated customer at work), then I usually debrief with someone, ie bitch about it, and then try to ignore it.

Kind thoughts, Jess

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Thanks Jess for you detailed and comprehensive post.

I am guessing your life has changed in the last six months so you need to be patient and give yourself a break.

I think as mindfulness is like the flavour of the month there is a lot of pressure for us to achieve it.

I feel we need to find what works for us.

I find negative feedback that is not true from loved ones the hardest to cope with.

Jess thanks for your contribution to this thread.

There is a thread what is mindfulness? that may interest people.

Quirky