Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

I often say that I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself.

Lately I have thought would I let some one talk to me the way my inner critic does.

I wonder if someone were actually standing near me and starting putting me down , what would I do?

I would probably wonder why they were being so mean for no reason and I would leave I would stand around to be verbally attacked. What would you do?

I wonder why the only person I let consistently put me down, is me. That makes no sense.

Is it possible to rationalise away my inner critic. I will give it a try and let you know.

Quirky

[Sad_Mushroom]

HI all,

Way to go Moon that is fantastic. Fingers crossed for you, that your IC starts to learn that it doesn't rule the roost anymore. Remember to praise your Kind Critic and thank her for being there. The more you acknowledge her the more power you will give her and the stronger you will become.

Just thought, wonder why I assume the Kind Critic to be female.

SM

[Moonstruck]

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

You have a right to be here"

[quirkywords]

SM

Maybe you see moon's inner critic as female as moon is.

I have referred to my inner critic as an it so I don't give it any human gender.

Moon do you remember when everyone had a poster of the desiderata in the bedroom or bathroom.

Thanks everyone for reading and contributing to this discussion.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Yes I remember. I still have one on my bedroom door. I remember the first time I saw it too...in a Readers Digest when I was a young teen. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever read so cut it out to keep.

Later when it was recorded by Les Crane I had just moved to our capital city and feeling lost, young, alone and scared. I was going up an escalator in a crowded store when I heard familiar words.....Desiderata was being played over the store intercom and these words stood out to me, feeling so lost among all the sophisticates of the Big City....."You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here"

[CMF]

Quirky,

I have had someone put me down and talk to me in a horrible way. I try not to have too much to do with him. I have a low opinion of him and made a decision last year I would not tolerate it anymore, I'm not doormat.

Interesting...

[quirkywords]

CMF and everyone.

It is interesting as most us dont like to be put down by others but we let that negative

doubting voice in our head undermine us? Why and shouldn't we be as assertive with our own inner critic as we are with others?

Would like to hear your ideas and thoughts?

Quirky

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Quirky and all,

Maybe it is the closeness and tenure of our inner critic that we allow it to undermine us.

Think of all the abused partners who allow this from their partners and even parents who have learnt to take it from their own children. Even adults who grew up with this from their parents etc and allow it to continue into adulthood.

Most abused partners say they cannot leave an abusive relationship for fear of being alone, as they have become convinced that they are useless, ugly, horrible and could not survive without the partner. Similar to naughty kids who keep being naughty because "any attention, even bad attention, is better than no attention at all"

Maybe we allow this from our IC as most of us feel alone and useless so any attention, even the bad attention from our IC, seems better than no attention at all.

For many, the nagging IC is the only one there talking to us and rather than be completely alone, we listen.

Just a thought!

SM

[quirkywords]

Sad mushroom,

Thanks so much for your reply. You have given me lots to think about.

I am not lonely I just have give inner critic lots of authority and I don't stand up or question- until now.

If people say nice things I tend not to believe them.

Abusive relationship are complex . I had friend who would not leave as she was frightened the abuse would escalate.

That's my thoughts.

Quirky

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Quirky,

I should clarify. When I said abusive relationships I meant verbal rather than physical.

My main thought was when I read or talk to people about the IC, most say the IC has been there for as long as they can remember. Some say the IC wasn't loud or persistent until 'something' happened that triggered it but most say they remember it being there beforehand.

Maybe the IC has been there with us, for so long, and for some reason, it just took over. Maybe that is why it is so hard to shut it up.

I believe everyone has an IC but for some, they can keep it under control.

SM