Staying well

How do I return to work after breaking down crying.

replies: 3

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due.... View more

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due. I don’t think I’m coping. With everything happening I have broken down twice now at my new job an hour in and had to leave as I get very flustered and embarrassed. Im also getting micromanaged by a person I work with and I’ve never been good at trying not to take things personally and feel like I’m really inferior in this new job. Any advice would be helpful as i now feel like I just want to give up and I’m so scared to go back into work to face the judgement after crying and panicking in a ball of anxiety.

Restless, Irritable and Discontent

replies: 4

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know wha... View more

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know what it is. I start looking at online courses, or starting a new hobby or something ...... but it's always something I can get quickly ...... like I used to get that quick fix from a drink or a drug. I haven't HAD ANY (alcoholic) drink or (illicit) drugs for a long time now, nor do I desire that. But I feel like my disease .... or, as I've heard others pronounce it as dis-ease - as in, away from ease - is trying to sabotage me and get me back into the gutter, one restless, irritable and discontent thought at a time. I've also heard people call it alcoholISM, not alcoholWASM. As in, I may be recovered, but I'm not cured. I fully believe that that is the eternal condition of the disease and that the 'R.I.D. feeling may never bee totally gone. And it's times like this that I fully get that ISM bit ..... because even though I don't want to drink or drug, I want to eat. Just something, anything, but I can't decide what it is, because I'm not actually hungry, I'm 'bored' ...... I've got the RID's and want to rid myself of that feeling. I'm probably not alone in having these feelings either ...... I just identify it, for me, as being the core of my dis-ease, drinking or not. If that makes sense anyway. Distraction helps though; I cleaned my teeth. Why is that important you ask? Because it helps to deter me from wanting to dirty up my teeth with food! And I write. .... or, in this case, type. ...... I've also brought some little things on eBay which I've wanted for a while, looked at buying lego, looked at short courses in Mental Health First Aid (which was a module in a Diploma I did years ago and really enjoyed it, although also found quite challenging). Oh, and watched MAFS!!! Wow, has THAT got some interesting stuff going on! I suppose at least I'm aware of what is going on, and I know what to do about it. I only know two ways of living; the way I used to live before recovery (drunk, alone, angry, scared and confused) or sober, reliable, mindful, useful and grateful. I know which way I prefer and will go to ANY reasonable lengths to maintain and grow in that way; sober and with my dignity intact. Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel better now. xo

Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"

replies: 2

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and ... View more

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine. Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. YoursMe

How to take care of myself?

replies: 1

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly e... View more

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly exhausted. Tired all the time. I've never had an iron issue, like ever. My house is a mess (I know people will say the housework can wait, but I honestly HATE living in a messy home - it makes me feel so much worse). I've been hitting the junk food and soft drink so hard in recent months. My MIL also passed recently and now I'm having major anxiety about studying and going back to work after being a stay at home mum for the last 8 years. I'm so used to being at home. I've gained 15-20kgs since our youngest was born 19 months ago. I'm just so lost and deflated and I hate that my kids see me like this every day. For context we live an hour outside Toowoomba so a gym membership isn't feasible with the whole cost of living crisis. I have next to no Mum friends as some have either moved away or others have gone back to work and I don't even see them on the school run anymore. My husband works for himself and he's very supportive but even he doesn't understand how my head works sometimes.

Self-care

replies: 4

I am trying to stay well at the moment by eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. I drink plenty of filtered water and herbal tea each day. I feel very tired most of the time event hough I am sleeping 8-10 hours each night.

bipolar parents

replies: 1

When do you tell people you meet that you are not ignoring them but have bipolar and at times being social is too much. And how do you explain to your kids why you have good and bad days without getting them worried. I would like to know if there are... View more

When do you tell people you meet that you are not ignoring them but have bipolar and at times being social is too much. And how do you explain to your kids why you have good and bad days without getting them worried. I would like to know if there are any parents on this forum living with bipolar. It would be great to connect.

Daily dose of gratitude

replies: 4

Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been ... View more

Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been grateful of each day has really changed my mindset and outlook so am hoping to continue this thread. One thing I am grateful of today is that my dog came up to me for cuddles before I left for work.

I want to become a Freemason - Any thoughts/experiences?

replies: 2

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I int... View more

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I intend to devote the rest of my life to; to become the best role model and mentor of my own blood. In saying that, I want to progressively live more of a life that my kids can look up to and be inspired by, which requires I look up to and am inspired by myself. So I think one of the best ways is to become a Freemason. I've been looking into Freemasonry for a while now and the core tenets and I find I'm progressively getting more and more keen to become one. The focus on self development, being a better man, father, son, husband, etc. is what really appeals to me. Plus I find the ancient traditions and rites to fit my personality and outlook on living. As well as that feeling of connection with likeminded and altruistic men. I truly feel like this is my heart's calling. Even if I never join the Masons, I would gladly settle for the Lions or the Rotarians. I feel like anyway I can be a part of something like that will fulfill a core need in my being. Has anyone on this forum been a Mason or had experience with them? I would love to hear some inspiration!

What I learned today.?

replies: 8

Sometimes when I am having a challenging day I like to think of something I learned no matter how small.I thought it would be interesting to see what others learn each day. what I learnt today.?I found that a person being helpful makes me smile.

I really want to change

replies: 4

I've been wanting to make a change for a long time, but I can never stick to it. I want to talk to others that suffer depression and have turned to alcohol for comfort or realease, but managed to dig themselves out again and been able to quit drinkin... View more

I've been wanting to make a change for a long time, but I can never stick to it. I want to talk to others that suffer depression and have turned to alcohol for comfort or realease, but managed to dig themselves out again and been able to quit drinking or just enjoy a drink in moderation. All of my friends drink, my partner drinks, my parents drink but I really feel it is taking over and making me less of the person I really want to be. I don't know how to do this, I'm scared. I don't want to lose the connections I have but I want to be healthier and I don't want alcohol to be something I depend on to get through. I just want to know how did you do it?

Pinned discussions

A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

replies: 715

All discussions

How do I return to work after breaking down crying.

replies: 3

Restless, Irritable and Discontent

replies: 4