Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

quirkywords · ‎21-12-2017

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎31-12-2017

Hello everyone

I am hoping your inner critic takes a holiday for a few days.

Do you find if you are on holiday or relaxing that your inner critic is silent ?

I find that even when things are going well my inner critic will question what I am doing- not all the time . I suppose i feel insecure even when things are going well as I worry they won't last.

So I am interested to know when your inner critic is the quietest?

Quirky

CMF · ‎31-12-2017

Hi Quirky,

my critic is quiet when no one is putting pressure on me or no external pressures. Lately I have been trying change habits and my good critic is telling me I'm doing good. Last night my son was complaining of no food in the house (typical teenage boy) and my critic started telling me I'm useless, let my kids down, not good enough.

when I see progress in what I am trying to achieve my IC quietness down. I guess it's also when my anxiety is not playing up.

cmf

Moonstruck · ‎31-12-2017

My inner critic is at its worst when I am relaxing, taking it easy, at peace, just sitting or lying quietly breathing in and out - telling me I am wasting time..life is only short.....do something useful....get out more, etc etc etc.

when I am doing nothing much, but also not bothering anyone, nor letting anyone down,....my inner critic yells at me that I am lazy, comparing me to other mature aged ladies who are busy busy busy all the time, in various clubs and playing bridge and taking the chance to "travel". (not everyone can afford travel you know)

My inner critic spoils everything whenever I take time out for "me".

quirkywords · ‎31-12-2017

Hello everyone

CMF

thanks for your reply.

when I see progress in what I am trying to achieve my IC quietness down. I guess it's also when my anxiety is not playing up. That is a very insightful observation.

Moon, Thanks for your comment. Why do you think that your inner critic spoiled everything whenever you take time out for yourself? Are they messages you heard while growing up?

I can relate to what you wrote. I know when I rest after I have worked all day I do feel guilty and my critic tells me I should be doing more and why am I so lazy.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎01-01-2018

I wonder as a few people have suggested is it possible to just listen tour critic and not take notice, or find our kind critic. Will some of us always have the inner critic questioning everything we do.

Quirky

Quercus · ‎01-01-2018

Hi Quirky and everyone,

My critic is never quiet.

If I'm relaxing... Lazy. If I'm being shown care... You don't deserve it. If I'm trying... You're useless.

I think I'm so used to hearing my critic I've started to ignore it.

How? Slowing down. Take the time to stop. Examine how I'm feeling. Make sense of the chaos. Write it out. Work out the why and the what behind the feeling.

Then looking at the reactions and the thoughts. Are they unhelpful thoughts? Are they accurate? Am I overreacting or panicking or being harder on myself than I would to others?

It has taken time. And it doesn't always work. Sometimes people are demanding my time and I don't get the space I need to work out how I am feeling.

Then I started to notice patterns. When this happens I feel like this. Or when this happens I catastrophise. Overreact. It has helped me to work out the difference between my voice and the voice of my critic.

So when I recognise the critic. I stop if I can. Take a minute to challenge. Is this helpful to me? Is this realistic? Can I speak up calmly and stop what is happening? Can I walk away and take time to myself?

Ignoring might be the wrong word to explain. More accurately I suppose I recognise and analyse and challenge or push the thought away.

It doesn't always work. Sometimes the self hate is too strong. But I keep trying. Does that help Quirky?

Happy New Year to you all.

❤Nat

quirkywords · ‎02-01-2018

Nat and everyone,

Nat, Thanks Your analysis into your inner critic is thorough and insightful.

It was very useful. My trouble is I have plans of how I will think and behave but then I just act impulsively and forget about my plans.

Quirky

Moonstruck · ‎02-01-2018

Just wanted to tell you Quirky, that for once my "Kind Voice or Gentle Critic" is speaking up louder than the other Inner Critic who is so harsh on me and really giving her heaps!

these past couple of days she has been telling me how fantastic I am, how hard I've worked to get this far and reminding me out of the blue every now and then "Hey Moonstruck, do it for YOU. time to put yourself first - just look at what you've done, you're much stronger than you think, time to be as gentle and forgiving of yourself as you are of others. I'm here, I'm with you, I've got you...I'm holding you...if you get tired, I'll do it for you....we're nearly there".

The inner critic has shut up for once. I wish she would stay that way!!

CMF · ‎02-01-2018

Moon,

maybe now that you're out of that toxic work environment the inner critic has calmed down a little? Work gave you anxiety, anxiety unleashes the inner critic. Maybe it's the new year, the '2' year?

whateverbit is, I hope it continues for you.

cmf x

quirkywords · ‎03-01-2018

Moon and everyone ,

Moon that is fantastic to hear, I am so pleased for you. Go kind critic. It is about time.

Maybe CMF is right about being put of work environment.

I wish we could work out why things are going well and keep them that way. For me I take the good times for granted and then before I know it inner critic has said I told you so and it is back in control.

I am cheering your kind critic and giving her lots of support. Fantastic. So pleased you shared that with us all.

Quirky