Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, Grandy & Hanna,

Thank you for your lovely support lasses. The hugs are very much appreciated.

Hugs back

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

When I was feeling super stressed with the mess here especially in my kitchen which I could see was always messy, I googled about the problem... and everywhere I looked it said the first thing to do about mess and untidiness was to declutter.. so I went through the kitchen cupboards and threw out anything I could find that I wouldn't use anymore... any food I didn't use went to the local charity..

Anyway that has made a heap of difference - it gets much less untidy now. I am trying to slowly do that right around the house with the same problem that even making myself declutter is an effort!

I just thought maybe we didn't give you much help with the problem.. so throwing things out helped me a lot. I just did it one tiny area at a time so I didn't feel overwhelmed.

I think those of us with MH problems get messy houses and then we get overwhelmed and don't know where to start and so we procrastinate even more. So if you can do just a tiny bit at a time, the idea is not to make more mess than you started with, so you don't take everything out of the cupboards, you just remove some stuff and get rid of it...and keep doing this until what you have left is what you need to tidy/clean. I found this advice helped a lot - I tended to take everything out of the cupboards and then feel exhausted and overwhelmed - so I first of all aimed at throwing things out into the Otto bins or to charities.

It's still a work in progress but I thought I would pass on what I have found is helping me. I decluttered heaps of my books and took them straight to the op shop. Next is my DVDs and the bathroom cabinet!!!!

Good luck Paws, maybe we can cheer each other on? Hugs.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Thank you for trying to think of things to help me.

I wish I could blame it on having too much stuff. I did a big de-clutter with moving here & only have things I use

I do have boxes of stuff in my dining room, they are full of paperwork (genealogy, personal papers, legal documents) which I still need to clear through & throw out what I don't need. But that's it, I gave away, donated & threw out 2 walk in skips worth of stuff before I moved here.

Most of my mess is me just not putting things back where they belong. Like leaving my clean washing in a pile on the chair in my room instead of folding it & putting it in the empty drawers. The hard part is catching up with the cleaning that needs doing, there just seems so much, most of it caused by Woofa. His hair, dust, slobber on walls, windows, floors. But even sweeping, dusting gets left & it's out of control. I even struggle with cleaning me. (I've written & deleted that last sentence many times... I think I need to say it out loud & face up to it).

I did make a start on my bedroom the other week & managed to change the linen & clean the floor over two days, but I still need to finish dusting & clean the windows, put clothes away. I just wish it didn't physically hurt so much.

Just me having a moan

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

There's the problem, being older and in discomfort/pain and having nobody to help with things around the house. No wonder we don't cope and then we keep blaming ourselves! I have an old friend up north whose husband does all the housework so she only has to do the gardening. You have to do both! And then you wonder why you're not coping! I am realizing we are all too tough on ourselves.

How terrific you managed such a big declutter, I could learn something from you there! I thought I'd done it before moving here but now I still seem to accumulate stuff, mainly because of the same problem as you, I don't go through it and throw things out, and I don't put things away - and for ages I don't even notice them.

If we had someone else living with us they could complain about it and that would make us do it (eg. put the laundry away) - but without that we don't do it.

I am wondering as I type this what the solution is? I'm sorry I made the mistake about the clutter, I definitely have a problem with both that and doing stuff around the house - partly like you because its so darn painful and tiring. I wish I had a smaller, newer place which would be easier to clean - this has old rough surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom that need to be scrubbed not wiped, and that hurts.

Can we think of anything we can both do to help ourselves? I find it an effort to make the bed too, I think everyone does as they get older. Ditto sweeping or mopping. Could you get any help from the government if you're over 65 I think qualify for aged care - someone to clean once a week or even fortnight would be a huge help - I don't know how you are about someone you don't know coming in the house though (my issue too).

I am open to thoughts how we can each help - I think partly we have to accept it's a bit tough to manage as well as we would like and we can only do a certain amount - and then some things just get a bit dirty/untidy.

Paperwork, I have the same problem, I am sure it breeds when you put it away!!!

I wish I had more ideas.. if I have any I'll come by again.. hugs.

[demonblaster]

Hey there Pawsy 🐾 Hannah 🐶 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Dear Paws I hope you're starting to feel even a little brighter which is an improve on how it's been for you poor thing. It's really hard being so low isn't it.

Sadly though knowing how it plays out when you're feeling like you've been I suspect you're still pretty average 🤗

I feel so sorry for you feeling this way lovely Pawsy. Been thinking a great deal about you.

I wonder if a visit to your GP could be of help to get your pain levels under control hun.
Hard enough having severe mental pain then physical on top just makes it all so much worse. Double whammy aye

Wondering which could be a gentle boost with your mobility and a lot easier on the poor body is hydro therapy darl.
They have it in a well heated pool and being in water makes it a lot easier with movement.
Being around other people can have good benefits too.
Do you have or want much social contact hun?

I'm planning to get stuck into the spare room today. Took some time as in yrs to tidy it up again. Was thrilled having it back to good again recently... you know how clutter expands 😆 then it became a big mess again because we got a couple of nice wardrobes which is great but stuff migrated back to the spare. I've done littles on occasion, there's not too much to do now so made a plan to even if like the other day to get just a little bit more done. Good feeling.

Oh bought a nice.. well it was quite meaty actually but oops 😶... ate it.. love meat but there's still the bone for woofa 🍗 and for you dear lass ☺ I'm leaving you a warm 🤗 that at anytime you're in need of just think of a hug and presto you'll feel it along with strength and light that goes directly into your soul dear friend.

You're loved appreciated and cared about here.

Pawsy take our 🤝 hands of friendship and hold tight lovey like we are, so we can gently help you back up good lady.
Slowly does it hun that's the way just a tinsy winsy widdle step at a times good. No hurry. Feeling how you do darl.. that can change with time & perseverence. We've got it in us Pawsy although it doesn't feel like it trust me we do.

You're never alone here 👀🐾🗯🐅🐽 and this little thingys for you too cause it's so cute 😊

1300 22 4636 Just popping heres number if you feel a chat to someone could be of help

Love from one of your lassy friends who amongst others cares very much and wants you to be feeling better 💗

🌱 new beginnings start within ⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, Grandy & Hanna,

Oh lasses your lovely comforting hugs have been just what I've been needing.... ta muchly for the hands to hold & the gentle words of encouragement.

Deebi I go to the general store every 3 days or so to get milk & that is mostly it for seeing people. I do chat on the phone every few weeks to my sisters & an elderly relative. Usually I do the 3hr trip into the city 3 or 4 times each year & catch up in person with family/friends, but not this year with the covid shutdowns. Not having to be around people too often was why I moved here, I like the quiet. Plus of course I have my friends here on BB.

Hydrotherapy would be nice but (& for me there's a big but) the nearest heated pool is an hour away & the only classes are run by men which counts me out. Add to that I would be mortified for people to see me in bathers.

I've managed to find the oomph to make a start cleaning the bathroom this morning... with breaks... I've cleaned the loo, dusted the skirting, wiped the benches, cleaned the basin & swept the floor. It might not sound a lot but it is for me to do in one morning. I just need to wash the floor & wipe the bath out & that will be one room finished this week.

I have the man here to slash my paddock & mow the verge, Woofa is keeping an eagle eye out the window, so I didn't have my usual helper cleaning.

My oomph & my energy are slipping away.... I hurt... I feel more like having a nana nap than doing anything... I think I need to take a longer break... really going to try to finish the bathroom today even if it's late this evening.

Love & hugs to you all

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws...Waves Deebi, Hanna and all...🤗

I think you achieved a lot in one day....Well done...I have days extending into weeks that I do nothing at all at home...except care for my fur babies...If not for them needing me I probably would live on my lounge...

I mowed the other day....it took me so long because I rest every 15 minutes for about half an hour...but eventually it gets done..the same with your home..one room at a time is enough....with resting when you need to...

Nice to hear you go every 3 days for milk..it gets you out a little to see people...do you chat to them or have a sit down in a park and have a cuppa tea/coffee while your their?..

Not sure of the quality of your water supply.... the water supplied here at mine..is very bad quality and it leaves a lot of scale on everything the water passes through or touches for too long.....soaking things in white vinegar does a good job getting the scale of everything....Might help make it a bit easier in cleaning by pouring a cup of white vinegar in your toilet bowl for overnight then give it a light scrub..same with shower heads etc..put vinegar in a plastic bag and put shower head in it and tie it to the shower head...it’s good for cleaning a lot of things..especially good to boil in the kettle..then rinse out.... Sorry..not sure why I put I put this here Paws..Was just thinking of easier ways to help you..so your not scrubbing so much..

Please take it easy on your body lovely Paws...Their really isn’t a hurry to get things done...when you feel up to doing it..is good enough.🤗..Most important is to be gentle on your body and kind to your mind....anything else comes 2nd...

My kindest thoughts dear Paws with my love and care..🦋💜🤗...and a yummy smacko for Woofa after he finishes chewing on the bone Deebi bought for him.....

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, hi Grandy, Deebi,

Paws i have done nothing to my place in a couple of weeks apart from wipe the sink down - it's too hot to do anything now! It's a mess here... so good on you for getting the bathroom done!

I had a chuckle about being seen in your bathers - I think that's something that bothers all of us as we get older and our shape isn't so good!

Excuse me coming by but I wanted to let you know I've done no housework for ages... it's a mess, I hate it being a mess, but I'm too hot to do anything about it - and now I have the excuse of putting my feet up..

Gosh everyone take care in this heat.

Grandy how are you going? Lovely to see you around BB. It's so hot, little Sam is baking, and we have carpet which I hate, I would love lino floors!

Deebi how are you lovely lady?

I would send everyone fluffy hugs but it's too hot for fluffy hugs! waves!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to everyone,

I know that going weeks without managing to do anything lass, except like you caring for my fur. He is the reason I get out of bed each day.

Thank you for the white vinegar tip. I have used it with bicarb to shine up the stainless steel sink or get the coffee stains off teaspoons, but hadn't thought of the loo. Having a septic tank I do need to be careful what I use, so vinegar is a great option.

I'm on tank water here so my water is good & thankfully it rains a lot here so my tanks are usually full. I really don't know how you cope having to go & buy all your drinking water.

When I get my milk if the owners are the ones working I usually have a natter with them about what's going on in the local area. I occasionally have a natter with the other staff who do odd shifts when the owners have errands etc to run.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who takes rest breaks when mowing. I thought when I came here & got a ride on mower (after years of using a push mower at my old place) that I would finally be able to do it all in one go... nope... though I need far fewer breaks it is a much bigger area.

I had the handy man slash my paddock & verge today.... he saw two tiger snakes... one was 4ft which reared up & tried to bite him... so I'm being lazy/spooked & getting him to do both my yards next week.

Love & hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hiya Pawsy 🐾 Hannah 🐕 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 and all ☺

Wow I was so pleased for you hearing you getting stuck into the bathroom the other day. Really good effort. I hope you feel happy that you've done that.

You know lovey doing that I think sounds like you're starting to get a little better. It takes a lot to do it. Good for you finding the strength to get stuck in like you did.

The other day I too did some more in the spare room and a couple of drawers in the bathroom. Feels good.

I'm so glad dear Woofa is a reason to get up. He sounds like beautiful company.

Good hearing you have some people contact. I'd love to hear you have some more. Maybe down the track a bit hun. Atm I imagine you need to get you back aye. Takes time and is worth the effort.

Yikes scary the tiger snakes and rearing up to him struth 😲 I know you would but keep alert darls

Must be good getting lawns done. Sounds like it'd be a huge job.

I really hope todays giving you some light dear Pawsy.

Take good care hun. You have good friends here lovely lady 🤗

🌹