Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the
forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I
have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get
it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not
something I thought I would ever find.
Though people talk about getting well & there is a section
Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and
how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well
as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an
exact aim.
My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first
diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum
that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I
suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things
were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone,
not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of
being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.
A number of events in
my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I
needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis
of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each
day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my
siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still
don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving
goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years
ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I
couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my
down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was
fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that
things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the
everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog &
maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.
Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my
post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.
