Singles Support on BB

[smallwolf]

Hi,

This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being in a relationship etc. Many users put there stories in new threads each day, so existing users might not be able to find these other users and therefore might not be able to lend a hand of support. Some users might feel they are the only ones to experience this problem. So to help (?) users with similar problems I thought a thread where users, male or female, might eb able to support each other, and create connections even if in a virtual space. I hope you will find this space helpful...

Tim

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Thankyou. Yes, my progress has also been very slow.

I'm sorry to read about your experiences with dating. My (ex)boyfriend told me he'd tried online dating before meeting me and it was an awful experience for him. He said women were not very nice on there. (We met walking our dogs at the local park). Perhaps there are other places you could meet people if you're up to it? Maybe in a less pressured environment things might be different? Rejection really is an awful beast though. I've cried all day today. I feel rejected, because even though it was a mutual breakup, it's my anxiety that killed things.

[Azzdog]

I’m really sorry to hear that you have a really awful day today. Are things better now or are you still in the middle of it?

Its more that they never reply. Or they will reply and then abruptly leave the conversation. I’m not sure what other places I could go. I’ve tried walking my dog but I can never strike up conversation because no one tends to care that much.

So that’s why I’m really stuck because I don’t know what to do anymore.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Yeah, I'm in a real slump today, which is why I've hung around the forums all day. Don't want to be "alone". Thanks for caring.

I wish I had some suggestions for you but I'm not very sociable myself. I just think things might be easier in a more organic environment. Sports? Take up a hobby? I'd love to join the gym but can't afford it, but that might be a good place to meet people? I've joined a singles group in my local area on facebook. They organise get togethers and stuff. I'm just lurking, but might be something you'd be interested in?

[Azzdog]

Yeah I know what you mean. It’s so easy to fall in the black hole of being alone. I go through slumps regularly because I just keep getting stuck.

Thats okay, I totally get that its hard to come up with suggestions. If it was easy, no one would feel as lonely as we do! I could have a look at a singles group on Facebook. Is it just a group to organises socials?

[smallwolf]

Thanks to Azzdog and Katy for supporting each other here with ideas.

I have probably said this before, but my psychologist told me that when I feel down I should do the opposite of what my mind tells me. So if I think I should stay at home, the opposite would be to go out. That something you do while out can become a distraction to the negative thoughts.

There are also a number of web pages that talk about offline dating (without the use the technology) that contain useful ideas. However if a person is easily triggered within social settings, these can be barriers to finding that someone. At the same time, being kind to ourselves is better than judging ourselves?

[geoff]

Hi Tim, I'm sorry that I haven't posted a comment on this thread, because it really is a good one and affects not only yourself if you are alone, but also if you are in a relationship, not being heard, noticed or respected, then you'll still feel alone and your emotional life can also be complicated.

Those that don't want to be alone experience more of the negative emotions of single life, but when you want the help from someone to make a decision, the only assistance you'll get is half-hearted, making you feel worse off.

There are countless people who are alone, and that's sad, whereas there are people who are engaged in an unfavourable relationship that want to break away.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hey Tim

Thank-you for the excellent and important thread topic!

Just to let other members know they are not alone.....I always had really good relationships with my girlfriends until anxiety issues made my ability to function difficult on a day to day basis...so I focused my concentration on my life in human resources and corporate (my career)...and my counseling/therapy

Since everyone's level of anxiety is different....mine was severe which made it hard for my girlfriends at the time as they didnt see my anxiety as an illness....They had high expectations of the person I used to be prior to having anxiety issues...and thus I am still single and not the ski instructor....adventurer...traveler I used to be

I hope some of this has helped Tim

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Azzdog]

Hey Tim,

I think is thread is showing that this is more of a problem than I give it credit for.

There are some offline dating advice out there by a lot of them tend to focus on pickup culture, which is something I’m totally not interested in. It doesn’t align with my values

[smallwolf]

@Paul - thank you for a glimpse into your life. It can be frustrating the challenges that life throws at us :(

@Geoff - thank you for your input. It is odd to think that someone in a relationship would have these issues but posts I read demonstrate this.

@Aaron - if you have ever listened to Brene Brown she mentions that loneliness is a greater problem than we think, despite the fact you might live with like minded people. We are actually more disconnected.

You might also want to elaborate on what you refer to as pickup? Just to make sure we are on the same page

[Soloyo]

Hi all,

I’m in my late 30’s and have never had a committed relationship, and I find this devastating.

Im seemingly successful in all other aspects of my life: education, work, friendships, hobbies... I’m outgoing and generally liked by people and have no problem getting a date.

However after 12 years of seriously looking for a relationship and about 5 years of online dating I still haven’t met anyone where we’ve both liked each other enough to commit to one another.

In this ongoing search I’ve experienced a fair amount of abuse. I’ve dated guys (yes, plural) who have gotten out of bed with me and straight in with someone else who they committed to (and married and had babies in more than one case). I’ve had guys that like me but I don’t like them.

My singledom exacerbates my depression and my loneliness. And I don’t see any end in sight.

I want to find a way to be happy and single. Do people have any suggestions around trying to achieve this?