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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Beth_co Downsizing lifestyle
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone; I'm at a time in life where living alone brings a few fears up. Being in a low income community where break-ins happen regularly, no-one close to rely on in an emergency, living far from the CBD and resources, not many friends, paying a... View more

Hey everyone; I'm at a time in life where living alone brings a few fears up. Being in a low income community where break-ins happen regularly, no-one close to rely on in an emergency, living far from the CBD and resources, not many friends, paying a mortgage along with rates etc and stamp duty on any property I end up buying away from the insecurity of this area. I've been looking into over 50's lifestyle villages where there's no stamp duty, onsite pool, clubhouse amenities, close to beaches/CBD/medical/activities and a social life I couldn't get anywhere else. This also means there's always people to count on in an emergency or when I'm lonely. And no, this isn't an advertisement! lol I don't work but I'd like to. Passing on what I've learnt over my life (part-time of course) is an attractive option too, bringing in much needed extra income. What's the problem you ask? I'm scared. Anxiety keeps me not only procrastinating, but frozen some days with trepidation. Moving or staying is a huge decision to make at retirement age. How do others feel about my situation and what would you, or have you done? Thanks

smallwolf Singles Support on BB
  • replies: 60

Hi, This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being ... View more

Hi, This might seem like a odd thread for me to create but... In my time here at beyond blue, I have come upon a number of users who have reported about the loneliness of being single, never having a girl friend, never will find a partner, not being in a relationship etc. Many users put there stories in new threads each day, so existing users might not be able to find these other users and therefore might not be able to lend a hand of support. Some users might feel they are the only ones to experience this problem. So to help (?) users with similar problems I thought a thread where users, male or female, might eb able to support each other, and create connections even if in a virtual space. I hope you will find this space helpful... Tim

Just Sara ANGER -> are you reactive or mindful when responding to people? *New members are very welcome to contribute
  • replies: 85

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and... View more

Firstly I want to thank Karen, (Ggrand) who ignited my idea for this thread. (Not pun intended lol) Are you 'reactive' when confronting someone? Do you run away, or step back and 'think' before you speak? These are important questions about anger and especially rage. I'm sure everyone who visits these forums will have at some point in their lives experienced out of control reactions or even 'inaction' that they regret or question afterwards. Eg..."Why didn't I say anything?" or "I shouldn't have said anything." Personally, I'm no stranger to the effects of reactive anger. It took me many yrs to address and finally defeat as an ineffective and damaging personality trait. I still struggle sometimes, but more times than not, I deal with it productively. Anger's a normal animal/human reaction for survival. It goes hand in hand with Fight or Flight responses to keep us safe and alive. What modern society's done though, is create confusion, denial and fear in understanding what a 'threat' actually is. There are so many 'rules of engagement' outlined in our laws and cultural niceties, we're stifled trying to identify when a 'real' threat is immanent and, how to approach matters effectively...nature vs nurture. I think this is a discussion we really 'need' to have. It plays into our recovery and how we want to live our lives in peace with confidence. Are you known as an angry person, a fence sitter or passive/aggressive for instance? These are all tied into our responses to internal or external anger. For the sake of this thread topic, I'd like to keep anecdotes etc to personal experience and not about 'others'; to look at ourselves for answers. I'm eager to hear your thoughts... Sez

MissMyselfTheMost Desperate to find me
  • replies: 1

Hi, i just don’t know where to start I’m 28, a mum of two (one 4yo one 2yo) and have a partner whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with but I’m so sure that it’s not going to very fairytale like for three years now I have been trying to get a jo... View more

Hi, i just don’t know where to start I’m 28, a mum of two (one 4yo one 2yo) and have a partner whom I wish to spend the rest of my life with but I’m so sure that it’s not going to very fairytale like for three years now I have been trying to get a job, I apply to a minimum of 25jobs a week my confidence is shot my glasses are broken (missing an arm) and I can’t afford to fix them (no not even off the cheap shelves in spec savers) hubby to be and I sleep on a mattress on the floor have my sisters old broken couch my Nan’s 30od year old fridge and freezer my washing machine is on its last legs, my debt left from before I hadn’t a job are about 7000 not including the 16,000 I need to pay my partners parents back for paying off my car to stop it being collected for debt and I cant pay them, our diet is bad we have spaghetti, chicken tonight or curried sausages with rice or pasta for dinner never anything else unless someone’s treating us cereal for the kids for breakfast sandwiches for lunch and some fruit for kids that’s all we can afford i left my job of 7years because of how miserable it made me and I thought getting a new job was the best idea little did I know the new job would let me go just before my probation was up I’m miserable I used to be organised, outgoing, fit now I just binge watch shows, shower every few days, I never want people to come over because I can’t keep on top of the house (I get my brother in-law to be to do the dishes & washing every day as he lives with us rent free because he’s 21 and also struggling to find employment) Not that anyone would come over except family or my one friend i bearly want to get out of bed and do stuff with my kids I used to be so on top of taking them out and teaching new things nowadays their dad and uncle are parenting them they’re always so messy always arguing and NEVER listen discipline doesn’t work!! and it just breaks me down everyday to the point I scream or cry. I’m also angry all the time like he smallest of things sends me into a rage I have to lock myself in my room and I don’t talk to anyone until I calm down which some days I don’t. I don’t know how to talk to the mums at school without feeling like they want me to shut up and go away or feeling like I’m trying to hard to fit in or something I can’t lose weight because the fruit and veggies alone will blow our budget let alone being to lazy and scared to exercise how do I find myself again and get rid of this messy monster I’ve become!?

Billyc Had the courage to re -enter the workplace
  • replies: 9

Hi All, I just caught up with my firm that I left a few months back because of this crippling anxiety. I put my hand up for another oppurtunity With them. The anxiety all came back but was equally met with the warmth and inspiration that the office g... View more

Hi All, I just caught up with my firm that I left a few months back because of this crippling anxiety. I put my hand up for another oppurtunity With them. The anxiety all came back but was equally met with the warmth and inspiration that the office gives. Very friendly people have welcomed me back I start Monday, thats the first step accomplished (pat myself in the back). second step is to get the momentum going. feels daunting and exciting at the same time

spontaneous sunflower 30 Day Healthy Habits Challenge
  • replies: 2

Hello! Firstly, a bit of background on me. I'm 16, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 13 years old. Last year I went through a severe depressive episode which caused me to miss half of my school year, move schools and overall just put me an... View more

Hello! Firstly, a bit of background on me. I'm 16, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 13 years old. Last year I went through a severe depressive episode which caused me to miss half of my school year, move schools and overall just put me and the people around me in a crappy situation. I'm glad to say I'm doing much better, but definitely not doing my best or anywhere near it. I am stuck in a rut. My default answer to "how are you?" is "meh, alright". Life should be SO MUCH MORE than "alright". I have so many crazy dreams and things I want to do, I have this picture of an ideal me in my mind. And get this- I know exactly how to get to this "ideal me". I have EVERYTHING I need to reach my goals. But here I am, stuck on autopilot doing the same boring things everyday, not feeling like myself and honestly, feeling miserable. I watched Mel Robbins TED talk "How to stop screwing yourself over". It's a long talk and I'll try to summarise what she says, but I would encourage you to watch it if you're feeling stuck. She has such a motivating, "no bullsh*t" kind of attitude that I respect. She said to get what you want,is SIMPLE but NOT EASY. You have to force yourself, get out of your head, get past your feelings and outside of your comfort zone. See? Sounds simple but when you actually try to do these things, it's not that easy. Her TED talk + some other articles/videos I viewed, have inspired me to challenge myself to do the things I always say I'll do (but never actually do). Starting tomorrow on 23/05/19, I am going to start doing these habits everyday for 30 days- - wake up at 6am (even on weekends!) - exercise for 30 minutes everyday - do not go on technology 30 minutes after waking up and 30 minutes before going to bed. - Limit myself to one unhealthy treat a day and drink 2 litres of water daily - Study for at least 40 minutes daily - write down three things I am grateful for before bed - do something out of my comfort zone (this could be so many different things- talking to someone new, wearing something you are usually too scared to wear, confronting someone about your feelings, trying a new food or activity, etc) - write in my journal - stretch for 10 minutes before bedtime

Matches Finding Employment While Unwell
  • replies: 6

I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been unemployed most of my life. I desperately want to work and make a positive contribution to the community. My work history is obviously lousy, and when I apply for jobs this is extremely evident, I simply don’t ge... View more

I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve been unemployed most of my life. I desperately want to work and make a positive contribution to the community. My work history is obviously lousy, and when I apply for jobs this is extremely evident, I simply don’t get any response from employers, although I’m qualified in a high demand occupation. Knowing that I’m unwell and knowing that the best thing for me is to be active, how do I get a job? How do I have a conversation with potential employers? How do I get a foot in the door? Where are the MI friendly employers?

Live Alcohol and anxiety
  • replies: 3

Hi. I am new and not too sure of what to do. i am a wife and mother of 4. I am looking for help and support around alcohol and anxiety. basically I binge drink, then feel bad about it and hate it. Hate that it takes my weekends, takes my family time ... View more

Hi. I am new and not too sure of what to do. i am a wife and mother of 4. I am looking for help and support around alcohol and anxiety. basically I binge drink, then feel bad about it and hate it. Hate that it takes my weekends, takes my family time and takes my sanity.

white knight Personal Values
  • replies: 5

They are indeed personal. We humans are a diverse lot. The values spectrum is wide. But the point of this thread is to explain the benefits of flexibility when it comes to working with others, that have different values...and that's everyone! If we s... View more

They are indeed personal. We humans are a diverse lot. The values spectrum is wide. But the point of this thread is to explain the benefits of flexibility when it comes to working with others, that have different values...and that's everyone! If we stand by our own values to the letter and believe those values are something to be proud of and are "right", then how can we get along with others when their values conflict with ours? There are some issues that can get in the way of values. Miscommunication is one. Merely taking comments from others that appear they differ from us can make a friendship terminal. We get sensitive, angry, confrontational and sometimes our friendships and family relationships are terminal. From my observations those with mental illness often, but not always, have difficulty in this area of personal values. Not in having them, in falling into conflict because such values aren't the same as others values. I grew up in a household that us siblings took offence if we didn't agree with each other. I joined the RAAF and lived with other men. It came about one day when a guy said "that's ok, I don't agree with you but that fine, we cant agree on everything." It opened my eyes up to how people can disagree agreeably. Wow, I cant maintain friendships! The next step I had to learn was to reassure others that there is no need for conflict. To disagree is ok but as we can disagree on basic, touchy topics like politics, religion, children, etc we should avoid conflict by reassurance ..."its ok, I'm disagreeing but I see your viewpoint. It's not the end of the world and I don't want this to hurt our friendship, I value you". Do it! Reach out. Finally, contact later. Sometimes a friend could leave our home with disappointment. Wait 2 days. Ring them. "Hi Ralph, I just thought I'd ring you to see how you are, I have no bad feelings about our tiff" Then the golden rule- keep quiet, let them speak. Once they have finished "getting it all out" you can take it from there, depending on the conflict you can wait a few weeks and try again. Relationships are fluid. They ebb and flow. Expecting friendships to remain firm and constant is not being realistic, maybe hopeful, optimistic and inflated. Familiarity breeds contempt, is true. To expect relationships to move in and out due to differences in personal values, is to accept that pliability, flexibility that's required to make it work long term. We cant agree on everything. Tony WK

Guest_8790 Do I like Myself?
  • replies: 14

Well not really I guess. can't change your appearance but wish there was but I've put up with myself for over half a century but now and again my hate me thoughts come in. such is life. I usually fake it until I make it attitude so no one will know h... View more

Well not really I guess. can't change your appearance but wish there was but I've put up with myself for over half a century but now and again my hate me thoughts come in. such is life. I usually fake it until I make it attitude so no one will know how I feel. not sure why writing this now guess am having.a self doubt moment.of my direction on life and struggling with studies. assessment due Tuesday. . guess it's called life. rusted forever

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