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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Over_and_Over How to keep going
  • replies: 4

I’d like to know how to function, how to fill in your days when most of society treat you as worthless and you have no family. Your friends think you should take a tablet, but they don’t get it....problems don’t disappear by swallowing a pill. Lonlin... View more

I’d like to know how to function, how to fill in your days when most of society treat you as worthless and you have no family. Your friends think you should take a tablet, but they don’t get it....problems don’t disappear by swallowing a pill. Lonliness and feeling worthwhile, I exercise early in the morning when no one can see. My days are long and dark, and what for? Only to do the same thing over and over,

Keziah Dealing with negative self-thoughts and anxiety due to being a non-driver in a car-centric society
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I don't have a formal diagnosis, but tend to get anxiety symptoms and struggle with self worth when life is not going well. At the moment I am in the middle of diversifying my career. However it has brought up a lot of anxieties and stigma I ... View more

Hi all, I don't have a formal diagnosis, but tend to get anxiety symptoms and struggle with self worth when life is not going well. At the moment I am in the middle of diversifying my career. However it has brought up a lot of anxieties and stigma I feel about being a non-driver. A lot of jobs require a license, but although I learnt to drive I have very poor spatial skills and discovered from online tests that I cannot make a cognitive map in my head, meaning I get lost easily even in familiar areas. Some people with this condition can drive, but I find that this condition plus anxiety about having an accident makes it impossible to drive safely. I get really confused about which lanes to use at intersections and also fail to see oncoming traffic in my peripheral vision at roundabouts among other things. However most people where I live do drive and think I could drive if I just tried harder or did x, y or z. They don't understand why it is so hard for me and have even accused me of being lazy or not believing in myself enough. My mum has the same problem with driving and one of my brothers prefers not to drive so I know it is a genetic condition, not a personal fault. This doesn't stop me falling into a spiral of self-loathing about not driving or anxiety about finding work in my new field (even though I already have public-transport accessible work one day week in this field). It would be so much easier to get more work with a license and I become self-critical about my inadequacy, even though I would never judge anyone else for being unable to drive for whatever reason. Any tips for dealing with others' attitudes without judging myself? In the past I just focused on the positives such as the money I save, reading on public transport, being environmentally friendly and the benefits of mixing with diverse people. But lately when people tell me I could never do this or that job without a license - despite having all the other required skills and temperament - and ask how someone otherwise so intelligent can't find their way around easily enough to drive I start feeling really down about the situation and it also makes me more anxious. This has the knock on affect or making it hard to look for jobs because I get an anxiety attack just looking for jobs that don't need a license. Please just advice for anxious, self-judging non-drivers. Telling me I could drive if I just did x, y or z will just make me more anxious!

Dorey Started Drinking Again
  • replies: 2

I’m trying to find triggers that has made me drive to the bottle shop and get a carton of beer. i haven’t drank in ages but today I wanted too and it’s not because I want one, am on my own working away from my family but it’s been ok until tonight. i... View more

I’m trying to find triggers that has made me drive to the bottle shop and get a carton of beer. i haven’t drank in ages but today I wanted too and it’s not because I want one, am on my own working away from my family but it’s been ok until tonight. ive drank six bottles in one hour and have work tomorrow it’s like my mind is just doing it without me wanting too. im taking anti depressants and have been for nearly a year now. i keep fit and have been running also just don’t know what has made me decide to start drinking again tonight.

james1 Being accused of being impatient
  • replies: 9

Hello everyone, I am really keen to hear everybody's thoughts on this one because patience and impatience are words we often use to describe one another. I am often told that I am impatient. In regular life, this could be to do with having to wait fo... View more

Hello everyone, I am really keen to hear everybody's thoughts on this one because patience and impatience are words we often use to describe one another. I am often told that I am impatient. In regular life, this could be to do with having to wait for a bus or wanting to get a new motorbike. To do with mental health, it could be to do with waiting for medication to settle, for therapy to work or for those moments of anxiety where I feel like I -cannot- wait, or even after a relationship break up. Usually when I am told I am being impatient, I dismiss the person as not understanding my situation. Sometimes I get angry and even less patient. So the question is: what is patience anyway? Is it even a character trait that can be judged (like kindness)? I think my levels of patience are so dependent on things like mood, my mental health or just circumstance. We would not describe a mother-to-be in labour as "impatient", so why should we use the same word for someone in emotional pain or some other distress? Yet, sometimes time and waiting is needed. Usually frantic action will do nothing for a broken heart or even for anxiety. We use delaying tactics mostly, and we rely on friends and family to listen to us in a non-judgmental way. Perhaps you may not have a response to the above, but I am still interested to hear from you! Have you been accused of being impatient? How did it make you feel? James

white knight THE BALANCE OF YOUR LIFE
  • replies: 14

Balancing is done every day. We do it continuously. We assess situations. We prioritise. We organise. So what about our lives as a whole? Are we balancing life well as humans in the western world? No, I don’t believe we are. I’m not religious in any ... View more

Balancing is done every day. We do it continuously. We assess situations. We prioritise. We organise. So what about our lives as a whole? Are we balancing life well as humans in the western world? No, I don’t believe we are. I’m not religious in any way so that makes me an atheist. However I’m open minded especially with spirituality. I believe the one thing that stands out with any religion is depth of mind (beliefs) that allows for short term periods of separation from day to day life to a place of peace be it mind or church, alone or in a crowd. Does this assist with balance of your mental health? I think so. What if you are not religious? Well there are many ways you can experience this inner peace of a calm spirit. I wont list them but meditation, love from others, yoga, etc and you can find your own safe place where you can do this. Having commenced a journey to my inner peace some 26 years ago with my own following of a man named Maharaji (Prem Rawat), I have his Youtube videos I watch every month or so. Along with my means of helping his suggestions, I walk slowly on a golf course over my back fence, to enter my heart through the door I only have a key for. I feel so sorry for those people that don’t have their own safe place. We can get caught up in daily activities. You know the routine, wake, shower, breakky, get kids off to school, meet other parents, drive, fill up the car with fuel, check the tyres, shopping, pay bills, and the day goes by with zero “me time”. STOP!!!!! No day should go by without 20 minutes minimum “me time”. Time to open that inner door. For example- Star gazing, walking through a park, meditating, self soothing, muscle tensioning exercises (all cost nothing )…..being in a mental place whereby you are at peace. We balance everything in our lives except our spirit. And when you introduce your free time it will one day pay off. Tears of happiness will flow. You’ll be as one with nature. You’ll know you are in a special place where only you can go. And that experience will balance your life to enable you to return to the routines of daily life. Mental illness in the western world is at epidemic proportions. Something has gone wrong with our way of life. Perhaps something fundamental is missing? Take a step back and assess your life, whether your mind would benefit from real peace. To start try this. Tonight go out to your backyard. Lie on your back. Watch the stars. Allow your life to get some balance.

Kazza78 Best advice given about anxiety or depression?
  • replies: 7

Based on everyones different experiences, what is the best advice you have been in regards to anxiety or depression? Thanks in advance

Based on everyones different experiences, what is the best advice you have been in regards to anxiety or depression? Thanks in advance

james1 Feeling worse/relapse without any trigger
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I read somewhere once that "relapse" was not a good word because it suggests failure of some sort to keep up a healthy routine. I think that's true, but I can't think of a better word so i'll just use it anyway. Mental health improvem... View more

Hello everyone, I read somewhere once that "relapse" was not a good word because it suggests failure of some sort to keep up a healthy routine. I think that's true, but I can't think of a better word so i'll just use it anyway. Mental health improvement is not a straight path as many of us have experienced. It's full of ups and downs. Often, we are triggered by things which bring us back down. Sometimes, we just feel worse without there being a trigger. It's really important to see these things as part of the overall process of improvement, but it can be very easy to get down on ourselves and see it as a step back. Do you have any examples to share where you have just felt abnormally worse even without a trigger? Do you have any strategies to avoid or mitigate the effect of these? I often just overall feel mentally tired and don't want to keep up good habits. These thoughts worry me because then I start to think that I'm just faking it and that bad habits are my norm. A lot of self-doubt typically creeps in. I do not have any high-tech strategies - I just try to distract until the thoughts go away, but sometimes I wonder whether I am just delaying the inevitable. James

Steven1 I know exercise is good for me and I want to get started but I just can't...
  • replies: 26

Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and need some help getting started with exercise. I currently do NOTHING physical and my job is also sedentary. I really want to exercise for my health and for my depression. There are a few things holding me back ... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and need some help getting started with exercise. I currently do NOTHING physical and my job is also sedentary. I really want to exercise for my health and for my depression. There are a few things holding me back but the one I am really struggling with is being self conscious and worrying people will laugh at me. I have a FREE GYM at work but have only used it once in over 3 years due to being self conscious. I am very thin (people make comments about my weight a lot) and I am worried that if people at work see me in gym clothes they are going to laugh at my skinny legs, lack of muscle and question why am I there. I also know nothing about weights or fitness and don't know how to use gym equipment. I work in a male dominated, fairly macho environment so there isn't a lot of support or help with getting started! Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated

Eternal_Happiness Unrealistic Job Requirements
  • replies: 5

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they ... View more

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they require. It seems that there is a culture now to demotivate everyone and force everyone to stay within their bubble. They have requirements for software you have never heard of because they use proprietary software but also require you to have 5-10 years of experience for an entry role. How stupid is this? Most of these employers won't provide a pay rise either. I like I stay truthful and honest when I apply, but I don't meet certain requirements for a job. Unfortunately, even if I finish my degree, I am not sure if such a qualification will be relevant in 5 years when artificial Intelligence enters our shores. Even when I look into blockchain, they require you to have experience as far back as 2008 when it first started. Anyone have any pointers on anyone that wants a career change? I don't want to continue doing accounting crap because the field will vanish in 10 years.

white knight "Water off a ducks back"
  • replies: 35

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands ... View more

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands of my first wife. Once seperated I spent 5 minutes daily in front of a mirror "you are a good person, you deserve a good life with a loving partner" etc. It worked. Confidence can grow and progress made from teaching ourselves what others might teach us. As a 40yo I had a small list of personal challenges one of which was to accept that somethings in life arent curable so why beat myself up about things I cant change? I began the journey of accomplishing "water off a ducks back" and it wasnt easy. As usual to rid my mind of topics, conversations that tormented my mind I'd have to distract myself. Distraction not only focusses your mind on other things, it dispenses time and time heals. Also telling myself over and over "I cant change that, I cant control that, I am not responsible for that"... A good example of the success of this challenging area of life that eluded me has been my youngest daughter now 24yo. She has returned to my life several times and on each occasion treated me poorly. The above techniques have worked. Aging helps too, it becomes easier. I accepted with my daughter that her toxicity was inherited from her mother and there is a limit to my ability to change that. I'm not responsible for everything. I went through a period that I'd wanted to reject her if she came knocking. Then I realised if I made her welcome, talked but remained firm with my views, after she left my home the act of "water off a ducks back" would be easier. The guilt non existant, in myself satisfied I've given her a chance...I've continued to be a father. This is regardless of what the outcome will be. Punishing yourself is imprisoning yourself over issues that harm you ten fold more than the initial event. To teach yourself to let go of topics of torment you need to lay a foundation of thoughts, mental discipline that were missed in your younger years for whatever reason. Compensating for that capability is not being able to just develop the ability "normal" people have to shrug problems off. We need to use other means at our disposal to achieve a level of peace. Distraction, repetition of lessons learned, reminders of what is beyond your control and maintaining a compassion so guilt doesnt fester. Tony WK