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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight The art of listening
  • replies: 11

Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on listening if you care to read on. S... View more

Sounds automatic right? Not for many. How often do you talk or argue and you feel you aren’t being listened to? Yep, I know that feeling well and let’s be fair, others feel the same about us. I have a philosophy on listening if you care to read on. See, we all know that forums have their negatives. Recently a car forum had a debate. It was that some other new comers to that forum ask a question and got answers but those posters didn’t return to the forum to thank the responders for their answers. The responders felt the new members were rude by not thanking them. My theory is this- that you don’t answer a members question to get a thankyou. While it is courteous to offer thanks when it comes to forums people are busy, stressed, forget,forgot their password/user name have problems etc and for what ever reason they don’t log on again. However numerous other members that logged on would benefit from the advice given so it isn’t wasted. So my idea on “listening” is such that the other party has a need to express themselves so much, to empty their thoughts so much that they are not accommodating your words. Is it a case of this need to dump their mind of thoughts rather than being rude not listening to you? If that’s the case they aren’t intentionally being rude. The rudeness is from your perspective not really reality. So its more of a reason to allow them to dump their thoughts and if so you might as well listen intently on what they are saying. Then begin to respond and if needed, if they interrupt, kindly and calmly without intimidation, remind them that you allowed them to speak without talking…then say what you want to say. There are other factors involved in this listening/interrupting issue. We have a “flight or fight” inbuilt persona that we automatically engage when in conflict. For some of us the challenge of listening is difficult but the rewards can be great. Suddenly your partner is taken back by your question “is anything wrong, I’m wanting to listen” and then actually listen. Loving someone isn't so straight forward. Getting to know your partner to the degree that you are almost inside their mind watching the cogs turning is only possible by observation and listening...which means little talk for some period of time. Make no mistake, this act of listening if done with determination is likely the greatest gift you can provide to your relationship. The wonder is, that if done regularly most times the favour is returned...harmony! Tony WK

ChrisMelbourne How I finally beat depression
  • replies: 2

Hi all, im chris 25 year old male from Ireland living in Melbourne. for the past year I have had sever depression to the point that I was suiciudal everyday. U will see my story in my previous post depression in Melbourne. I am basically reaching out... View more

Hi all, im chris 25 year old male from Ireland living in Melbourne. for the past year I have had sever depression to the point that I was suiciudal everyday. U will see my story in my previous post depression in Melbourne. I am basically reaching out on here to help other people that are battling the disease and I'm here to tell them that I took control of my life and beat it so u can to, no matter how hard it seems now but belive me things will get better, I know when I was severely sick and I was hearing people saying it would get better soon that I never belived them. so I started medication on Christmas day after trying every other possible solution including seeing a naturopath for 3 months (waste of money and was never interested in my sickness she was only interested in the money) of course the first couple of weeks on medication was hard but it was no way harder than the way I had been feeling the last hole year. I totally changed my diet, I cut out all gluten and sugar and went paleo, again this was tuff but noting like what I had been tru. I started dragging my self to the gym every night even when it felt impossible I put the work in. I also got acupuncher every week from a women I found online that deals with depression. As week and week was going by I wasn't really feeling much better to be honest then weeks started to turn into months and the dark cloud was still there day in and day out. But then my sleep started going from 2 hours a night to 5-6 a night and then to 7-8 this was the first healing process because I hadn't slept a full night in over a year. So I pushed on with the diet, the medication, the excersie, and every thing else. Then I was haveing one good day and 3 bad days then 2 good days and 5 bad ones it was up and down every week but I kept the faith and hope, then I started to have 5 good days and only 1 or 2 bad ones. While I still get days where my mood is low and unbalanced I am no where near as sick I was last year. I finally love my life again, me and my girl are great again and I'm back at work full time. I just sit and thank myself for not giving up because I tought I was going to. I pushed on day in and day out not really even feeling alive just feeling like I was trying to break tru glass. I am not saying I am 100% depression free but I'm about %75 and I will keep pushing till I get to that 100%. I done this on my own with no family here or no friends as im from overseas. I had no one and I did it so u can to

Warney1967 I’m lost and don’t know where to turn
  • replies: 1

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent... View more

I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for over 40 years and recently been diagnosed with social anxiety, dependent personality disorder and disthymia at the very least . I had my own business I’d worked at for 16 yrs and was happy enough making decent money and working hours I wanted leaving time for my passion golf . To cut along story short my girlfriend at the time started working with me and after a while it was too easy to just put things off til tomorrow and go home or go to lunch etc well this soon snowballed out of control and jobs weren’t getting done . That relationship ended but the wheels were in motion to my not working at all , my anxiety stopped me from facing clients I hadn’t been servicing and it was easier to just not face them hence where I’m at now 3 years later still not working , can’t or not wanting to but needing to for my own sake , my relationship and financially . I don’t know where to turn to or where to start to try get my life back because right now it’s void of anything . This brings me to my second issue and not a proud one but still it’s there , I have way too much spare time on my hands and when I’m feeling down ( most days ) I need a buzz or high which is a hard thing to find when you have disthymia I resort to online activities with other women for that , again not proud but it’s there and not going away without help . I have great support from my fiancé and my guilt is massive but sometimes the craving for a buzz outweighs the guilt . I hope that someone here can get what I’m about and give me some advice or tell their story so I know I’m not the only person going thru this crap . Regards greg

HazyDaisy Struggling this week
  • replies: 2

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jea... View more

hey all I find when work or life stresses me out, I have stomach issues and anything I eat runs right through me. I returned to a workplace 2 months ago for a 6 mth contract and I work offsite most of the week. I have been dealing with bitchy and jealous co-workers, over the top workload, isolation and unsuppuportive management. I had been doing quiet well until this week. I've had 2 days off work due to the stomach issues/not wanting to deal with work. I've been asked to provide a med certificate (which I know is normal practice) and goddamnit I don't want to talk to a GP about how stress affects me physically and depression rearing its bloody head AGAIN. I do not mention to work that I have depression. Obviously my coping techniques need a rejig. I needed a vent. Perhaps I need to type out what is going on in my mind rather than bottling it in and waking up at 2am with nightmares about work. Any helpful ideas would be great. Karen

smallwolf Recognising anxiety and depression?
  • replies: 2

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have... View more

Got the email today for blue voices and one thing mentioned in there related to ideas and something else. While I have not my this/my idea forward... It relates to recognising MI in the workplace. And how easy or hard is it? For example there by have been days when I was at Uni classes and another student would ask me "are you ok? You don't seem yourself today" and this was from someone who I did not talk to that often. And others don't seem to notice or pick up on it. Do we actively trying to hide our MI from others? Do people know what to look for in their friends behaviour? What steps or education is needed so that people can seek the help they need before it becomes a bigger problem?

white knight Lifelong effects from childhood trauma
  • replies: 9

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of m... View more

I've recently read up on the effects of childhood trauma. Without going into much detail at 12yo my brother 15yo nearly drowned in our backyard pool. He had a fit under water. Subsequently I didnt speak a word for 3 months. I didn't connect some of my adult issues with that event until 53yo at the hands of a brilliant psych. During one visit he asked how my brother got out of that above ground pool..."I lifted him and dropped him over the edge". Hence the shock. My parents ran with jam and attended to him. They weren't to know about my ordeal. The residual of such trauma I can now share. When people often say "be gentle on yourself" I cant do that- zero ability to put up any defences like being wise enough to avoid conflict. Uet Im wise enough in so many other ways. When someone suggests to not be so over reactive or over emotional...I cant be less so, I dont have the ability to regulate those. And so on. What has been a revelation is to learn that when a child has a traumatic event some of our reactions like sensitivity go to a higher than normal level...and stay there! This doesnt mean you lose any part of your personality which is commonly locked in by age 7. But traumatic mental scars can alter your reactions to a higher level that has a negative effect for the rest of your life. What can you do? Normally I have some suggestions but this time I'm asking you to supply them. The symptoms are- high sensitivity leading to over reaction Inability to step back from conflict or disagreement following many hours of fuming usually I calm down and my soft side produces regret Such situations lead to a feeling of wanting an escape from the world So far the only remedy I've found is avoidance. Avoiding people. This was the catalyst in the thread Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue So if you can identify with this please reply. Tony WK

white knight The swing bridge of mental illness
  • replies: 4

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that probl... View more

Imagine we are walking along a swing bridge. Every time there is a permanent problem the swing bridge gets narrower. Financial stress, people passing away, accidents, job loss and so on. You hold on until the swing bridge goes wider again, that problem goes away. Now you approach a mental illness crisis. That swing bridge is still there but without its hand rail. You are balancing and everytime there is an issue, seemingly daily, you lose balance and nearly fall. Is that how you feel? It's terrible. You reach to your partner or a friend and they seem to not notice your plight. In these situations we need to go one way and one way only- upwards. We need to repair that handrail by various means. We cannot survive just “hoping for the best” or expecting more than what others can give. In fact we cant rely on anyone but professional help. Consulting a counsellor is a good start because they often see clearer than us what is happening. Mental illness is an oddball because we think we are more capable than what we are, more aware of the issues and feel like we can sort it all out. But like a couple that are pregnant, parenthood doesn’t all come naturally, we have to read books, listen to others to learn how best treat our new baby. Same as learning to drive. Some methods we can introduce to build that handrail is- Work with your partner as a team to introduce rules and boundaries Counselling be it family or personal Consider two part time jobs rather than one full time. There are several benefits. Not relying on one income gives more income security, Shorter hours in one workplace, a long break between jobs. Try to eliminate shift work. Sleep is crucial to our well being Place boundaries on relatives and friends. You don’t need people crossing lines to control you. Mental illness is not a case of our inability but more so our restriction of mental capacity…there is a difference. Life changes. Consider every possibility. Change in environment. Changes to reduce debt. If needed, changes to your relationship. The basics of our lives must have a foundation of security. That swing bridge must be wide enough to make us feel ok, that we are surviving and not losing balance. Then every aspect of our lives improve. We can even lift others up that are just hanging on. But we need to plan changes and introduce boundaries. For others, they are either with us or not. For those that are not, just put them at arms length as many will never understand. Tony WK

Flick_SnotGrass "Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass
  • replies: 59

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extrem... View more

"Healing Tip o' the Day #672" by Flick SnotGrass Tip #672 is Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. So, Like I said, I was born with an extremely severe case of excema.... I don't want to wallow [well maybe just half a cup then] but there were days in my early teens with: my face, neck, arms, knees etc bleeding, scabby and worse over-exhausted from very little sleep, due to the red raw night scratching, [adrenal fatigue too probably] that I realized to my horror that Valerie, Vyonne, [insert Girl's Name here] were ALWAYS GOING TO BE WASHING THEIR HAIR!! They either had very dirty hair OR they didn't want to have a cup of tea with me. The Doctors of the Day said my condition was "Genetic" and "There is nothing we can do for Flick" and "Sorry about that but he is an interesting specimen, er ... can I let my students have a prod at his hide" and "So on". "Nothing can be done".!!!! I plumbed depths of black helpless depression back in those dark days of 1962. Fortunately I have a stubborn streak. "Bloody difficult sod" is how my mother puts it, bless her cotton socks. I found a furiously angry part of myself that said "Bugger that!" and worse and I began my search for tools and techniques that could heal me.... .... I don't have scabs anymore .... I'm not called 'Flick ~ The Big Red Dog', anymore either Steal from me... no really.... I have a long list of tools that I use to this day that I have picked up, used and honed over the years and here's todays Healing Tip o' the Day #672 just for you.... #672 - Listen to some Spike Milligan and sing either "I'm walking Backwards to Christmas" OR "The Ying Tong Song" KARAOKE STYLE AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. "Why?" Because, Laughter produces endorphins and beneficial 'feel good' neurotransmitters. Your breathing will improve your Heart Rate Variability, HRV and will help calm you. It is also quite difficult to be bloody miserable while singing The Ying Tong Song out loud. Try it, you'll see. Be better than well, Flick SnotGrass

white knight The "Grass is greener" syndrome
  • replies: 2

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away fro... View more

Yes, I reckon we’ve all had that feeling that life would be better if we were like our neighbour with that shiny new car, boat, jet ski and caravan, holidays every summer in their holiday house. Truth be known we don’t know how their life is away from our earshot, we don’t know their level of debt or their income constraints. And we don’t know of their relationship battles nor physical and mental struggles. Many have masks. I was always jealous of my school buddy. He was a straight A student and became an engineer. I joined the RAAF to be a pilot but never got there and eventually made my way in security and investigations. My friend ended up running his own company with a turnover in excess of 10 million a year, very rich. Two years ago he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So far he has defied the surgeons by 12 months….prognosis isn’t good. Now, is the grass greener? Nope. Another friend has mild anxiety. From my viewpoint mild anxiety can seem…well….mild. I’ve had extreme anxiety, panic attacks and additional things like bipolar, depression and dysthymia. I have to remind myself that his anxiety to him is life effective, that it’s a major problem. Comparing isn’t a good thing to do. It’s not a competition. So in reality the “grass greener” syndrome is an illusion. It’s a way of us telling ourselves that we are unlucky and “they have a better life and I want that life” when all along instead of feeling less successful of what we don’t have, we’d be far better off appreciating what we do have. My first wife and I were poor. We were paying off an old run down 110 year old house. I purchased a lotto ticket for $2. An old wise lady next door said “that $2 could have bought a litre of milk for your kids”. I haven’t purchased a lotto ticket since. That was 25 years ago. Value every dollar earned. Listen to the wise. But the ultimate of humility and reverse of the greener grass obsession was a cousin of mine that visited aged care homes playing music and singalongs. So many of those residents told him they wished they were his age (40yo). He passed away with throat cancer. None of them knew. The grass wasn’t greener for those residents, it wasn’t even green over the fence. We should value the shade of green of our own lawn and value what we have. We focus on our challenges as they need endurance. But its not all bad. Mental illness can give you creativity, adventure, depth of emotion that leads to music and poetry....green indeed. Tony WK

white knight Stubbornness and relationships
  • replies: 0

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone ... View more

We read it often, a carer writes in about their desperate situation of their ill partners rejection of any medical assistance, a review of their already diagnosed illness or perhaps basic relationship counselling. Let’s look at why. Why would anyone in a living together relationship risk any harmony of that relationship simply because they wont (in a nutshell) seek help? Let’s examine some reasons. That meds aren’t working as expected The meds have side effects With men mainly, they don’t like doctors They don’t like the way their partner “tells” them to visit their GP They feel little obligation to their partner's wishes They don't care (depressed?) You can add to that. What I’m concerned about with many posters here is the lack of regard for the relationship by not seeking help. To put a relationship at risk is to gamble with it. To gamble with it is to say “I’m not seeking help and if she (he) leaves me well I’ll be alone and that isn’t so bad. This is, IMO, a reflection of not so much stubbornness but a realisation that all people are a hurdle for the sufferer or rather no people, no obligations, is another answer. If this is true then the real problem isn’t solely based on the carer. i.e. there are other factors involved. This can give some comfort to the carer, to realise they aren’t the only reason for such an attitude. Anybody that is a carer of your ill partner might end up with the same challenges as- you! Take heart- it isn’t likely you that is the problem regardless of the blame you might get. If your ill partner refuses to seek any help then I’m afraid the future isn’t rosy. Most carers will have a choice in the end as things deteriorate, stay and endure the symptoms or leave because arguing will not change their mind. We call it stubbornness but a better description might be- “no faith in treatment and a need to feel normal”. If that results in a marriage split then how strong is the marriage? Does it have to get to a split up before he/she seeks help? By that time the resentment from the carer is at an all time low, damage has been done. This logic often escapes the ill. I have a friend with bipolar1. After 25 years of marriage he sort diagnosis and meds. I said to his wife “at least he finally got help” to which she replied “at what cost?”. Ask your partner how far he/she is prepared to risk the relationship for you to endure the symptoms of mental illness? Are you aware of the effort needed to live with you unmedicated? Tony WK