Saying no to the unhelpful thoughts

Euclid · ‎08-09-2015

Hi all,

I am interested to see what people have to say on this forum about dealing with unhelpful thoughts.

I am sure that I am not alone in having a mind which feeds me unhelpful thoughts. For me personally, failing to properly manage these thoughts can lead to a depressive episode, and has done in the past.

For example - I have recently come to realise that my relationship seems to be exiting the 'honeymoon' period. My mind feeds me counterproductive thoughts, like "you're falling out of love with her" and "you'll separate sooner or later". In days gone by, I would have let these thoughts get the better of me and my mood. These days, I know how to say "thanks for the thought, Mind, but the reality is that our relationship has just entered a new, more mature phase, and that's a good thing".

What other tips and tricks do people have like this? Keeping in mind, of course, that not all methods will work for everyone - but I think it will be helpful to share.

romantic_thi3f · ‎08-09-2015

Hi Euclid,

Great question.

One of the things that helps me when I have an unhelpful thought is to recognise that it's unhelpful. I was always taught that there were different types of unhelpful thoughts (dramatising, black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, etc). For me, once I recognise that a thought is unhelpful it already starts to lose it's power - because I know that it's not necessarily true or accurate.

I think it's great that you are getting into the practice of challenging your thoughts. It's certainly not easy, but it is worth it.

Hope this helps,

Sparkles183 · ‎08-09-2015

Hi Euclid

one of the things that has helped me which I got from a online CBT program is asking my self is them thoughts realistic? An example of that is you might make a mistake at work and then you think you will get fired... Instead of dwelling on that thought ask yourself what is the likely hood of me getting fired.? It might be 5 percent because other people have made the mistake so instead of dwelling on the thought u are going to lose your job say to yourself ok I made a mistake I am going to learn from my mistake and get on with my job because this will make me a better employee.

That just an example I am not am not saying it is the case with anyone I hope it helps someone like it has helped me.

take care sparkles

Lilly1 · ‎06-10-2015

I have found my mantra of 'self care, balance & boundaries', has really helped in my journey to recover from childhood trauma/abuse and having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and related mental and physical illness.

Self care, is healthy adaptive coping methods, like gardening, yoga, walking. Great for mindfulness, joy, physical health, as well as overall mental health.

Balance, is making sure I balance all the areas of my life. So I work online in mental health advocacy, but balance that with my family, self care and healthy activities.

Boundaries, is making sure I connect with those who support and encourage me, and limiting contact with those who don't. This can be unhealthy family, friends etc. I ensure I don't personalise other people's issues.

This all helps to create a more peaceful and healthy life 🙂

Granma_M · ‎09-10-2015

Hello Euclid, I think the most important part of your question is acknowledging the role our brain plays in our health, actions and relationships. I have come across a book via my psychologist called "The Divided Mind" The Epidemic of Mindbody Disorders. Written by a Doctor I have long thought that my chronic pains, chronic fatigue, was linked to my panic attacks, anxiety and depression as no real physical disability was found to explain what I was experiencing. Except Fibromyalgia. Big problems for me and I know many others, was that our doctors were inclined to treat me like a hypochondriac unless I presented to them with a cold/flu , a burn or a flesh wound. When I went to see them for help when my children were younger, for tiredness after continued sleeplessness they would want to prescribe sleeping tablets [downers] {like as if you have the luxury of crashing completely when you have children}. If I went in depressed, they would want to prescribe uppers. My life since I was 5 years , has been a series of incidents that seemed to have impacted on my mind more than my physical body. I did suffer some physical damage at times but they healed. The injuries that cannot be seen are the dangerous ones. They ones that do all the damage to our health to our well being and to our relationships. As I was reading this book it was like turning up the dimmer switch to full power. I was understanding that I had to drag out of my subconscious, all the garbage, things--episodes-- small, medium and large that I was hiding so I did not have to deal with them. I was diagnosed as being Bipolar 2 a few months ago Which actually was a relief. I turned 69 this year and my mood swings were getting worse and impacting on more people. I finally accepted that I needed a lot more professional help than I was getting. Hope this has helped and not strayed to far from your question.. I have only just joined beyond blue. I have suffered for so many years and believe if I had of been helped years ago I would not now be Bipolar

Guest_9466 · ‎18-10-2015

Hi Granma M

I do have an idea or let us say, an awareness and acceptance about how our mind can play tricks on us and how important it is to keep it still through acknowledgment of unhelpful thoughts, how real is it, etc. However, at times I find it difficult to keep it still. An ex-colleague of mine used to describe it as 'chattering' and how he wished he can keep it still.

I am a few years younger than you and so can relate to wishing that I was diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was younger. Once, out of depression, I went to see my, then GP for help. He wrote in the medical certificate that I was suffering from neurotic psychosis or psychotic depression. Well, that was it. I tore off the medical certificate and decided that I was not going to be labelled as such. Eventually, it got worse and worse. Finally, I went to seek treatment from a psychiatrist but she put me on antidepressant and it just made me worse as I was so lethargic and had little energy. So, again, I stopped treatment but I was too stupid to confess me to the side effects of anti depressant. Things got progressively worse until eventually, I thought suicide was the only option left to me. Luckily, I confessed this thought to my psychologist who worked together with my psychiatrist to start CBT and prescribed anti depressant treatment. Eventually, the dark clouds or black dog fade away. It does come back but only momentarily. Sometimes, I grieved for those long lost years but preferring to see the glass half full, it is good to learn to live a 'normal' life.

Now, I just need to stay focus to living in the moment, to combat some unhelpful thoughts and/or this deep fear of poverty. 🙂

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V17 · ‎30-10-2016

Hi Euclid,

Euclid as in the Greek Mathematician? or our amazing trees here? Had to ask. Cool name, anyways.

My mind was running so bad the other day. I was driving my nephews home and to keep me from 'losing it' all I could do was repeat "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish". There was no way at that time I was capable to anything else.

Doolhof · ‎28-05-2017

Hi All,

I'm going to start this thread up again. There are so many theories out there regarding how to control our thoughts, acknowledge them, expand upon them, let them settle inside of us, fuse with them, defuse them and so on. Am I the only one becoming confused with all of this?

Do we need to find a formula that sits right with us but may not be effective or do we try something new that adds confusion, but may be helpful in the long run?

Another question I have, is grief a feeling, a thought or both? Do you believe grief can be accepted and acknowledged like unhelpful thoughts and be done away with completely?

This whole thinking about thoughts has me confounded right now! Ha. Ha.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Cassa · ‎24-09-2017

Hi Mrs Drools,

i think treatment for depression is quite complex, it is not one method fits all. It's a bit trial and error. What works for one person may not work for another. It is looking at all your options and find what works for you. I do a combination of CBT, meditation, mindfulness being in the moment when I can, medication and exercise. So when having a relapse prettty busy. Regards Cassa

romantic_thi3f · ‎26-09-2017

Hi Mrs Dools,

It's great you started this thread up again because it's definately worth talking about.

With the formula, I think it can be a bit of both! Do you have a particular one in mind that you're wondering about? Stuff like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) encourages us to try and analyse our thoughts to see what's accurate and what's not basically - so even though this is really hard to do, I think it's worth pushing through it.

and grief.. this is a bit long winded but here are my thoughts!

I wouldn't say that grief is a feeling but instead kind of a 'process' - when we go through grief it might include anger, being withdrawn, sadness, ashamed (and those ones are feelings).

I wouldn't say that grief is a thought either but instead maybe "Oh I miss him so much", or "If only this didn't happen" or "Why did this happen" - these are thoughts.

Do I believe grief can be accepted, acknowledged and done away with completely? Not quite. I think we can accept it and acknowledge it but I don't think we can ever be 'done with it'. I think it will always kind of be apart of us; but one day it's a more intense part (like whenever the thing just happens) and then one day it's a less intense part (like when we think about it less and it doesn't consume our everyday).