Over-stimulating the Senses - Addiction to Adrenaline and Beta Endorphins?

[Just Sara]

Hi all;

I've been self assessing for a long time now, and have come across an habitual need to stimulate myself with dysfunctional thoughts that prop me up or give a perception I'm not small or insignificant at all; feeling powerful and a winner.

On the flip side, I've also had thoughts that bring me down (too big for my boots) causing a 'normal' feeling of being average or small/insignificant...safe from ridicule or punishment.

We've all had those fantasies of kicking the winning goal or standing on a podium with trophy in hand sucking up the acclaim and cheers from the crowd. But what if those fantasies turned into yelling at someone until they were on their knees leaving you feeling pumped and superior? Or maybe getting in between parents to fend off upcoming violence and be the hero?

Isolating myself has turned my world inward where I play out the day in my head. This is where I've been living and getting to be on top, or berate myself into submission.

The other noticeable factor is the adrenaline or beta endorphin rush I can have from this; undetected until recently due to the normality of 'feeling' this way.

Looking for a discussion peep's...your thoughts?

Sara

[james1]

Hey Sara,

I think I struggle with this a lot too.

I was complaining about being bored in another thread, and I feel like it's related.

I hate the feeling of "normalcy", which I have joined called boredom. i.e. where I don't feel in control of anything, where there's no blood pumping, there's just an absence of any real feeling.

We may have different reasons for it, but I think I dislike it because I always feel like I'm actually not in control of anything and something will go wrong. Perhaps that's a similar idea to what you said: "safe from ridicule or punishment."

Okay, let me rephrase: when I am sitting idle and there is no adrenaline, I feel like the only thing that's acting and therefore in control is the world around me. Hence I am uncomfortable that something in the world around me will change and I will be thrown about. However, when I am acting, wildly usually, then it feels like I am in control of what I do.

Ah sorry if I didn't make much sense! But interesting thought.

James

[SourceShield]

Hey Sara,

Along with the adrenaline and beta-endorphs, you'll also be producing cortisol - the stress hormone, especially if you're imagining a more 'negative experience' or at least imagining a experience going pear-shaped at the end!.

I'm hoping to complete a PhD in Creativity and we learn much about the chemical reactions that happen within the mind-body connection.

It doesn't matter if a threat or situation is real or perceived the brain will release the same chemicals - the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous-systems will do what they do best...help you to survive, even if the threat is not real.

We go into what most of us now know as "Flight, Fight, or Freeze Mode" - YES, there are three modes. Most people know about fight or flight but freeze is also a common response as well. We see this in the wild for example, when rodents see a snake...they freeze in place and can't move.

Humans do this too, and when we are imagining things...the brain will release the same chemistry...

The trick to all this is to use the mind-body to visualise only that which would create more positive and healthy feelings - REMEMBER - that what we call "feelings" on the outside are just these neuro-transmitters and hormones etc, doing their thing!

You can use the mind and the way you imagine to naturally boost seratonin, dopamine, oxytocin and all the other feel-good chems in the body, rather than the ones that will kick in the 'survival modes'...the choice is YOURS!.

Shakti Gawain's book - CREATIVE VISUALISATION - is a great way to learn how to harness the body-mind connection in a healthy way.

I self-isolate as well, with high functioning autism, I have felt that there is no one in the world that 'gets me' but I have come to understand that isolation can be a killer.

We need to be with like-minded people that support and encourage us to be as healthy and as happy as we can.

I completely believe that now...it really is survival of the fittest - Thats an holistic thing...mind, body and emotions all working in synch, rather than against each other.

We can do this...its called neuroplasticity!

MuchLove.

[Just Sara]

James; thanks for your welcome input!

I so get you...I do. We self stimulate to get that hit of normality we grew up with, negative or not.

Boredom, especially for men, can be a sink hole of sorts. Evolution into the new age has men (and women) trying to find their place in the world due to confusing gender roles and many other influences at work.

We've spent millenniums seeking and exploring the outside world, and now it's the internal exploration that's necessary...new territory indeed. Trial and error comes to mind.

I want to write more, as well as respond to our amazing 'Creativity Doctor to be', but it'll have to wait till I see my GP shortly; loved your words James and great work SourceShield! (Can I call you SS for short?)

Very interesting comments...

Sara xo

[Starwolf]

Hi Sara,

I'm not sure at all I can help with this but some of what you have to say is ringing a distant but clear bell.

I know you have had a rugged past. Different from mine but what we're talking about here is the adrenaline rush that came with it and can so easily become part of everyday life. Of course, habituation to any chemical can become addictive, may it be produced by the body or introduced there from the outside.

It took me years to realize that needing danger and taking it for granted was not all that normal. I grew up playing Cowboys and Indians with real horses (as well as all kinds of other unladylike equestrian games), being the monkey on my cousin's racing sidecar, earning pocket money by playing stupid games involving wild cattle, travelling the world solo and penniless etc...etc...I am still putting my life on the line by living alone in isolated bushland. Should anything happen to me, scavengers would find out long before anyone else. And I am a remedial trainer specialized in homicidal dogs, most of them weighing more than I do. Though these 2 I have kept because there are other root causes at play and come with a lot of positivity attached. These extreme behaviours were never motivated by competition or the desire to feel important. Many of those were in fact ridiculously, foolishly pointless. Those I quit were in fact those that put me a bit too much in the spotlight...They were definitely caused by addiction to brain chemicals.

As for living in my head, oh yeah....done a lot of that too, though a lot of it was a conscious effort to get to the bottom of personal issues. On top of the over-thinking that just took over, whether I liked it or not. Isolation didn't help that one ! But too much introspection leads to being swamped by our problems, struggles and flaws. All major stressors that I made a decision to prune out of my life. Along with countless others. I have no doubt mental/emotional turmoil feeds on and is perpetuated by stress. A hell of a long ride but I have never looked back.

Not sure if all this is relevant to you but I feel the chemical addiction part is. And it is after all the title of this interesting thread. It's just that it takes different forms in different people.

[SourceShield]

...SS is fine with me!

Will wait for you to write more, when you get back.

PeaceOut.

[V17]

Hello Sara,

This is a good thought provoking post; one where it invites two thoughts of reason. Do I continue to self assess and seek the opinions of those who have gone/are going through similar scenarios? or do I need to seek the assistance from a qualified professional? I think both are relevant.
I've read a lot of your posts and can identify with how you are dealing with your anxiety on so many occasions.

I'm coming to understand the flight/fight/freeze responses my psych has been explaining to me and that it doesn't matter if what I am thinking about is solely in my head - my mind still acts as if my body is in danger. Incredible how the mind works huh? So having said this my brain will emit the chemicals you've said also plus cortisol - a stress release chemical. After the perceived threat has 'gone' I'll become so incredibly tired. This was extremely helpful for me to know; I have minimal understanding of these things. Yet, there is a part in me that wants to better understand ME.
Since after the traumas in my life I have tried to control most things, be it a job, person or everyday thing such as doing the dishes. My rationale is that if I am in control I can control the outcomes. Eg. keep people at arms lengths so they cannot hurt me, be in a position of authority at work so I can control what needs to be done, what get's done and who get's it done. Of course in the end I burnt out at work, left a toxic relationship (I chose to be with an emotionally 'unavailable' man). So I guess what I am saying Sara, is that I am learning how to let go and that I cant control people and situation that involve people because they have their own minds and all the stuff that carry as well.
So how do I let go? When I find myself getting caught up in 'stinkin thinkin' I'll physically remove myself from where I am - I have recently created a 'zen zone' and put up a swing - and go to those places. That very change of environment has been enough for me to see what I am doing and my creatures, by being close, have calmed me down enough to then reflect.
What do you think?
V.

[SourceShield]

Hi V,

I realise that your response was for Sara, but I reckon what you've suggested is spot-on!

Having a 'safe-space' or 'zen-zone' is a great idea and a much needed thing for most if not all of us these days.

MuchLove

[Cornstarch]

Awesome thread Threadsters.

Lots of references to the stress response here and traumatic experiences. It's all I know, it's what I was raised under, Cortisol Cocktails were the only thing on the menu it seems.

2016 for me, of course has been about dealing with the never ending echo's of fight/flight/freeze, but I have come to realise that one of the most painful elements has actually been #4, APPEASE

When you are raised in domestic abuse you exert copious amounts of energy appeasing abusive people. I look back now and it feels like that is all I have done my entire life. Once you escape the environment it is only natural that this comes out as anger. When you are silenced and belittled, once you take flight, this energy has to come out somehow.

At first I was so shocked at it's strength, I'm referred to as being a'nice' person, and yet it felt like roid rage pulsing through my veins. I said to my clin psych, I have rage inside of me, and I am stuck in this awful loop of hating myself for it, because I have deemed it unacceptable to be rageful, especially as I am a women.

I realised that to lift the self judgment I had to reframe it to how it actually was, instead of making excuses for my abusers. If I continued to make excuses for my abusers I never had to face the well of sadness underneath.

The reality was it is "unexpressed outrage".

When you squash, abuse, manipulate and control someone, and you are left with no choice but to appease them because you are scared of what they will do to you or themselves, it bottles up and eventually explodes once you escape.

I am fed up with shaming myself and taking responsibility for their acts of torture, and their projection of their own pain onto me because they were too gutless to face it themselves.

It's not "rage", it's "unexpressed outrage", and it's my time now!

So I took up running to honour my unexpressed outrage

[SourceShield]

Hi Cornstarch,

In our Psych circles, we would classify "APPEASE" as you have called it as technically being part on the Fight-Freeze response-spectrum.

As we are learning with much in life there are many spectrums, contrasts and clusters.

And, what you've described as "unexpressed outrage" is exactly that...a combination of feelings.

A cluster of emotions, that stresses the nervous system causing a release of cortisol.

I can actually TOTALLY relate.

I felt the same way for much of my child and teenagehood.

Until only a few years ago in OZ I got into fights and nearly ended up in jail...also I was nearly killed in a bar fight.

That was all the unexpressed rage that I had let stagnate inside of me...because the thing with FIGHT MODE is that its not necessarily always expressed outwards, it can be directed inwards, in that we PUNISH ourselves.

The common limiting beliefs that I have had to work through are...

I am UNSAFE --- causing hyper-vigilance

I am UNWORTHY --- causing obesity and bulimia

I am UNLOVABLE --- causing sexual obsession

I am UNWANTED --- causing drug dependence

To say that I have worked through them all, would be a lie...but I am happier and healthier today because I have taken responsibility for my life...how does the saying go? Wont happen over night etc etc etc...

Thats my truth.

MuchLove