I am not a Nutcase I am a Hipster

[Cornstarch]

Corny's health is buckling under an immense weight and she's signing off of the forums.

I keep having to peel more and more layers back as my dissociation continues to fragment and terrifying memories resurface.

Actually underneath it is quite literally reliving a nightmare. My nervous system was built on quicksand and I was never given a deep reservoir to draw upon. I wish I had because my nature is to help.

But there's only so much helping one little Corn-dog can do.

I am so frustrated with my ignorance and lack of education right now with regard to dissociation. I suppose we should always be careful what we wish for, but it is a very mis-understood symptom.

I don't own a car, I don't own a television, and now I have to restrict my non-work internet use to 45mins a week if that, and stay outside as much as possible.

It's official, I am now - a Hipster

Heirloom Corn of Sun and Sea.

[White_Rose]

Hello Cornstarch

I think we have not met before so I'm pleased to meet you. I do not know much about dissociation, but I typed the word into the search box at the top of the page and got a few BB hits. Perhaps you would like to do the same and possibly join in the conversation threads.

Not having read your posts before I do not know if you take any medication or see a psych of some description. I made this observation in case you you had not considered going to see your GP.

I must ask, what is a hipster? It sounds like fun but I suspect that is not a word that applies here.

You sound quite frightened and alone. Do you have anyone to support and help you? Have you looked at the Black Dog Institute web site? They have information which may be useful to you. www.blackdoginstitute.org.au Again make a search on dissociation.

What else can I help you with? I feel there ought to be more I can offer but alas I cannot.

Mary

[JessF]

Hello Cornstarch, do you mean you are going to take a break from screens? Sometimes this is good if you can feel yourself being sucked in by spending too much time on the internet. I think i would probably read more if I didn't have a television too, so I congratulate you on that. I go on and off with posting here, sometimes I have been very active and then other times I have been away for a little while. I take a break when I feel my reserves going down, and I come back when I feel strong enough to do so. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Guest_322]

Hi Cornstarch,

It's Dottie- you and I have crossed paths from time to time on this forum.

The flashbacks and memories must be excruciating. The body almost always remembers despite the mind's efforts to repress, hide and cover up for as long as possible.

I think that disassociation temporarily makes things more "bearable" (not sure if that's the right word here). But when you start feeling again, the trauma re-surfaces and it hits you like a tonne of bricks. And right now, your mind is s**ting bricks on you.

If you feel that taking a break from the forums is what you need to do, of course we will respect and support that. I have to admit that I, for one, will miss you. But this isn't about me, it's about you and you have to take care of yourself first and foremost.

Hang in there.

Dottie x

[Kazzl]

Oh lovely Corny, I am so sorry you're hurting and struggling so much. I certainly understand if you need a break hun, but I hope you won't deactivate your account, because if there comes a time when our company can be helpful to you again, we will be here.

I enjoy your company hun and will miss you. Promise you will try to be good to yourself in Hipsterland.

With love,

Kaz

PS: I am not a nutcase either. I'm a bit old to be a Hipster so I'll stick with ageing rock chick. I think the two are quite compatible. 😄

[Guest_322]

Hi Corny,

Hey, I've just been a little worried about you. Last I heard, you were investing some long overdue love and attention to yours truly (which is fantastic!)

I hope you're holding up okay (or as okay-ish as possible, considering everything).

Don't feel obligated to respond. Just sending my thoughts out there and hope they reach you.

You do you. Take care of no.1

Dottie xxx

[Wednesday]

Dear Cornstarch

I'm sorry that you are in such a rotten space. Please don't leave us, we can walk with you on your journey. You are such a kind, intelligent, amazing hipster, you don't need to do this alone.

Lots of hugs, x

[Cornstarch]

Hey Dots,

Thanks for checking in on me, I don't like the thought of people worrying about me. I must be having one of those weeks because I was completely oblivious to the fact that my family was also. I guess we all become a little bubble like at times, and in all honesty I only do it to protect them. In my own head it makes logical, compassionate sense, because I have been on the other side, and I know how draining it is. How much can one family be expected to take.

On a positive note I have been taken under the wing of a great doctor. You can be lucky and strike a winner. I feel a little shocked how much time he has spent with me, it feels too good to be true, he was not obliged to open his closed books to me. He's experienced other cases of extreme child abuse and neglect, and is totally down pat with dissociation, telling a professor to not look through me in terms of my parents mental illnesses and that trauma is deceptive. Could I ask for anything more? I doubt it in this health system. I am so lucky.

I will never be cured, and I have had a lot stolen from me, but I am trying my best. I'm sure you'll smash Uni. Enjoy the summer holidays. Get out there and have lots of fun.

Life is too short.

Corn bread.

[Cornstarch]

Thanks Wednesday,

Have you changed your picture? I am a visual person and I can't remember which of your threads I have written on.

Thank you for reassuring me I am not alone.

What body of water is that in your pic. I know you can't tell me, but I will wonder anyway.

Maybe I'll read up on one of yours and reply.

Enjoy your weekend out in the great outdoors. You know outdoor education was a subject at my school, how cool was that.

xx

[wantalife]

Cornstarch

What goes around comes around, no one person can save them self in distress but them self with the assistance of good and kind hearted people that truly care. We've crossed paths online and the summary of yourself speaks truth with regard to a caring nature. Decisions we make be it for better or worse such as taking some time out is imperative and believe effects most. I've met many ignorant and believe you are far from it. Inaction when not comfortable within yourself breeds a far greater opportunity for ignorance that action in which it seems you've looked at things and made a Choice. (One of the greatest gifts we have and not something learn without making them) All I have come across on this site are incredible people and you are no exception, when ready be great to see you back 🙂