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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Planning a healthier mind
  • replies: 62

Seems so many projections are made for short medium and long term goals. We plan our careers, education, loans for houses, cars or holidays. Why is it that some of us don’t have any projections of where our mind will be in 5 or 10 years? One answer c... View more

Seems so many projections are made for short medium and long term goals. We plan our careers, education, loans for houses, cars or holidays. Why is it that some of us don’t have any projections of where our mind will be in 5 or 10 years? One answer could be that with our demons we live on hope and we live day to day. Hope that scars from our traumatic childhood will one day be conquered. Or maybe that you as one of several siblings was just the unlucky one with bipolar and that one day there will be a cure or it will…go away? Perhaps you dream of your abusive parent paying you a visit one day out of the blue and offers a sincere apology that will fix everything from the next day onwards.? It doesn’t seem realistic does it? So if you think the same as me, why aren’t we planning projections, goals, to our future mental health? We plan our physical fitness routine don't we? It seems odd to me that with the one thing that stops us blending successfully into society, our mental stability, we live on hope but not extend our efforts of treatment to include our own long term plan. So here goes? At what stage of your recovery from depression, anxiety, do you want to be in 2020? We have covered many times the fact that managing your illness rather than seeking a full recovery is more real saving us from disappointment and self loathing. So what projections can you give yourself for your hard work at researching your illness and improving yourself? My goal is that by 2020 I will have a stable family relationship with all my selected family members. There are rocky ones in there that partially has been due to my moods and lack of patience. Patience isn’t on supermarket shelves but I can try when those people are around me to listen and make effort to care more. To express that to them directly. In terms of personal relationships I plan to be less outspoken and more tolerant. My goal by 2025 (I’ll be 69yo) is to be rid of guilt for anything I’ve done to anyone that was unreasonable. Based on the fact that you cant undo the past and I am remorseful. This is not for others, this goal is for me, for my peace, for my worth as a man. Part of being positive is to make plans that are achievable. To avoid being “stuck” in not advancing with your mental health, plan your mental well being as you would saving for a new car. Goals daily, monthly, yearly, 10 years. you can improve. Fall down? get back up and plan again Do you have a plan? Tony WK

Scarlett_May Three things you LIKE about yourself!
  • replies: 2

I'll go first: I like that I am accepting of everyone, no matter what race/religion/situation they're in. I like that I am compassionate, and have a desire to help people in anyway I can. I like that I am strong, and have battled this far with my men... View more

I'll go first: I like that I am accepting of everyone, no matter what race/religion/situation they're in. I like that I am compassionate, and have a desire to help people in anyway I can. I like that I am strong, and have battled this far with my mental illness and am still here today. Your turn! x

SourceShield It's all lies, lies, lies...
  • replies: 16

As a kid... In my home I learned that sometimes telling lies kept me safe because sometimes telling the truth still got me a hiding. Telling lies was a strategy for staying safe. And the more that I keep learning this lesson at home, the more it was ... View more

As a kid... In my home I learned that sometimes telling lies kept me safe because sometimes telling the truth still got me a hiding. Telling lies was a strategy for staying safe. And the more that I keep learning this lesson at home, the more it was reinforced until it became a deep-belief. A limiting belief but still a belief that I held onto for many years. The thing is as I grew and got older I still told lies, and sometimes I had no idea why...It was like an addiction that I had no control over. The first step that I took to getting myself as healthy and as well as I could be, was to accept the unacceptable! I began to accept all the stuff about myself that I despised and hated including all the lies that I had told. I accepted and I forgave. I know that forgiveness can be a controversial topic for some but I learned how to forgive myself and that has made it easier to forgive others - some of us have this in reverse, we find it easy to forgive ourselves when we have learned to forgive others - but learning to forgive and live, and grow from all the hurt and pain that lying can cause is essential. You have to just allow yourself to be what you are without the judgement and then you can make healthy changes. Criticizing and judging and listening to all the criticisms and judgments just creates a negative feedback loop...thats easy to get sucked into over and over and over again. Remember that not everything that you think is the truth, it feels real...but its not the truth. And, sometimes what you're hearing in your head, the voice that tells you that you're useless and worthless (that was what I told myself all the time), thats the voice that's all lies, lies, lies. Once you catch out and keep calling that voice out, it eventually eases up until you can trust yourself and your inner voice again. Take care of yourself on this adventure. muchLove

Alan3 I came back to being me
  • replies: 2

This is a true story poem that I have recently written. It came flooding to me as a was on a long walk along the river in Townsville. I hope that it may inspire people to go back to self."I came back to being me" Now baseball was my passion,Played fo... View more

This is a true story poem that I have recently written. It came flooding to me as a was on a long walk along the river in Townsville. I hope that it may inspire people to go back to self."I came back to being me" Now baseball was my passion,Played for state and my country,The fever of the white-line,Was how it was for me.I loved the world of animals,The earth, the sun and sea,Was compassionate, fun and loving,Put simply, that was me.When changes to my workplace.A tyrant boss did see,She went and made my brain explode,Black-Dog had bitten me.For years I suffered badly,Depression, tears, anxiety,My family could not fathom,Where the hell was he?A coward sent me crashing,A punch I did not see,I woke up on the pavement,Two Angels on one knee.My blood was flowing freely,Bright lights in emergency,Fingers tucked inside my head,They did their best for me.I walked out in the morning,The gift of life to see,The Universe awakened,My God could this be me.My wife and I packed up our van,A journey to be free,Around our mighty land mass,A Wilderness to see.I read a famous author,The “power of the now” was he,I went back to simply living,Enlightenment had come to me.We swam and spoke with animals,I even hugged a tree,We spoke with Aboriginals,Who were longing to be Free.Camping on a cliff top,Sun sinking in the sea,Ten thousand humped back whales,Swam by for us to see.The Universe had shined her light,I am all that I need to Be,I was back with Mother Nature,I’d come back to being me.

white knight An over active mind
  • replies: 13

More likely older people over 45 will feel it. If you've had mania or ADHD you likely near ran while doing tasks when younger or even now. This fast pace also made you accident prone. My dad used to say "why rush" but I knew no other way Employers ne... View more

More likely older people over 45 will feel it. If you've had mania or ADHD you likely near ran while doing tasks when younger or even now. This fast pace also made you accident prone. My dad used to say "why rush" but I knew no other way Employers never hesitated giving me a reference upon leaving their employ. But there were unclear problems. Other employees disliked a hard worker that produced twice the output they did...it showed them up as lazy. The other downfall was ones body wore out sooner. And finally, clever as some can be, wisdom can elude the manic worker. He/she hasn't got the time to think about things..."bull at a gate" is the right term. In my 20's and 30's this was me. And l'd jam pack so many life experiences into every day by the time I was 40yo I'd lived a lifetime. Now im 60yo. I dont desire to do the many activities 60yo retirees want to do. If there is no creativity in my projects then i have no interest. This is the "been there done that" mentality. In my opinion it isn't serious. We types just need to search harder to find those hobbies sports and activities that stimulate us. But it can be an ongoing difficult daily challenge for one's partner. They can't keep up, they can't predict/guess what you'll find enjoyable and have trouble what pace you'll be on a given day. We need to communicate more effectively and we can't do that unless we slow the pace our mind is running at. This is why medical treatment is so important for we with mania. With ADHD some with it can carry out daily exercise like running or gardening to reduce their over active minds. But in many cases we need professional help to quell our fast pace. Some of us never relax, never feel we've had a holiday etc, our minds are V8 supercars while others are family hatchbacks. Something has to slow us down or we will be unbearable to live with, we'll have worn bodies we'll suffer with more than normal in old age and we'll look back as having done three times more than others in our lifetime. But we might not have achieved anymore as we didn't take the time to use wisdom. If you have an over active mind, cannot sleep, walk and talk fast, accident prone, can't sit still, spend too much money etc then you could do you and your spouse a favour and see your GP. An engine running flat out is more prone to breakdown... Tony WK

Missmia This really worked for me
  • replies: 5

My mental health improved enormously when I discovered compassion-based therapy. I have a long history of severe depression. After reading a book by a US doctor who runs a clinic, I began to practice her methods. Quick summary: pathways in our brains... View more

My mental health improved enormously when I discovered compassion-based therapy. I have a long history of severe depression. After reading a book by a US doctor who runs a clinic, I began to practice her methods. Quick summary: pathways in our brains get built and reinforced. The pathways of depression and anxiety keep sending us messages that things are wrong. This comes from the part of the brain which looks after protecting us from threats. It has gotten out of balance. We can change those pathways. We breathe deeply, relax as much as we can, and we say calmly to our minds: "May I be well, may I be peaceful, may I be happy". When the mind eventually gets the message, it is calms down. (I practiced this and made up a little song out of the words and sang it to my brain whenever I started to feel the dread coming on). Once the mind settles down somewhat, you then have the chance to build new pathways. One of the techniques is to imagine a compassionate nurturer who is there to care for you, and will never criticise or judge you, but will also offer alternative ways of looking at things. For example, maybe the neighbour didn't mean to snub me this morning, but was running late for work and didn't actually see me wave to him/her. (It would be wrong to immediately conclude that my neighbour intended to snub me, but a depressed/anxious person often interprets things in the worst way.) The compassion therapy techniques help change theses unhappy responses and by practising, the brain builds new and more positive pathways. The other important aspect is that there are techniques to activate the brain's drive/excitement system. Once the brain has calmed, it then needs to feel enthusiasm and look forward to enjoying pleasurable activities. (Can't sit just around feeling peaceful all the time.) This is just bare bones. Please note that due to new technologies, science is now able to look at how the brain works in much greater depth than ever before and how and we can consciously change the way we experience our lives. The book is "Improving Social Confidence and Reducing Shyness: Using Compassion Focussed Therapy" by Lynne Henderson. (Don't let the "Shyness" part put you off. If you are seeing the world through depressed eyes, your social relationships may be not working as well as they could be.) Get your therapist on board.

blondguy Coffee + Depression/Anxiety Do They Mix? New Posters Welcome!!
  • replies: 21

Hello Everybody and especially new members are more than welcome to post:-) I have had acute anxiety since 1983 and depression since 1997. Preceding my first mega anxiety attack in 1983, I had 3 cups of straight black coffee in a meeting and felt fin... View more

Hello Everybody and especially new members are more than welcome to post:-) I have had acute anxiety since 1983 and depression since 1997. Preceding my first mega anxiety attack in 1983, I had 3 cups of straight black coffee in a meeting and felt fine until later in the afternoon in traffic when I had my first huge anxiety attack.I was very ill after this first anxiety attack and was lost, scared...and off work. I kept drinking coffee every day and could never understand why I was so super anxious. My anxiety wasnt caused by my coffee intake on that day. I love coffee! What I didnt understand was the coffee was another 'trigger' for my anxiety. It took a few health professionals to 'wake me up' and for me to realise that my love of coffee was also making my anxiety worse. This is only my experience though, I would really appreciate your thoughts/ opinions if you can/cannot mix coffee with depression/anxiety no matter how severe or mild your symptoms are:-) Thankyou for taking the time to read my post Paul

creativesoul Mindset
  • replies: 1

Mindset (shortened sorry, character limit is 2500 arrrgghh;)) Simple appreciation for the things you do have in your life already can change your current perspective dramatically. Isn't it true that you were once feeling happier, more fulfilled and i... View more

Mindset (shortened sorry, character limit is 2500 arrrgghh;)) Simple appreciation for the things you do have in your life already can change your current perspective dramatically. Isn't it true that you were once feeling happier, more fulfilled and in control? What's changed? Life is largely subjective and we really live within our own minds. Allow me to elaborate. What if I were to tell you that you have never actually seen, smelled, tasted, touched, or heard anything? Ever. Come again? Your vision is nothing more than your brain making sense of light photons. Your eyes don't see, your brain does. Same goes for your other senses. It all happens in that awesome three pound lump of goodness inside your noggin, and that lives inside a box, in the dark! Pretty amazing right? We attach meaning to every sensory input and we have direct control over those perceptions. Each of us interprets things and then communicate our interpretations to others based on our own unique mental 'map' of what we perceive to be 'reality', which is a construct I'm the first place! If you make the effort to choose your perceptions to something more helpful, you would immediately feel better and in more control, would you not? Think on this, it's truly profound. Your life is made up of multiple experiences, some good, some not so good, but the choice of what you focus on consistently is ALWAYS YOURS. You always have the power to choose how you can look at things. A negative view will tend to return negative results because we get back what we put out ultimately. Therefore, why not choose to focus on all the things that are good, helpful, useful, inspiring, things that make you feel loved and appreciated, proud, happy, grateful etc. You are dealing with life from a position of strength....just like you used to, right? You are and always have been master of your own destiny...ONCE YOU REALISE YOUR OWN POWER. The only person that can do that is, you guessed it...YOU! So take heart - one simple shift can change everything for the better, once you see it for yourself. The key is to start small, with simple easy steps to rebuild your confidence and trust. Like a building, you do it brick by brick until you have a brand new structure. Always be gentle on yourself and expect to have setbacks - that's ok, that's normal, but just start again. And, once you do, before long you will be back to your old self:) Best, Grant

white knight Humility, the greatest gift
  • replies: 5

I'm a talker. I was told that at a young age. And I'm still a talker but with less words. I'm not religious but on the odd occasion I like to refer to the bible simply because it contains wise words. “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the hum... View more

I'm a talker. I was told that at a young age. And I'm still a talker but with less words. I'm not religious but on the odd occasion I like to refer to the bible simply because it contains wise words. “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” and "Humility comes before honour". Wow, what strong meanings. One member, community champion of this forum if "Geoff" with over 5700 posts over many years. Yet his humility is ever so present, his advice oh so full of wisdom. Someone to aspire to be like. Here we are in our society with our personal mental struggles trying to survive or in the least, manage our issues to enable us to live day to day in the most consistent way possible. Yet some members post here with their issues yet are likely very good people that volunteer in positions, donate their time to helping others. Why is it that members here struggling daily STILL find the time and energy to help others? And whats more- are humble about it. To be a good person doesn't mean you need to donate such time. Simply being a good person is more than enough. Going to the rescue of a person in distress, helping an elderly neighbour or checking up on them, comforting others when there is a family tragedy.....all are actions of good people. If you are such a person then there is every reason to be proud, every reason to use your good attitude as a confidence booster if you have low self esteem. If you have been verbally trodden on in the past by a partner or family member then you'll need to raise yourself to make the journey back to how your were, to seek a strategy towards recovery. To be confident again. There is nothing wrong with staring into a mirror and telling yourself "I am a good man, I help others, I am worthy of love and can love others, I am valued by society...". I did this after 11 years of verbal abuse or abuse by silence (just as hurtful) and in 1996 when my first marriage ended, in my new abode a 10 ft caravan in a caravan park, I did just that. I told myself I was worthy...and I was. And I did find love and companionship, I succeeded. I believed in "me" again. It's important to repair fractured self esteem. Then once repaired humility is certainly something to aim for. Humility has inner glory, self satisfaction that you are returning to society some goodwill. It's powerful, its satisfying and its an insurance against anyone willing to bring you down with undue criticism. Your thoughts? Tony WK

white knight The benefit of the doubt
  • replies: 2

We go about our business daily. We make judgements from observations and hearing of others. How often do we get our initial judgements wrong? Making an error of judgement can cause conflict, in turn anger, guilt and enemies. We can do with less confl... View more

We go about our business daily. We make judgements from observations and hearing of others. How often do we get our initial judgements wrong? Making an error of judgement can cause conflict, in turn anger, guilt and enemies. We can do with less conflict. I entered a doctors surgery today. My hearing is impaired but it is damaged in a way that a hearing aid would not help. The lady behind the counter was speaking on the phone and said "yes you'll have to fill some forms in". I thought she was talking to the person on the phone. Anyway this mismatch of communication followed on. Eventually I took the forms, filled them out and returned to the counter. I apologized for misunderstanding her and explained my hearing problem. She accepted it gratiously then admitted that she also has partial deafness hence she couldn't hear me fully either. Ten years ago I likely would have lost my temper. Since a decade ago I've come to the realisation that most people mean well, have issues physically, emotionally or with communication that effects their dealings with others. That alone is justification to give others the benefit if the doubt. I want to mention men. In 1973 I was trained as a recruit by a ex Vietnam veteran. He was tough, ruthless and brave. But fastrack 43 years with working with other men and I know in most cases (not all) there is an emotional and insecure side to men. Some will never show it, others will display snippets but its there. The problem is, these men can also do a great job of hiding it at a time when conflict arrives. They sound fearless, are prepared for physical fighting and certainly won't show emotion. But with the right techniques of quietly speaking, support and effectively tapping into their inner self, one can reverse his lion like behaviour. But its a fine line. What I'm eluding to is there is often a window of opportunity with people, men and women, whereby one can defuse conflict. Other techniques come to mind like separation (with domestic violence a police tactic is to separate both parties to interview and diffuse). Offering a drink to divert attention and so on. The message however is that things are sometimes not as they seem. An angry man can be threatening, physically violent or verbally abusive. While none of that behaviour is acceptable there could be a desperate, frightened or depressed soul inside. Giving the benefit of the doubt that they need help allows an extra chance at a peaceful ending... Tony WK